unwanted invites- gift or no gift

[flowerseverywhere]

The last several years I get two or three wedding invites from people we either barely know or we haven't seen in years. One last year was out of the country, I had no problem sending my regrets and not sending a gift, I hadn't talked to the brides mother in over a year and found out she sent out hundreds of invites knowing no-one would go.
Again today one came in the mail- I worked with the mother but left the company 2.5 years ago, I saw her about a year ago but not since.

I am not planning on sending a gift, but just wanted to get a feel for what other people do in this situation.

[Tradd]

No gift. In these situations, it sounds like people were fishing for gifts.

[Gina]

In those same circumstances, I wouldn't give a gift either.

IMO some people like to take advantage of others and try to get all they can. I had a friend whose daughter allowed various friends to give her 5 (five) baby showers for the same pregnancy. I always thought that greedy. Especially since I was one who gave one of the showers - not knowing there already had been 4 others.

[Yppej]

Send a card (with no money inside).

[Kat]

I guess I feel as though politely declining is enough. Sending just a card would also be a nice gesture. But if you barely know the people, it does sort of feel like they are just looking for gifts, and no one enjoys that feeling of being used.

[goldensmom]

No gift. A regrets note on the RSVP, a card maybe but no gift.

[chrisgermany]

It would be very unusual in Germany to get an invite for the wedding of a former colleagues daughter if there is no close relationship between the invited person and the bride.
If I want to be extra nice I would send a card with best wishes for the couple.

[treehugger]

It's unanimous! :) I also would not feel obligated to send a gift, just because I was sent an invitation (this happens most often to me with baby shower invitations from people I am only acquainted with). Obviously, this depends greatly on one's relationship with the host.

Too many showers! *grumble grumble* That's another post.

Kara

[janharker]

I don't give gifts even to people I know and am actively involved with. Those who are fishing for gifts don't even get a card. Those who know me know my distaste for the accumulation of things and that I won't contribute. They get a congratulations, preferably verbally. They should consider their marriage a gift in itself, something that things won't enhance. But then, I'm stingy. But consistent. When I got married 5 1/2 years ago, we made it very clear that we didn't want anything. Most people got the message. I even told the ladies at my church who wanted to give me a shower that they can have a shower but that I wouldn't attend and I wouldn't be taking their stuff. There was no shower.

[larknm]

I'm like janharker in this respect. Gifts should not be command performances.

[flowerseverywhere]

thanks all. I asked around and I was surprised at how many people felt they had to give a gift. I am going with the opinions here and I did send the rsvp back right away but since the Mom of the bride did not even call me I feel I am OK.

[Darfield]

Yup, no gift. Even weddings I go to, I sometimes limit it to a small gift, in proportion to my own financial circumstances and what I feel is a thoughtful gift for the couple involved (if I'm going I figure I know them more than just a little). Lately, at weddings, birthdays, etc. our family (me, husband adn kids) will come up with a funny list of things...like Top 10 Reasons so and so are getting married, etc. It takes time, it shows that lots of thought went into it and makes people laugh and remember. Then, we print it out and frame it...it goes over very well...

At our wedding we made it clear that gifts were not necessary...it turned out that groups of people (say a cousin group) chipped in and purchased something really thoughtful and not extravagant. That was nice. I figure it was our party and the gift to me was having all the people I most cherished present and enjoying themselves. I know that's not how everyone approaches it...