View Full Version : You know you're an introvert when....
...you look forward to spending time in the ladies room to get away from social situations--even pleasant ones.
The reason i'm posting this is twofold: one, because there have been a couple of threads in which it's noted that this board probably has more introverts than extroverts who regularly post.
I thought of that today, when I really felt great about going to the bathroom at work. I'm doing some research, and in this case, over a dozen clients from Switzerland came to view the research, conduct workshops inbetween, eat together, travel together, etc. etc.
They're REALLY nice people, but man, it's totally social overload right now--after spending 18 hours a day with them with no downtime!!
This feeling reminded me of when I worked for NBC in the production office of the 1976 Republican Convention, and we worked long, long days, and there were no offices--just desks in a big space, and I LOVED going to the bathroom for 3 minutes of solitude.
SO... How would YOU answer the question, "You know you're an introvert when..."
...the thought of ever remarrying freaks you out because there's a limit to how much togetherness you can handle.
I am an introvert too, although it has taken me a long time to realize it. I remember going on a lawfirm-sponsored cruise with paralegals that I worked with and I got so burned out with all the activity. One night early I went to my cabin to unwind and balance my checkbook instead of partying. I never lived that one down. But I was perfectly happy!
you anticipate/plan on slipping away from the group with a good book for some needed peace and quiet.
In our culture, introverted is often confused with shy or socially inept. When I tell people I'm an introvert and really need my alone time, they balk, and say "but you like parties", "but you love to talk to people!", "but you're not socially awkward!", "but you're friendly!" as if being an introvert is exclusive from those other things.
At big family holiday gatherings, I too, will go off to the bathroom for a few minutes of alone time to regroup. At work, I prefer to have lunch alone, in my car, overlooking a pretty pond rather than sharing celebrity gossip in the dreary no-window office kitchen. I have an annual day I've dubbed "Chris Day", where I take off and drive up to Maine and spend the day doing whatever the heck I want. I've had a number of people give me sympathy, say "I'm so sorry" and "I would have gone with you!" when I tell them about my Chris Day adventures. They really don't get that I actually LIKE being alone.
Oh boy, I'm almost afraid of answering this one......... :) Here goes. I know I'm an introvert when I purposely ignore the doorbell chiming and knocks on the front door when I finally get a little time to myself. (Go away)! :laff:
I know I'm an introvert (a real introvert) when we all gathered together a number of years ago (family reunion), and after day two I quietly wandered away from the crowd and took up residence in the front yard weeding and watering. (So tired of all the hugging, and kissing, and schmoozing, and white noise chatting).
I know I'm an introvert when a neighbour happens by for morning coffee (our house- and not on a favourable day) and after the second cup I excitedly jump up from my chair and say to them- "oh lordy, it's such and such a time, time for me to get things straight, I've got to be at so and so by such and such a time". (There are times I'm in the mood for company and there are times I'm not). Yes, I am a sinner. :devil:
treehugger
3-25-11, 2:18pm
I know I'm an introvert because....I need to be alone for a certain amount each day to recharge my batteries. I can get along fine if I have to skip that alone time for a day or two (like on vacation with family), but then I know I will need extra when life gets back to normal.
I'm so thankful I married a man to whom I can say, "I need to be alone right now," without hurting his feelings. What has really worked for us is that I am a morning person and he is a night owl, so we each get some automatically built-in alone time each day.
Kara
...you enjoy grocery shopping at 11:00 PM.
I used to work swing shift and would shop for groceries after work at a 24 hour grocery store. I loved it because the aisles were empty and it was mostly quite. I now work days and usually shop around 5:00 PM with everyone else. Every once in a while, I'll go out late on a Friday and grocery shop. I also take my lunches in the car. I find it very relaxing to read or listen to the radio for an hour every day.
chanterelle
3-25-11, 5:38pm
my neighbor gardens at night wearing a hikers headlamp to avoid people chatting with him over the back fence while he works!!
...you really would rather stay home with a good book than go out and do something "cool" like a concert or ****tail party.
Actually, DH's idea of the best night ever probably includes some sort of social event with tons of people. That sounds like a total nightmare to me!
I AM an introvert, and shy, and socially inept! That's three reasons why I enjoy forums like this one where you don't have to speak face to face.
I am also an artist and go to the occasional art opening. I'm the one in the milling, chatting crowd who goes around along the walls, looking at the art, grabs a cookie or 2 and leaves to go home where I can be happily alone.
Surprisingly (to me) I can give talks to a crowd, and sing in front of an audience with no problems, but ask me to chat one-on-one and my brain siezes up.
..you really do prefer your own company most of the time. You don't answer the phone. People you want to talk to know how to reach you.
I used to shop after work at midnight, and enjoyed it tremendously. My SO has a favorite picture of me, taken at a wedding reception, in which I'm gazing wistfully out a window (probably thinking "Get me out of here!")
..you really do prefer your own company most of the time. You don't answer the phone. People you want to talk to know how to reach you.
I used to shop after work at midnight, and enjoyed it tremendously. My SO has a favorite picture of me, taken at a wedding reception, in which I'm gazing wistfully out a window (probably thinking "Get me out of here!")
Not going to any wedding reception again (unless perhaps it's some small do here in my neighborhood. That, I woudl do.).
Received an invitation this week, began making up excuses, and was THRILLED when I looked at the calendar and found the biggest conflict ever, didn't even have to make one up.
loosechickens
3-26-11, 12:41am
oh, I'm just so glad to see so many kindred spirits here........I'm not shy, just solitary, and while I'm married to one of the world's great extroverts, he's also a sensitive and intuitive man who recognizes my introversion and runs interference for me. He is literally the only person in the world that I enjoy being with as much as I enjoy being alone........
we've been here in Tucson, running around all week, seeing old friends, doing stuff, etc., and tomorrow he's going off, leaving me hiding out here in the motorhome, to regroup, because he knows I'm getting frazzled......I just need a LOT of solitary time and a lot of quiet, and believe me, I've used the old "have to go to the bathroom" dodge over the years to the point where people probably wonder all the time, "what is she DOING in there?"..........
And, have you ever noticed that when all you want to do is be alone, it makes you ever more entrancing to other people.....(the Greta Garbo syndrome?)......I'm always AMAZED at how much attention my avoidance of people brings me, unwanted but definitely there. It's as though the more you like to be by yourself, the more curiosity people have about you. I want to just say, "NO, I'm not doing anything interesting, truly....just sitting here in the quiet, reading my book!"
gimmethesimplelife
3-26-11, 1:01am
I find it amazing to this day that in my business (I am a server), I am often considered something of a mystery to my co-workers, as the more I leave right after work and not mingle after work with drinks at some loud place that would drive me crazy, the more they seem to notice me and try to figure out what makes me tick. Finally I decided over the years to show my face once or twice at these after work things so people would realize that I am not very outgoing (i.e., to them boring) outside of the workplace, and I would no longer be a mystery, and therefore off the radar screen. Seems to work.....Rob
I find it amazing to this day that in my business (I am a server), I am often considered something of a mystery to my co-workers, as the more I leave right after work and not mingle after work with drinks at some loud place that would drive me crazy, the more they seem to notice me and try to figure out what makes me tick. Finally I decided over the years to show my face once or twice at these after work things so people would realize that I am not very outgoing (i.e., to them boring) outside of the workplace, and I would no longer be a mystery, and therefore off the radar screen. Seems to work.....Rob
So, I guess you know you're an EXTROVERT if you just don't understand introverts! I know my extroverted husband (unlike loosechicken's DH) always says stuff like "I feel SO SORRY for so-and-so. he/she must be SO LONELY." I keep telling him he just might be projecting, that so-and-so might be perfectly happy living alone/not going out or whatever, but he really feels it's his duty to save so-and-so from their lonely existence. He truly doesn't get it at all.
oh, I'm just so glad to see so many kindred spirits here........I'm not shy, just solitary, and while I'm married to one of the world's great extroverts, he's also a sensitive and intuitive man who recognizes my introversion and runs interference for me. He is literally the only person in the world that I enjoy being with as much as I enjoy being alone........
That's how I feel about my DH, too. I'm so lucky to have him. :-)
When you go to a very long party and warn the hostess you will be sitting in the corner with a book part of the evening. I had a VERY extroverted friend and in the group were 2 introverts. The extroverted one liked her annual new years eve party to be very loooong, so we told her we could attend but explained both of us would need a little break during the evening and it worked out.
However I have found that most people do not see me as introverted because I have good social skills. I can come across very extroverted when I need to be. I can substitute teach and give presentations and trainings and not only do well but really enjoy them. I think that is the INFJ thing, we are introverts but we really crave doing things with others and having those connections. I have to feel connected to the people I work with and in my friends/family circle but often with the people I supervise I look for small group and personal training moments. I totally hate things like baby showers where everyone is watching me but then I will get up in front of a group and lead it with no prep. go figure
And, have you ever noticed that when all you want to do is be alone, it makes you ever more entrancing to other people.....
Isn’t that the truth. I purposely do yard work during the week because if you mow your lawn on Saturday, it seems to be an invitation for people to come over and talk. A couple of years ago, there was a big storm that brought down one of my trees. I dragged it to my lawn and then waited until Monday morning to take it apart with the chainsaw. Well about 10 minutes into my sawing, a guy comes over to talk. He introduced himself and then asked if you could add some branches to my pile of branches. There were three or four such piles on the street and it was just an excuse to talk. I was nice to him for a few minutes but I just wanted him to go away. You would think wearing ear protectors and having a running chainsaw would keep people away but I guess not. I’m glad there are others like me.
College was a really rough time for me because of my introversion. I didn't really understand it at that time. It's hard to when you're never alone for one minute to get any time to reflect, and when you are clearly so different from all those around you.
Now, I do all of the things mentioned above... ignore the phone when I need to, ignore the doorbell unless i'm expecting someone, plan my days so that there is lots of quiet time, bow out of invitations when it's too much.
"I purposely do yard work during the week because if you mow your lawn on Saturday, it seems to be an invitation for people to come over and talk."
I hate yard work--and it shows!--partly for the same reason. When my partner is here, I can station him nearby to run interference for me. Otherwise, I've contemplated doing it in the middle of the night. But even though I embrace my eccentricities, that would be flying my freak flag a little too high. Sigh.
And my beloved hasn't a clue who I am. Not a clue, after decades.
No one can see us from where we live. I can't imagine working outside and having people see me! What a drag....to be intent on getting some work done, and neighbors want to talk. And I'm not pretty when I'm dirty, sweaty and out of breath.......so its nice to know no one can see me.
I'm dreading going to my daughter's Master's recital in a month. Of course, I really want to see it......but to be among all those other people is very uncomfortable to me. Plus, I have to supply food again. By now, I should have my honorary caterer's degree.
You wouldn't know I'm an introvert when I'm out with people. I can hold my own and not look uncomfortable. But I'm sure glad to get home!
I like talking to my neighbors when I'm outdoors. Maybe I'm not an introvert after all.
Let's see:
- you try to slow or quicken your pace to avoid taking the elevator with other people - or take the stairs to avoid same
- seeing family more than once every 6 months seems too much
- you don't want more than 1 friend and you only talk to that friend every 1-2 months
- you'd be perfectly happy only talking to your husband
- you have a bit of envy for societies where women don't speak to men outside of the immediate family as then you'd never have to talk to cashiers or waiters
- if you have someone else in your home more than twice a year that's a lot
- you get a produce delivery but pretend you're not home so the driver just leaves it in the porch
Ha ha - I could go on and on. People are useful sometimes but sometimes I think I'd be better off living in the bush.
my neighbor gardens at night wearing a hikers headlamp to avoid people chatting with him over the back fence while he works!!
Hahaha--my soul mate!
I know I'm an introvert when a friend from high school calls to tell me about the upcoming 40 year class reunion. He's on the orgainizing committee. I've seen him once (at the 20year reunion) in 40 years. We have a nice 5 minute conversation then hang up and I'm immediately thinking of excuses to not go. I'm not really anti-social (ok maybe a little) but I'm not socially inept I just don't care to see these people who I haven't seen in at least 20 years. I like mindless small talk about as much as I like finger nails screeching across a chalkboard.
I know I'm an introvert because I actually like road trips where I'm the only one in the car. They're OK with DH too but I don't even mind driving the whole time, even Denver to Phoenix which is 16hrs. I frequently choose the self-check at the library and grocery store to avoid dealing with people, and if I can do something online rather than phone someone, so much the better. If texting didn't cost more money, I'd do that, too.
I'm not a total introvert, though. I do like being with people to exercise most of the time.
... you've planned when you're going to leave a social even before you even arrive.
... you find it draining working in a large organisation where you have to superficially 'get to know' dozens and dozens of people and make small talk with many of them on a regular basis. (for me anyway!)
I think there are definitely varying degrees of introversion. I find myself nodding in agreement with some of these statements, but not identifying with others.
I avoid the self-checkout line. You all are really making me doubt my introvertedness.
... The thought of wintering over at the Amundson-Scott South Pole Station seems pretty attractive, though with ~40 other people there, you worry it may be too bustling.
Blackdog Lin
3-27-11, 8:20pm
.....the thought of answering the phone is more than you can handle, let alone imagine.
My idea of a good weekend is one where the phone doesn't even ring.....
My name is Linda, and I am an introvert.
Turn the ringer off. Works for me!
ApatheticNoMore
3-28-11, 3:01am
If you are doing something with people you don't know very well, you must, just must, have several days to psychologically prepare for it. No spontaneity for me thanks.
gimmethesimplelife
3-28-11, 4:09am
.....the thought of answering the phone is more than you can handle, let alone imagine.
My idea of a good weekend is one where the phone doesn't even ring.....
My name is Linda, and I am an introvert.I can totally relate to this.....Today my cell phone was ringing and it is such a harsh, jarring sound, and I looked at it, and it looked so ugly sitting there. Just was not in the mood to deal with being immediately available to anyone so I let the caller go to voice and turned it off and I think for a bit it is just going to function as an expensive answering device.....Rob
Gardenarian
3-30-11, 6:49pm
...you skip yoga class because you can't deal with being in a room full of people (even though you don't have to talk to any of them.)
...you walk your dog on the least attractive trails to avoid running into anyone.
...you sometimes feel social anxiety when you open your email.
You guys make me laugh, because I can really relate! I am so hot and cold with the issue of being a loner! Most of the time I really am a loner and but sometimes my isolationist tendencies really depress me. On my days off I really like to be alone and feel like it is an intrusion when asked to do something with someone; however, a friend called yesterday on my day off because she was in town and wanted to meet for lunch. I almost didn't answer the phone but made myself and then couldn't for the life of me figure out where to go out to eat! I simply cannot make a decision when put on the spot! She suggested grabbing a slice of pizza. My friend is totally the opposite of me ~ very outgoing, loves being with people and yakking it up. I love her but if I am not in the mood for that kind of socializing it leaves me EXHAUSTED and feeling like I can't wait to get home. But then last night I was home watching a movie, feeling a little lonely and a different friend called because he was concerned about me (something I said on Facebook) and after just I few minutes I just didn't feel like talking to anyone and begged off the conversation. Then I sat with tears running down my face wondering why I push people away when they want to help? It's just so exhausting to be around people and activities lately...I think/know I am starting to go through the early stages of menopause, plus being a little Bi-Polar. All I know is I have been isolating quite a bit for the last few months, mostly happily so, but I am starting to feel a little squirrelly because of it and now I'm having a hard time reintegrating myself back into the social scene.
On a positive note, my buddy and I had a successful gig last Saturday night and I went out for a bit afterword and felt okay about it. Lately though it is such an effort to go do anything out of the ordinary...
...the thought of ever remarrying freaks you out because there's a limit to how much togetherness you can handle.
Ha Ha!!!! The Ex-DH and I were both in the Coast Guard and stationed on ships so were sepreated for long periods of time. Worked great!! Sparks flew like wildfires when we'd get together. But now even dating someone tires me out. Just can't handle being with someone (no matter how fun, cute, interesting....) for that much time. My friends say that the only reason I go on long trips is to get away from a guy I'm dating :-)!
ApatheticNoMore
3-31-11, 1:16pm
Online personals (and this has happened more than once): they suggest talking on the phone, I send another email. They email back: let's talk on the phone. I suggest: let's meet up in person! They reply: let's talk on the phone first
Why, why, do I have to use that phone thing, why?
catherine
8-13-23, 10:00pm
Alert--this is a very old thread! I can't believe how old....
But I'm resurrecting it tonight because I have noticed that my tolerance for spending long amounts of time with people is getting shorter and shorter. I find that I hit a wall after about 5 hours socializing and I can barely focus... all I want to do is run away and hide in a room. This week my son from NJ is up with his kids and so the whole family (DH, 4 kids+partners + 5 grandkids) is together from morning to night. These are MY KIDS.. I raised them. I spent 24 hours a day with them for decades. I love them, I love their partners and kids....
.... but my ability to stay engaged with even them is limited these days...
Has that happened to you guys who are introverts? Do you have specific time frames beyond which you feel absolutely claustrophic when you are surrounded by people?
iris lilies
8-13-23, 10:54pm
Five hours! Are you freaking kidding me? That’s a long time. especially when there’s little kids around because they run around and shriek, so much chaos.
I'm a bona fid introvert and at one time may have been clinically shy, if there is such a thing. The definition of "surrounded by people" is a little subjective, but I can experience physical discomfort and maybe a bit of mind fog at two or three hours among more than a few or half a dozen people. Situationally and people dependent. Work routines with people wasn't a big issue, but work socials were generally unpleasant instantly.
It's a really good question, Catherine. My husband is one of 7, and I can deal with his family in parts--like up to two siblings at a time, but they all get together for a week and I haven't been in years, it's horrible.
I’m something of a mix. Something with screaming children, I can’t take very long. Quiet gathering, sitting chatting with friends and no loud music? I can go for hours. Loud wedding reception? I go for dinner and leave before the loud music starts.
I'm a bona fid introvert and at one time may have been clinically shy, if there is such a thing.
I was very shy when young.. and still manifest some of that. I have never gotten in trouble for being an upstart, but have actually gotten in trouble because of being afraid to bother people.
Five hours! Are you freaking kidding me? That’s a long time. especially when there’s little kids around because they run around and shriek, so much chaos.
5 hours may seem really long (and it is) but that takes into consideration how DH is JUST the opposite. His skin crawls if he has to be by himself for 5 hours.. he is always compelled to just leave the house so he can interact with the people in town who own shops. He is friends with all of them and he'll just hang out in the stores and talk for hours. I have no idea how they feel about him doing that, but I think that's why he developed a very strong sense of humor. They seem to love him.
Then he'll come home and say, let's invite B & L for dinner! And I'll roll my eyes and he'll accuse me of being anti-social. I've said it many times here, if I didn't have DH, my only friends would be my kids, and my only other social outlet would be my interaction with people in the master gardener group.
iris lilies
8-14-23, 1:34pm
We had a 5 people at our house for 9.5 hours a couple of weeks ago and it went very wuickly, so I wasnt stressed.
I told people in advance that anyone could nap if they wished. One person dozed a bit. We went out for lunch then hung around home for a while chatting. Then went out a tour of the winery down the street, them came home. Had a light supper. Then we ferried them to the train to return to St. Louis.
i am A ok with adults I know well. I like having a couple of littlle kids as the center of entertainment but keeping them busy all day seems exhausting.
on the other hand, I never understand people who block children from weddings and receptions. Little kids provide the bulk of the entertainment at a wedding in my opinion because so much else is dull boring stuff.
We had a 5 people at our house for 9.5 hours a couple of weeks ago and it went very wuickly, so I wasnt stressed.
I told people in advance that anyone could nap if they wished. One person dozed a bit. We went out for lunch then hung around home for a while chatting. Then went out a tour of the winery down the street, them came home. Had a light supper. Then we ferries them to the train to return to Hermann.
i am A ok with adults I know well. I love to have a couple of littlle kids as the center of entertainment but keeping them busy all day seems exhasuting.
on the other hand, I never understand people who block children from weddings and receptions. Little kids provide the bulk of the entertainment at a wedding in my opinion because so much else is dull boring stuff.
If you’re having a big formal wedding and a very fancy reception, the last thing you probably want are little out of control heathen running around. I see way too many parents who just let their kids run wild at many different locations and situations. I nearly ran over a kid with my cart at grocery store yesterday as mother was just letting him run wild. He was pulling stuff off the shelves, too.
iris lilies
8-14-23, 1:42pm
If you’re having a big formal wedding and a very fancy reception, the last thing you probably want are little out of control heathen running around. I see way too many parents who just let their kids run wild at many different locations and situations. I nearly ran over a kid with my cart at grocery store yesterday as mother was just letting him run wild. He was pulling stuff off the shelves, too.
It kids on dance floors are entertaining.
The last few weddings I've been to weren't too bad--probably because there were few, if any, children. Unless they are the happy couple's offspring, I would think they would just be bored (and probably obnoxious) anyway.
I've been going to more funerals than weddings lately, which sort of cuts down on little children. The receptions afterwards are certainly awkward social events but not going doesn't seem like an option. Weddings have better food.
iris lilies
8-14-23, 9:23pm
The last few weddings I've been to weren't too bad--probably because there were few, if any, children. Unless they are the happy couple's offspring, I would think they would just be bored (and probably obnoxious) anyway.
I too stopped going to weddings, not that I’m invited to many, after the last two I attended kept me captive for five hours with NO ALCOHOL. For both of them, I traveled out of state.
Never again.
I haven't been to either much lately, for which I am grateful.
Teacher Terry
8-15-23, 11:12am
I haven’t been to a wedding in years. Unless the wedding couple has kids they don’t belong there.
Being an introvert sometimes makes me feel too comfortable since I enjoy alone time so I put myself out there once in a while just to practice. I enjoy my small six member book club and occasional neighborhood gatherings. Going to Costco or Trader Joe's gives me the willies - too peopley so its rush in rush out. I used to hate large social work gatherings too. I have a garden club event coming up that has way too many attendees so we'll see - at least there is a common thread to our discussions.
gimmethesimplelife
8-15-23, 1:41pm
A social event you are committed to cancels on you. And you are not upset but are relieved. Score me 10/10 on this introversion metric. Rob
A social event you are committed to cancels on you. And you are not upset but are relieved. Score me 10/10 on this introversion metric. Rob
Yeah, I’ve had that happen too!
Portuguese John Here
8-15-23, 4:11pm
I'm not really sure if I am what's called an introvert, I mean, I really enjoy spending time alone, no altercation with arguments, I hate arguments, no answers, no questions, but I'm usually good with people at work, I can sense and fell them, most of them right away, and adjust accordingly, but after a day's working, I just want to be left alone, weekends is the same thing.
Yeah, I’ve had that happen too!
.... I start planning my escape as soon as I walk into a social situation
.... I start planning my escape as soon as I walk into a social situation
I pretty much do that, too. DH is the social butterfly in the family, so I'm pretty committed to staying a while once we get to the event, but he knows I have my limits, so we always compromise--we read each others' body language over a lull in conversation and he usually picks up on my cues. If we've gotten to the point where he's "performing"--either literally, or figuratively (in the midst regaling a group with jokes or stories), unfortunately I'm in it for the long haul.
The worst is being on a boat. It's kind of hard to leave the party early when you're stuck in cramped quarters with a bunch of people in the middle of the sea.
rosarugosa
9-21-23, 1:10pm
Catherine: The boat thing sounds like a nightmare. Are you a good swimmer? :laff:
Catherine: The boat thing sounds like a nightmare. Are you a good swimmer? :laff:
Haha! I've been practicing, rosa!
Everyone I work with thinks I'm an extreme extrovert. They are shocked when I tell them I spend the majority of my free time alone reading.
Everyone I work with thinks I'm an extreme extrovert. They are shocked when I tell them I spend the majority of my free time alone reading.
Yeah, I’m just a gabber that people are shocked I do the same, until they know me and my love for books well. I read at least 2 hours a day. I like spending time with people, but when I’m done, I’m done.
iris lilies
9-24-23, 7:36pm
….The worst is being on a boat. It's kind of hard to leave the party early when you're stuck in cramped quarters with a bunch of people in the middle of the sea.
we had two sets of friends who went for a week+ long Caribbean sail where one set acted as captain and crew, the other set were the passengers. They came home and never spoke to each other again.
.... I start planning my escape as soon as I walk into a social situation
Perfect!
I was able to get this free book on Audible: The Introverts Survival Guide, written by an introverted comedienne. Not sure I need the advice because I've navigated the waters of introversion for 71 years now, but it's kind of fun to listen to so that I don't feel I'm so alone (which is ironic in a way, because, as an introvert, I like to be alone ;))
https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Introverts-Survival-Guide-Audiobook/B0CGFTVWCZ?rdr=memb_paid
Thank you so much for the free audiobook link, @catherine. After trying the sample, I'm eager to listen to the rest for this coming weekend.
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