View Full Version : 59
Ultralight
4-26-17, 5:56pm
Last weekend I went on a date with a 59 year old woman. I am 37.
The date was quite pleasant. We simply met for a lunch (because she was skeptical of a date with "someone so much younger").
By the end of the date she said: "I am glad we did this. Thank you for being persistent."
When I said: "I will contact you soon, maybe we can do this again" she said: "Yes! Please do. We should!"
And she sent me a couple emails the next day about enjoying meeting me. And we have been emailing more since then.
Thoughts on this situation? Lemme have it. haha
Simplemind
4-26-17, 6:03pm
I dated 6 years and 8 years younger. No biggie unless you think it is a biggie.
Do you have an Oedipus complex?
Seriously, I don't see any issue. If you enjoy her company and she enjoys yours, go with it.
Ultralight
4-26-17, 6:06pm
I dated 6 years and 8 years younger. No biggie unless you think it is a biggie. It is not an issue to me. Though I have noticed -- and maybe this is an individual thing -- she is not especially forthcoming. Women around my age (and younger) tend to just say all kind of stuff, about themselves, others, anything. I think that men around my age and younger do this too, perhaps because this is what they all do on social media. haha
Teacher Terry
4-26-17, 6:14pm
I have known a few people with the woman being this much older that worked out very well. I would just see where it leads. I think older women take longer to share. They are not used to blabbing their personal lives all over the place.
I have dated men 15 years younger which was too much of a gap as he was immature and 5 years younger who I had a good run with and who I am still friends with. I have also gone up to 5 years older, but everyone who was older than me was controlling.
I think it sounds very promising! IN my family there are at least three of these younger men older women marriages, and they have worked out very well.
BikingLady
4-26-17, 7:05pm
Oh just a date and enjoyable at that. Not like you are 57 and she is 79 and you biking or kyaking on the date.
Ultralight
4-26-17, 7:30pm
Do you have an Oedipus complex?
No, but I like that I would not have to worry about accidental pregnancy if she and I were physically intimate. :)
Ultralight
4-26-17, 7:32pm
I have known a few people with the woman being this much older that worked out very well. I would just see where it leads. I think older women take longer to share. They are not used to blabbing their personal lives all over the place.I think I am just going to ask her on another date and get to know her more. Just take it one step at a time. If it continues to go well, great! If she and I appear not to be a match after getting to know each other then we both move on. No big issues.
I think I am just going to ask her on another date and get to know her more. Just take it one step at a time. If it continues to go well, great! If she and I appear not to be a match after getting to know each other then we both move on. No big issues.
And at the risk of sounding hopelessly old fashioned, you might end up with a good friend even if not a romantic partner. Friends are good :-)
One of my son's best friends dated a woman significantly older (probably similar age difference) and they almost married. She was extremely fit and beautiful (a fitness trainer and into vegan nutrition). But they broke up ultimately. The break-up had nothing to do with the age difference.
So go for it, UA!
Oh, gee, I forgot the example of my own mother, who was 38 when she married my 28 year-old stepfather. He walked into an instant family of 4 kids and a cougar, and he was just great. He was like a big brother.
ToomuchStuff
4-27-17, 12:51am
There are some issues that do/will tend to turn up. The gal I asked to marry me, was 9 years older, and she didn't like some comments from those who thought she must have been my older sister (close enough to be able to finish sentences). Her mom was dating someone six months older then me.
Medical stuff can throw a kink into it, or drive you closer. I have a gal I have known for years, and one day she came in with another friend of mine, who is about 21 years her senior. They dated for a while and had a great time, and then he suffered a severe head trauma. If he weren't in the shape he is in, he wouldn't have survived, and it drove them closer, and they married.
We had a member here, who left (Redfox). You can go read her posts and see the differences. The big issue I saw with that one, is her husband was needing to put money away for his eventual retirement and needed the compounding time. She was close enough to retirement, to start pulling out his money, so he would have none.
Other then that, I have had several older women hit on me, that was not the issue, the issue has commonly been, they tend to be ex-wives of friends. One instant where a friend once told his daughter, there is your grandfather, due to his mom having a crush on me, and years ago hitting on me when her husband passed.
Age is part state of mind, part experiences, part knowledge, and part physicality.
Ultralight
4-27-17, 7:32am
There are some issues that do/will tend to turn up. The gal I asked to marry me, was 9 years older, and she didn't like some comments from those who thought she must have been my older sister (close enough to be able to finish sentences). Her mom was dating someone six months older then me.
Medical stuff can throw a kink into it, or drive you closer. I have a gal I have known for years, and one day she came in with another friend of mine, who is about 21 years her senior. They dated for a while and had a great time, and then he suffered a severe head trauma. If he weren't in the shape he is in, he wouldn't have survived, and it drove them closer, and they married.
We had a member here, who left (Redfox). You can go read her posts and see the differences. The big issue I saw with that one, is her husband was needing to put money away for his eventual retirement and needed the compounding time. She was close enough to retirement, to start pulling out his money, so he would have none.
Other then that, I have had several older women hit on me, that was not the issue, the issue has commonly been, they tend to be ex-wives of friends. One instant where a friend once told his daughter, there is your grandfather, due to his mom having a crush on me, and years ago hitting on me when her husband passed.
Age is part state of mind, part experiences, part knowledge, and part physicality. Duly noted. Though we have not had a second date yet, so we'll see. I am just going to take it as it comes.
UA, what are you contributing to the relationship? You appear to be judging her based on age, her responses to your queries. Any stable relationship has to be based on a friendship, IMO. Previous relationships as you have shared here seemed to have been primarily sexual with limited friendships resulting. Please correct me if I have read those posts wrongly.
Ultralight
4-27-17, 7:55am
UA, what are you contributing to the relationship? You appear to be judging her based on age, her responses to your queries. Any stable relationship has to be based on a friendship, IMO. Previous relationships as you have shared here seemed to have been primarily sexual with limited friendships resulting. Please correct me if I have read those posts wrongly. You certainly read this thread wrong. We went on one date, and it seemed to have gone well. But there is no real relationship yet. Relationships of the romantic variety tend to require more dating, more getting to know each other, doing fun or interesting things together, building a bond, supporting each other, encouraging each other, and onward until a life partnership has been formed. Have you ever had a romantic relationship or a life partnership?
iris lilies
4-27-17, 8:53am
You certainly read this thread wrong. We went on one date, and it seemed to have gone well. But there is no real relationship yet. Relationships of the romantic variety tend to require more dating, more getting to know each other, doing fun or interesting things together, building a bond, supporting each other, encouraging each other, and onward until a life partnership has been formed. Have you ever had a romantic relationship or a life partnership?
I just have to remember that you are fairly new when I read things like this.
I do think razz has a good idea of characteristics of a supportive, long term relationship.:)
I just have to remember that you are fairly new when I read things like this.
I do think razz has a good idea of characteristics of a supportive, long term relationship.:)
I read that, too. Razz, I am sorry for your loss.
Chicken lady
4-27-17, 9:14am
Just to be a little contrary here - my husband and I are not friends. We have never been friends. The men I have been friends with are nothing like him. But we love each other immensely. We have been married almost 27 years, together 31. I cannot imagine life without him. He says I am the thing in his life that he did absolutely right.
the things we have in common are things you don't share with "friends". Not even just the "friends with benefits" things. We enjoy building a home together, we love doing stuff with our kids, there are a few activities we both like, but mostly the activities we enjoy together are based on the fact that the person who isn't all that interested enjoys seeing how much fun the other person is having. we also have our own interests that we pursue separately - which gives us both time to do that without feeling like the other is being left out or ignored.
friendships tend to be built on common interests and viewpoints. Ours have always been more complementary.
the things only one of us like to do complement each other. He fixes my car. I grow his food. Often over the years one of us has looked at the other and said "I'm glad you like to do that." He talks cars with his friends. I talk gardens with mine.
We started out with sex and common goals. We discovered that we made great partners to reach those goals, and our relationship became about our relationship - we make each other happy because we enjoy making each other happy. My dd once said "mom and dad don't like any of the same things, but mom really likes dad, and dad really likes mom. It works."
UA, carry condoms and spermicide! That way you won't accidentally impregnate somebody who probably wouldn't want a baby after a quickie.
Ultralight
4-27-17, 11:52am
I just have to remember that you are fairly new when I read things like this.
I do think razz has a good idea of characteristics of a supportive, long term relationship.:) If Razz is going to razz me then I am going razz Razz.
Ultralight
4-27-17, 11:54am
Razz:
If you suffered a loss, then I am sincerely sorry to hear of this. I did not know.
I had a long term relationship with a man 12 years younger than I. We were together nearly 10 years. Mostly good. But we grew apart for 2 reasons: I became more interested in health and fitness so as to be active as long as I could and he became less so to the point of becoming way morbidly obese and unattractive. Second, he became consumed with his career and very focused on that about the same time I was wanting to wind down and look at retirement. He didn't have time to explore life, and I was ready to spread my wings more.
I figure if you're on this earth at the same time as someone, age doesn't matter, if both of you are fulfilled in he relationship.
She and I just couldn't seem to connect. So we gracefully called it off. Nice gal though, for certain.
I had a good, six-year relationship with a man twenty years older than me, and we've been friends off and on since then. If there are no logistical issues (e.g. you want kids), go for it. And I'm fifty-one and share much less on first dates than I used to because that's what works for me now. I wouldn't take it personally.
And also, the Washington Post has a story today on the fact that the French presidential candidate is 25 years younger than his wife:
https://www.washingtonpost.com
Not to mention Mary Kay Letourneau and her husband Vili Fualaau, still together after all these years.
Jane, it's so sad when Mary Kay Letourneau is any kind of role model, isn't it.
Jane, it's so sad when Mary Kay Letourneau is any kind of role model, isn't it.
It is, because she's clearly a little off. He seems more mature than she does, which surprises me.
Maybe it's just a folie a deux. You are right about his maturity level and hers.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.