Stuff and it's attached drama- releasing it

[Stella]

Based on a tip in another thread I spend some time this afternoon cataloging the stuff in my living room on a spreadsheet and marking whether I had bought it, recieved it as a gift or inherited it. 80% of my living room is inherited and most of the rest were gifts. The only thing in it that I bought was a rug and a picture of a tree.

I was looking around the room and thinking about all the stuff I have inherited and what it makes me think of. The pictures of Paris? The smarmy frenchman my mom ran off with. The wine glasses? Drunk relatives and their unfounded criticisms. The good dishes? That Christmas after my grandpa's death when his mistress' ill-timed letter to my grandma had her crying in her room the whole week.

Don't get me wrong. There are things I've inherited that have really happy memories attached to them too. For some reason most of them are kitchen tools. :) We're just not fussy and formal. This stuff is fussy and formal. We may be a little Fancy Nancy now and then, but ultimately we're the kind of people who have pilllow fights and dance parties in the living room.

Anyway I have plans now. :) The Paris pictures are out. I'm replacing them with a collection of photos I took and edited myself. I'm going to make some covers for the throw pillows in fun, informal fabrics. Even though I bought the rug I bought it to go with the other fussy stuff, so I might replace it. I haven't decided on that one yet. It feels really good to be done with one more layer of other people's stuff.

[leslieann]

YES! Good for you. Those sound like great ideas. And later in your life, when you are not caring for and educating four children, you can write a novel or two with all the drama your objects remind you of. Poor grammar, I know.

Also please note that I am NOT making light of the pain of family drama. I have just recently realized that my family's various concatenated stories would make a great John Irving novel. It helps, actually, to get some distance on them.

Anyway, great ideas about making your home yours, rather than a museum of family distress.

[Stella]

LOL. I like the idea of writing a novel about it someday. I actually have developed a pretty good sense of humour about it all over the years.

I took down the Paris paintings yesterday. I haven't replaced them yet, but I'm enjoying the empty space where they used to be.

[Kat]

Good for you, Stella! I have a few things that belonged to family members, namely my dad's nice serving spoons and my mom's huge mixing bowls and casserole dishes. But I only have good memories attached to them. I don't think I would want to hold on to things that made me remember sad times, even if they were beautiful/functional things. And gosh, if it were me, those Christmas dishes would be the first to go. How sad--I don't think I'd be able to bear looking at them!

I think it is great that you are trying to make your home...well, *your* home. Not just a place you share with other people's stuff.

[lhamo]

Also, if you let this stuff leave your house and it enters someone else's through a second-hand channel, it will change from being a source of angst (because of the bad memories you attach to it) to being a source of joy for someone else who doesn't know or need to care about the back story. Good karma all around! release those things to be loved by someone else and everyone wins.

lhamo

[beckyliz]

About 5 years ago, I gave away a beautiful (real) silver Christmas ornament. I received it as an employee at a bank I worked for at one time. It was family-owned, and the CEO was a real jerk. I realized that every year when I got it out to put on my tree, I would think about that man and it made me sad and mad and discouraged. So glad I gave myself permission to get of something "nice."