dealing with change positively

[livsglad]

It's been a whirlwind of a few days but it really does feel like my family are about to allow ourselves to wander into a new chapter.

A little bit about us: My husband and I are 30 somethings with 2 children. My husband works full time in a job he loves and will continue to do so. I, however, have quit my full time position to fulfil my dream to be a mum, wife and home maker. Something that working in a salaried (meaning extra hour duties 24/7 when called upon) full time position stopped me from achieving. Ultimately I feel that the only thing I am losing is stress and gaining in everything else.

My husband has equally been the driving force in this decision. He has seen how everything around us has fallen away due to me being stressed. We were looking to achieve, to gain, to have and all we did by me doing all I was doing was losing. It was effecting my marriage and my family and it had to stop.

So here I am. I'm Day 4 into being full time home maker and although scared about money, we have enough to cover bases and I have enough frugal knowledge and wherewithal to make this work. Tomorrow we take on an allotment and my new role will begin to unfold.

We strive for nothing other than contentment. We don't want or need anything else. My days will be filled with mothering, providing and working to make our little part of the world comfortable. That is all.

Sounds easy but I am still worried. I'm worried about my mood in the short term. Although this is what I want I am struggling with the massive change. I will be fine but I feel like every time I have a break I should be doing something so go bake! Still, the simple supper of freshly baked bread and jam for supper last night was more satisfying than any meal out we've paid for.

There is hope that I can do this. I just think I might need a little support.

Looking forward to interacting and learning from you all. :)

[catherine]

Good for you!!

You might as well go for it--what's the worst that can happen--you have to get another PT/FT job? Enjoy the moment.

When my kids were small, I had periods of full-time employment, periods of part-time/freelance employment, a period when I did family day care in my home to enable me to enjoy my two youngest, and full-time homemaking. Here's my advice:

1) Enjoy it--go with the flow with your kids. Don't think about future worries--it will all work out, and it's a time you never, ever can get back--so don't waste it on unfounded financial worries
2) Don't allow yourself to feel "less than" because you don't have paycheck right now. My feelings of insecurity were stronger because I didn't like the feeling of not having my own pay--I felt "no pay, no say," which was WRONG.
3) Read Radical Homemakers (http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Homemakers-Reclaiming-Domesticity-Consumer/dp/0979439116)for inspiration and support. Read an old copy of Tightwad Gazette, which is a bit outdated but inspirational in it's frugal zealotry.
4) Make sure you stay connected in your community--join clubs, meet neighbors, etc.

Those are my top of mind thoughts. But congratulations on taking the plunge!

[kib]

Welcome! I am a homemaker without a job outside the home; I think you will find that as you settle into this new lifestyle, the time fills itself up. Even without children I have found life can be a demanding taskmaster at times.

There are many posters here, Lessisbest comes to mind as a great example, who have an amazing number of hints and tips about healthy inexpensive living and homemaking. As you browse the website, I hope you find some new ideas that will inspire you. Have Fun. :)

[SteveinMN]

Welcome!

Our family took the opposite tack of yours, except that we don't have kids (only now a dog). My wife (largely) enjoys her career; after decades of life in information technology I had had enough. So I am the househusband. It's worked out well for us -- DW likes not having to clutter her days with "life administration" and I'm happy to get stuff done without being pestered for TPS reports (http://mentalfloss.com/article/57338/what-tps-report). Despite losing about half our income, we are both happier and less stressed.

You can do this! The beauty is that things you once failed to see for all the busy-ness are now wonders by themselves. And things you took for granted, like takeaway dinners, now become something you enjoy because you can choose them instead of feeling it's your easiest option. You'll find lots of good advice and support here. I did.

[livsglad]

Thanks so much for the interaction guys.

It dawned on us about 6 weeks ago. We were having a weekend away and spent a fortune on meals out, treats and paying for activities. On the way home we drove past a family, on a green, picnic blanket out, playing ball games and laughing. Yes we had a nice time away but we didn't laugh! The penny dropped and discussions began. Two weeks after that I handed my notice in and 5 weeks on from that I am now a housewife (I prefer homemaker ;) )

I notice that I am just not stressed. Already the pressures from work life have dissipated. I dare say that those stresses will soon be replaced by money worries but I will learn. I know we have enough to cover bills so I need to learn quickly.

Thanks so much. See you around the threads :)

[SteveinMN]

I dare say that those stresses will soon be replaced by money worries but I will learn. I know we have enough to cover bills so I need to learn quickly.
I don't know how much you spent on your previous lifestyle, but ours was (is?) upper-middle-class. What we found when I was not working 50+ hours a week was that we stopped paying people to do things we could do ourselves: dinner, lawnmowing, handyman work. I had time to dive into little projects like figuring out if we could get our mobile service for less money or how much of an effort it would be to make our own detergent, etc. I had time to shop around our home/car insurance rather than just shrug and pay the bill. It was easier to sell unwanted items on on-line classifieds -- and to buy what we needed that way, too. We did have a sizable "war chest" and contingency plans to address income shortfalls. But we mostly relied on the comfort of knowing we had them. Having children will make that time less available, but it won't eradicate it completely.

You may be surprised just how much was going out the window because of the stress and lack of time.

[jp1]

Congratulations on taking the plunge. Like others have said, you,will undoubtedly find ways of saving money and making this work. Beyond that, though, the benefits will likely continue to show over the long term. My mother was a, long ago, stay at home mom. Since she wasn't bringing in money she viewed her key contribution to our household to be her ability to save money while providing us a good home life. One of the things she did was sew clothes for us. She was an excellent seamstress (in fact she supported my dad and herself as a seamstress for a high end department store when they first were married and he was going to college full time.). Every year she would make each of us a couple of flannel shirts among other things. She passed away 9 years ago but to this day I still wear daily a fleece bathrobe that she made for me long long ago. It still serves as a happy reminder of her love for me.