Things I have done to simplify the holidays

[Packratona!]

Here we go again, the List Lady is back! Add to my list if you want...

What I HAVE DONE TO SIMPLIFY THE HOLIDAYS
1. Research history of each holiday. Decide which ones are purely commerce-driven (to get us to buy cards and other junk) instead of investing my card-earned cash and life energy towards something more important to me. Dump the ones that I don't agree with the historical/fundamental principle behind, and keep the ones I really care about and which align with my values.
2. With the holidays that are left after I reject the ones I don't choose to celebrate, I then analyze the behaviors that go with each one, whether they are traditional or recent inventions. How did these practices originate? Again, dump the behaviors that I don't choose to engage in. Keep the ones I want to, or make up my own.
3) Now comes the hard part: dealing with other people, in making the changes I need and want to. This can take a while... a gradual transition over time on some things; some things you just have to go cold turkey!
Some of your changes will be passive: such as just not leaving the house to go attend THAT party. Others will be active as well as passive: picking up the phone to call someone, instead of sending a card.
4) Some giving up outright, and some replacing for something better. Flexibility, creativity are the key!
5) Decide also, how much you want to participate in the holidays of others, that you do not personally celebrate. But the main thing is, you don't ALWAYS have to do things the way someone else thinks you should. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. If your mother-in-law wants you to go to her house for dinner on that holiday? Yes, go, ha ha! Even if you'd rather stay home and watch football.

The goal for me is, to lessen anxiety both financial and emotional, and create more peace and love around holiday time.

[Tenngal]

1. No big tree this year......using a collection of little tabletop trees.
2. Cut down on the decorating.......
3. Stop trying to get everyone here at the same time......
4. I have found Cracker Barrel has a great Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner available for carry out or dine in.
5. We are nearing retirement and may even take some holiday trips in the future......
6. Gift cards and Amazon are wonderful.

[CathyA]

I'm fortunate in that the family I grew up in, my parents are dead and I have distanced myself from my brother........so that has helped a lot.
I have a great extended family and we meet for christmas eve at my SIL's house. Most of us bring appetizers and we all have a great time. But everyone gives presents. For years, I've given food presents, mostly a great homemade granola. But now there are children and grandchildren, and I just can't keep it up. I put on facebook the possibility that we stop feeling that we need to give presents and brought up the request not to receive gift cards, as they are not recyclable, but no one responded.
So......not making tons of granola and bagging it, etc., will help a lot.

I have a beautiful artificial tree that I bought about 15-20 years ago. The problem is, it has about 50 branches that I have to put on and take off every year. I just put it together yesterday, only so I could quit dreading putting it together! I need something much simpler.........but I feel like I'm the one who make a great christmas happen here, and I fear my kids would be disappointed. So I'm not sure what to do in the future.

I've also learned not to make too many sweets for whoever, since I end up eating too many.
I also don't decorate as much as I used to.

I can appreciate how hard it is to give things up.........that others expect you to do. I'm still trying to deal with that. This country sure makes it hard, in terms of what is expected.......in it's immensely consumeristic environment.

Good luck Packratona!

[TVRodriguez]

Nice thread. I've tried to keep it simple for a while now, although I do enjoy plenty of "trappings" of Christmas. Because we are far from any family, we are free to spend the time as we wish. We both are close to our families and do miss them, but we also enjoy the chance to have our own traditions without compromising with anyone else.

I send Christmas cards every year, and I do it because I enjoy it. I like sending a photo of my whole family (not just the kids), which is usually a simple candid shot, and I enjoy getting cards -- sometimes with notes in return. I simplified it this year by choosing a photo postcard from Vistaprint (thanks to Frugalwoods posting about using that site). It's saving me money, which is great, since I send almost 150 cards. Yes, DH &/or I know and care about every person on the list! Believe it or not, I've pared it down over time.

DH and I don't get a lot of presents for our kids, although they do get more than just a single gift each.

I'm taking my kids to mass more often, and the older two are in CCD. I'm not someone who feels that there's a "war on Christmas" but it's rewarding to see my kids understand the religious part of the holiday and not just the consumerist part.

We put up our (artificial) tree the day or two after Thanksgiving. I love the tree all lit up every day for over a month. Feels cheery.

I send homemade chocolate chip cookies to our siblings and their families, none of whom live close by (so they all go by priority mail). I started doing it years ago instead of buying gifts, and now it's a tradition that my nieces and nephews look forward to, which is a nice feeling. The gifts creeped back in at some point, too, but I keep making the cookies b/c of the heartwarming demand for them!

Some old coworkers usually get together for a long relaxed lunch at some point late in December. It's one of only a few "obligations" that I make time for, since I see some of these folks rarely, and we enjoy each other's company. We all moved on from that job but have stayed in touch to varying degrees. It's a warm feeling to be among friends who have known you for over a decade and who make the time, even if only once or twice a year.

DH & I get season passes to a seasonal amusement park (carnival) each year, and we go every week or two for the two months it's open. We enjoy the lights, decorations, and all-included rides. It's fun to see the kids being able to do more rides (and their tastes changing) as they get older. I get a bit nostalgic as we pass the "baby rides" that they skip past to get to the "exciting" rides now.

[iris lilies]

This is a great thread!

We dont have children and dont live by family of origin, so we have no expectations to meet.

Each year I think about which decorstions I would like to put up, and then do just that. If I had to do the same decorations esch year I would shoot myself in the head. Last year I had lots of lights on our little trees outside. This year I will get a very small fresh tree for indoors, put 200 lights on it along wih some sort of icycles, and be done.

DH used to have giant cookie baking marathons, but I have begged him not to do that (and frankly they were not very good!) and he no longer does that.

For gifts, other than for our neighbor, it isnt a big deal. i will think of something for DH. But it doesnt have to be a big flashy thing.

[JaneV2.0]

I remember reading about someone who had a Christmas tree closet they just rolled the tree into every January. I thought that was a brilliant idea. I love a well-decorated tree, but if I had to assemble it, it wouldn't get done. I'm lucky to be at the stage where I have few presents to buy--and I buy them throughout the year--and few social obligations, and I like it that way.

[Teacher Terry]

I quit sending cards with a handwritten letter (50) about 10 years ago. 4 years ago I got rid of tree and ornaments. Put up some decorations outside that takes 5 minutes. Some years I decorate inside (1 box) and some I don't. I have no grandchildren so I might change if I ever get any. This year we will celebrate on 26th because my DIL likes to make a traditional Polish xmas eve dinner and is working the holidays. So we will go to dinner and movie on the holiday. I only buy gifts for 3 people. I give my kids gift cards or take them out to nice restaurant. my DH and I stopped exchanging gifts years ago. This year I made big, beautiful afghans for all the kids and my best friend. When I was young and my kids were at home I cooked, baked and did everything up like crazy for them. It was a really fun time. But now I prefer to take it easy.

[CathyA]

I guess I'm having trouble with letting some things go because I know how nice a holiday it gives our immediate family. Maybe it's because I'm almost 67 and my kids are in their 20's. I'm tired! But........I guess I have to decide why I'm doing and it's a choice and just do it, instead of complaining about it. I am glad I've cut back on the extended family stuff though. We'll see about it on christmas eve when everyone else gives us stuff, and we don't........

[Teacher Terry]

My adult kids don't care if I decorate or not. In 2008 we quit exchanging with most of our friends as we were all taking huge pay cuts. I quit baking once the kids were adults. At 62 I am taking a more relaxed approach to things. We still have a great time and it doesn't really matter. I always cooked on xmas eve until about 3 years ago when my DIL got brave enough to tell me she wanted to cook. I was really happy to be off the hook for that. We usually have family or friends over for dinner about 2-3x's/month all during the year. Every new years I host 2 other couples for dinner, cards, drinks, etc. We used to go out but it is so expensive and dangerous to be driving with all the drunks. One couple spends the night and the other lives close enough to walk.

[Packratona!]

I gave away ALL, and I mean ALL my decorations to the kids 3 years ago, now that they all have their own places. I just no longer had any desire to own them or use them. If I want to see any of them I can just go to their homes! I agree totally with not trying to get everyone here at the same time! They are adults now with jobs, homes that are all close to here, and new in-law families. So sometimes it works, sometimes not; and I am not fussy about the date either. Just happy too see any and all whenever they can make it. Cracker Barrel does sound like a great choice for some! Especially if you don't enjoy cooking or don't have time to. I also agree with the holiday trip idea! May even take some of the kids with us if they want to go too! I also like using Amazon, as we always ask everyone to send us a list of things they'd like. Such a time saver! Though I also keeping my eyes open when I am out shopping, for possible gift items at a bargain price. I don't really like giving gift cards but don't mind getting them.


1. No big tree this year......using a collection of little tabletop trees.
2. Cut down on the decorating.......
3. Stop trying to get everyone here at the same time......
4. I have found Cracker Barrel has a great Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner available for carry out or dine in.
5. We are nearing retirement and may even take some holiday trips in the future......
6. Gift cards and Amazon are wonderful.

[Packratona!]

I have hinted to my kids that I am tired also...and am definitely pushing them to host the holiday parties. I will help with the cooking and cleanup. Also will teach them how to cook while I am at it. I think it is right to give them a chance...passing the baton is a good thing.


I guess I'm having trouble with letting some things go because I know how nice a holiday it gives our immediate family. Maybe it's because I'm almost 67 and my kids are in their 20's. I'm tired! But........I guess I have to decide why I'm doing and it's a choice and just do it, instead of complaining about it. I am glad I've cut back on the extended family stuff though. We'll see about it on christmas eve when everyone else gives us stuff, and we don't........

[pinkytoe]

When we sold our house this past summer, I tossed the wreath, lights and tree we had used for the past decade or more. I went through a large tub of decorations and condensed the ornaments to a large shoe box. My MIL had given us a ton of Avon ornaments that I never really liked but felt obligated to use in her presence. Ditto the nativity scene she gave us. Since we are in a rent house until the house we bought is tenant-free, I don't feel the need to decorate at all this year. We have only one party to go to so no sweat. So far away from most family now that absolutely no obligations other than sending a few gifts and cards.

[Alan]

When our daughter was young and then again when her children were tots, we put a lot of effort into Thanksgiving and Christmas each year. About 5 years ago, she took over the Thanksgiving hosting and we decided that was a good thing.
About the same time, we made it known that we no longer desired personal gifts at Christmas, if gifts were to be forthcoming please make it something the sad sack kids at my wife's elementary school would enjoy. That made Christmas special again as the grandkids became teenagers. Their gifts from us now consist of their annual pajama's, crazy socks and underwear, and one personal gift which we always order online during the summer.

Last year we decided that going forward, our Christmas would be celebrated on a beach somewhere and we enjoyed a wonderful Christmas day at Cape Hatteras, it was really nice. This year we'll celebrate somewhere on a South Carolina beach as my wife has promised to settle on a final destination this weekend. No more decorating the house, unless a wreath on the door is considered decoration, or Christmas trees for our household. I don't miss it.

[Teacher Terry]

alan, that sounds great! I kept one small box of xmas decorations and it has been sitting out for 3 days. I will probably put it right back in the closet:))

[herbgeek]

I've gone about as simple as I want to. Decorations consist of 4 fake wreaths for the front windows, and electric candles that go on at dusk and a pre-list tabletop tree. This year I decided I missed the balsam smell and bought a real wreath for the porch. I pull out some extra candles and that's it. Gifts are practical for my spouse, parents get food or grocery cards, the littles in the family will get money for their college funds. They are 5 and under and completely over loaded with stuff already. I try to find one concert to attend.

[Yarrow]

My kids make Christmas happen for me now. I'm in a wheelchair full time and my MS has gotten really bad, so there's very little I can do on my own these days. I'm a divorced empty nester, but all 3 of my kids come over a couple weeks before the big day, put out a few decorations, a wreath on the door, and a little tree. I certainly don't ask for any of this to be done for me, but they seem to enjoy doing it. And I do enjoy a small amount of holiday decor in my home. They then all arrive on Christmas Day with their SO and lots of yummy food. I feel like a blessed mama when it comes to my kids. They help me out with so many things and they all live nearby. They definitely make my life easier!
My little dog died a couple weeks ago and it was heartbreaking for me. So being in a festive holiday mood is hard this year, but I will try for my kids' sakes. It's hard when you lose your constant companion for the past 15 years....

[rosarugosa]

Alan: I think it's great to shift away from traditions when they no longer suit you, and it sounds like you've made some great new ones!
Yarrow: I'm so sorry for the loss of your constant companion; it's so heartbreaking. That's wonderful what your kid do for you. I imagine they're reciprocating for many merry Christmases you made for them in years past.
I'm not a real fan of Christmas, but now that we've finally managed to shape our minimal observations into something that suits us, I don't much mind it either. We put up a wreath and some small decorations, some of them gleaned from the woods. I've decided that I do like to give amaryllis bulbs to people. My team at work had so much fun with them last year, so I asked it they wanted them again this year, and it was a resounding yes. I asked them to choose their color this time (last year I did all the same color). The gifting thing at work is part of the department culture, so it really does make sense to go with the flow.

[Simplemind]

We have done Thanksgiving at the beach for the last three years and love it. When we come home we make a turkey dinner. Last night we had our holiday/birthday dinner for my side of the family. Potluck and everybody contributes two items which are the same every year because the meal is the same every year. Easy peasy. Next weekend is the holiday dinner for our friends. Potluck again, easy peasy. We will have a restaurant lunch for DH side of the family because so many of them have trouble driving at night. I'll be on call both Christmas Eve and Christmas. So I intend to just hang out with some delicious food and a good book. Our three kiddos have their birthdays within days of Christmas as well as our anniversary on Solstice so we will celebrate all together on some evening after Christmas when we can all get together for another potluck and board game night. Everything has become so much easier when we stood back from the actual calendar holiday. We know we want to see people but we prefer a more laid back evening with smaller groups. We just approach it as a season instead of a day and don't entertain outside our comfort zone. It has been very enjoyable. After years of blended families and who is going to which parents for what holiday....... We gave over all holidays to the other sides and get together when nobody has other commitments. No heartburn over people coming late or leaving early to put in an appearance at another dinner.

[iris lilies]

We have done Thanksgiving at the beach for the last three years and love it. When we come home we make a turkey dinner. Last night we had our holiday/birthday dinner for my side of the family. Potluck and everybody contributes two items which are the same every year because the meal is the same every year. Easy peasy. Next weekend is the holiday dinner for our friends. Potluck again, easy peasy. We will have a restaurant lunch for DH side of the family because so many of them have trouble driving at night. I'll be on call both Christmas Eve and Christmas. So I intend to just hang out with some delicious food and a good book. Our three kiddos have their birthdays within days of Christmas as well as our anniversary on Solstice so we will celebrate all together on some evening after Christmas when we can all get together for another potluck and board game night. Everything has become so much easier when we stood back from the actual calendar holiday. We know we want to see people but we prefer a more laid back evening with smaller groups. We just approach it as a season instead of a day and don't entertain outside our comfort zone. It has been very enjoyable. After years of blended families and who is going to which parents for what holiday....... We gave over all holidays to the other sides and get together when nobody has other commitments. No heartburn over people coming late or leaving early to put in an appearance at another dinner.

This phrase caught my eye: "...We just approach it as a season instead of a day and dont entertain outside our comfort zone..."
That is part of making this seasn enjoyable, Imthink. Fnd the little thngs that are joyful and avoid the BIG DEAL events such as a dress-to-the-nines work event that conflicts with two other parties, so,you are rushing arou d attending all most of the day. Or a huge blowout family reunion where everyone is squeezed into a small space and it is hot and loud and uncomfortable. And etc.

[Chicken lady]

My oldest daughter is my new holiday fairy. On top of hosting thanksgiving, she has just invited her grandparents to spend a night in her new house, which means I get them out of mine in just over 24 hours and get some grandparent free time with my son who can make only a short visit. (dh and I had a big fight about me not wanting them -his parents - to stay here at all. He becomes physically ill when they visit, but feels it is his duty to host and won't let me "hurt their feelings")

[frugalone]

I'm very sorry about your dog. I have lost several pets around the holidays over the years. It definitely does not put one in a jolly mood. Also my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer around Christmastime. That was in 1987, but it's still hard to shake it off.


My kids make Christmas happen for me now. I'm in a wheelchair full time and my MS has gotten really bad, so there's very little I can do on my own these days. I'm a divorced empty nester, but all 3 of my kids come over a couple weeks before the big day, put out a few decorations, a wreath on the door, and a little tree. I certainly don't ask for any of this to be done for me, but they seem to enjoy doing it. And I do enjoy a small amount of holiday decor in my home. They then all arrive on Christmas Day with their SO and lots of yummy food. I feel like a blessed mama when it comes to my kids. They help me out with so many things and they all live nearby. They definitely make my life easier!
My little dog died a couple weeks ago and it was heartbreaking for me. So being in a festive holiday mood is hard this year, but I will try for my kids' sakes. It's hard when you lose your constant companion for the past 15 years....

[Teacher Terry]

Yarrow: so very sorry about your baby. It is so hard to lose them. I have a good friend that just had to go into an electric wheelchair because of MS. She had to move to an accessible apartment. No kids and all her family is dead so she depends on a few of her friends to help and we have found her some local services to help too. It sounds like you have wonderful kids:))