Feeling Sad for Upcoming Holidays Family has moved out of State

[sylvia]

I hate to vent here, but this Thanksgiving and Holiday season is going to be bittersweet. We just welcomed our third son this summer our oldest ones are now teenagers. The bittersweet thing is both sides of our families have moved to Florida so we are just on our own. I dont count on anyone staying with us since my parents have never visited us up north in the winter. My inlaws also spent the holidays together and Im so disappointed that our new baby wont be cradled in their grandparents arms the Christmas. Traveling with a baby down south is impossible due to our financial situation. Never really had that issue before since we were always living close to the inlaws. I guess the older I get the more I wish we could all be together. I envy friends whose mom stop by and hang out together. I ma an only child so i dont really have any brothers and sisters. Friends have their own families and I dont like to burden people. Just sharing, I guess ill be doing lots of Skyping and mailing .:(What hurts is that we are big family people living in a very small family while other family members just think of themselves in way.Its tough to understand their indifferent attitude.:(
Thanks for reading.

[catherine]

I'm on the older side of this equation--I have one son/wife/grandson who lives 20 minutes away, and I have 3 other children who live in another state, a 6 hour drive--which is doable for holidays. We've been able to get together for years. This year, we'll be missing my son who just got married.

Lately, when we talk about where we might move to if we decide to do that, DH talks NC, SC, etc. because of the more temperate climate. I just don't see moving somewhere for slightly better weather. I don't want to be a plane ride away from ALL my kids! In my mind, kids trump climate all day long. But I do know a lot of close families who do the Skype thing.

I'm sorry you're feeling your family's loss this season. Feel free to vent and be sad. I hear ya. I know it's hard to understand when you're younger, but when people get older, the cold weather gets to them it seems, and the sun calls.

[pinkytoe]

Your comment about having your mom be able to just drop by makes me a bit sad. DD lives four miles away and if I am lucky, I might see here once every few weeks as she is so busy with work and her own life. It begins to feel like we are completely irrelevant to her now like in the old "we'll get together soon" song. I imagine that having a new baby that you'd love to share with family makes your feelings more intense.

[sylvia]

Thanks for your understanding. My inlaws used to live 7 miles away granted mil was great when she felt like it, she'd visit or invite us for dinner. But not often, now she's in Florida crying her eyes out but wont by a ticket to see her family. Its just sad.I have a friend who came from a family of 7 and 3 of her sisters they hang out together walk together all the time.Being the only child and having family and cousins in Europe makes me feel just lonely. I think its caveman/stone age instinct of feeling lost from your tribe, literally. Its just not in my nature to ignore family.

[goldensmom]

I was raised in a small family with no nearby relatives. I was one of the younger children in the family so my older siblings moved away and out of state when I was young. My parents eventually went to Arizona for the winter then they died before was married so I was alone for holidays for a time. I never knew anything other than being in a small family or being alone for holidays and it was okay. I saw it as a quiet downtime for meditation and solitude. I then married into a huge family and now miss my ‘alone’ holidays.

[CathyA]

I understand your sadness. All I can suggest is to try to make the holidays as nice as possible for your immediate family. They're all still there! :)

Could you maybe skype or facetime the others on the holidays, where everyone can see everyone?

[Ultralight]

I understand your sadness. All I can suggest is to try to make the holidays as nice as possible for your immediate family.

This is solid advice.


I might add that my family has never been especially close. When I moved to Toledo from my small town (two hour drive) my dad never once visited me. My mom did about once a year. But when I moved from Ohio to Alabama -- no visits. Then to Arizona -- no visits. Back to Ohio (Dayton, about 3 hours drive) -- no visits.

I would occasionally go visit my parents and sister back in Ohio. But they did not visit me. I actually went two straight years without seeing my family at all one stretch.

What I did was try to assemble a "Chosen-family" where ever I was. So I had some Thanksgivings with friends and such. I also just spent a lot of holidays alone, which is not bad at all, if you acquire a taste for solitude.

But your situation is very different. You have a new family member, and that is why I think CathyA's advice is on point. But perhaps you have a friend who might be lonesome during the holidays. You could include them. :)

[KayLR]

I feel for you, Sylvia. Sorry. I agree, try to skype, facetime, or the like at a pre-chosen time.

My only other advice would be for your small family to try and establish some meaningful traditions of your own as your child grows. Just even little things help. My DDs loved placing little vinyl window cling snowflakes we had every year. They couldn't wait for that.

[lessisbest]

Sometimes it just takes new thinking, as the others have shared. We've found "new" family members, like an elderly couple from church who couldn't get with their family several different years. Our daughter and her family live 12-hours away, and our granddaughter goes to college 4-hours from there. Last year we met at a half-way point for Christmas (St. Louis, MO) the day AFTER Christmas. Stayed at a lovely hotel (we had a suite with a full kitchen, sofa, table/chairs), went after-Christmas bargain shopping at a HUGE mall close to the hotel, had a lovely dinner at a great restaurant. We brought the assorted food goodies (like 3 kinds of fudge - and all the other favorite nibbles - I even brought roast turkey and side dishes from home we could heat & heat). We sat up all night playing board games and had a wonderful time. And the neat part, somebody else did the clean-up.

We also have started celebrating a Canadian Thanksgiving in October (the same day as Columbus Day here in the U.S.) instead of November. We did that for the first time when our son-in-law (an Army Officer) was being deployed for a year in October and would miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday and our granddaughter's birthday. So we wrapped it all into one 2-day visit. The weather is always much better than November, NO busy holiday traffic, and everyone in our family has Columbus Day off or can take a day of vacation.

[sylvia]

Thank you for the suggestions, yes we have friends to invite but it's different when you have family. Ill just have to ride out the holidays and hope that I dont give in to feelings of disappointment.

[sylvia]

Hi Everyone it's almost Christmas in the air,I hear Christmas music station already going. This year we are staying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I dont feel about it at all. It will be a simple one, small fake tree due to the baby already walking. I already bought the turkey in advance of Thanksgiving and Ham way in advance of Christmas. I also have the cranberries too. This would have never happened if I didnt simplify our home. Less stuff to deal with.Now its so much easier to plan things out ahead. My Floridian family members now have new problems and there will be drama for Thanksgiving and most likely Christmas. So this year since our baby started walking we will gladly stay home.Creating a simple tradition will definately help anyone get through the season, and not make it more stressful than it should be.MIL is still crying her eyes out missing our boys, but it was her choice to move.So Im just staying cozy this winter. Im getting old too, I dont even want to leave the house after dark....LOL!

[sweetana3]

Sylvia, I think it will be a lovely holiday for the kids and you both. Have them make some paper things to decorate with and dont have to be stored from year to year. Do what the family enjoys. Simple can be best.

When I was growing up, our family lived in Alaska. We only left the state twice in my childhood. I just remember all the family traditions that we made ourselves. So just plan on making great memories for your kids.

[frugalone]

In around 2000, my sister and her family moved to Florida. Then my uncle and his family moved. My mom also rented a condo for several months, to see if she wanted to live down there. So for the holidays that year, it was just me, spouse and my brother, his wife and his Mom-in-law. It was...strange.

Eventually, they all moved back here. But I understand how you must be feeling. Hang in there...

[freshstart]

I agree with trying to make new family traditions, since you have the new baby maybe the teenagers could come up with some fresh ideas. And making Christmas special even though the gathering will be small will make you feel better and that will come across to your family and everyone will be more in the spirit. Maybe play some board or card games? My family loves Apples to Apples for a laugh.

In my family, I see my dad's extended family on Christmas Eve and that is fun. But my brother is unreliable about coming home for Christmas and my kids told me neither of them are Christians and they don't feel comfortable celebrating Christmas. So IDK if I will even see them. It may be just me and my elderly parents and I know in advance that will depress me so I will try to pin my brother and the kids down at Thanksgiving. Even just a short visit from the kids to break up the day. The key will be to schedule things that day if it's just me and my folks because if we all retreat to our own space, I don't think that's good for any of us.

good luck and I hope your day turns out better than expected