Phubbing?

[Ultralight]

Thoughts on Phubbing?

Phubbing is a combination of phone and snubbing. Apparently it is toxic to relationships.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/10/05/scientists-how-phubbing-or-phone-snubbing-can-kill-your-romantic-relationship/

[bae]

If I am speaking with someone in real-time, and they pause mid-sentence to answer a phone, land-line or cell, I walk off to do other things.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Some people have to be on call sometimes for work. We have to pick up the phone in the middle of conversation. People can "not understand" this all they want, and say it reflects "poor priorities" all they want (but unless they have quit their job they may also be guilty of the "poor priorities" of trying to keep their jobs - hypocrites all :~) ).

[Chicken lady]

Interesting.

I do not answer my phone at work unless it is one of my children or my husband. Because they know I'm at work and they shoud not call. I then answer with "I'm teaching.". The usually reponse is " sorry, bye.". But now and then I get something like "I need you to check your e-mail on break and respond right away", or "call me back ASAP."

They could text these things, but I wouldn't hear the beep and I'd check my texts hours later.

If my phone rings at any other time, I will glance at the screen and tell the person who the caller is and if I need to take the call. (usually no.)

If I am at home and my phone rings, it is the one on the wall. My cell is usually forgotten in my car. Since this rarely happens dh or I usually answer it. Unless we're too busy.

[LDAHL]

A colleague and I have a deal. When the office bore drops by to waste a sliver of our lives with tales of his mighty accomplishments, we get a call that "I have to take". After some years of this, said bore still hasn't seemed to figure it out.

[Ultralight]

A colleague and I have a deal. When the office bore drops by to waste a sliver of our lives with tales of his mighty accomplishments, we get a call that "I have to take". After some years of this, said bore still hasn't seemed to figure it out.

Ingenious.

[Cypress]

I think it's just good manners to not answer a telephone call or text when you are talking with someone face to face. I can think of plenty of times I did this and the person I was talking too got jumpy and got confused when I ignored the phone and kept talking. I sometimes would say, there's voice mail, it will go there.

I never forget I met a guy for coffee and he kept looking at his phone while he was greeting me. Phone, me, phone me, I can't even remember his name now.

[Ultralight]

I think it's just good manners to not answer a telephone call or text when you are talking with someone face to face. I can think of plenty of times I did this and the person I was talking too got jumpy and got confused when I ignored the phone and kept talking. I sometimes would say, there's voice mail, it will go there.

I never forget I met a guy for coffee and he kept looking at his phone while he was greeting me. Phone, me, phone me, I can't even remember his name now.

As a person without a cell/smart phone I can say that phubbing is so common that at first (when going cell phone-less) I was appalled. Then I just got used to it.

We'll all get used to phubbing and being phubbed. Almost all my friends do it to me, my sis and BIL phub me daily, and my GF phubs me often. She never admit to it though! lol

[ApatheticNoMore]

I never forget I met a guy for coffee and he kept looking at his phone while he was greeting me. Phone, me, phone me, I can't even remember his name now.

I had that experience but really think there was little to interrupt it as but disinterest, ok date is so uninterested they are not even going to fake platonic interest in another person for one date to even have a conversation with them.

[Chicken lady]

Btw, the house phone doesn't take messages - which is why we usually answer it, and the cell phone ringing in class happens maybe 5 times a year that would be a bad year. When I go out with dh I don't even take my cell phone - the kids can call him if they need us.

[bekkilyn]

It's one thing to have to take a call when you are on call for work, or when you are *at* work and the call is business-related, but it's something else entirely when you just take take random personal calls at the expense of the person who is courteous enough to meet with you in-person. It is just beyond rude. Same with having text conversations, for that matter. If someone regularly ignores me while diddling around with their phones for any reason, then I'll find reasons not to go places with them in the future. My time is valuable too and I don't want to spend it watching someone else playing with or talking on their phone.

[Mary B.]

Some people have to be on call sometimes for work. We have to pick up the phone in the middle of conversation. People can "not understand" this all they want, and say it reflects "poor priorities" all they want (but unless they have quit their job they may also be guilty of the "poor priorities" of trying to keep their jobs - hypocrites all :~) ).

That seems pretty different than the kind of behaviour described in the Washington Post article, which sounded more like people answering their phones as a matter of course. I would think that if i was on call for work, as a matter of courtesy I'd say "Sorry, I'm on call," as I answered the phone. Wouldn't make my response to the call appreciably slower. In an ideal world, I'd let the person know beforehand. ("Great to see you... I will have to keep my phone on while we talk though since I'm on call for work.")

[Lainey]

It's one thing to have to take a call when you are on call for work, or when you are *at* work and the call is business-related, but it's something else entirely when you just take take random personal calls at the expense of the person who is courteous enough to meet with you in-person. It is just beyond rude. Same with having text conversations, for that matter. If someone regularly ignores me while diddling around with their phones for any reason, then I'll find reasons not to go places with them in the future. My time is valuable too and I don't want to spend it watching someone else playing with or talking on their phone.

+1

[Tiam]

I've always found it the height of rudeness, but even I do it.

[Williamsmith]

Years ago at the start of the cell phone technology explosion I found it convenient to carry a cell phone for work purposes since I was often "on call". Another factor was security. Our radios were constantly being monitored by the General public and news media. We were not provided with cell phones so I opened an account with Verizon and soon I had five phones and two tablets on my account and a bill of hundreds of dollars a month.

It wasn't long before I began to regret my decision to volunteer to be equipped with a cellphone because now my supervisor and co workers felt they could call me at any time of day whether or not I was officially on call or not. And so I began carrying my cell phone 24/7 and answering it at the drop of a hat. And I began getting calls that were not so much an emergency but a convenience for others. My family members would expect me to answer at any time and would be frustrated if I didn't immediately answer or return their call. Often it was simply to pick up this or that for them or do some kind of errand.

Still a a small percentage of the calls did qualify as very important and so it validated my constant attention. And yes, lots of phubbing went on, sometimes a conversation would be interrupted multiple times by myself or the other party. It was a gull dang phubbing fest all the time.

Now, I have told all my friends and family. I own a simple flip phone. I don't like to text with it so call. I also don't have the ringer turned up purposefully. I will check it now and again but don't expect an immediate answer. And if I am talking to you on the street, I am looking you in the eye and never reaching in my pocket to answer a cell call.

I believe eve that employers have enabled all this phubbing. They expect their part time employees who are not receiving any benefits to be "on call" 24/7 and they don't pay them anything for this intrusion. I'm not talking about emergency responders here....I'm talking ordinary jobs that shouldn't have crisis situations they are responding to. They abuse their employees something fierce and I hate that.

[kib]

Anyone seen the commercial for The Edge? It's got some sort of strip of info on the side of it so you can set it on the table and surreptitiously glance at it 20 times a minute while pretending to be engaged in conversation with your dining partner. Not only "hang on a second", this is more like a "companion" who can't keep their eyes off the waitress long enough to hear a full sentence.

I feel the same way about my personal calls as the 24-7 business connection. Sorry, but just because I'm breathing and likely awake doesn't mean it's your turn. When I first got a cell phone I was excited about the 24-7 capacity to be connected. Then I found myself longing for the days when I left the phone at home on the desk when I went elsewhere. "Elsewhere" is where I engage with the real world, where I gather new information and meet new people. Now, I often "forget" my phone when I go out, I just don't seem to have the kind of life that requires instant connection to anyone.

[Ultralight]

I feel the same way about my personal calls. When I first got a cell phone I was excited about the 24-7 capacity to be connected. Then I found myself longing for the days when I left the phone at home on the desk when I went elsewhere. "Elsewhere" is where I engage with the real world, where I gather new information and meet new people. Now, I often "forget" my phone when I go out, I just don't seem to have the kind of life that requires instant connection to anyone.

I have been doing a lifestyle experiment for the past year. I do not have a cell phone of any kind. I went back to the home phone. This lifestyle experiment was originally set for a total of 2 years. I am one year in, as I said.

I LOOOOOOOVE it!

[kally]

no cell phone for me either. I did have one for work, but rarely used it and now I just don't want one.

[kib]

I do occasionally appreciate the convenience of the cell phone and we no longer have home service, so I admit I do carry it sometimes, but it's usually turned off.

[bae]

Cell phones don't work in my neighborhood, because of lack of signal. They only work in a handful of spots in the county, mostly - a couple of our villages, one spot at a crossroad (where you see people pulled off the side of the road using their phone), and one of the marinas, if you go about 200 yards offshore. So cell-phone culture isn't as prevalent outside in the public sphere here.

Inside, where there are wifi hotspots, the Borg have taken over alas. Especially for younger people. I turn off the routers at home when we have dinner guests over.

[Ultralight]

Cell phones don't work in my neighborhood, because of lack of signal. They only work in a handful of spots in the county, mostly - a couple of our villages, one spot at a crossroad (where you see people pulled off the side of the road using their phone), and one of the marinas, if you go about 200 yards offshore. So cell-phone culture isn't as prevalent outside in the public sphere here.

Again, you live in a paradise.

[bae]

Again, you live in a paradise.

You might think so, until you need to call the Medical Director from a remote spot on a dark and stormy night to try and save someone. I'd kill for better cell coverage here. Other people die to keep our poor coverage in place. (Here's the usual junk I use, note that there's not a cell phone...)

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-znOI_fmX9RY/U7TbIqxMOAI/AAAAAAAAK7A/W2pSVbsFylE/s720-Ic42/Awesomized.jpg

[Ultralight]

You might think so, until you need to call the Medical Director from a remote spot on a dark and stormy night to try and save someone. I'd kill for better cell coverage here. Other people die to keep our poor coverage in place. (Here's the usual junk I use, note that there's not a cell phone...)

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-znOI_fmX9RY/U7TbIqxMOAI/AAAAAAAAK7A/W2pSVbsFylE/s720-Ic42/Awesomized.jpg

Lot of stuff there...

[jp1]

For the most part I leave my phone on silent with do not disturb on so,that it also doesn't vibrate. I'm just not that interested in being accessible 24/7. No one ever calls me except some work people. I,only answer if it's someone I'm meeting with and I know it's a call along the lines of 'I'm running late, meet me at...'

The one thing I love about instant connectivity is when I'm traveling for work and having dinner alone. I really like being able to have a text conversation with SO about my day instead of just sitting by myself staring at the walls while I wait for my dinner to be brought to the table.

[freshstart]

Some people have to be on call sometimes for work. We have to pick up the phone in the middle of conversation. People can "not understand" this all they want, and say it reflects "poor priorities" all they want (but unless they have quit their job they may also be guilty of the "poor priorities" of trying to keep their jobs - hypocrites all :~) ).

been there, get this totally and know I did it to others. But when off hours and mid sentence, I wanted to flush it with exBF and constantly with my kids. No cells at the table and they think I am a mean person. Tough, eat somewhere else

[freshstart]

A colleague and I have a deal. When the office bore drops by to waste a sliver of our lives with tales of his mighty accomplishments, we get a call that "I have to take". After some years of this, said bore still hasn't seemed to figure it out.

this will sound horrible but there have been draining, not too close to dying, patients who will keep you an hour or all day and make you eat food from their terribly unclean home. They are not bad people, it is totally me, it happened with probably a handful of patients but I would ask the secretary to please call me with a dire emergency somewhere between the 45 min-1 hour mark. I think 1 hr is reasonable and not unkind to limit at that point if you have truly engaged that long. Especially if the conversation is political, racist, homophobe, anti-muslim crap, they got 45 mins. Any health issues, I stayed until resolved of course

[LDAHL]

this will sound horrible but there have been draining, not too close to dying, patients who will keep you an hour or all day and make you eat food from their terribly unclean home. They are not bad people, it is totally me, it happened with probably a handful of patients but I would ask the secretary to please call me with a dire emergency somewhere between the 45 min-1 hour mark. I think 1 hr is reasonable and not unkind to limit at that point if you have truly engaged that long. Especially if the conversation is political, racist, homophobe, anti-muslim crap, they got 45 mins. Any health issues, I stayed until resolved of course

Someone should write an app that rings your phone and displays a believable caller ID at some specified time.