View Full Version : Did your life end up like you envisioned it would?
Once you got past the "I wanna be a fireman/princess/rodeo clown" stage of life and had more adult dreams for your future, did any of them come true? Are you living the vision of your future that you had as a young person (career, family, lifestyle, simple living-wise)? If you diverted from that path you envisioned, are you in a better or worse or just different place? Could your 18 year old self even imagine this is how your life would turn out 5, 10, 20, 30 years later?
I basicly followed the path my younger self envisioned. Never was interested in a traditional life of hearth and home, hubby and kids, white picket fenceville, or one of wealth, luxury and many material things. But would NEVER have envisioned my self retired so young. I always saw myself as a type A career type (not a traditional career but one of adventure) who would work till I dropped - again not for money but for adventure. But I did stay with the spartan minimalistic lifestyle I hhad as a kid and envisioned foir my future. How about you?
I wanted to sing opera.......but that didn't work out.
I also dreamed of living out in the country......which I do. I then dreamed of being self-sufficient, but that didn't happen, but do have a quiet, simpler life.
I wanted to be an RN......which I was and had very intense, great experiences.......but then my "hermitism" finally got to me and I stopped working.
I never thought I wanted to have kids. My parents made me think they were things to hate and be disgusted with. But when I was 35 and recently married, I thought "Hey......kids aren't so bad!" So I had 2 of them and love them totally. I wanted chickens and have them.
I never thought I would be as much of a loner as I am, but I am. I never thought I would lose alot of my physical abilities to do alot of things I love doing....but I did.
I have run out of energy to keep trying to make alot of my old dreams come true, but I can say I'm pretty satisfied. It IS hard to let go of dreams though.
No. And I am so glad I didn't get what I thought I always wanted. :-)
No. And I am so glad I didn't get what I thought I always wanted. :-)
Oh enquirering (nosey) minds want to know :-)! Rock Goddess? Himalayan cave dwelling monk? Mime?
No. First I wanted to be an astronaut, then they basically killed the space program. Then I wanted to be a high energy physicist, but lack of funding and equipment drove me into the sewers of engineering and applied mathematics.
Once you got past the "I wanna be a fireman/princess/rodeo clown" stage of life and had more adult dreams for your future, did any of them come true?
I never had a phase of life where I wanted to be or do anything in particular. Never had a life goal of any sort, but rather followed/studied/did what really appealed to me at the time, and that I thought enriching, with no end-goal in mind. I did know enough to not persue that I believed harmful. I sort of drifted into what I ended up doing (which I enjoyed) then retired quite young. As mentioned elsewhere, I'm second generation 'independent living' so I imagine that influenced me since neither of my parents worked from the time I was born. Living with 'enough', and very 'low on the hog'.
I do have intermediate goals such as wanting to do this or that well, and doing what's necessary to achieve it. Or smaller goals of having a nice garden or completing this or that art project. But long term life goals? Nope.
Something must have worked since I'm contented, at peace, generally happy. I don't think much about 'what could have been' since what I have is what I have, and anything else is an unreal, unlived parallel life. :)
I wanted to be a lawyer rescuing all the abused children of the world, have several children by artificial insemination as I had no desire to marry as it was too much commitment with everything else I hoped to do and i wanted a farm for self-sufficiency. Didn't happen quite that way!
Made a difference in new directions, married a wonderful man, had two wonderful children the old fashioned way:), have my farm and absolutely love how my life turned out. I feel truly blessed to be living now and having had my experiences.
Something must have worked since I'm contented, at peace, generally happy. I don't think much about 'what could have been' since what I have is what I have, and anything else is an unreal, unlived parallel life. :)
I often think that people who don't have "big" goals often end up the happiest and most at peace with their lives. It seems like those who had very high or unrealistic goals (movie star, millionaire, president, 5 foot tall pro basketball player, etc...) and those who put every aspect of their personal life on hold to attain a goal are the ones who, when they can't reach that goal or it isn't how they thought it would be, are the more diapointed in the direction their lives turn.
I grew up wanting to write books. Then decided that printing them would be real fun. Did that and enjoyed it immensely, but did not enjoy being around all the chemicals, so did give that up. Didn't think I'd ever marry (I'm too weird, who would have me??) but ended up finding someone who had the same crazy ideas that I had. A match made in heaven. We married late, figured we'd only have time for 3 kids, turns out we had 5! So now there's 7 of us crazy folks out there. If you would have told me 15 years ago that I'd have 5 kids, living in the mountains, snowed in most of the time I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. I'm the type of person who would be happy near anywhere I think, but I certainly am enjoying what life has given me so far.
And someday, someday, I'll write a book. Or two :)
As a teen coming of age in the anti-establishment 60s-early 70s, I envisioned my future as hippie artist living in a commune. I NEVER thought I would marry, have children and work as an executive assistant for VIPs. Though I was born with strong artistic talents, I did not follow that path. Probably a big mistake. I am one who finds a new passion every few years and then it becomes an obsession so that keeps my brain happy. Really though, all I ever wanted was stability since I grew up in a crazy weird environment and so to that end, I am very appreciative of the normal, boring life I now have. I would still like to have chickens, though:) and I still imagine those parallel lives that might have been. For me, it is one of the hardest things about being human - there are infinite possibilities.
Like most young boys, I dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. After many trials and challenges, I eventually was able to live the dream.
So don't let the naysayers deter you. Don't settle for the tawdry glamour of the actuary or the sordid hedonism of the patent lawyer. Perservere, and you too can serve your fellow man at the purest level possible.
When I was little I wanted to be either a landscape architect or a chemist. Then when I realized I'd need a PhD to get a good job with chemistry, it was to be a chemical engineer. But then I flunked differential equations, so I switched to an easier major but still engineering.
But now I garden a lot (there's the landscape part) and I like concocting recipes (the chemist part). So I have incorporated what I wanted to be into my life, although I don't do either of those things for pay.
I never thought I'd get married, or if I did it would be after 30, but I married at 24. I thought if I did marry, it'd be to a yuppie and we'd have this upwardly mobile life. Hubby is SO not that. Then I discovered "Your Money or Your Life" and decided my time was more valuable than the latest gadgets and became a voracious saver. Ironically, we're more financially comfortable than I ever dreamed possible. So I have the financial ability to be a yuppie if I chose to. :) Its just not that important to me anymore to /look/ the part.
So no, my life is nothing like what I imagined, but oh so much more satisfying than it would have been if I had gotten what I thought I wanted.
Of course not! Thank goodness...
At 12, I decided I would be an accountant. I started college but left to get married and got a job with the Federal Government as a Grade 4 collection repr. in Alaska before computers. We were doing research on microfilm. Quickly got promoted to office auditor. Fairly quickly got promoted to the Taxpayer Advocate's office since they needed someone with my type of experience. I loved working on problems that crossed responsibility lines. We worked like detectives to figure out payments, accounts, all kinds of issues and that was exactly what I loved doing.
Two of us in the office once located $2.5 million dollars that a woman did not even know she was due from her husband's estate. My crowning achievement since it had started out as a suicide call and our office handled all those.
Retirement is even better than I expected. When I began working, it was so far in the future.
Like most young boys, I dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. After many trials and challenges, I eventually was able to live the dream.
So don't let the naysayers deter you. Don't settle for the tawdry glamour of the actuary or the sordid hedonism of the patent lawyer. Perservere, and you too can serve your fellow man at the purest level possible.
Most young boys dreaming of being a CPA got a good laugh out of me. I like most young boys dreamed of being a firemen. I ended up as a compliance officer in banking. That is a little like being a cop or firemen.
it's so fun reading this thread ... i love hearing about different folks' expectations and how they played out. what i am left thinking is that a lot of happiness in life is about having expectations but not caring too much about the clothes they wear.
for instance, i always imagined myself as an artist -- a singer, actress, author, poet who would work passionately on a project for a while, then do something completely different. even in school, i was equally interested in calculus, english, and drama club.
and i'm still the same way now. even though i've had only 2 jobs in the last 15 years, my extracurriculars meant a great deal to me -- at least as much as my jobs!
now i'm starting a company and learning how to make it profitable, how to use technology intelligently, what kinds of fabrics work in which patterns, all kinds of stuff. i can see so much potential for growth and awesomeness! but i know i won't do it forever. i'm guessing at some point, when i've wandered lots of paths and learned a lot through this business, i will turn in an entirely different direction.
so ... even though i didn't end up "an artist," i expected that i'd continue to be interested in lots of different things and combining them in fun new ways, and i am!
No - I thought I would teach (only did that a year and a half) or write or work in politics. I have volunteered in politics. I'm doing office work but really want a change - so who knows where I will end up before I end my working life?
flowerseverywhere
4-6-11, 8:04pm
wanted to be an artist and special ed teacher but parents pushed me into nursing.
Had a career and on the side pursued my art in between kids, moving for husbands job etc.
Retired from my real job and got a part time job... with special ed kids. I draw with them all the time, we keep journals and show each other. I am not bound by a curriculum so we do whatever we want and have a ball. People are always telling me I should sell my stuff but what I get back from the kids is priceless.
What a depressing thread. NO, it did not end up like I envisioned. Thanks for reminding me.
Mighty Frugal
4-6-11, 10:41pm
Like most young boys, I dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. After many trials and challenges, I eventually was able to live the dream.
So don't let the naysayers deter you. Don't settle for the tawdry glamour of the actuary or the sordid hedonism of the patent lawyer. Perservere, and you too can serve your fellow man at the purest level possible.
hahahahahaha you are the funniest CPA I've ever 'met' thanks for the laugh!
Mighty Frugal
4-6-11, 10:44pm
I wanted to be the standard little girl things-movie star, singer, vet, stripper (haha-true) thankfully I never realized any of these dreams.
I always did want the white picket fence, the kids, the stability of middle class and I got it! I also wanted to be a writer and am happy that I have been paid for a few of my published pieces and maybe more to come..who knows...but at least that dream has been realized...
I am very happy with my cozy life and deep down all I really wanted to be was happy and I truly am!
Didn't we have a thread like this just recently?
My life is pretty much what I wanted it to be because I had a big sketch in my head with very little detail. I wanted to live in a city and have an interesting job and have NO KIDS and have cats and go to Europe regularly. The rest of it, husband or no husband, house or apartment, dogs, gardens, etc, were details that didn't figure into the big picture.
ApatheticNoMore
4-6-11, 10:54pm
I wanted to be a musician of course as a teenager :). Started out a music major. After I gave that up as unrealistic, I had some vague dreams like being an economist etc..
But everyone was sick and tired of me being 21 and still not having a clear direction in life. So deciding to support myself, I went into stuff that bores me (not economics, I actually had some interest there), and did my time in the dark satanic cubicles (dreamed of other stuff along the way, scientist, etc.). I was not happy in those cubicals (but your not really supposed to be happy with your work are you?).
Now I'm unemployed and in a way feeling free again for the first time in ages. I could do anything! Oh this might not end well :D. But it is freeing. At the very least I will have had a vacation (I had booked up a month of vacation because of how much they discouraged us from taking it)
I thought I would marry but I never have. I never thought I'd have kids and I never have. I've done better financially than I ever thought I would.
Didn't we have a thread like this just recently?
My life is pretty much what I wanted it to be because I had a big sketch in my head with very little detail. I wanted to live in a city and have an interesting job and have NO KIDS and have cats and go to Europe regularly. The rest of it, husband or no husband, house or apartment, dogs, gardens, etc, were details that didn't figure into the big picture.
I will add that because I took pinao/organ lessons for oh god 15 years anyway, my mother said once that she thought I'd end up marrying a preacher and being the church organist.
Whaaaaaaaaat?!!!!! Who IS this woman who knew me so little? Oh yeah, the same one who would only pay for college if I went to this stupid women's college in Hicksville, Nowhereland when I really wanted to go to the big state university. There were a few years there were we were not on good terms. :laff:
Like most young boys, I dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. After many trials and challenges, I eventually was able to live the dream.
Soooooooo funny!! I have a couple of good friends who are CPAs so I really got a chuckle out of that. One friend told me he dreams in digits.
Yes, my life has turned out as I had envisioned, mostly, but it took a long time to get here.
I don't remember as clearly as some of you do. I remember not being particularly drawn to any career. I just hated school so much that university wasn't an option when I was 18. And I was already opposed to debt at that age, so I didn't think of loans as an option. I remember wanting to just pack up and drive away - to BC at the time. Work wherever and be a writer and just be alone and free. I ended up taking a two year tech college course that I could afford and seemed a reasonable choice at the time. And with an actual career (though low-paid) I did manage to drive off to freedom at the age of 24, to Winnipeg of all places. My life here is better than I ever anticipated. The first career I had wasn't a good fit, but now I have a high paid office job because of it. I never wanted a normal picket-fence life, and here I am, still thinking about early retirement and ready to take off again to another city. I didn't really think I'd get married, but I did once I met the right guy (was an easy choice then). Never wanted kids; no kids now. I think I've always been a combination of lazy free-spirit and hard worker. I don't like commitment and responsibility but if I get into a position where it is needed, I go all out. I mostly work so hard now because I want to quit. Ha ha.
Like most young boys, I dreamed of becoming a Certified Public Accountant. After many trials and challenges, I eventually was able to live the dream.
So don't let the naysayers deter you. Don't settle for the tawdry glamour of the actuary or the sordid hedonism of the patent lawyer. Perservere, and you too can serve your fellow man at the purest level possible.
:D:D:D:D!!
What started me on this thread was two things. One a comment from Mrs. M about me having had an exciting life, and my response being that yes, it was great but a life like that often requires giving up alot - like family, home, etc..
The second thing was that my step brother (who is more than a decade older than me and we weren't raised together) passed away this weekend. I had talked about him several times on the old SLN boards and his simple living lifestyle. He had the most amazing life of adventure. Was a photo journalist and cinamaphotographer who travelled the world, a professional athlete in many areas and who practicly invented hang gliding, and a world class sailor who, after becoming parallized from the waist down in a hang gliding accident, went on to sail around the world solo many times on his 49 ft sailboat (where he passed away). He was on an ESPN show about the worlds bravest 100 atheletes with the likes of Lance Armstrong (can't remember the name of the show) doing amazing things after his accident. He was even a Playgirl center fold!! You can google his name (Mike Harker) and find tons of internet info about him if interested. He did an interview once for a yachting magazine telling how he lived on just $700/month so that he could have the freedom to spend his time sailing around the world rather than working 9 to 5. He never had kids or a home or married (although he always had a beevy of beauties around him :-))
Anyway's I was always wildly envious of his life but now am wondering if he ever had any regrets about not having a home, spouse, kids, etc.. I don't think so (I know I don't have any regrets even though everyone said I would when I got older - especially about not having kids - haven't yet) but maybe when you are dying - alone - on your adventure trip things change. But then maybe if you are dying even amongst a loving family you have regrets for the some of the adventures you missed out on to have THAT life.
flowerseverywhere
4-7-11, 1:22pm
What a depressing thread. NO, it did not end up like I envisioned. Thanks for reminding me.
ever since I read your answer I have been thinking about it. Is there anything you can do to make it more like what you envisioned? Even a small step?
Whaaaaaaaaat?!!!!! Who IS this woman who knew me so little? Oh yeah, the same one who would only pay for college if I went to this stupid women's college in Hicksville, Nowhereland when I really wanted to go to the big state university. There were a few years there were we were not on good terms. :laff:
We must be sisters - we have the same Mom! My Mom didn't even believe that women should go to college since "you are only going to marry and have kids so don't need a career or education". She always said that women of her generation were so much better off because they didn't have to make a choice between being a wife or having a career, if you married you gave up your job to care for hubby - so women knew their place in the world and didn't try to anything more. Yep, I think that's how all the slaves felt about it I'm sure. I'm sure my sister and I were bitter disappointments to her since we were very non-traditional. To her, the only accomplishment that meant anything for a woman IHHO, was to make a good marriage, have children and be a stay at home wife. She would have been disappointed even if I became president.The funny thing is she still felt that way after my Dad walked out on the family to marry a woman he had had an affair with (mother of above mentioned step brother). He left us (mom and 3 kids) without a home (moved in with my grandma in a tiny 500 sf apt) and with only a little money. My mom went back to school to re-learn a skill (data entry) and then spent the rest of her life working 2, sometimes three, jobs to support us kids and provide us a home. But she always felt the same about a womans place - not just for her, but for all women. Now you know why I rebeled so badly :-)!! But all that aside, she was a wonderful loving person who did EVERYTHING for her kids and besides our huge differences, we loved each other very much.
loosechickens
4-7-11, 2:18pm
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Spartana, but celebrate the fact that your stepbrother did so many amazing things in his life, and seems to have lived life on his own terms despite obstacles.
It reminded me of the best friend of a good friend, who led an incredbly adventurous life all over the world, trekking and mountain climbing, writing books and doing photography for National Geographic, but then died in his late 40s right here in the U.S. while on vacation back here, by feeling faint after a medical procedure, and fainting on the sidewalk, hitting the back of his head, breaking some small bone at the base of his skull, and dying. Yet everyone who knew him felt he had packed more life into a short life than most could if they lived to be 100.
For myself, I look back and realize that the absolutely common thread in everything I ever wanted to do was to have "freedom", defined as living something other than a 9 to 5, "ordinary" life, as I saw it. And for the most part, I've spent my entire life doing things that were out of the ordinary.
In my first marriage, my husband was a professional horse trainer, and we traveled all over the country and did a lot of unconventional things and lived anything but a 9 to 5 life. And after my divorce, I mostly managed to, with a few exceptions, avoid deadly jobs.
And, of course for the past almost twenty years now as a nomad, have escaped an "ordinary" life pretty much totally.
I don't know why, but as I look back even in childhood, I was fascinated by travel, nomads, etc. When I was a kid, I read every book imaginable about pioneers heading west, gypsies, nomadic peoples, etc., and always found myself more fascinated with small living spaces, fewer but more carefully chosen belongings and big margins of free, unstructured time.
So....while I might not have foreseen this exact WAY I ended up slaking that thirst for freedom, it's clear that the need for it has colored most of my life decsions. And I'm glad, because I really love my life.
avoid deadly jobs.
amen sister :-)!!!
[/QUOTE by loosechickens] I don't know why, but as I look back even in childhood, I was fascinated by travel, nomads, etc. When I was a kid, I read every book imaginable about pioneers heading west, gypsies, nomadic peoples, etc., and always found myself more fascinated with small living spaces, fewer but more carefully chosen belongings and big margins of free, unstructured time.
[/QUOTE]
I was the same. Actually remember having a huge epithany about what I wanted in life at the ripe old age of 8. I was sitting in the living room reading a book about a woman marine archeologist - travelling the world diving old ship wrecks for treasures! My Mom was in the kitchen in a housecoat, hair in curler cooking dinner with a million pots and pans going, huge pile of laundry she was ironing (I don't even own an iron!), and my brother and sister screaming at each other in the back bedroom. It was a chaotic scene that got much worse just before my dad came home from work. Then everything ramped up - my mom trying to put all the food out, clean up the kitchen, get the laundry put away, get the bratts cleaned up, the house cleaned up - allthe while changing into a dress, stockings, high heels, full make up and hair to look pretty for my dad. Then in walks dad, plots down on the couch, turns on the game, has my mom fetch him a beer and basicly ignores everyone while he waits to be served dinner - after which he's play a bit with us kids and then disappear into the garage to do "man things" while my mom spent the reat of the evening cleaning up, darning socks, and getting us kids ready for bed Only to wake up in the morning and do it all again! I was exhausted just watching!!
I remember looking at this lady in the books life, looking at my mom's life and thinking- "I can do this (mom's life) or I can do that (book lady's life). And Viola! I made a choice! I knew then and there that I didn't want to have kids and didn't want to get married - ever. Of course I ws fortunate enough to marry someone who was happy to oblige independant old me, and I him, but at the age of 8 I knew I didn't want a traditional womans life.
I always wanted to be a newspaper reporter since I was a little kid. I was a news junkie from about age 5. Imagine a kid young regularly reading the newspaper from about age 7! :) But I quickly found out that unless you went to a major journalism school (and they were expensive), you were stuck at small papers out in the boonies making $12-$15K/year (this was the early 90s) for years. No thanks. Plus, I had no stomach for small towns. Might be different now with the internet.
I've got a decent job now (4.5 years) in the same industry I've been in since '93 (I'm 42) with the best group of coworkers I've ever had. I work to live and have my stuff outside of work, primarily church-related. After years of being told by my mom I couldn't sing at all, I've discovered I'm halfway decent and am welcomed in my parish's choir, as well as singing occasionally at other churches for regional services or special events. While I'm not the best, I do the best with what I've got, work on my music at home, and am ALWAYS at rehearsal unless very ill (I've found directors appreciate hard work and my always being at rehearsal in a major, major way!).
I used to want kids in a bad way, but I've got bad endometriosis (diagnosed at 19 with the accompanying extreme pain and multiple surgeries), and I've come to peace with the fact of never having kids in the past year or so.
But I'd still like to be married. Friends have told me I'm too danged independent and opinionated, but I'll be d*amned if I change just to get a husband. I'd always be play acting! But I've got my own thing going in a big way - president of a local denominational organization, taking classes in a 2.5 year program to become a catechist, doing writing, reading, volunteer work, and spreading the word about minimalism.
"I wanted to be the standard little girl things-movie star, singer, vet, stripper (haha-true) thankfully I never realized any of these dreams.
Good God--I thought I was the only one...:moon:
" Whaaaaaaaaat?!!!!! Who IS this woman who knew me so little? Oh yeah, the same one who would only pay for college if I went to this stupid women's college in Hicksville, Nowhereland when I really wanted to go to the big state university. "
I had one of those too, who nixed a potential scholarship to Bryn Mawr because "we can't afford the train fare." Not true, and I wish I'd been a bit more proactive; a little encouragement would have been nice.
At first I thought "Well maybe if I had had a vision..." but I really did, even if it was mostly reductive. I didn't want children or any of the traditional helper jobs women used to be restricted to and I wanted to be able to support myself reasonably well. And I wanted freedom from work as soon as possible. My favorite childhood story was about a spinster living in Nova Scotia in a house on a hill overlooking a bay, making quilts and sipping tea. Other than the Canada part (dang!), I've come pretty close. But now I need to expand my vision.
So far, so good, but I still have a long way to go (I hope!).
Its certainly not how my teenaged self envisioned it, as I once told my mother I would never move back to the town I grew up in or live in a ranch house. What an absolutely boring existence! And now I have done both. I also never expected to marry early...no one else thought I would either, as I am pretty independent...but I met DH junior year of college and we just clicked. So, a year after college there I was getting married! I have always been a "maybe" on having kids one day...I guess if you just keep saying maybe eventually you get too old. Either way, I can see my life going down all sorts of different paths and me being satisfied with it. I have an odd conundrum though, when I think about my life and all that stuff, I feel very content and happy with the general picture, but at the same time there is an inner restlessness. Not sure what that is, but I guess it keeps me going, trying new things.
Interesting question.
My life has been more interesting, but less conventionally successful, than I thought it would be. I couldn't have conceived of my being someone for whom earning a living has often been just a means to finance being in the wilderness. Even though I'm in the position of playing catch up now, I'm comfortable with where I am.
Realistically, given what my peers and I went through before adulthood ("Bronx is burning" era), being a solvent and reasonably healthy member of the middle class with no major addictions and only mild PTSD is probably an achievement.
From the time I was 3 years old until I was 12, I alternated between wanting to sail the seas on a tall ship and wanting to be a physician. Then on July 4th, 1963, my father, a U.S. Navy officer and pilot let me take the controls of a Navy R5D (USAF C-54, civilian DC-4) four engine transport aircraft and hand fly it for about 20 minutes. For a link to an R5D, see:
http://www.marchfield.org/c54d.htm
That was it, brother!!! I was bound and determined to go to the U.S. Naval Academy and become a Navy pilot.
At age 15, I was struck by a hit and run driver; fractured femur, broken knee, 100% perineal nerve palsy, big knee and lower leg brace. I was told I would never run again. The Naval Academy was out; because of my injuries, I could not pass the physical examination.
Although I only got about 10% of the motor nerve function back in my lower left leg, I proved the doctors wrong. I ran. I wasn't fast, but I had endurance.
I joined the Navy as an enlisted electronics technician (nuclear propulsion), got a bachelor's degree, and was appointed to Aviation Officer Candidate School (AOCS; think Richard Gere - "An Officer And A Gentleman"). I earned my Navy "Wings of Gold" and flew in several squadrons.
In 1983, my squadron received three computers from the first Navy desktop computer buy. I found I had an aptitude for getting them to work and making them do things that nobody else in the squadron could, and I became our squadron's computer support guy.
My knees fell apart, and I was medically discharged in January of 1986. The computer thing became a career; I am still a computer and networking administrator.
Last October, I started volunteering with a tall ship in my local area. This has rekindled my love for the sea. I am starting to think seriously about running away to sea after I retire and circumnavigating the globe in a sailboat; crew on the tall ship during the summers, and continue my circumnavigation in the off season...
So yeah, even though there have been some surprises along the way, I'm pretty happy with the way things have turned out so far.
And it ain't over yet...
Best,
Rodger Morris
Unitarian Jihad Name - "Brother Rail Gun of Quiet Reflection"
rodger@americantallship.org
Wildflower
4-7-11, 11:05pm
I wanted to be a singer, a writer, but the main thing I craved in life was having my own happy little family. I came from a dysfunctional, alcoholic and abusive family, and wanted so badly what I never had. I have it now. :) Married for 36 years to the love of my life, 2 wonderful DDs and 2 GKs, along with my furry critters - I am a happy camper. My life actually has turned out better than I could have ever envisioned. I do sing and write too, although not professionally, but that's okay....
We must be sisters - we have the same Mom! My Mom didn't even believe that women should go to college since "you are only going to marry and have kids so don't need a career or education". ...
Oh no, I didn't mean to misrepresent my mother, It's not that she WANTED me to marry a preacher man, she was sort of AFRAID that I would do that. Ridiculous. I couldn't wait to escape from the horrible town/suburb where I was and having a churchy marriage was not even remotely possible for me. My mother was into education (or fancied herself that way--if she TRULY was interested in it the Hicksville dumbed down college wouldn't have been on her radar. Let's just say that she was swayed by other factors and she meant well.) But that's all fine, in grad school I finally made it to the big arts & sciences University and loved it and still love that town to this day.
And Jane, that is so too bad about Bryn Mawr. I would have been impressed back when I was 18 by that. Stuck as we were in the middle of nowhere, Ivy League just wasn't a known entity. My friend's brother went to Dartmouth and I remember being very impressed although no one else in our circle, including my parents, even knew were that was. Oh I thought that we were so provincial. Well, we were! At least I KNEW what was Ivy league though had no ambition to go, wouldn't have gotten in anyway.
When I was young I wanted to live in New York City. I had only a vague idea of what I'd do--publishing, I suppose, but I was also attracted to the phone company--but I coudln't make that jive with my strong frugal streak. No way I'd pay those East Coast rents. So now I live in ST. Louis with great architecture at rock bottomw prices. I can pretend I'm in New York whenever I want.
AmeliaJane
4-8-11, 10:24am
I have been thinking about this quite a bit recently, as I'm coming up on a significant birthday. My life has surprised me quite a bit. In high school, thought I'd go off to college, meet some nice guy, get married, work (possibly as a librarian), live in a small town, and raise a family. Instead, I am still single, no kids (might still get married at this point, but don't see myself having children although I like them), ended up with two graduate degrees and a job that is challenging but a really good fit for me. Since college, I've lived in one small, one medium, and one extremely large city. One thing I haven't done yet is much traveling--partly being single, and most of my friends being in the midst of raising little kids--but I realized it was partly that I had 4 different jobs in four different states in the last 10 years, and weathered two major financial setbacks due to employment cutbacks. I didn't think about that as an asset till I moved here and people were making comments about how cool it was that I had lived all over, but it is true. I am sort of shy and conservative by nature, and being forced to make all these changes (and survive work environments that were in chaos) has really given me a lot more equanimity.
Awesome question.
In many ways NO. But in many ways YES.
I would say I am very much the same person as I was when I was 5 years old. Ya know?
Planned on being more of what I was "supposed" to be but always knew who I was and am still exactly who I was.
Basically, I just lost the "expectations" that others had and am exactly what I always was, if that makes sense.
Honestly, I don't think you can ever change that much, really. All you can really do is be more of who you always were, I believe.
Although I only got about 10% of the motor nerve function back in my lower left leg, I proved the doctors wrong. I ran. I wasn't fast, but I had endurance.
This has rekindled my love for the sea. I am starting to think seriously about running away to sea after I retire and circumnavigating the globe in a sailboat; crew on the tall ship during the summers, and continue my circumnavigation in the off season...
What a great story Rodgar! You may want to read up on my step brother I mentioned above - google Mike Harker and Wanderlust 3. He was paralyzed from the waist down in a hang gliding accident, in a coma for over a year, rehab for 7 more and then, when he got some use of his legs back (still paralized below both knees) he started sailing. Small things at first like and then on to a multi year circumnavagation of the world several times. He passed away this weekend on his boat (a 49 ft Hunter) in Saint Lucia (or maybeit was Martinque) where he was moored. He had an amazing life and one that you'll appreciate given the adversaty you overcame yourself. I'm always inspired by stories like yours and his. I always fiqure if people can over come those kind of obstacales to achieve their dreams, then I should be able to do it too! Alway, I mistakenly put in my other post that my SB was featured in an ESPN TV show but it was in an Outdoor Life Network (OLN) miniseries show called "Courage 25 - the 25 most couragous atletes in the world" or something like in 2004 (before he started sailing seriously) which highlighted the life of a different athletes each week (Lance Armstrong, the "soul Surfer girl Bethany ??, etc...). He was number 16. I think theres' a u-tube video of it. Here's a link to a website that he wrote that has his life story on it. He was chronicled in an on going series for Yachting World. He also was the first (maybe only ??) person to hangglide of the highest mountain in Europe, the Zuespits (SIC), Mt Fuji and Mt Kilamanjaro.
www.huntermarine.com/WhatsNew/49Wins.html
Spartana,
I looked Mike Harker up last night. Very inspiring!! I read the first magazine article, and I plan to plow through the rest of them.
My invitation for members of this forum to come sail as my guests on the tall ship S/V Bill of Rights still stands. Weather permitting, we are going out sailing every Saturday this month. E-mail me if you are interested...
Edited to add: S/V Bill of Rights is home ported out of Channel Islands Harbor in Oxnard, CA. My avatar is a photo of her under sail.
Come sail with us!!!
Best,
Rodger Morris
Unitarian Jihad Name, "Brother Rail Gun of Quiet Reflection"
rodger@americantallship.org
I am still "envisioning"... I have accomplished a huge amount that I wanted to do (mainly meeting a wonderful man and becoming fluent in another language... but any linguist will tell you that they are never finished learning languages...), but I still crave more. Namely travelling, learning a couple other languages, being part of a close-knit community, having my own family. I feel like I only have 3 or 4 years to "fit" all this in though. Darn you, biology and ageing.
Awesome question.
In many ways NO. But in many ways YES.
I would say I am very much the same person as I was when I was 5 years old. Ya know?
Planned on being more of what I was "supposed" to be but always knew who I was and am still exactly who I was.
Basically, I just lost the "expectations" that others had and am exactly what I always was, if that makes sense.
Honestly, I don't think you can ever change that much, really. All you can really do is be more of who you always were, I believe.
Hey dude,
I agree, we are who we are at 5 years old. I had a great childhood and always felt very free to play and explore. I think that's what I want in adulthood--that same freedom, and that's what guides my adult choices: few committments to stay loose and flexible. Now, of course, looseness and flexibility is all in one's head. To a lot of people it would look like I have a rigid, button-down life, but I don't care what it appears to them--in my mind it's relatively free.
hahahahahaha you are the funniest CPA I've ever 'met' thanks for the laugh!
Laugh if you will, but those bad boy money men can be uber sexy. I love it when the chief financial officer at my work withholds money and makes me jump through hoops to get stuff, it's like a bondage game. ;)
Hmm, probably not. I can't truly recall what I was supposed to be doing however. I do recall thinking I would love to be a writer and I still would but gaining the emotional maturity to write the best I can has taken many more years than I expected.
I have had some seriuos setbacks in my 'plan' but you know there are always 2 sides to a story. So for every set back or unplanned drama I can usually find something that is a nice change about it.
Biggest surprise is my boyfriend, and very good one at that. I am glad i let go of trying to decide exactly what I wanted and then saw what happened. I stuck to the core values but the details are really different than what I would have chosen and it is all good.
In elementary school I wanted to be either a scientist or a novelist. I remember being interested in DNA as soon as I was aware of it. I also remember as early as high school wanting to have a paid-off house as soon as possible. And I remember wanting to have an "unconventional" life that involved living, at some point, in another country and possibly various areas of the US (which slightly conflicts with the paid-off house thing). I work in science now, have a paid off house and am living in the 4th different state in the US but have not managed to live in another country yet. I predicted I would never get married because I was so woefully bad at dating even into college, but was one of the first of my friends to marry so go figure. Also would not have thought that, like Bronxboy, I would be someone
"for whom earning a living has often been just a means to finance being in the wilderness."
In some ways yes and in some ways no, but I LOVE my life and the things I haven't yet accomplished are not out of reach.
I always knew I'd live an unconventional life, and so far I have. I've had some pretty great adventures and I've largely lived on my own terms, even if it has sometimes made for some tight financial spots.
I did want kids, but I didn't imagine having as many as I do and I never understood how much I would love them. I wanted to get married, but didn't expect to be as madly in love with my husband as I am. Those were definitely pleasant surprises.
I never expected to end up back in my home town, but I love it here. The opportunity to make it more of what I imagined it could be when I was a kid is definitely a gift.
I am now in what I like to think of as the "stability period" of my life in some ways. House, kids and all that good stuff. I don't expect that the adventures are over by a long shot, but I want my kids to have roots, so for the moment the scale of our adventures is smaller than it used to be and smaller than I anticipate it being in the future.
It has been so much better than I could have imagined--even though I am temporarily separated from DH. But if you subtract the hardships from the joys, I am so ahead of the game, I feel almost guilty.
Maybe this next thought belongs in the Spirituality Forum, but I KNOW God is so much better than we are at planning our destinies. I praise my HP for the blessings I've received--even though some were born out of really painful situations.
When I was young, I Hoped Life would be Good, and now I Know Life is Good.
IshbelRobertson
4-11-11, 6:39pm
Not really!
I expected to spend my life in historical research in a Scots university. Instead, I married, had children, traversed the globe as the dependant of a British company executive.
Waited 20 years and then had a career that I had envisioned for my early 20s...!
I predicted I would never get married because I was so woefully bad at dating even into college, but was one of the first of my friends to marry so go figure. Also would not have thought that, like Bronxboy, I would be someone "for whom earning a living has often been just a means to finance being in the wilderness."
I sometimes feel like a slacker, but have been better about seeing my personal successes in the past few years. I'm also seeing that I have the health and perspective to believe that it is not too late to have more conventional career success.
Nope. Life has had many twists and turns some good some not so good. I had always wanted to retire early and travel but I didn't really think it was possible. As it turned out I was able to retire at 55 but travel is not as much fun alone. Life is good just not what I expected.
I've always wanted a horse since my first pony ride at age 6. At 45, I've had horses for over 20 years--that worked out OK. However, I never envisioned how my future life would be---career, home, spouse, etc. So, at 45, I'm single, living with elderly parents and have a somewhat fulfilling but physically crippling career as a massge therapist that unfortunately doesn't pay enough for me to live on my own. I don't know if my life has turned out as I envisioned because the majority of it was never envisioned years ago.
But I have a horsie!!!!
...
And Jane, that is so too bad about Bryn Mawr. I would have been impressed back when I was 18 by that. Stuck as we were in the middle of nowhere, Ivy League just wasn't a known entity. .
...
I was too clueless to be duly impressed. Then I passed up--for similar reasons--a chance to spend my (college) sophomore year in Pavia, Italy. When I think about turns I should have taken, that one looms large.
ApatheticNoMore
4-13-11, 12:19pm
Yea, who really knew anything back then when we were young? I only applied to a few lesser state colleges although I probably could have gotten into much better, got into all of them and then went to community college on my parents strong urging (on the plus side they paid for that community college, and at least I had never heard of the existence of anything like college loans, which is what young people seem too inexperienced to really understand the implications of these days :)).
Sure the semesters abroad we could have done and didn't etc. etc.. But you actually need some experience of life to understand the value of such things and who had it at 18? just doing what we're told to do to be successful .... (how ever wrong or right it may have been - we didn't know, we hadn't lived yet).
jennipurrr
4-13-11, 1:10pm
One summer I chose to do an internship at a Private Equity/Hedge Fund company instead of spending the summer abroad (my scholarship included a stipend towards either) - what was I thinking?!?!?!?! I also wish one of the early summers of college I would have taken a friend's offer up to go live at the beach for the summer and wait tables...instead I did the practical thing and took some courses at the community college at home. But, I can live with those what ifs...who knows, it might have been a miserable time or certainly not as grand as I have in my head.
"who knows, it might have been a miserable time or certainly not as grand as I have in my head. "
Yeah, we could have ended up in some Kafkaesque nightmare a la Amanda Knox.
I think so. I'm the type that's demanding of all things related to myself, so I'll always have moments and times of wonder. (Wonder related to "what if").
Jill Sanders
4-19-11, 7:11pm
I am not sure I ever had a direct vision of what my life would be like. But, it had a husband and a family. Lots of Grandchildren, too! I do have my two children and two grandchildren but my husband was killed in an accident four years ago. I NEVER expected that to be part of my life.
I am not sure I ever had a direct vision of what my life would be like. But, it had a husband and a family. Lots of Grandchildren, too! I do have my two children and two grandchildren but my husband was killed in an accident four years ago. I NEVER expected that to be part of my life.
Jill, nice to see you on the new forums. Hopefully you'll keep participating.
Maxamillion
4-20-11, 10:47am
I never expected my life to turn out the way it has. I had dreams of going to school, getting a career in computers or engineering (especially aerospace engineering), getting married, traveling the world. Then I ended up being disabled, haven't been able to work for years, still paying on student loans, and haven't been in a relationship for years. I work hard at not being bitter but some days it's tough.
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