View Full Version : Holiday Stresses 2016
iris lilies
10-16-16, 3:07pm
Here is a special edition of our Rant thread, haha. Let your holiday angst out here.
if you need to prime the pump, please enjoy some of the family craziness depicted in the 146 pages of Holiday Hell from website Etiquette Hell:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=106673.15
freshstart
10-16-16, 3:23pm
every year the day after Thanksgiving we had an open house. We made a ham and chili and everyone brought a dish. It was always a fun get together because it was easy and required little work. Last year, both my parents had just come out of the hospital so we didn't do it. Everyone said how much they missed it.
My mother is incredibly stubborn. I suggested we just get a bunch of pizzas and use paper plates this year and have at it. It's the only family holiday we take a turn on hosting. We have a lady who cleans so there is no preparation there. She thinks it's too much for my father. He wants to do it but doesn't want to piss her off (very easy to do). I am willing to take on all the preparations. My work party went so well, I feel I can manage this event since it doesn't involve a huge trip to the grocery store even.
family is important, my mother could live for a few years or pass at any moment, people want to see her. She is going to make me crazy, I don't have far to go!
greenclaire
10-16-16, 4:27pm
We don't have thanksgiving, so the only major event is Christmas here. The thing I find most stressful is all the crap, sorry I mean toys, that my daughter gets. From various family and friends she'll get an entire lounge full of plastic. Obviously, she loves it as she loves opening gifts like any child but every year it seems to get more ridiculous the amount she gets, it also doesn't help that her birthday is the start of December and so we've just got one houseful and then a few weeks later it happens again. I feel like I can't say to people don't buy her anything as that would be incredibly mean for her!
At some point before now and December I think we're going to have to have a cull of her current toys to make room.
Teacher Terry
10-16-16, 4:31pm
FS: ignore your Mom and have your party. I quit making Thanksgiving a number of years ago and we usually go to a good friend's home. My DIL likes to make xmas eve dinner but before I always made it. WE usually have friends and family over for dinner a few times a month during the whole year. When my DIL's parents were here this summer from Poland I made a traditional thanksgiving meal for everyone. I had to order the turkey special from a local meat company since none were in stores.
IshbelRobertson
10-16-16, 6:06pm
Hogmanay is our biggest holiday. Christmas is more for the children. We keep open house on Boxing Day, with a buffet style food presentation.
Christmas cakes and Christmas puddings are made on Stir Up Sunday. Mince pies are made in batches, and frozen. The end od November means the Carol singers do their rounds where I serve mince pies, mulled wine for the adults and spiced apple juice for the kids.
No Thanksgiving, though!
Hogmanay is our biggest holiday. Christmas is more for the children. We keep open house on Boxing Day, with a buffet style food presentation.
Christmas cakes and Christmas puddings are made on Stir Up Sunday. Mince pies are made in batches, and frozen. The end od November means the Carol singers do their rounds where I serve mince pies, mulled wine for the adults and spiced apple juice for the kids.
No Thanksgiving, though!
Ishbel, we did all the things you did growing up. Then last year I found out we were descended from the clans Stirling and Napier on my mother's side. So it makes sense.
I miss Stir Up Sunday, although we just called it the day we made fruit cake (Sunday after Thanksgiving here, i.e. last weekend in November.)
iris lilies
10-16-16, 7:37pm
FS: ignore your Mom and have your party. I quit making Thanksgiving a number of years ago and we usually go to a good friend's home. My DIL likes to make xmas eve dinner but before I always made it. WE usually have friends and family over for dinner a few times a month during the whole year. When my DIL's parents were here this summer from Poland I made a traditional thanksgiving meal for everyone. I had to order the turkey special from a local meat company since none were in stores.
Agreed! If house cleaning isnt part of the preparation, you are blessed! Do it! Your work party went well,,so,will this one.
freshstart
10-16-16, 8:07pm
thanks, guys. I have to re-de-hoard her room because people will be visiting her in there and she feels like that is too much. If I catch it now before it gets really bad, I think I can win that argument by offering to do it. I can understand her being embarrassed by having people see her room but they are family who know her and love her, they don't care about the clutter, they know she is a hoarder, she just doesn't think they know.
iris lilies
10-16-16, 8:08pm
No, you really do not need to de-hoard her room. Not your circus. Just let it be, please!!!
Concentrate on food and fun. Have some damn fun! Haha, but seriously just enjoy the people coming to your house.
freshstart
10-16-16, 8:17pm
you always have the best advice. Plus, she is able to come out for a little while so she can do that at the party she doesn't want in the first place or stay in her room and we'll say she's too sick for visitors.
sweetana3
10-16-16, 9:10pm
Here is a special edition of our Rant thread, haha. Let your holiday angst out here.
if you need to prime the pump, please enjoy some of the family craziness depicted in the 146 pages of Holiday Hell from website Etiquette Hell:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=106673.15
I made it to page 24 before I could no longer read them. Good thing I have a spine and decided early in our marriage that we would not travel over holidays because it was expensive and dangerous.
Yeah, I have a spine, but also a heart, lol! Nonetheless, the year we got stranded in motels for 3 days at Christmas was the Scroogey nail in my coffin.
Yet this year, this year, may try to go to parents, as fear will not have this opportunity in future, and it is weighing heavily on me.
iris lilies
10-16-16, 9:33pm
Yeah, I have a spine, but also a heart, lol! Nonetheless, the year we got stranded in motels for 3 days at Christmas was the Scroogey nail in my coffin.
Yet this year, this year, may try to go to parents, as fear will not have this opportunity in future, and it is weighing heavily on me.
I know, it is tough when the elderly parents may not be around longer. Do they have money they could give you for this!You dont have to a answer, and I know it is crazy hard to ask if youve been completely independant for decades.
Same for us. We really love our parants, but it is really hard not to be mad at them during the holiday season. Even when our kids were babies, they expected us to spend all the holidays on the road an visit them. My mother-in-law even has her birthay on December 23. One day before Christmas, can you imagine something better driving through snow and ice with two little kids just for a short visit?
Plus, I can't stand the crap they buy our kids for Christmas. 5 for 6 presents for each kid is way too much and overwhelming for them, burying them in stuff. From us, the kids get one gift each, and after dinner we play with them and their new toys. They are too small to ask for the money it cost, they simply enjoy the gifts and it is a lot of fun. As for our parents, I know they love their grandchildren and want to give them gifts. But on the one hand too much is not good for them, and it seems also to be little challenge, who of them spends the most for the kids.
So they expect us to visit both parents and parents-in-law, the ones we visit second are always offended. When we are there, you will get the full christmas horror: Overheated rooms, a lot of fat meals, a lot of plastic crap as presents, stress, arguing...
We try to fight this for a few years now. It took a while and our parents were quite piqued. But it is not our job just to fulfill their expectations in christmas on our back. So we will stay at home with the kids on christmas, and we visit one of them each year just after the holidays, the other one is welcomed to visit us afterwards. Next year it is the other way round. And we also asked them to buy one present per kid. Not more. I they like to put some extra money on their savings account instead, fine.
It worked quite well last year, let's see what this year brings...
BTW, we had the warmest September in decades, and in stores you could buy christmas sweets from Sept 1 - yuk!
greenclaire
10-17-16, 8:08am
Found this list on flylady of ideas for clutter free gifts: http://www.flylady.net/d/cruising-through-the-holidays/clutter-free-gift-ideas/women/ there's a similar list for men and children on there too.
Float On
10-17-16, 10:46am
I think my major gripe this year is how fall is completely skipped. This town, a tourist area, use to do up fall really big. Lots of fall festivals, lots of fall decorating. Town has been decorating for Christmas festivals for 3 weeks now. We already have an 80 ft tree at the first circle. Crews are busy throwing lights on every fence, pole, tree, and sign every where you go. Ugh. I'm done already.
FloatOn, that's crazy!
This year I'll continue with lots of cards. A FB group for an author I love did a card exchange last year. Folks are across the globe. It was so neat getting cards from international senders.
I'll bake lots of my cherry scones. Those were a huge hit last year. I've already started stocking up on the dried cherries from Aldi.
Only gift I actually buy will be for my 11 yo goddaughter. I'm getting her an experience gift - her own Discover Scuba intro class. I can be in the water with them since I'm already certified. I already cleared it with her parents who asked goddaughter if she was interested. She is thrilled and is really excited after seeing my recent diving pics.
Float On
10-17-16, 12:58pm
FloatOn, that's crazy!
This year I'll continue with lots of cards. A FB group for an author I love did a card exchange last year. Folks are across the globe. It was so neat getting cards from international senders.
.
I love that idea!
A frugal moms message board I'm in does a homemade Christmas ornament exchange. Its been going on for 13 years now. I never took part and now kind of wish I had.
sweetana3
10-18-16, 11:28am
Iris Lilies, I made it thru all 147 pages and learned a lot. Mostly I learned that others have it a lot worse than we do and we learned these lessons a long, long time ago. Thanks for the website. Might read some of the other topics.
Hardest lesson was learning how to say NO and then to not give excuses.
iris lilies
10-18-16, 12:04pm
Iris Lilies, I made it thru all 147 pages and learned a lot. Mostly I learned that others have it a lot worse than we do and we learned these lessons a long, long time ago. Thanks for the website. Might read some of the other topics.
Hardest lesson was learning how to say NO and then to not give excuses.
I remember back in the the days when we did go to DH's parents for Christmas it was the big chaotic over heated no-where-to-escape event that others write about, but his family are all good. it was the driving aganst snow and ice and the time away from home that I really did not like.
But his sister, every year, piled her four kids and husband and scads of presents and food into the car for a 4 hour drive coming from the north, so more snow and ice. I used to feel sorry for her. But one year I mentionned that and she said that they come to her parents because she thinks it is FUN! She likes giving her children the tradition of visiting both sets of grandparents (they all lived in the same small town) over the holidays, it was never an obligation.
So we all have different expectations.
sweetana3
10-18-16, 4:07pm
I could stand my parents house for a maximum of 2 days and really it was 2 hours. They had nowhere to sit, the Fox station was always blaring. For years, it was filthy and I did not even want to use the bathroom. Dad finally fixed that and remodeled the kitchen and bathroom. Mom used mothballs and they almost killed my brother. If they even cared we came, it was never evident. Enjoyed seeing my brothers more. (Kind of makes me seem a really bad daughter but there are years of history.)
They lived across the country so we came, we saw them, and we went somewhere else for a vacation.
freshstart
10-18-16, 6:37pm
They lived across the country so we came, we saw them, and we went somewhere else for a vacation.
nothing wrong with this
sweetana3
10-18-16, 6:43pm
Even now, one brother is in Alaska, one just moved to Florida and we are in Indiana. Thank heavens for Facebook since it keeps us in touch with each other.
Having worked in retail H E double sticks, my advice is just to say no.
Save your money.
Go to a religious or spiritual event.
Stay home and bake cookies or make candy.
Retailers force the whole spend money on gifts thing because NO ONE wants to shop when it is cold and snowing.
No I am not Bah Hambug - the decorations are often pretty, it is a time to relax, you can worship anyway that you choose.
But don't get involved in the endless shopping.
Unfortunately, Halloween is turning into the same buy me garbage.
And, then everyone must travel in inclement weather to visit someone.
I don't get it.
I don't decorate anymore - did when the kids were little but working in retail made me see how the whole shopping thing is shoved down our throats.
My kids were always getting useless fish for the holidays- I think putting money in a college fund would have been a better choice - but no one would listen to me. All the junk went to landfills in a few years. Education is forever.
freshstart
10-19-16, 6:33pm
interestingly, my DD came to me and said she is agnostic and does not feel she should receive Christmas presents. I offered a small gift for the holiday season, she's open to that. She plans to give people small gifts (she has her first job), I told her the only gift I want is time with her.
DS is agnostic as well, if he bothers to speak to me, I'm gonna ask his stance on this issue. His stance last year was to give everybody nothing because "you all know I don't believe" and accept his loot (he had given me a list of what he wanted) with glee. It was very embarrassing to watch him give his grandparents not a thing, not even a card, after all the thought my mother put into his gifts and all the things they've done for him.
Simplemind
10-20-16, 12:26am
Holidays used to be very important to me but times and family has changed. I still love to get together with family but not on the actual holiday. I host a family holiday get together on the first Saturday in December. Everybody comes because nobody is knee deep in other commitments. This will be the third year that DH and I go to the coast for four days of Thanksgiving week. We will come back and have a nice turkey dinner with DS on the Saturday after. I have a great sense of peace since I have stepped away from the madness that is the actual calendar day.
The kids have grown and often have multiple obligations. My mom died four years ago and she was always the center of the celebration. I haven't felt like trying to recapture the magic. I work as an on-call volunteer and will sign up to work Christmas eve, Christmas, New Years eve and New Years so that others can have them off.
she said that they come to her parents because she thinks it is FUN! She likes giving her children the tradition of visiting both sets of grandparents (they all lived in the same small town) over the holidays, it was never an obligation.
So we all have different expectations.
That's interesting. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I don't want to see and visit my family. We meet several times during the year, quite often we do excursions with the kids and their grandparents. I really enjoy that, I just can't stand that one "must" do this during the stress of the holiday season...
frugalone
10-20-16, 3:15pm
I love my family, but I sometimes hate the holidays (for a variety of reasons). I've come to accept that the "magic" I experienced when I was a child isn't coming back. It's impossible. You can only be a child once. It's like "Toyland": "Once you pass its borders, you can ne'er return again." I'm 52 and I just figured this out.
I try to get through the hols with a minimum of pain. I've cut down on making food and gift giving. I wish we could go away for a few days. I suppose we can afford it. My friend and her husband did that a couple years ago. Rented a cabin and took the dog and their three kids and numerous other family members were on their own (the kids are adults, of course!).
But there's always this sense of obligation. One year we didn't go to Thanksgiving. We were both freaking exhausted. My mother went through the roof. I'm not kidding you. I called her a few days later and I got the cold shoulder. And my sister said, "I don't understand how you could be 'too tired' to come to my house and just eat and sit around."
It's the stress of it that does me in. Every time I have a family gathering to attend, I become a complete wreck the day before. I don't want to go, even though the majority of times, everything is fine and I even have fun.
frugalone, I have the same anxiety. It' improved since my mother died....I stopped traveling 5 hours away for Christmas at age 40- Had been doing it for 17 years and just stopped. It did not go over well at all. I decided later on to not give or get presents...that didn't go well either. My little sister (10 years younger) decided when she had kids to only have Christmas at home. She started inviting us and she was only an hour away. So we still do that and enjoy it. No presents from us- donations to charity for the kids from us. this will probably end soon as the kids are 19,22 and 25. I have the Christmas I like, my husband enjoys it as well.
frugalone
11-17-16, 1:37pm
Holy crap...Thanksgiving is a week away and not a word from my family about dinner. My uncle did invite all of us to come to his place when we were visiting him last month, however.
Usually my sister is the host, but she has not said anything, nor has my mother. As you may have seen in my "stressed out" thread, I'm seriously thinking about staying home and doing my own thing.
iris lilies
11-17-16, 1:58pm
Holy crap...Thanksgiving is a week away and not a word from my family about dinner. My uncle did invite all of us to come to his place when we were visiting him last month, however.
Usually my sister is the host, but she has not said anything, nor has my mother. As you may have seen in my "stressed out" thread, I'm seriously thinking about staying home and doing my own thing.
If your family does not have an annual tradition of one host and they do somehing different each year, why are you freaked out By not hearing from them? It sounds like an easy out to me. But if you are truly freaked out, why dont you pick up the telephone and ask?
But if you dont wish to be part of their celebration, then make your own plans. Since your uncle did invite you, dont you owe him an answer?
Teacher Terry
11-17-16, 2:01pm
I agree with IL. We don't do the same thing every year so each year we talk about it in advance.
Miss Cellane
11-17-16, 2:03pm
We don't have thanksgiving, so the only major event is Christmas here. The thing I find most stressful is all the crap, sorry I mean toys, that my daughter gets. From various family and friends she'll get an entire lounge full of plastic. Obviously, she loves it as she loves opening gifts like any child but every year it seems to get more ridiculous the amount she gets, it also doesn't help that her birthday is the start of December and so we've just got one houseful and then a few weeks later it happens again. I feel like I can't say to people don't buy her anything as that would be incredibly mean for her!
At some point before now and December I think we're going to have to have a cull of her current toys to make room.
As someone with an early December birthday--can you ask some of the family and friends to hold off on either birthday or Christmas presents until June or July? That way, your DD can get some fun outdoor-type toys and games in the summer.
Unbeknownst to me, my parents did this when I was small. It was so nice to get something to play with outside that didn't rely on there being snow on the ground! I don't remember if my parents asked the relations to take turns, or just asked a few people to always give me my birthday present in June, or what. But spreading the gifts out, instead of getting overloaded in December, makes the gifts more special.
frugalone
11-17-16, 2:13pm
If your family does not have an annual tradition of one host and they do somehing different each year, why are you freaked out By not hearing from them? It sounds like an easy out to me. But if you are truly freaked out, why dont you pick up the telephone and ask?
Usually my sister is the hostess. I'm not freaked out, really. I might have sounded like that but I'm not.
But if you dont wish to be part of their celebration, then make your own plans. Since your uncle did invite you, dont you owe him an answer?
It was a kind of informal, announce-it-to-the-room invitation. I think if I decide to go to his place, I'll just send him an email. They're very informal...always room for one more at the table!
freshstart
11-17-16, 4:31pm
I convinced my ill parents to go back to having an Open House the day after Thanksgiving. Because that day will take a lot out of them, we're planning nothing for Thanksgiving. I promised to do all the work for the party, I invited everybody, explained we would be having pizza because cooking just isn't going to happen, all were fine with that and are brining a dish to share.
But then my ex sent paperwork that in totality will cost me 65k over the next 4 yrs. I have depression and this has knocked me off my game, I'm really low. My lawyer is saying the court could award him more so we have to negotiate. I am so distressed and upset, I can't even find all the paperwork he is asking for. I'm making 24k on disability and have spent 15k on medical care alone this year. The only way I'll ever have 65k is to touch my retirement. That has me spinning stories in my head of not being able to afford old age. My shrink says the only thing to do is pony up the amt and put it out of my head. Easier said than done.
So I've done nothing about Thanksgiving or the Open House. I need to clean up this house, the basement clean out resulted in my mom bringing a ton of crap back up here. I have to find a place for all that. I need to plan the actual Open House, which should not be stressful but now feels like an impossible task. I have to find a restaurant where I can pick up Thanksgiving dinner because my mom really is too sick to go out for dinner. I don't care about any of it anymore and it was all my idea and I told my parents they wouldn't have to lift a finger. I have no holiday spirit and need to find some fast. If it wasn't for the legal battle, I could handle everything else. That has set me way back and I need to snap out of it.
I am excited to host Thanksgiving, I really love cooking. My son is an assistant meat and seafood manager so he is getting a fresh turkey for us. All my kids can come and we are doing an evening thing so my one daughter can make it to more than one dinner. My ex doesn't care so I get the whole holiday. I have hosted for 20 people before (and 4 dogs) and loved cooking for everyone.
Winter holidays are okay, I am not Christian but I really don't have an issue celebrating since it is important to my family and not very religious. I used to think I had to take some ethical stance but decided against it. My kids have Jewish grandparent on one side (grandpa converted so neither parent is Jewish). That always made holidays better because we could spread out celebrations.
I really recommend the idea I had for my birthday for people who love music, movies would work too. I created a google form and sent the link to people for songs. They didn't have to buy me anything, a couple people bought CD's but it made the obligated gift really optional. A movie lover could collect movie ideas and have people buy a DVD if they really wanted to give a gift (or a netflix membership).
This year I am simply tired, really grateful to be far away from my brothers family. Without diverting this thread I am someone who will likely peacefully protest at some point and my SIL just posted on FB that protesters should be jailed for treason. So there is a potential for conflict, and I don't feel the need to push my ideas on her, so distance is good. Tip toeing around a land mine is not a great holiday. We should all be ready to see each other by the summer family vacation.
freshstart
11-17-16, 4:43pm
ugh, I forgot my Trump loving cousin and her husband are coming to the Open House. They are very stringent in their beliefs and I've already heard enough on FB. I think I'm gonna email and say no politics that night. thanks for reminding me.
Teacher Terry
11-17-16, 4:58pm
FS: I would take it to court. You don't have the $ if you leave it in retirement and I would doubt in your situation the judge is going to rule against you. I feel so sorry for you.
FS: I would take it to court. You don't have the $ if you leave it in retirement and I would doubt in your situation the judge is going to rule against you. I feel so sorry for you.
Me, too. Esp. since you are not retirement age yet.
frugalone
11-17-16, 6:13pm
freshstart, I hope things improve for you. Sending hugs if you want 'em!
freshstart
11-17-16, 6:19pm
my lawyer said one thing to consider when taking it to court is that the judge will say I should've been saving for college all along, I got sick when DD was 15, so what's my excuse for all the other years I should've been saving? We just sent a negotiation response back to my ex. If he doesn't take it, I'll probably take my chances with a judge, all I have to lose is paying my lawyer. My ex is so greedy. He's getting 1k a month in SSDI child support, makes over 100k and his aunt who was married to a game show host just left him a boatload of money. I can't believe this but legally he can receive SSDI child support and demand the NY state minimum in child support from me. He just sucks as a human being to ask for more child support.
Teacher Terry
11-17-16, 6:28pm
YOu were raising 2 kids and supporting them so probably did not make enough $ to save for college. Also you didn't plan on becoming disabled and not making any $. He is a horrible human being.
In my experience, judges don't deal with what you "should have" done, they deal with what is and how to best move forward.
Glad you are open to idea of going in front of the judge. My son was asked to negotiate a settlement on his court case last week and he said no, let the judge decide. I would have been too scared, so I am glad he is gutsier than I was in my divorce/custody issues.
freshstart
11-17-16, 7:31pm
I would feel braver if we were in front of the family court judge we've had for 14 yrs, she knows us. But we're in front of the child support judge and she is an unknown. I feel less brave but I am also dead sick of being mistreated our entire divorce and that he's pulling this crap when there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel with him, that makes me braver.
I would feel braver if we were in front of the family court judge we've had for 14 yrs, she knows us. But we're in front of the child support judge and she is an unknown. I feel less brave but I am also dead sick of being mistreated our entire divorce and that he's pulling this crap when there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel with him, that makes me braver.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. Hang in there.
iris lily
11-21-16, 5:33pm
This is only a stressor until 6 pm tonight when i can get rid of them: 6 large packages. Cost: $12 in contents, $15 in bows, free wrapping paper. This is the bulk of my gifting for the year. In two hours I can walk these down the street to the home of my friend and she can store them under her Christmas tree. She likes presents, she gets presents, they are out of my house and damn , they take up a lot of space.
1653
Edited to add:crap, I cant get them out of here until tomorrow.
Well, I did move out two boxes of Christmas cards, 400 of them that went to the post office today. Two boxes fewer on the dining room table.
We are having a few people over for Thanksgiving and I want the table clear tomorrow. I cant put anything on the floor because our little dog chews it up.
freshstart
11-21-16, 5:37pm
All I have left to do for the Open House is tidy up the house and make arrangements for pizzas. Everyone else is bringing a dish. I literally only have to worry about pizza, alcohol and drinks. Easy peasy and just the way it should be here, just family and friends getting together for the company, not a gourmet meal.
frugalone
11-22-16, 11:30am
Well, I told my family we're celebrating on our own this year. Mom's response was, "We'll miss you, but you have to do what you have to do" (or something like that!). Sister's response, "OK."
My response (in my head): Whatever.
JaneV2.0
11-22-16, 11:54am
Well, I told my family we're celebrating on our own this year. Mom's response was, "We'll miss you, but you have to do what you have to do" (or something like that!). Sister's response, "OK."
My response (in my head): Whatever.
It sounds like both of them met your announcement with equanimity; you can't ask for more than that.
iris lilies
11-22-16, 12:10pm
It sounds like both of them met your announcement with equanimity; you can't ask for more than that.
Yes, good show!
frugalone, isn't this a good thing?
frugalone
11-22-16, 12:19pm
Yes, definitely a good thing. Better than reactions I've gotten in the past.
Teacher Terry
11-22-16, 7:39pm
So I was reading today that families are getting divided by the election. A 19 yo girl was not uninvited by her Mom to Thanksgiving after she found out she voted for Trump. I am hearing this is not that uncommon on both sides. HOw about just agreeing not to talk politics and just enjoy the family? My DH and I don't talk politics because we are from different parties. Not that hard.
sweetana3
11-22-16, 7:41pm
Ah, the Civil War all over again in families. So many were divided by the war and choosing sides.
I am not in the position to have to make those calls but this year would have been hard to be around my brother and family. I usually put the family above any issues, this year is very personal. Plus my SIL and niece just went to New York City and would want to talk about that, which overlaps with celebrating the Trump victory. I am okay if people need to take space from each other right now, and hope it doesn't last long.
iris lilies
11-22-16, 8:50pm
So I was reading today that families are getting divided by the election. A 19 yo girl was not uninvited by her Mom to Thanksgiving after she found out she voted for Trump. I am hearing this is not that uncommon on both sides. HOw about just agreeing not to talk politics and just enjoy the family? My DH and I don't talk politics because we are from different parties. Not that hard.
Because we like being different, I was planning to put up a sign "Political Discourse Encouraged" in the table centerpiece.
I'll be spending the day with my goddaughter's extended family (I know them well) up in Madison. They're very conservative, but there will be non-family guests who lean lib (it's Madison, after all!). Apparently everyone wants to hear about my new scuba diving hobby, which shall we say, is more acceptable than the shooting hobby, although some people freak about the danger aspect. So I can show around the pics on my phone and regale everyone with diving stories and distract them if politics comes up. I'm sure the underwater pumpkin carving will really distract folks! ;)
frugalone
11-25-16, 8:21pm
Well, I ruined the whole holiday by getting in a fight with Spouse. Maybe we should have just gone to my sister's. AT least we would have had to behave civilly. The fight was about the lawsuit we're involved in.
freshstart
11-26-16, 12:03am
I'm sorry this happened, better day tomorrow
freshstart
11-26-16, 12:16am
the Open House was great. My BFF couldn't come, he has PTSD and this wasn't an ok day for crowds for him. My other BFF came. all the family got along. The trumpeters stayed in the LR allowing the liberals to whisper in the kitchen. Not one snide word from either side. And clean up was easy. It was over too soon. Except for my beloved Bernice who hates crowds. She is snoring softly next to me, her long night over.
frugalone
11-28-16, 6:58pm
Thank you. No, nothing went right at all, the entire weekend. We're both to blame, but at least we are speaking now.
As for my mother and sister accepting our decision to stay home with equanimity, strangely enough, I haven't heard from either of them in about a week. My mom always emails me or calls me over the weekend, & usually emails during the week. I get the impression my decision really wasn't OK with her after all.
Well, I ruined the whole holiday by getting in a fight with Spouse. Maybe we should have just gone to my sister's. AT least we would have had to behave civilly. The fight was about the lawsuit we're involved in.
I used to want to skip family holiday get togethers sometimes, but with both my parents and my only sibling gone now I would give anything to spend time with them again....
Zoe Girl
11-29-16, 10:31am
We had a great time, my kids were all here and grandbaby. I cooked all day at a leisurely pace and then we had our meal in the evening. I made bread from scratch and my danish pastry. My daughter and her fiance went to his family during the day and I think that was rough on her. She is polite and doesn't say things but they are super conservative and keep bringing up political and social topics.
frugalone
11-29-16, 3:17pm
Well, I got an email from my mom today. I guess I was wrong. She isn't mad. Just busy.
I have this terrible habit of always thinking people are mad at me.
I was already given the word - weeks ago - just because you don't like the Holidays, you don't need to ruin it for others.
*sigh* I refer to it as the seasons of "have too's" and you know what - I don't want to. We have to do this or that or go here and there - it is tradition you know. Its the Holidays!
I think a lot has to with it breaks up routines. I am a routine person. Shessh just relax. Everyone is hustling from here to there, buying this and that, planning, stressing, etc.
Don't get me wrong - I am a very religious person, but I don't like what the Holiday has become. I don't think this is the way the Lord would want us to celebrate his birthday. I do like the kind, quiet acts of charity that people do for others - especially the anonymous ones. Reaching out to strangers, helping where you can and then moving on. Paying it forward.
To me that is Christmas - not the lights on house, an over abundance of gifts or becoming exhausted trying to create that Norman Rockwell Christmas. Its just not going to happen.
Well said!
Christmas as we know it was largely created in the early 20th century by advertising folks. There is a terrific book called "December 25" that is all about how we came to some of our traditions. That idea of a Victorian Christmas that is always pictured on cards? Never happened.
I was already given the word - weeks ago - just because you don't like the Holidays, you don't need to ruin it for others.
*sigh* I refer to it as the seasons of "have too's" and you know what - I don't want to. We have to do this or that or go here and there - it is tradition you know. Its the Holidays!
I think a lot has to with it breaks up routines. I am a routine person. Shessh just relax. Everyone is hustling from here to there, buying this and that, planning, stressing, etc.
Don't get me wrong - and am a very religious person, but I don't like what the Holiday has become. I don't think this is the way the Lord would want us to celebrate his birthday. I do like the kind, quiet acts of charity that people do for others - especially the anonymous ones. Reaching out to strangers, helping where you can and then moving out. Paying it forward.
To me that is Christmas - not the lights on house, an over abundance of gifts or becoming exhausted trying to create that Norman Rockwell Christmas. Its just not going to happen.
The music and decorations are lovely, but having worked in retail, I have seen how badly behaved so many people are at this time of year.
I agree with what Gregg says, the Lord would not be pleased.
No one really knows when Christ was born but the retailers know that no one would shop in the middle of winter for all of this stuff unless society expects them to.
I hope eventually someone wises up and starts to say no to all the buy buy buy.
goldensmom
12-7-16, 8:02am
No stress here. I am a born again Christian and celebrate the birth of Christ my Savior in December regardless of when he was really born as it doesn’t matter to me. I was born in June but would be happy to celebrate my birthday anytime. I observe advent, Christmas Day and Epiphany with the goal of giving glory to God. I also celebrate and participate in the cultural aspect of Christmas but don’t get overwhelmed by it. I am old enough to choose and not feel obligated to engage in activities that do not fit into my Christmas/Holiday enjoyment. It’s a time for joy, celebration and fun not obligation and stress.
I do not expect a non-Christian to celebrate the birth of Christ but have no problem with a non-Christian celebrating a cultural Holiday. It is not either/or/neither as both a religious observation and the cultural aspect can be celebrated simultaneously ...... or not at all.
...
I do not expect a non-Christian to celebrate the birth of Christ but have no problem with a non-Christian celebrating a cultural Holiday. It is not either/or/neither as both a religious observation and the cultural aspect can be celebrated simultaneously ...... or not at all.
Hear, hear! I've always thought of Christmas as "the shopping holiday." and enjoyed that aspect of it and all the other secular trappings as well. It's that time of year when people need a little lightening of the mood, so everything from Hanukkah, St. Lucia's Day, Kwanzaa, Yuletide, and probably a hundred other festivals take place--beside Christmas. Not to leave out Festivus...:D
Where we live, it gets pretty dark this time of year, and I so enjoy the lights and the displays in the stores of festive things to see. I love sending presents to my family, and am just about at he end of that. My husband ruined his phone so he just got a new cheapo smartphone as his Christmas present. I plan to start baking cookies this week, and making fudge.
We go to a Quaker church so lots of people feeling inspired at meeting to sing Christmas carols, so there is that.
No doubt I will get depressed on Christmas eve and Christmas day since we are alone and the children aren't around, but that's just two days out of the season. The rest of it is all good.
messengerhot
12-13-16, 11:32pm
This Christmas I don't want any drama in our house so I'm praying that there will be no unexpected visitors or anyone who's in my "hate list" :)
Wait....there's a cheapo smartphone? what is it?
Hi Kay, he uses Total Wireless from Walmart, 35 a month plan, and the new phone cost 99 dollars-- its an LG Premiere LTE to replace his Samsung 3 that he dropped in toilet and then on pavement. He likes the new phone as well or better than the Samsung which was 250.
freshstart
12-14-16, 10:36pm
with Cricket you get a no name ZTE smartphone for a buck, then $30 a month for unlimited text/talk and 2.5 of data. The phone would not be my choice but my parents have them. Fine for texting and pics and internet just not intuitive to use like an iPhone is.
freshstart
12-14-16, 10:40pm
I decided no tree this year, both kids said they are atheists and that they didn't expect presents (they totally do, lol), so I figure I'm not busting my butt for two people who do not care. Decorate the mantle, hang stockings and put out the manger and done. My aunt says no tree will "devastate" my father. Apparently she has never met her brother. He could care less about anything Christmas except the roast beef.
catherine
12-14-16, 11:03pm
OK, here's a holiday stress: sat down to sew up a couple of gifts (we're happily downsizing Christmas this year at DS/DDIL request) and I find I'm missing a piece to my bobbin assembly!! OK, I haven't used my 1974 Kenmore sewing machine since the last Halloween costume I made (probably 10 years ago), but geez--one stupid, simple part between a really cool Christmas gift and ... ??
I've ordered the part on Ebay and I'm hoping it comes in time for me to whip these gifts up before Christmas!
Williamsmith
12-15-16, 12:21am
I don't know why but when I got to thinking about gifting during this holiday season, I thought about some of the thousands of dollars that represent hundreds and hundreds of hours of real labor wasted on items that never brought me or anyone in my family joy. To prove that, I thought about some of my favorite pastimes as a kid.
So picture a dime store brown paper candy sack. You know the kind you put those red fish or dollar coins in from the corner store. Cut the bottom out of it so that you have a nice cylinder or tube. Tape it to the woodwork that frames the transition from ones dining room to ones living room. Now roll up a pair of black dress socks. You now have the ingredients for many hours of fun playing indoor basketball. Especially useful when it is 19 degrees and there is a foot of snow outside.
Or take the baseball cards you have stuffed in a shoebox under the bed. Set up a baseball infield in that dining room and an outfield in the living room. Move all the furniture around to make an outfield fence. Roll up a hunk of aluminum foil and use it as a baseball. One player kneels on the pitchers mound, the other kneels beside home plate and you hit that foil ball all over those two rooms playing the game. There are other rules but you get the idea.
Thinking about this stuff..I ran into a piece I could hardly disagree with at all. It's regarding how to raise your kids....what to tell them about this crazy world we are in....Here are the 18 tips I found very agreeable. The entire article is here, lest I plagiarize.
I kinda wish I had the chance to raise my three babies all over again......feelin the stress of past regrets.
http://cluborlov.blogspot.com/2016/12/its-you-know-for-kids.html#more
Chicken lady
12-15-16, 8:58am
:)
I did all those things.
you made me remember when we were rummaging around in the studio with dd and sil and she found an old box of off cuts, sandpaper scraps, and random mostly bent fasteners all blotched with different paint colors and said in a fake cheery voice "oh look! It's a box of my childhood toys!" Her husband looked at her dead serious and said "you do realize you had the childhood everyone dreams about, right?"
catherine
12-15-16, 9:33am
Interesting article, Williamsmith. I do like the list of 18 tips. Hopefully I hit on most of them raising my kids. In a way, being "in the crapper" for much of their lives forced the list upon us, but I guess the end justified the means. I think they are all pretty resourceful and grateful.
OT--that chart was pretty scary. It reinforces what I've heard mainly through my "carbon police" books and blogs (i.e., Bill McKibben/Derrick Jensen) but the visual makes the situation look pretty darn urgent. I'm not a prepper--I just wish people would start thinking long-term and acting like ants instead of grasshoppers.
OK, here's a holiday stress: sat down to sew up a couple of gifts (we're happily downsizing Christmas this year at DS/DDIL request) and I find I'm missing a piece to my bobbin assembly!! OK, I haven't used my 1974 Kenmore sewing machine since the last Halloween costume I made (probably 10 years ago), but geez--one stupid, simple part between a really cool Christmas gift and ... ??
I've ordered the part on Ebay and I'm hoping it comes in time for me to whip these gifts up before Christmas!
Oh what a pain---I just got my machine back from my local repair guy. Love him! He's got so many parts to so many machines. If I tell him something (usually some kind of fancy foot -- or once I needed a spool holder) he goes looking through his stashes and voila! He finds it! Wish you could find a guy like him.
iris lilies
12-15-16, 7:24pm
I am stressed because I cannot find peppermint ice cream in the store! What is this country coming to! Damn that Trump!
DH suggested that I crush a candy cane into some vs illa ice cream. i guess that would be the same thing.
I LOVE peppermint ice cream, especially the kind with both red and green...We have Hershey's ( at the ice cream shop) which is GREAT! Edy's not so tasty- it's white, not pink,,,just something off with that. Then there is Trickling Springs which is wonderful. Good luck finding some.
Don't you remember, when we were kids, our mothers would pour crème de menthe over vanilla ice cream (for themselves, not us!) You could try that.
sweetana3
12-15-16, 10:12pm
Bob's Peppermints sold in various places (walmart is one) are much better than the Starlight hard peppermints. Bob's melts in the mouth and has a great flavor. I think they would be great crushed and topping ice cream with maybe some dark chocolate sauce.
iris lilies
12-15-16, 10:15pm
Don't you remember, when we were kids, our mothers would pour crème de menthe over vanilla ice cream (for themselves, not us!) You could try that.
I do have Creme de Menthe sitting in the cupboard, and DH mentined usng that.But
It isn't crunchy and red, that is what I expect from peppermint. But it might be ok.
I do have Creme de Menthe sitting in the cupboard, and DH mentined usng that.But
It isn't crunchy and red, that is what I expect from peppermint. But it might be ok.
Eat enough of it and you won't care...:D
I've thought about investing in an ice cream maker to make flavors I can't find (like lemon custard), with sweeteners that don't affect blood sugar, but my freezer is always too full. I must work on that.
Maybe you could mix the crème de menthe and the crushed candies.....
Mom also used to make these cocktail weiners in bourbon dish that actually did get me drunk once. I guess eat enough holiday food and you will have a new stressor, a drinking problem.
iris lilies
12-20-16, 3:54pm
Today we got in the mail a " keepsake ornament 2015" by
Hallmark that has nothing to do with us, no bulldog or iris or lilies or gardens or Victorian houses. It is generic and not interesting. It is from DH' s sister. so, my mind goes whirling, thinking " should I drive this to Goodwill?" And scanned my brain to think of other things I might wish to take, but I got nothin. So now I have a dilemma, tiny thing taking a car ride to Gw? Hardly worth it. Cant put it out on neighborhood list, too tacky and worthless.
Then DH came into the room and cheerily asked " will you wrap this up and give it to Laura for Christmas?" Because he knows this ornament is stupid, and is so not my thing.
But no. No no no. I do not re-gift pieces of chit, and to all people who feel compelled to send other people small tokens of their affection, just dont. Or at least do not send them to me.
The sister sent a package of pecans that I greatly appreciate, consumable and Southern, where she is from. I am sure this ornament was an afterthought, and possibly regifted.
Teacher Terry
12-20-16, 7:42pm
I don't regift either. I would wait until I had a bag of stuff and then take it.
iris lilies
12-20-16, 8:37pm
I don't regift either. I would wait until I had a bag of stuff and then take it.
Well, I thought to get it on the shelves before xmas so that it woild have greater liklihood to go out before xmas.
This is taking entirely too much thought, normally I have little teouble chucking things into the garbage.
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