Nothing motivates like a hoarder

[TxZen]

I have been at my parents house in CT for a week now. My mom passed away 6 months ago and to say she was an organized hoarder is an understatement. OH MY!! I am trying to clean and every time I turn around, I knock into something or knock something down. :|(

This has really motivated me for when I get back home to Texas to simplify even more and start looking at smaller homes. It's our ultimate goal to find a small house near the beach and move there permanently within the next 10 years. Seeing the state of my parents condo is VERY motivating right now.


What I find sad is that my mom never could enjoy herself, especially on vacation or trips because she was always worried about her stuff. She always over packed and never used 1/3 of what she had. And she had to shop no matter where she was- gas station, road side stand, yard sale, restaurant- she had to buy something.

I have come to realize this behavior is why I am the way I am. I can remember the turning point for me. I was a Junior in high school and my mom told me we had no money for back to school. I was able to get one pair of jeans and 3 shirts and a pair of shoes BUT the following weekend, she spent $400 on yard sales and junk stores (This was 1990, so you can imagine the amount of stuff she got for $400).


I started working a year later and from there on out, paid for my own stuff. It was hard but it motivated me to honor the value of a dollar. I have made a lot of mistakes but I will never forget that feeling of someone valuing some material item over a person and meeting the needs of someone.

[KayLR]

Wow, Greenmama, that is quite a story. Thank you. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this stuff, especially with the associated memories. Must be tough.

[TxZen]

It's been quite cleansing/freeing? I have had to deal with some icky stuff and I can now move on. :)

[sweetana3]

I can understand. Dad just died and when we visited home, the house, outside room, garage, etc. were full of piles of paper and fairly organized books and stuff. Of course, the important papers were buried along with the misc. He had everything from 1950. He had even paid to move the 1950-1986 stuff from AK to CA when he moved. Amazing. I think we went thru 20 boxes and found only a little of interest. We are I think lucky that there appears to be nothing more than paper in this mess. I think we are going to have to have a shredder either come or take pickup truck loads to the shredder. It could take days and days.

The books have zero value. I mean who wants an old 1940 USDA book on agriculture now?

When the estate is closed, it will mean such a burden is removed.

[TxZen]

I will never forget when my parents moved from NY back to CT and had a yard sale. All those precious antiques, collections from 40 years worth of yard sale and junk stores, netted them $1400. They were practically giving it away by the end. Unfortunately, my brother in law is the same way. His stuff is what he is banking on for retirement. Lawdy lawdy.

[Florence]

I am a cleaner-outer married to a can't-throw-anything-awayer.:help: I feel sorry for our daughter who will have to clean out our attic.

[awakenedsoul]

GreenMama, I have neighbors who are like that. They are always going to garage sales and buying things to fix. On my birthday they would cart over all of this used stuff and give it to me as "presents". It really was a depressing feeling. I gave it all to charity. They complain that they can't afford the water bill, and asked our water board for a reduced rate. Their house looks like a store. I had to change the dynamics of our relationship because they became very pushy. (They're also religious fanatics, and would try to force their beliefs on me.) I'm still friendly when I see them, but I don't make myself available to them anymore. When they would give me stuff, they would tell me where to put it. ("You can hang that here." ) It was like they saw my uncluttered cottage as a new storage area for their junk.

[TxZen]

Awakenedsoul- do you live next to my sister and bro in law? You described them to a T. They have a single wide trailer and I went over to visit Tuesday. I feel over the kitchen table trying to get by to the bathroom, because there was no room. I really try not to judge but his collections of old toys and marbles may get him around $10,000- and I am being generous BUT this should not be his retirement plan.

You story makes me laugh because when my mom died, my neighbor bought me this HUGE picture of Jesus she fancied up. I have to wait until they go out to donate it my local church. She told me I could hang it by the front door for everyone to remember my mother. Oh my!!

This trip is one part memorial and one part soul cleansing for me. I left CT 22 years ago and never looked back. I do not relate to anything up here and mostly am using this trip to show my son where I grew up, eat some good seafood and enjoy some down time before school starts and I work on my business full time.

What I also find sad are things are the same way they were those 22 years ago. I am the type of person who likes to grow and move and explore. I always want to know what's around the next corner and it's served me well. I am not trying to say my lifestyle is better or worse, but I watch them not growing and they all seem a little angry.

Here is what kills me. My dad has always loved the water. I went and looked at a nice 1 bedroom with garage on the water. Yes, it's a little money but at his age, he should do what he loves. He has given me every excuse not too. Then he wants to paint and it's the never ending saga over paint colors. I refuse to live like that, I want to light and be able to explore.

[awakenedsoul]

Green Mama,
I can see why you feel that way. I think some people feel more secure surrounded by their stuff. Some prefer to be grounded and by staying in one place. We have a lot of people like that in this neighborhood. It seems like they hang on to things in case they might need them in the future. Some of the backyards are used as storage areas. I spent 15 years of my lifetouring and living in hotels. Like you, I like to travel light. I've realized that you really don't need that much stuff for an enjoyable, peaceful home.

[Selah]

I gradually came to realize that the more insecure I felt in a new place, the more I gravitated towards filling my life with physical objects to create a sense of security. Then, as I gradually get integrated into a new community, I feel "safer" in letting things go. I've had to repeat this cycle many, many times before I ever even spotted it. (I have moved over twenty times in my adult life, between six different countries.) "Know thyself," and "Knowledge is power!" Also, the fact that I'm married to a relative minimalist who hates clutter has kept me in check and far more aware of what I choose to bring into the house. It takes vigilance and a real desire to change, but hoarding tendencies (I was never at the danger level requiring social services, fire departments, etc.) can be acknowledged, addressed, and managed.

[awakenedsoul]

That seems to be common now, Selah. I think back to the pioneer times, and how basic the inside of the homes looked. I saw photos of Laura Ingalls Wilder's home, and it looked small, but very neat. They had what they needed, and that's it. When my mom and dad came to visit me, my mom said, "Your house feels so much bigger!" I had done a lot of the space clearing. Now I value space over things.

[Selah]

Awakened soul, I agree with you. I am now focused on having sufficient supplies for optimum functionality, and "enoughness." For example, having adequate (for me) kitchen and home office supplies on hand means a lower-stress life, even if it is more "stuff." Having a variety of clothing means I have the tools to present myself confidently and appropriately, according to the occasion. So I don't identify myself as a "minimalist," but more of a "functionalist," I suppose! The devil is in the details, though---finding that golden mean of "enoughness," when it can so EASILY (for me) slip into endless accumulation of gazingus pins, is the trick.

Plus, having extremely limited storage space is a great help--it's useful to provide physical boundaries in one's environment that support non-accumulation. I am much less sentimental about keeping old clothing around, for example, when I realize that if I do keep them, I can't have the fun of wearing something new (to me, of course--almost always second-hand!). From having my own walk-in closet in Boca Raton, FL (which my mother-in-law tsk'd tsk'd at because I didn't have nice enough, or just plain ENOUGH clothes and shoes and handbags for her taste), to one half of one wardrobe here (DH gets the other half) in Israel, it's a big push to keep it simple!

[Aroha]

GreenMama, you do have a tough job on your hands, I wish you strength as tackle your Mum's stuff. I can see why that would motivate you to pare your own belongings while you can. It's a shame that sometimes a negative example is more inspiring than a positive one but I have noticed this too.

[TxZen]

Thanks to all of you. It's been a soul searching/cleansing exercise if anything. I am headed back to Texas and all I am taking is a folder with old pictures in it to make copies. My sister tried to give me my mom's old doll and some wall hangings (which I don't even think are from our family anywho) and I told her put them in a box and send them to me. I will donate them. I have no interest but she freaked when I said no.

This has really inspired me, in some strange way, to really ramp up my business and my approach. :)

[19Sandy]

Interesting thread!