buddhist compassion/managing problems

[Zoe Girl]

I am looking ahead to handling what happened on Friday with my staff and not looking forward to it. I would like to go to my new supervisor with a plan, right now I am just thinking out loud.

I recall a successful problem solving with a Girl Scout co-leader (I think almost always in stories). She was very rude and jumped to a conclusion with one of our scouts who was also a girl I had been babysitting for years. So I called and talked to her about how she overreacted. I told her that the mom was planning on taking her out of the troop over this. She started by saying defensive things but eventually when I stayed calm and kept on saying that even if she was correct her response was over the top and not appropriate. We ended with her admitting she had heard this many times from others and we finished out the year okay.

So I think I go back, table the issues of speaking English to English speaking families and address what appears to be the larger issues of interpersonal interaction. Frankly if they respond to parents even half the way they talked to me then I can see why our enrollment has dropped.I may only handle one or two things in a meeting or more right now. so priorities are:

* I approached you with respect and shared appreciation for what you do for Spanish speaking families, I do not deserve disrespect for pointing out the needs of other families
* how do we handle conflict and when we are frustrated before it becomes disrespectful with students and families and supervisors
* I know changes have come this year and will come more next year, bringing these things up now is so I can help you prepare and be trained so that we can keep your valuable experience

I think that could take us the rest of the school year since we only have a month left. I know one thing my lead teacher said is that I come in and break the rules, like I let 2 boys make paper airplanes. I am thinking about having her write up their rules and then honestly we may need to change some. We need to provide a program that meets the needs of the kids to make choices, practice leadership, etc. and so having a list of rules that I and the kids do not know about does not help.

Thank you for letting me think out loud

[Madsen]

I think by thinking it out like this ahead of time, you are so far ahead of what other people may have done in this situation that it will go more smoothly than you might expect.
Good luck!

[Zoe Girl]

Oh thank you!!! I sent an email to my boss so we will be ready Monday to talk about it. It took a day or so to let go of just hurt feelings from some of the stuff I heard. I am able to flex my morning hours and I have 4 appointments for mental health issues this week to juggle along with a big all staff meeting since this year our director was fired and everyone is still readjusting.

My mantra to get through is that I have done this before, I have brought together people at seriuos odds and came to a consensus. I can do it again. And may look at getting a certificate in mediation one day honestly!

[loosechickens]

It might help, too, to understand a bit the pressures that Hispanic people in our society are feeling these days......attacks about immigration, disrespect for their culture, discrimination, laws being made that purport to attack illegal immigration, but affect those born in this country, or here legally, with suspicion and prejudice because they might "look like an illegal".

Not that this has anything to do directly with your problem at the school, and I agree completely that what you are asking is reasonable, just that it might shine a little light on why those employees are so touchy and defensive at this particular time. Doesn't make it right that they should have those feelings, but might help you uinderstand that other forces may be acting on them internally, from the news, experiences of theirs or family and friends, etc. that makes them feel particularly defensive about their language, culture and perceived disrespect.

Sounds like you've got a good handle on how to deal with this, but wouldn't hurt to tuck away in your heart that other forces may be acting on them emotionally than just the situation at hand, and that could affect the level of defensiveness they feel.

We have a lot of Hispanic friends and acquaintances, and most all of them at present feel attacked in some way, almost beleaguered about now, and I can see that their raw feelings affect their perceptions, so I would expect that your employees might feel the same way.

[Zoe Girl]

I agree loosechickens. I know there are a lot of pressures that all of our families are feeling and that is why it is so important that we pull together instead of fighting in a small community. What is interesting about one family that is English speaking is the oldest girl has talked about the stress of having older family members deported. So just because the child looks white and the family did not pass down the language does not mean they are dealing with different issues every time. It will take a lot of time and trust to let them see I am the opposite of what they may think. I want to make this program the best it can be and that is for schools where every school is over 50% hispanic. Then there will be no reason to not give us our next grant when we are excellent and using current methods of conflict resolution as well as showing how we can meet the needs of a dual language community.