Coworker approached me about minimalism!

[Ultralight]

This was totally unexpected but a coworker approached me about minimalism. He was not condescending or joking or asking merely out of surface level curiosity but because something happened that has made him rethink his values.

Here is the story:
I walked out into the hall at work and ran into this guy. We exchanged some small talk. I could tell something was on his mind. When I asked about his weekend he lamented that his nice, red sports car got bumped in a parking lot. He said there is a good-sized dent and he knows he'll have to pay the $500 deductible to get it repaired. But he obviously does not want to pay it! He said: "This makes me think about becoming a minimalist. If I had bought a used car with a few dings and scratches already on it then I'd have more money and I would not worry about this superficial dent."

This experience has caused him to rethink his relationship to things, to stuff. He is experiencing what I call "possession pressure." Maybe I made this term up; maybe I read it somewhere. I don't know. But what he is experiencing emotionally is that the car is "pressuring" him to fix it so it looks like a nice sports car again.

I suspect that he is going to bring this up to me again. I am not sure what to say or if I should just listen.

Thoughts?

[SteveinMN]

Just listen. If he asks a question, answer honestly. If he seems receptive, offer to help him find more information/get started on the SL journey (maybe point him our way). Last think you want to do is hit the subject hard and drive him away.

[Ultralight]

Good points. If he comes around my cube to ask me about it, I'll do what you suggest.

[profnot]

I would say something brief but encouraging to get him to think this way about all his purchases.

I would tell him his realization was one the of few epiphanies one has in a lifetime and that I had one, too.

My "moment" completely changed the way I think about money, my family, and financial independence. It's a bit tricky since it's USA counter-culture but my wife and I are very happy and financially secure.

Let me know if you want some recommendations for websites or books.

Then I would drop the subject and let him initiate further discussion.

[jp1]

I agree to keep it light and only if asked, at least initially. Think about people of other religions who attempt to 'share' their religion with you and what your reaction has been. No, minimalism isn't a religion, but if you overdo it you're likely to get the same reaction of walls being put up.

I like the phrase possession pressure. I've not heard it before so perhaps you did come up with it. In any case it does provide a simple way of describing the problem so many people have in their relationship with 'stuff'.

[Ultralight]

The only remotely preachy thing I said was: "It is all about your values; what do you value?"

This made him take on a thoughtful look. And he said: "I kind of just wish I had a junker so I did not have to worry about this stuff."

[Float On]

My husband had a beautiful little gold mazda b2000 extended cab when I met him. That truck meant everything to him. And then a deer tried to get in the passenger door. The insurance check arrived right when we needed money for something else so he lived with a dinged up door. Then another deer tried to get across the same stretch of road and messed up the front right quarter panel. That insurance check also arrived right when we needed it for something else so he lived with a dinged up quarter panel and a dinged up door. And then I kid you not another deer, same stretch of road trying to go the other way got the front left quarter panel. Once again he lived with 2 dinged up quarter panels and a dinged up door and learned his lesson about putting such high value on a truck and was more likely to get it dirty helping others because "hey, it's just a beat up truck anyway".


By the way, my little SUV got hit by a big lincoln towncar yesterday. Finding out the damage to my wheel and everything behind it today but the one little bit of metal that got hurt I probably won't worry about even though this is the first damage to this little car ever, it's an '09. I think a few dings will add character and make me less likely to worry about it.

[Ultralight]

Float On:

That is actually a pretty good story about valuing people and relationships more than things. Thanks for sharing! I am going to recycle that story (and cite you as my source) when the opportunity arises. :)

[Float On]

Jake, my father loves that story too. It was so strange how it was the same stretch of 1/4 mile road, 3 deer in one year. My dad laughs and says "ah, your husband got more deer than me that year!!!" It's been 23 years and he hasn't even seen a deer on that same stretch of road since.

[Ultralight]

This right here is the real gem:

"Once again he lived with 2 dinged up quarter panels and a dinged up door and learned his lesson about putting such high value on a truck and was more likely to get it dirty helping others because 'hey, it's just a beat up truck anyway'."

[ToomuchStuff]

I am assuming this car is NOT paid for? Otherwise, you could have congratulated him, on having a used car and its first dent to show how not to care (use it to get from point a to b and the fun should be in the driving experience as well as the experience your going to/coming from, rather then how it looks).

[Williamsmith]

My husband had a beautiful little gold mazda b2000 extended cab when I met him. That truck meant everything to him. And then a deer tried to get in the passenger door. The insurance check arrived right when we needed money for something else so he lived with a dinged up door. Then another deer tried to get across the same stretch of road and messed up the front right quarter panel. That insurance check also arrived right when we needed it for something else so he lived with a dinged up quarter panel and a dinged up door. And then I kid you not another deer, same stretch of road trying to go the other way got the front left quarter panel. Once again he lived with 2 dinged up quarter panels and a dinged up door and learned his lesson about putting such high value on a truck and was more likely to get it dirty helping others because "hey, it's just a beat up truck anyway".


By the way, my little SUV got hit by a big lincoln towncar yesterday. Finding out the damage to my wheel and everything behind it today but the one little bit of metal that got hurt I probably won't worry about even though this is the first damage to this little car ever, it's an '09. I think a few dings will add character and make me less likely to worry about it.

So ......you know you are going to get another insurance check right? Just when you needed a vacation.

[Float On]

So ......you know you are going to get another insurance check right? Just when you needed a vacation.

With tire, rim, and wheel damage it's all going to the repair. Have to keep us safe on the road.

[Williamsmith]

Are you saying a good minimalist doesn't spit shine his/her car and get upset if it gets dinged? Be cause if that's true, I have no hope of being a real minimalist. My Toyota Tacoma shines and there is not one hint of a scratch anywhere. It gets parked as far away from every other vehicle as possible. I like walking.

[Ultralight]

I am not saying that. I don't think my coworker was saying that either. I mean, simple living and minimalism have core characteristics, but I don't think that SL or Minimalism do not allow for a person to like their car to be shiny and well-groomed.

But for this guy, my coworker, I think that for him he realized that the car was not as intrinsically important to him as he thought or perhaps once thought. So either his values changed, evolved, or were revealed to be different than he thought once his car got dinged up. I am sure there are some minimalists who would look at my fishing gear -- rod, reel, minnow bucket, cooler, tackle satchel, stringer, filet knife, catfish skinner, etc. and say: "How minimalist are you?! A real minimalist fisherman would fish with a wooden spear and gut the fish with his teeth!"

[Float On]

So ......you know you are going to get another insurance check right? Just when you needed a vacation.

So I got my car back today. Their insurance company issued me a check for the repairs. I repaired everything except two small scratches that you can barely notice. The check was for $520 more than the repair. The $520 will go to a new muffler on the truck and the rest on the credit card bill.

[Ultralight]

So... I heard from a different coworker that the coworker who approached me about minimalism is making moves. I guess he is talking about going for experiences in life rather than stuff now. He apparently mentioned that he is considering minimalism to others. I don't know if any of this has to do with me, or with the recent popularity of minimalism, or both. But this is still an interesting development to me. :)

[rodeosweetheart]

That's neat, Ultralie. Float, I'm sorry about the car but it seems to have worked out okay in the end--good use of the money!

Here's my favorite car dent story--my husband was at an AA meeting and this older guy, a real staunch member of the group, who was always kind of a know it all but a solid guy, was late coming to the meeting and ran into my husband's truck in the parking lot, twice, leaving a big dent in the door and on the by the wheelwell. He comes in, all white, and says to my husband, "I ran into your truck, I'm so sorry."
My husband says "not to worry, but you look bad, sit down, what's happening?"
Turns out the guy had had a heart attack in the car. The paramedics are called, they take guy away from a stretcher, as he is leaving room, his last words to my husband are, "I will have my insurance company call you and fix your truck."
He goes into hospital, in coma for 3 weeks, then dies. His wife has Alzheimers, no one to ask about the insurance, so now truck has big dent in side.
The truck had no body damage or rust whatsoever--and it was an '88. My father gave it to my husband when it wouldn't run and he was too old to fix it.
So my husband works to keep the truck alive and we sorta feel like once he goes, we can move truck along, as it is always needing something and we can't drive long distances with it. Yet it is the perfect farm truck and we use it all the time.
My husband has decided to fix the dents and repaint it and make it new again. We love the truck, but the paint was a bad batch and completely evaporated and fell off over the years, so it really has no finish.

for now, the dents are like a reminder of the guy and how important AA was to him--heart attack and he still shows up at the meeting, and that was his last action in the world, after 40 years of sobriety. Pretty darn cool.
Anyway, we are like william and I like my cars to be clean--i just drove to indiana to see my son and he said, "Did you just wash the car today?" (I wash it every week and it has 105k miles and is 5 years old). I love having a clean car--on outside, anyway, lol. Gotta clean the inside now.

He is my only neat, fastidious son--he once took a comb to show and tell in preschool and showed the other children how to comb your hair to "look cool."

[ToomuchStuff]

Rodeo....
There are websites devoted to what is called the $50 paint job. (uses Rustoleum or tractor paint) Might be a good, keep the rust off the farm truck, inexpensively, trick.

My own car story
I came out from a store and a guy was out walking around trying to find me. His box truck's bumper was the exact height of my subcompacts tail light and he backed into that (no other damage). He was expecting me to send him some large bill and instead I send him the bill for the $5.00 light out of the junk yard Festiva. I remember he sent me more ($15 or $20) and a thank you/sorry note. That car was hit, five times, all under 5mph and people couldn't believe I drove it. Saved me money and got me through the worst time of my life, sometimes I still wish I had that car.

[Ultralight]

I really want my current car to be my last car ever. Ever! haha

[sweetana3]

I wanted my last car to the last car I ever owned and wanted it to get to 500,000 miles. Unfortunately, another driver did a hit and run and a semi did the rest. Car is in car heaven now. So I have to start all over again.

[Ultralight]

I wanted my last car to the last car I ever owned and wanted it to get to 500,000 miles. Unfortunately, another driver did a hit and run and a semi did the rest. Car is in car heaven now. So I have to start all over again.

Whoa! Scary. :(

I'd like to go car-free. But I am just not ready to make the jump.

[sweetana3]

yea, hubby was hit in the rear passenger corner by another car rushing up an interstate ramp and trying to merge. Just like on TV, it threw the our car sideways right into the path of a semi tractor trailer unit on an interstate at 50+miles per hour. Thankfully (or husband would be dead) the semi pushed the Honda upright a good bit until the semi could stop. The car that started it all was a hit and run. Our Hoosier Helper mobile car repair changed the tire and hubby limped home. The driver of the semi saw no obvious damage on his unit so he went on his way. Car was totalled since the whole driver side was pushed in and who knows what damage was done to the suspension.

Not the first time a Honda has saved husband. Someone tried to do a Uturn on a hiway in the rain in the dark and husband could not see him. Totalled that Honda too without damage to husband.

I now drive as little as possible and try to time my outings to quiet traffic times, like Sunday morning.