View Full Version : ideas to address self-doubt
Hi guys, I had a great retreat over New Year's and had some realizations. I had been aware that I was anxious at work before this but I found that I have a lot of self-doubt. I have had some good feedback this year, and I have some things I need to work on, so I think my self-doubt is not totally realistic. I also am taking some things badly that are probably not intended (I want to be asked to do things in my talent area and I have to ask persistently which has me feeling less than qualified). I notice my trainings are not that engaging compared to a few years ago when I had lots of positive feedback.
I think maybe printing out all my good feedback and posting it where only I can see it may help, any other ideas.
I should add that overall I feel I have grown a lot the last few years, That is what I want to focus on. Honestly just getting through many days with mental illness that I can't tell anyone about is a big deal!
ZG: Posting your positive feedback to see as an affirmation/reminder sounds like a good idea. It doesn't seem like you work in a very supportive environment, so you need to do what you can to get your support from within, and that's not always easy.
Identify yourself correctly first as you would another listing your innate attributes, developed strengths and proven accomplishments. Review it daily to reinforce these truths and overcome the negative talk that you are giving yourself at present. Too few of us make a practice of doing this.
Thank you both, I also judge myself for needing positives. I don't think my workplace is too different than a lot of them, the reason so many people call them soul sucking! Most of our issues are simply the amount of work and how many different tasks we have to do. I talked to a co-worker today who has my staff for camp and it was good to vent some issues out.
I am doing employee mid-year reviews and with the one that sucks I am still putting down more positives because of the way the categories are listed. So maybe doing that for myself. I have a monthly report on my goals and my supervisor encourages me to put things down, even making suggestions. So that is positive, however the form is messy and difficult to fill in so I have some work to do tonight.
Oh I realized my women's group did some work on this, so I have about 8 notes with wonderful things on them. Plus everyone at our retreat loved the food and organization which were both my total responsibility. I can start there.
With the difficult or poor-fitting employee, it would be honest and kind to be clear about both strengths but also where that individual is not a good fit. Honesty may help him make some difficult decisions/changes that are needed. I know that you know that.
Yes on the employee, the first time I really talked to him he seemed to be ready to quit. I wanted him to try and I would have been critically short staffed. There was no one even in the hiring system. I feel like I should have let him go then, maybe he will still make that choice and move onto night cleaning crew which suits his sparkling personality better!
iris lilies
1-5-17, 9:11pm
Yes on the employee, the first time I really talked to him he seemed to be ready to quit. I wanted him to try and I would have been critically short staffed. There was no one even in the hiring system. I feel like I should have let him go then, maybe he will still make that choice and move onto night cleaning crew which suits his sparkling personality better!
Is he through the probationary period?
Is he through the probationary period?
I will check on that, he has over 4 months in right now. Another person brought that up when I described some disrespectful behavior. At least I am close to a documentation for missing a training. I am wondering what is wrong with his brain, my colleague working camp with him says he seems to not retain what we tell him. He took 4 months to set up his email account and when I asked he said he didn't know how, the information was given at hiring and he never asked for help. I am not used to this much hand-holding! Meanwhile I do need to remember that one negative staff on a team can bring everyone down, and my inability to turn him into a better employee may be part of my self doubt.
iris lilies
1-5-17, 11:33pm
I will check on that, he has over 4 months in right now. Another person brought that up when I described some disrespectful behavior. At least I am close to a documentation for missing a training. I am wondering what is wrong with his brain, my colleague working camp with him says he seems to not retain what we tell him. He took 4 months to set up his email account and when I asked he said he didn't know how, the information was given at hiring and he never asked for help. I am not used to this much hand-holding! Meanwhile I do need to remember that one negative staff on a team can bring everyone down, and my inability to turn him into a better employee may be part of my self doubt.
I assume that after he completes probation, you would be required to provide much more coaching, documentation, etc to move his performance to acceptable. You really need to assess where you will be once he becomes a non-probationary employee, and do you want hm in that capacity?
Yes, in general it is hard to get rid of anyone in our department. I am documenting, I learned to document years ago so in general I have notes. I realize I can barely recall the month of November, I went from one staff short to two short and was able to hire in December. Just seeing the other staff aide (someone with little to no experience like this staff) shows me that he is not doing well. She at least has a good attitude and an interest in learning, he is waiting for his mother to take care of him I think! My kids were raised better than that, my son is the youngest assistant seafood manager at his grocery store at 19. My 23 year old also got a promotion at Target and my oldest is doing well at her job. So I raised them to do very good jobs, get along with people, plus realize that they need to do the job they have available sometimes. Hey I am putting that on my self-confidence list!
OMG, I was just doing sitting meditation and I am working on forgiveness practice, I listed all the things I could apologize for, a payroll mistake, a purchasing receipt and staff training documents. Then I realized who I do NOT have to apologize to and that is my families. I work very hard to take care of them, I keep hiring and working with this staff person so I do not need to turn anyone away. And I have not gone to a wait list in 4 years. I have a few families that moved to Denver, are looking for jobs and better housing, so I take the kids right away, have them apply for a temporary scholarship and get the kids settled. That is a challenge to these little people and behavior can arise. I have additional clubs and activities and I have hired 2nd teachers for 2 of them because they are so popular, again not turning anyone away.
I also do NOT have to apologize to my school site. I had 2 afternoons off and there was a parent complaining, but the office staff said they know I take care of everyone so the principal didn't even bring it up with me. It was an unfounded issue really. I volunteer in a couple classrooms a semester and teach mindfulness to the kids. I love it, I have one classroom set up to start in January but I will miss the last 5th grade class I had. I worked with them through the election season, they were really struggling with stress at that time.
Now I can go to bed with a better feeling tonight.
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