View Full Version : Parents please read! and do
I am trying to be less hand holding of parents this year, and it is hard but I have in some areas. We have a girls on the run team. I spent so much effort to get people to sign up their girls on-line like they had to for the 5K. Meanwhile my programs are fairly open so I have not turned any girls away. Now we are a month away from the 5K and 2 girls are not on the list. I know that the coach has talked to the 2 families and she feels super bad, I also feel bad but I recall how many times I reached out, handed out the paper with the registration address, even made calls to one family. The deadline was a long time ago and there isn't much we can do. I think next time I shouldn't let girls practice until they are completely registered, it is one of those nice things that backfires in the end.
We are also registering for next year, very competitive for our after school program. There is one family that has the state childcare assistance program and it has not been paying the bill. They also are missing an immunization. There is no way to register without everything being perfect. It will just get sent back if I accept it incomplete or with a bill pending. I have been talking to them it seems like forever, they keep telling me they are getting things taken care of. When I get the list of bills or missing immunizations I start talking to people, I started 2 months ago with the immunizations. I know that other PS's just told families last week they were missing an immunization and the deadline is Friday. If they are a current family and get everything in they will have a spot for next year, otherwise they risk being on a waitlist.
Ultralight
4-26-17, 7:43am
The parents, it seems, have outsourced the parenting of their kids to you.
I think that more than expecting me to take care of things (which is my job of course) what bugs me is that I could see this coming! For months ahead. And like a slow trainwreck there wasn't anything I could do.
Chicken lady
4-26-17, 7:57am
Let them practice. Better they should run in practice and enjoy being part of the team and miss the race than run not at all. If someone sprained her ankle before the race, would the practice have been a waste of time?
i have a cool firing activity I want to do with my students. Every year I get permission from the director, the landlord, and the fire dept. I volunteer to drive in and give up my day off to do this. then I send home letters to over 30 families explaining that we can do this but only if I get 9 hours of parent volunteer time on one of these two days. Otherwise, I will just fire the pots myself at my home and return them to the kids. And every year the same parent offers me three hours. So far this year, I've been offered one additional hour by a new parent!
I'll be bringing the pots home. (The kids are interested. They beg to come to my house and help - the parents are just too busy or focused elsewhere.)
interestingly, I have a new activity this year where the kids have a chance to earn some pocket money with no effort by the parents. The permission slip return on that has been very good. Both notes went home stapled together.
ToomuchStuff
4-26-17, 9:22am
Your writing a letter to parents that aren't here, and will not see this? Maybe it should be labeled a vent thread.
I certainly can't tell from this post, if the parents are idiots, lazy, disorganized and don't have the skill sets to change, or if they have other things going on like family illness, a trip planned for the same time, or since you deal with a lot of children in poverty, can't afford a computer and internet connection. (and would need something like Project Reglue)
People make choices all the time, we as other individuals don't agree with. It is their right and they know there will be consequences for their actions as well as lack of actions.:idea:
I work with adult students, and I have to lay out the deadlines and then follow them. I try not to get emotionally involved in their outcomes; if they choose to self-sabotage, then that is their choice. I have to follow a boundary of not overfunctioning for others, and not becoming angry when they choose to do things that I don't understand. It can be very challenging, LOL. But it's one of those let go and let God things for me.
Yup it really is a vent thread, I can't do anything about it. I like reminding myself to not get emotionally involved in the outcomes, especially when I know my communication efforts are on the high side overall. I can't blame anyone who does not do this much effort however. And Chicken that sounds like so much fun. I totally understand the situation however, sigh. I am glad I am still letting the girls run in the end. Maybe next year the parents will do the registration!!
I am also trying, yet again, to help my daughter with something. I don;t have a complete account number or anything so I can't do this. Argh, I have enough trying to keep my adult self in order! Even when you get these things done it is not easy.
Teacher Terry
4-26-17, 12:24pm
I spent my career in human services and we have a saying that if you are working harder then the client you need to stop. Of course the parents bad decisions are effecting their kids which is really sad. Now that I am teaching college I get students not following through on things and then begging later to turn things in late, etc. I evaluate on a case by case basis and have to remind myself not to enable.
[QUOTE=Zoe Girl;267971]I like reminding myself to not get emotionally involved in the outcomes[QUOTE]
That's it exactly--I am trying not to get emotionally involve din the outcomes, but I have one right this second with a student in the class with 5 days left in the semester and she has been failing all semester and now she wants me to raise her grade. "I can't afford to fail this class"-- yet that is exactly what she has been doing, and she did it to herself. Why do I get so wound up--I end up feeling she is trying to pin it on me. Agh. I SO empathize!!
Teacher Terry
4-26-17, 12:34pm
Tybee, students often want me to give extra credit for doing something extra and I always say no. They should have just done the work that was offered in the class. I definitely feel that extra credit does not belong in college. I mostly get good evaluations from the students unless one is mad at me for the grade they earned. It is usually only 2 students out of 39 so I don't worry about it.
Terry, thank you for your post--your word "enabling" actually led me to a solution with this student, so thanks for solving one of my problems du jour!
Teacher Terry
4-26-17, 12:41pm
Good Tybee. I think the pull to help is strong and that is why we struggle with it. Some teachers really don't care so they don't struggle.
Chicken lady
4-26-17, 4:48pm
I think extra credit is ok, but I would tie it to effort and a second chance - Ie, student has actually turned things around, but just run out of time - go back to the stuff that was failed/done poorly early in the class and give the student a chance to get some of that credit back by showing mastery of the material.
I think extra credit is ok, but I would tie it to effort and a second chance - Ie, student has actually turned things around, but just run out of time - go back to the stuff that was failed/done poorly early in the class and give the student a chance to get some of that credit back by showing mastery of the material.
I actually do not do extra credit and do not take late work unless there is an extraordinary situation; I don't let students go back and redo work, since we have a policy that does not excuse absences for students, and undone work is considered an absence, so that's pretty cut and dried. I find my grading is structured so that if they will just do the work and meet the deadlines, they will do fine. If they won't, then they will either be withdrawn (missing three assignments) or fail.
It is good for college students to learn that they need to keep up and do the work--they have to really work to fail the class,and they cannot come in and make it up at the end. That's just the way it is for our situation, and I get many more to finish and do well than the teachers who let them turn in late work, statistically.
But everyone's teaching situation is different!
Teacher Terry
4-26-17, 6:11pm
Tybee like you I teach at the college level and the university has a lot of rules. The students need to provide a doctor's note in order to be allowed to finish late work. Extra credit does not belong at the college level. Your boss won't accept your work late in real life so college is the time to prepare for that.
Thinking about the OP's decision to let the girls practice without their parents having signed them up. Perhaps it might have been better to not let them practice until their parents had signed them up. That way anyone that really wanted to participate would go home and remind their parents to sign them up. Or let them practice for the first week, but ever y day remind them that they can't participate after the first week if not signed up. And then stick to it.
I would be worried because they are kids and if their parents did not give them permission to practice, what if they got hurt? Maybe that's a non issue in your district.
Chicken lady
4-26-17, 7:15pm
I teach in a situation where the goal is mastery of the material by the student and student growth and development - so my practices will relate to that goal...
i gave one kid an incomplete for the first semester because she had missed so many classes. I told her her grade for the year (both semesters) wild be determined by how much of the content she covered in the second semester and she has been doing great. My students are not adults however.
And I've known bosses to accept "make up work". Particularly early in the job. (you screwed this up, this is what you should have done, take it home and bring it in Monday). I suppose it depends on the boss and the job.
mschrisgo2
4-26-17, 8:00pm
Ah, yes... I am struggling with this right now with 8 of my students, 25% of my kids have not returned their Residency forms. They must be turned in by June 1, or they are not enrolled for next year, any where in the district (they are fourth graders). I have given them the forms 3 times, nagged, pleaded, bribed... left messages for parents, all to no avail. Today I talked to each one individually, explaining that if they don't turn them in, they will be told to Go Home on the first day of school.
I suspect several things may be going on: family is moving and they don't want to tell the kids yet, or they rent a room from someone and have no "proof" of residency, or perhaps they are afraid of ICE. Or maybe they just don't believe us, and will come a throw a fit and try to bully their way in. In which case, the child will miss the whole first week of school- once again, the kid pays the price for the adult actions, or, non-action.
In any case, I am now Done. No matter how many more emails I get from the school secretary, I will Not mention it again. Thanks for the reminder!
No one can legally give work to an employee to do unpaid at home (assuming they are hourly which is the most likely). If they do, they can and should be sued for overtime. Many companies have been caught in traps like this. "Make up work" has to happen on time paid to do the work.
I should clarify that I have a basic permission slip to have them participate in activities at my site during my program times and with staff such as the volunteers for the running program. I always get those, I can stop the parents on the first day if I did not have it before they participated and have the parents do the simple form. So we just do not have the additional registration (and fee) for the 5K part of the program. That is done on the computer and the parents must take charge of that. That I need to let go of,
No one can legally give work to an employee to do unpaid at home (assuming they are hourly which is the most likely). If they do, they can and should be sued for overtime. Many companies have been caught in traps like this. "Make up work" has to happen on time paid to do the work.
That is for hourly, salary is something else entirely! My staff will take home planning work but it is their choice to be easier that way and they are paid for it.
ToomuchStuff
4-27-17, 1:02am
That's it exactly--I am trying not to get emotionally involve din the outcomes, but I have one right this second with a student in the class with 5 days left in the semester and she has been failing all semester and now she wants me to raise her grade. "I can't afford to fail this class"-- yet that is exactly what she has been doing, and she did it to herself. Why do I get so wound up--I end up feeling she is trying to pin it on me. Agh. I SO empathize!!
And if you gave them a passing grade, without them actually learning, then you open yourself and the school up to a lawsuit later as one of these teachers who just passed the problem child on (the ones you hear about either can't or can barely read/write).
Luckily, my problem children are over 18 and I do not have to deal with their parents. And I never, ever, pass someone who hasn't earned a passing grade. Financial aid usually involved, and school is very serious about getting rid of the students who are just in it for the bucks.
I have found strictness redounds to the students' benefits, as they are often used to being coddled, and it does them no favors. Sometimes I am the first teacher who holds them accountable. I don't accept plagiarized work, either.
They choose to be there or not. It's college.
ZG and CL, on the other hand, teach children, and it's a whole different ballpark, and I would probably be doing just what CL does. Although in both situations, we try to teach accountability.
ZG and CL, on the other hand, teach children, and it's a whole different ballpark, and I would probably be doing just what CL does. Although in both situations, we try to teach accountability.
It is so hard, I know the kids give parents the information, I am set up at a desk in the lobby every afternoon so they can use my computer, I even offered to pay from my grant money (it is $40) if that is a problem, but the parents simply did not do it. The coach is working to get them in, looks like we may be able to make it work. Next year I definitely will only have a few practices they can join before they must have this done however, I learn every year!
ToomuchStuff
4-27-17, 12:15pm
It is so hard, I know the kids give parents the information, I am set up at a desk in the lobby every afternoon so they can use my computer, I even offered to pay from my grant money (it is $40) if that is a problem, but the parents simply did not do it. The coach is working to get them in, looks like we may be able to make it work.
So no consequence lessons learned then, either way.
Chicken lady
4-27-17, 4:12pm
It is possible that the kids have learned that even though their parents are not always reliable, Zoe girl and their coach will bend over backward to support them. This can outweigh everything else.
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