View Full Version : When you can't figure out what's next?
Wondering if you simple livers have strategies for figuring out life's fork in the road choices? I guess we just got too comfortable where we're at, but in order to afford retirement we have to move next spring due to high costs. There are just so many options these days and I am feeling overwhelmed by the choices. Made harder by the fact that family is here and not where I think we'd like to move. Perhaps best to rent a while wherever we land? Or maybe there is some list somewhere that helps one work through options. It's tough being a Libra.
It's tough being a Libra.
I'm not a Libra, but DH is, and I hear ya! My kids always make fun of my decision-making system: I wait until it's too late for one of the options. Unfortunately, DH is even worse at making decisions than I am.
Or, I use a coin toss, but with a twist: I do the coin toss and then focus on how I felt at the moment the coin landed. If my initial feeling was "Yes!" I go with the result; if it was "aw, shucks" I go with the opposite. You have to be really sensitive to your gut feelings to do this exercise, and you have to be willing to override your rational mind.
As for your situation, ask yourself if moving away from your family is worth it for financial reasons. Is it possible to move to a cheaper area and still be within reasonable travel distance? If you make a decision on that basis, are you sure THEY'RE not going to move? What is keeping you where you are now? Do you have the money to stay where you are? In short, where is your heart? If moving is just a pain, you can get past that. But if the thought of moving makes you feel a profound sense of loss (more than the normal sense of loss as you leave behind memories), examine those feelings.
...If moving is just a pain, you can get past that. But if the thought of moving makes you feel a profound sense of loss (more than the normal sense of loss as you leave behind memories), examine those feelings.
Whenever I contemplate moving from this area, I get that feeling of profound loss. But I'm getting older, and I can't see my way around it. Maybe I'll just keep putting it off 'til it's moot.
Whenever I contemplate moving from this area, I get that feeling of profound loss. But I'm getting older, and I can't see my way around it. Maybe I'll just keep putting it off 'til it's moot.
When we went through our foreclosure, I was 33 and so had an early taste of major failure: I had squandered the small inheritance my grandfather left me, which we had used for our down-payment on this house that I thought was going to be THE house--I had envisioned our kids' roots there running long and deep--and instead we were chased out by the bank and driven to reestablish roots in New Jersey.
I did feel a great sense of loss back then, but by the time we moved, I just wanted to get the heck out of there and put it behind me. As it turned out, I am grateful for that experience, because living here has been great. I don't regret it one bit. But now I'm faced with the knowledge that the sanest financial move I could make right now is to sell the house and move to a cheaper area. I tell myself, "remember how glad you were that you wound up in NJ? Didn't you learn anything about having faith that things will work out?" But some attachments are so hard to break free from.
You make a good point; I'm convinced most situations work out for the best.
I'm trying to focus on the great relief I'd feel on getting this big sticky mess of a house off my back, but without too much success. After all, I could just move a few blocks away.
Why not move just the few blocks away? Decisions are very hard to make so I wish you luck in trying to figure out what you truly want to do.
Teacher Terry
5-4-15, 6:41pm
I have moved around the country a lot in my life & I would definitely rent first in case you hate where you are living. Could you move just driving distance from your kids so you could still see them alot but have reduced costs?
Wondering if you simple livers have strategies for figuring out life's fork in the road choices? I guess we just got too comfortable where we're at, but in order to afford retirement we have to move next spring due to high costs. There are just so many options these days and I am feeling overwhelmed by the choices. Made harder by the fact that family is here and not where I think we'd like to move. Perhaps best to rent a while wherever we land? Or maybe there is some list somewhere that helps one work through options. It's tough being a Libra.
What works for me is doing an inventory. Which choices are true to who I am?
For example, I cannot see myself being happy living outside of an urban center. It doesn't have to be a big urban center; even a good-sized college town in a smaller state could work, though another part of Who I Am would avoid really "red" states and/or the Bible Belt. One of the things I like living in the northern U.S. is the change in seasons and a frostline deep enough to kill fire ants and large snakes, so most southern states are out. I'm not hung up on having a lot of space, so I can think about an apartment or a condo in a great location rather than putting myself far enough away from town to have some quiet and space. If it were just me right now, I'd consider moving far far away, but DW is way too tied to this area to consider moving very far away.
Just think about what's made you happy over time and decisions you wish you'd made differently. You will at least be able to eliminate some of the myriad options, which will make it easier.
iris lilies
5-6-15, 8:32pm
What works for me is doing an inventory. Which choices are true to who I am?
For example, I cannot see myself being happy living outside of an urban center. It doesn't have to be a big urban center; even a good-sized college town in a smaller state could work, though another part of Who I Am would avoid really "red" states and/or the Bible Belt. One of the things I like living in the northern U.S. is the change in seasons and a frostline deep enough to kill fire ants and large snakes, so most southern states are out. I'm not hung up on having a lot of space, so I can think about an apartment or a condo in a great location rather than putting myself far enough away from town to have some quiet and space. If it were just me right now, I'd consider moving far far away, but DW is way too tied to this area to consider moving very far away.
Just think about what's made you happy over time and decisions you wish you'd made differently. You will at least be able to eliminate some of the myriad options, which will make it easier.
most college towns are blue areas, and often in a sea of red such as Iowa city, Lawrence, etc. I love college towns.
i live in an electric blue urban center in a red state. I will always love "the city" but I do, anymore, enjoy my hobby groups that tend to be populated with people from "the county" who are politically, ummm, different from my neighbors. but I will say that say that this last economic upturn in my 'nabe where people are paying $400,000 and $500,000 and up for new houses on my street is bringing in a bit of a different element.
new houses on my street is bringing in a bit of a different element.
Funny. That same element is moving here except paying $700K and up for houses. I recall wondering back in the boom-boom 90s if all the wealth was real or supposed - it just seemed unreal. I get that sense today - just so much money flying around.
When this darn wedding is over, I will indeed do an inventory of all our choices thus far and see what really makes sense and would bring the most joy.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.