Father/daughter follow up

[Gardenarian]

I don't know if you all remember my post about my dd having extreme problems with her dad. particularly about certain sounds he made (breathing, lip smacking, chewing.)

Anyhow, it turns out that she has a problem that is diagnosed as 4S (Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome) or Misophonia. Apparently there are thousands of people with this problem, and they are all made crazy by the same things (primarily mouth sounds, usually starting with one person as the focus.)

I guess it falls into that weird category of disorders that are not clearly of psychological or physiological or even environmental in origin. There is no cure, and not even any good treatment. It most commonly occurs in girls as they reach the age of puberty, and in most cases does not go away. :(

I have joined a forum and yahoo group on this. So far it looks like the best treatment is just general good health guidelines: plenty of sleep, good food, meditation, lots of exercise, and vitamin supplementation (particularly Omega 3s and magnesium.) Well, I've been trying to do this as a parent all along (except the magnesium, which I am adding) but I will redouble my efforts.

My dd is relieved to have a diagnosis and to know that she is not alone in this. My usband is skeptical; he still thinks this is something we could handle with discipline (as many parents feel about ADD/HD.) I think there is a role for discipline; we can let her know what are acceptable responses to her feelings. But reading about other people who have this disorder is chilling, and I'm so sad that my dd has this cross to bear.

Here is alink to more info on this topic: http://www.tinnitus-audiology.com/softsound.html

[fidgiegirl]

Wow. I believe it. I have a coworker who CAN'T STAND chewing noises. She gets up and leaves lunch sometimes if certain other coworkers join us. Maybe this is what she has!!

For so many disorders, all one can do, like you mentioned, is figure out how to cope. Best of luck to both of you.

[lhamo]

Wow. Interesting, but I don't find it totally surprising either. I have a pretty strong reaction to certain sounds, too. My DH does the whole "bring up everything in your lungs and hurl a big spitwad in the toilet" thing that is so common among Chinese in the morning and it still drives me INSANE! I hate it so much and react viscerally to it when I hear it. Thankfully most mornings I am gone from the house before he is up, and now our master bath is very far from the kitchen where I usually am on the weekends, so I can tolerate it better. But I wish he wouldn't do it.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I wonder if there are evolutionary roots to this kind of sensitivity. I was watching a show on Discovery about orangutans the other night, and one of the things they talked about was some of the vocalizations they use as warnings their space was being invaded. Maybe somewhere along the evolutionary chain some people got a gene that made them particularly sensitive to this kind of vocalization or meaningful sound. It might have helped them be more sensitive to their social and envionrmental surroundings, so it was good for evolutionary purposes. but in our current world, with all the over stimulation we face every day, same sensitivity can be overwhelming. This doesn't help you or your daughter, obviously, but maybe thinking about her sensitivity to sound and what might at one time have been meaningful behavioural clues can help her see the positive side of it instead of just the negative. Hard thing to deal with, though. WOuld any of the work on highly sensitive people help her come up with some proactive strategies for dealing with the way her mind and body reacts?

lhamo

[creaker]

A lot of it has to do with thresholds - most people know what it's like if you're tired or stressed or sick or just having an off day. You just can't deal with as much stuff as you normally would, little things make you irritable, life is just harder. A lot of the treatment suggested above sounds like raising thresholds, which is just good practice for anyone struggling with anything.

[KayLR]

That is very interesting---I'd never heard about it before. Your husband must feel kinda bad about her severe reaction to him.

[mira]

When I was a teenager, I used to get annoyed by little habits my parents had or noises they would make like that (my mum always clearing her throat, eating noises, etc). These things no longer bother me though now that I've grown up. I am surprised at the number of behaviours that have a "disorder" diagnosis, when there's a good chance it might not be.

[Gardenarian]

cow-hi
Thanks for your feedback! I think there is a wide spectrum on this kind of thing, from mild annoyance to the noises causing severe depression and anxiety. It's true that many behaviors and feelings have been designated "disorders" - in this case, it is helpful to me, because there are all these people out there on forums and stuff offering advice on how to deal with it.

Amazingly, I started giving my daughter Magnesium and last night we all had dinner together without a single complaint from her! Dh (who has been feeling distressed) was really happy. I'm hoping with some meditation and anger management practice we can wipe this sound sensitivity out completely.

I think it's kind of fascinating how many others have had experience with this, or know other people who have. It made me recall that my first boss had an incredibly strong aversion (like dd's) to gum chewing. It just drove her crazy.

I think these 'disorders' have been around forever, but now that we are able to google them we can get together with other people and actually come up with solutions. I've found plenty of help for my own minor weird health issues too. I'm pretty much of a Luddite, but right now I am thankful for the internet.