Zoe Girl
9-14-14, 10:54pm
So take that as a real buddhist type statement, I am being honest and not going down a self pity or self punishment route. I just looked at some data and feedback and I am not good where I need to be going into this school year. There have been changes as there are every year but this year is putting a lot of extra responsibility on me for things that are not my strengths so far. I think I can find this a challenge, but I am also more alone in my department than every before. My 2 work confidents are no more, and I don't trust anyone else at this time. So this is scary, lonely,
The issue is both increasing numbers of attenders and living in a strict budget. I thought I stuck to my budget over the summer for camp, I had decent attendance and we had a theme that showed impact based on end of camp surveys. I was even 'allowed' to try my own lesson plan format with my team instead of the required one from the last 2 years (can I say it sucked!). Now I am looking at other schools with similar programs within my department and realizing that some of my judgement of their programs may be misplaced. Other summer programs simply had more numbers and lower cost it seems, even the one with the supervisor who wrote the horrible lesson plan template. I believed in the way I was doing things, believed that it was better, and don't have much to show for it.
The big thing is that I REALLY want and need to get good at this. I applied for and was interviewed extensively for the same type of position at a gifted and talented private school a few months ago. I went through 2 phone screenings and two 2-hour long interviews. I know one of the staff really wanted me hired but I don't know who else interviewed and what they were like. I know I was in the top 2 candidates. The starting pay was $10K more than I make now and would be livable when child support funds are gone (in this economy I expect to at least support my child with housing after he turns 19). I had also applied for an advanced position in my department and got a 'non-interview', basically a conversation telling me I was not promotable, partially because I had not been successful yet at my site meeting goals.
So what is the question or conversation starter here? How do you strive to get better at something without getting totally overwhelmed by it? I usually at this point just want out/give up and try to leave the job. I don't think that is the best idea. I just know that between not having any work friendships and feeling deeply misunderstood most of my life (I am INFJ, the 3% club) What I AM good at and came up at my end of year evaluation in August is to fiercely stand up for my staff and families. I am in the middle of getting scholarships for the paid programming for many people and I am NOT making friends. I have been told directly and by a variety of supervisors that good staff go out of their way to work for me. But at the end of the day I feel most comfortable running a smaller, more intimate program and teaching classes myself at times rather than hiring 20 expensive providers and maxing out. I need to learn to do this out of my comfort zone I guess.
The issue is both increasing numbers of attenders and living in a strict budget. I thought I stuck to my budget over the summer for camp, I had decent attendance and we had a theme that showed impact based on end of camp surveys. I was even 'allowed' to try my own lesson plan format with my team instead of the required one from the last 2 years (can I say it sucked!). Now I am looking at other schools with similar programs within my department and realizing that some of my judgement of their programs may be misplaced. Other summer programs simply had more numbers and lower cost it seems, even the one with the supervisor who wrote the horrible lesson plan template. I believed in the way I was doing things, believed that it was better, and don't have much to show for it.
The big thing is that I REALLY want and need to get good at this. I applied for and was interviewed extensively for the same type of position at a gifted and talented private school a few months ago. I went through 2 phone screenings and two 2-hour long interviews. I know one of the staff really wanted me hired but I don't know who else interviewed and what they were like. I know I was in the top 2 candidates. The starting pay was $10K more than I make now and would be livable when child support funds are gone (in this economy I expect to at least support my child with housing after he turns 19). I had also applied for an advanced position in my department and got a 'non-interview', basically a conversation telling me I was not promotable, partially because I had not been successful yet at my site meeting goals.
So what is the question or conversation starter here? How do you strive to get better at something without getting totally overwhelmed by it? I usually at this point just want out/give up and try to leave the job. I don't think that is the best idea. I just know that between not having any work friendships and feeling deeply misunderstood most of my life (I am INFJ, the 3% club) What I AM good at and came up at my end of year evaluation in August is to fiercely stand up for my staff and families. I am in the middle of getting scholarships for the paid programming for many people and I am NOT making friends. I have been told directly and by a variety of supervisors that good staff go out of their way to work for me. But at the end of the day I feel most comfortable running a smaller, more intimate program and teaching classes myself at times rather than hiring 20 expensive providers and maxing out. I need to learn to do this out of my comfort zone I guess.