Memo to parents: Your adult kids don't want your stuff

[Ultralight]

This is a really interesting article about Boomer parents trying to give their precious stuff to their millennial kids.

Does this resonate with anyone? Anyone take issue with it? Thoughts in general?

http://www.mlive.com/living/index.ssf/2016/04/memo_to_parents_your_adult_kid.html

[ApatheticNoMore]

Your kids want to create their own lives: Just like you did. They also want their own style, not yours.

yea but this creating new styles every generation is wasteful.


Times have changed: Many millennials eschew fussy formal furnishings and prefer to live smaller and lighter. Though I can't get excited about living in a 700-square foot downtown apartment and taking Uber everywhere, I respect their lifestyle choice.

psst, don't like tell anybody, but it's all they can afford.

So give it to a consignment store instead of your kids and it will still be nicer than most everything one can buy new at Ikea (that is assuming it was good quality to begin with).

[Williamsmith]

yea but this creating new styles every generation is wasteful.



psst, don't like tell anybody, but it's all they can afford.

So give it to a consignment store instead of your kids and it will still be nicer than most everything one can buy new at Ikea (that is assuming it was good quality to begin with).

Reality check.

[Ultralight]

Reality check.



...?

[razz]

When I moved and downsized, I asked the kids and their spouses what they wanted of their late dad's. Once they made their choices and I picked what I wished to keep, a younger neighbour asked about one thing that he had seen. There was not enough to have an auction so he made an offer which I accepted upon condition that the large shed was cleaned out. He was happy, I was happy and the kids are happy. Done!
DD2 wanted my Royal Dolton dinnerware when I reduced all of that to simple white Corelle dishes for every occasion as well as day use. My kitchen is much smaller in cupboard space but everything fits.

There are fewer antique stores as the younger generation don't want antiques.
My goal was to reduce the load on my kids in the future so cleaned out a lot. My remaining dilemma is the huge bin of family photos and albums. That, too, will get resolved as we discuss it. It is doable but do it before it will be a challenge physically.

[Ultralight]

The apartment I am moving into is like 350 square feet and is close enough to walk to work. And it is all I can afford! haha

[ApatheticNoMore]

I've never actually known what size the apartments I've lived in have been. It doesn't generally say on the rental agreement and I haven't measured them. Housing buyers are generally aware of square footage, but renters not so much. But I do hear stories that the future is more and more people cramming into apartments meant for one or two people, all because of high rents. It really doesn't sound all that pleasant.

But if these young people are taking the usual path having kids of their own, even buying houses (and that hasn't stopped entirely although it's darned unaffordable and so less people do it), then they will probably acquire some stuff and will get it used and old and well made, or new and probably less well made from a virgin forest cut down somewhere. But it's not a license to dump everything on them that they don't want.

[Ultralight]

Every apartment I have lived in gives the square footage. Maybe it is an Ohio thing!

But it was the same in Bama and AZ.

[JaneV2.0]

The apartment I am moving into is like 350 square feet and is close enough to walk to work. And it is all I can afford! haha

Yikes! I take back what I said about reasonable rent. That size is probably perfect for you, though. Make sure Harlan gets plenty of walks...

[Chicken lady]

My parents are boomers. My kids are millennials.

i agree with "ask".

Some things I also think you should keep. When my grandmother died three years ago, nobody wanted my great great grandmothers formal dishes. They were beautiful, and I loved them, but I have formal dishes I hardly use in a style my dh likes. My mother loved them, but she has dishes, my cousin hated the style and my sister in law doesn't want formal dishes, etc.

my youngest niece is 6. My mother said "I'll put them in the attic. I'm sorry, but if I die and no one still wants them, you'll have to give them away."

fast forward. Dd is getting married. He cooks, they entertain. He wanted formal dishes. She texted mom "please send photo of china". He loves it.

now I keep having the following conversation with my mother
mom- "I want to give the kids something nice for their wedding."
me "how about a full set of heirloom fancy china?"
Mom "well of course I'm giving them that, but I want to buy them something"
me "they need sheets."
mom "but I want to give them something that will last"
me "how about a full set.....

sigh.

[iris lilies]

My parents are boomers. My kids are millennials.

i agree with "ask".

Some things I also think you should keep. When my grandmother died three years ago, nobody wanted my great great grandmothers formal dishes. They were beautiful, and I loved them, but I have formal dishes I hardly use in a style my dh likes. My mother loved them, but she has dishes, my cousin hated the style and my sister in law doesn't want formal dishes, etc.

my youngest niece is 6. My mother said "I'll put them in the attic. I'm sorry, but if I die and no one still wants them, you'll have to give them away."

fast forward. Dd is getting married. He cooks, they entertain. He wanted formal dishes. She texted mom "please send photo of china". He loves it.

now I keep having the following conversation with my mother
mom- "I want to give the kids something nice for their wedding."
me "how about a full set of heirloom fancy china?"
Mom "well of course I'm giving them that, but I want to buy them something"
me "they need sheets."
mom "but I want to give them something that will last"
me "how about a full set.....

sigh.

Oh me, i always want ro see the dishes when we have these discussions! Plase send photo! Haha. But I am serious. Love discussins about dishes and these could be old enough to be interesting.

i have Victorian flow blue dishes in many patterns plus other stuff. I have gotten rid of dishes over the years,mbut I like to obsess about them.

[Miss Cellane]

I'm of the Boomer generation, but I don't have kids.

However, I'm sitting right now at my grandmother's desk, my great-grandparents' bookcase is in my living room, and there are at least 5 other pieces of furniture that belonged to grandparents/greatgrandparents in the house. Most of my siblings are the same--I go to their houses and recognize some of the furniture.

Part of it is sentimental--I remember sitting in the office with Grandma while she typed and I colored in coloring books. Part is practical--her desk has drawers, unlike many modern desks, so I can store supplies and not have to figure out where to put things like staplers and stationary. And I like the style of the desk--if I didn't like it and it wasn't functional, I wouldn't have taken it. Plus, it's a lot better quality than I could afford to buy today--my budget would be for something made out of MFD, not a solid walnut desk.

If it ends up on the junk heap when I die, it has served three generations of my family well.

[iris lilies]

This article is familiar, seems like weve discussed t before Or one just like it.

kids always find their parents' stuff unfashionable. Its their grandparents' stuff they think is cool.

but i agree that beown furniture is bery unpopular, regardless of the generation. The last time we talked anout this it led me t ebay where
I saw 18th century pieces could actually afford. i do love a good solid chest of drawers in an old brown wood. So, this is just more furniture for me, haha.

i dont know how Americans will fill up their 3000 sq ft mcmansins if they dont take boomer stuff.

[sweetana3]

Love this talk about stuff.

as far as photos, the best thing you can do for future generations is provide info with the photo as to who, where, when and why if you know it. We got boxes of photos and now that the older generation is gone, no one knows anything about the strangers in the pictures or why the pictures were taken or when, etc.

Dad numbered most of his photos and gave us lists on long yellow lined paper of each number and information about the photo. Almost the best inheritance we got. My brother is doing the family history so we gave all of them to him.

[Tammy]

It's true. My 3 kids have chosen what they want along the way of moving out of our home. And we've moved a few times and each one gets what they want for free. We sell stuff or give away if it won't sell - all the time. They have no desire to inherit stuff - they choose in real time based on what they need and like.

Daughter chose nothing except maybe a few tiny things that fit in her luggage. Son #1 chose about half a dozen large pieces of older solid wooden furniture that were useful to his fledgling family. And free. He still uses them ten years later. Son #2 chose a few modern pieces of furniture and then sold them a few years later when he downsized and traveled internationally.

I have no opinion about any of their choices. No strings attached.

We only have a few things now. It all fits very easily in our 587 sq ft luxury studio apt on the 22nd floor overlooking the city. If we die suddenly the kids can empty our apartment in a few hours. I like it this way.

Edited to add that my parents things would fill multiple large moving vans. I really don't want any of except maybe some pictures. My three siblings show more interest - some more than others. My parents seem to accept this about me. They laugh about not having fights over their things cause I don't care anyway. 😄 I'm grateful.

[Chicken lady]

My mom found a photo of my grandfather standing with his mother in front of the china hutch (that I really really wanted but I was 10 when the estate sold and they dismissed me) full of her mother's china and framed it to go with the gift. She included a note that fits in the back of the frame with a short history of the china/people.

but, she really wants to BUY them something they can keep >8)

[iris lilies]

My mom found a photo of my grandfather standing with his mother in front of the china hutch (that I really really wanted but I was 10 when the estate sold and they dismissed me) full of her mother's china and framed it to go with the gift. She included a note that fits in the back of the frame with a short history of the china/people.

but, she really wants to BUY them something they can keep >8)

that photos is a great thng to go with the dishes.

do your kids have a Kitchen Aid mixer? Let you mother buy that for them.it s a great wedding present.

[pinkytoe]

DD has shown little interest in any of our furnishings or decor - not even my vast collection of anthropomorphic salt and pepper sets :)
We are actually looking forward to selling a great deal of our possessions before we move.
Or, goodwill if it comes to that.
The proverbial lightening of the load.

[Teacher Terry]

When we were young we took the things from our parents that they wanted to get rid of if we liked them or if we were desperate>8). I have let my kids take what they want. They pretty much have the things that they want. I have a beautiful antique buffet that my younger bf wants when I die so that will go to her. If no one wants something I sell it. When I had a beautiful Eastlake bed from 1840 no one from any of the antique shops wanted to buy it and it took months but I sold it on CL but only for $250.00. It was appraised in the thousands-but it doesn't matter if you can't sell it.

[razz]

This topic seemed familiar to me as well so I did a search and found this very good thread.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?7188-article-children-of-boomers-don-t-want-their-stuff&highlight=family+heirloom

[freshstart]

after years of watching families fight over their parent's remaining things or the patient cry that nobody wanted a certain valuable and there was angst over stuff when someone is dying, I am handing the kids post-it notes and they can claim what they want and sell/give away the rest. I would love my DD to want my Nana's china and love it as much as I do but IRL I know the odds of this are slim. I buy inexpensive furniture that gets replaced after ten years of so after the dogs have worn it out. I don't have any expensive wooden pieces either, just wasn't my thing. I am the keeper of both sets of grandparents' and my parents' photos. Those I will leave up to the kids to decide, I'll try to winnow it down and make more photo-books but I hate scanning photos and making those books so they may end up with the old albums. It's much more important to me who will take the dog.

[iris lilies]

When we were young we took the things from our parents that they wanted to get rid of if we liked them or if we were desperate>8). I have let my kids take what they want. They pretty much have the things that they want. I have a beautiful antique buffet that my younger bf wants when I die so that will go to her. If no one wants something I sell it. When I had a beautiful Eastlake bed from 1840 no one from any of the antique shops wanted to buy it and it took months but I sold it on CL but only for $250.00. It was appraised in the thousands-but it doesn't matter if you can't sell it.
In know, I love the Victorian stuff, too. I guess my fantasy is at ths point that the very few pieces I have, about five, go to the houses of younger people around here.

i actually like contemporary decor in these old houses as long as it isn't a tacky trend du jour style. But they need a statement Victorian piece the age of the house to make it interesting and eclectic.

[Teacher Terry]

For years we had a big house full of antiques. Now a much smaller house and the only antiques left are the buffet, dr table & chairs and an oak dresser. Many things I got tired of through the years. When my MIL died we gave her antiques to her grandson. Only 1 wanted anything. I was glad that her few things got a good home. But when he gets married all bets are off:)) At one point in time I had a fancy Victorian parlor that no one sat in but it sure did look good:|(.

[iris lilies]

Love this talk about stuff.

as far as photos, the best thing you can do for future generations is provide info with the photo as to who, where, when and why if you know it. We got boxes of photos and now that the older generation is gone, no one knows anything about the strangers in the pictures or why the pictures were taken or when, etc.

Dad numbered most of his photos and gave us lists on long yellow lined paper of each number and information about the photo. Almost the best inheritance we got. My brother is doing the family history so we gave all of them to him.
That is interesting that your dad was careful not to write too much on the images! Good thinking of him to make an index to the photos.

[Ultralight]

It's true. My 3 kids have chosen what they want along the way of moving out of our home. And we've moved a few times and each one gets what they want for free. We sell stuff or give away if it won't sell - all the time. They have no desire to inherit stuff - they choose in real time based on what they need and like.

Daughter chose nothing except maybe a few tiny things that fit in her luggage. Son #1 chose about half a dozen large pieces of older solid wooden furniture that were useful to his fledgling family. And free. He still uses them ten years later. Son #2 chose a few modern pieces of furniture and then sold them a few years later when he downsized and traveled internationally.

I have no opinion about any of their choices. No strings attached.

We only have a few things now. It all fits very easily in our 587 sq ft luxury studio apt on the 22nd floor overlooking the city. If we die suddenly the kids can empty our apartment in a few hours. I like it this way.

Edited to add that my parents things would fill multiple large moving vans. I really don't want any of except maybe some pictures. My three siblings show more interest - some more than others. My parents seem to accept this about me. They laugh about not having fights over their things cause I don't care anyway.  I'm grateful.

This is refreshing to hear! :+1:

[Ultralight]

We are actually looking forward to selling a great deal of our possessions before we move.
Or, goodwill if it comes to that.
The proverbial lightening of the load.

Yes! :+1:

[ToomuchStuff]

Chicken lady

What is their living situation? That can be a good guide. Two young ones, both renters, just starting out, is a different situation then two divorced people who are merging two houses. (in the first, they may need stuff, or gift cards to get stuff, in the second, maybe a gift card to a building center, so repainting, etc. can happen, when they take whichever house and make it theirs instead of his/hers)

One of my parents is considered a boomer, (or not depending on what dates using), the other, end of the prior. I was lucky/unlucky enough to get a housefull of hand me downs, which I still use to this day, at the cost of a life. Lots of walnut color, back when oak was the thing. (now it is hard to give away oak, some of my family is finding). Build quality varies there too.
A lot of the modern stuff, is made from "recycled" wood, as it is made from particle or chipboard, mdf, where they take the dust and chip scraps, and make that into sheet goods. (and why it is so cheap, both in cost and quality, compared to solid lumber)
There are a lot of things that my parents have bought, as "decorations" (what I call it, over function), and I have bought some as well, that just end up as dust catchers. I learned from my late, 100 year old neighbor, that a lot of it, just ends up as work (dusting) and you rely more on the memories when you have less ability to move, My mom is currently going through some stuff, and I was offered a stack of paperwork to go though. I took most of it, because now days, with modern tech, I can scan and convert it to an electronic format, so when it is gone, some future generration can look back.
A lot of the old pictures we have had, were not labeled, and most went away. I got a copy of one that I liked the old house in, and kept another that I knew was my grandfathers cousin, and it was her wedding photo (married a guy who owned a circus, so just interesting photo). Some of the stuff to scan is for family history parts, and some I just find interesting (children's schoolbook that my grandfathers older brother used, until he died as a child, then my grandfather used later on). Not of any real value, except in helping to recognize handwritting for any future research.

Antiques have always been an interesting subject. They go from old stuff, to collectables (back when you were kids), to antiques (prior generation or before). Now with the furniture being manufactured (my grandparents dresser is a mix of plywood and solid wood, and it opens and functions better then the 1850's dresser that was pulled from a barn, refinished and put in Frank James old bedroom), the old toys and electronics are seemingly becoming the new antique/collectable more. (price Atari 2600 stuff in a while?)
With so much electronic, we need less physical stuff, to get what we need. (as a society)
However not all small apartments, inner city, are cheap. In my city, IMHE, so many of them are actually more expensive then homes in outer lying area's. (still all about choices and in the end, it comes down to parents, never understanding why children make the choices they make. Historically that repeats itself)

[Chicken lady]

The situation with the kids is kind of a mess. They are renting,and just starting out, but his dad died three years ago. His mom remarried last year and said "come get any of your dad's stuff that you want, or it's gone." He hasn't really processed his dad's death, and asked dd to come with him. After two weekends of watching him stare at objects and move them from box to box and room to room, then panic on Sunday and grab half a carload of things to "sort later". Dd said "take it all." They rented a u-haul and their walkout basement room is full of boxes and furniture. They also have lot of nice things on the living level that they have unpacked together.

they have an antique Victrola case that his dad turned into a bar full of high end glassware, next to our 25 y.o. Cheap crummy Futon couch in their living room. Spoons from goodwill that bend if you scoop ice cream and a full set of craftsman tools. A beautiful solid wood twin bunk bed her Fiancé's dad made for him when he was a kid,and a queen sized mattress on the floor....