Disappointed in quilting group

[mschrisgo2]

Now that I am retired, and it's starting to be winter, i.e. cold and wet in this part of California, I have gotten my boxes of fabric, swing machine, and other quilting tools out. I have some unfinished projects dating back about 4 years, and am looking forward to finishing them and to doing more piecing because sewing makes me happy.

I also decided it might be good to find quilting friends. I moved here a little over a year ago, and have friends here but no one who would want to hop in the car and drive 25 miles to a fabric/quilt store. Sometimes I'd like to have that company. And I know I will want an audience for completed projects. So...

Simultaneously, there was a posting on our local NextDoor about starting a local quilting group. First organizational meeting was last week. Twelve women showed up, 9 of which live in a nearby gated community. But this was hosted by a woman in town, so it was all good, or so I thought.

Today an email comes to the group with details for next week's meeting- and its being held in the clubhouse at the gated community! So I email back, thinking someone would "guest" the 3 of us who don't live there. I asked how we would get in. I got an immediate answer: "You don't." -- WTH?!?!?

I inquired again- sometimes I'm just stubborn like that- asking about the others. Immediately i was told, "oh, they realized we are out of their league and they have dropped out. You are not welcome. This is for residents only."

I tell you, I was seeing red for about an hour! How dare they!! They used, then excluded, the woman who started the ball rolling for the group, letting her field and answer all the emails, ready her house, etc. Then excluded 3 of us! I called and left messages for the other 2, suggesting that we have our own group. That was this morning, and neither have answered me.

I was asking myself- how could they?! - then realized it's just like the mean girls in middle school- they never changed!!
I'm running into a lot of nastiness in the world these days. I think I must have been really very sheltered all those years teaching in elementary schools.
But I never dreamed a group of quilters would be so mean.

[iris lilies]

Now that I am retired, and it's starting to be winter, i.e. cold and wet in this part of California, I have gotten my boxes of fabric, swing machine, and other quilting tools out. I have some unfinished projects dating back about 4 years, and am looking forward to finishing them and to doing more piecing because sewing makes me happy.

I also decided it might be good to find quilting friends. I moved here a little over a year ago, and have friends here but no one who would want to hop in the car and drive 25 miles to a fabric/quilt store. Sometimes I'd like to have that company. And I know I will want an audience for completed projects. So...

Simultaneously, there was a posting on our local NextDoor about starting a local quilting group. First organizational meeting was last week. Twelve women showed up, 9 of which live in a nearby gated community. But this was hosted by a woman in town, so it was all good, or so I thought.

Today an email comes to the group with details for next week's meeting- and its being held in the clubhouse at the gated community! So I email back, thinking someone would "guest" the 3 of us who don't live there. I asked how we would get in. I got an immediate answer: "You don't." -- WTH?!?!?

I inquired again- sometimes I'm just stubborn like that- asking about the others. Immediately i was told, "oh, they realized we are out of their league and they have dropped out. You are not welcome. This is for residents only."

I tell you, I was seeing red for about an hour! How dare they!! They used, then excluded, the woman who started the ball rolling for the group, letting her field and answer all the emails, ready her house, etc. Then excluded 3 of us! I called and left messages for the other 2, suggesting that we have our own group. That was this morning, and neither have answered me.

I was asking myself- how could they?! - then realized it's just like the mean girls in middle school- they never changed!!
I'm running into a lot of nastiness in the world these days. I think I must have been really very sheltered all those years teaching in elementary schools.
But I never dreamed a group of quilters would be so mean.

That is interesting. What is the purpose of the quilting group? Is size of the group a factor?

I ask because my garden club has a size limitation. We are a study group where everyone brings a floral arrangement for a critique from the group. Our bylaws limit us to 30 members, but critiquing that many designs would take several hours, so in our current membership of 23 people we usually have 12 - 14 designs. That is enough.

The news of your unwelcome status was delivered badly, that is for sure. Ugh. But I can see if these women decided that they had enough bodies to form a group just in their own little subdivision Some garden clubs have tight geographic limits like that, limited to a subdivision. But why did they include you in the email? That is weird. Was that just incompetence, sending you the email?

[Chicken lady]

Disappointing is an understatement. How rude!

at least that woman didn’t let you get invested in the group and start to think she was a friend before showing you who she is. I hope the other two get back with you. Keep trying.

[sweetana3]

Quilters are really just other people with a common interest. We have our own quilt police, nasty people, and downright cruel people. I am so sorry that the mean girls were so tactless and cruel. But quilters as a big group have far more very nice, helpful, and kind members.

I would just try again. Maybe have an organizational meeting at some neutral location without much equipment/cost (quilt store, library, bookstore, etc.). Do more of a get to know meeting with show and tell to find out what everyone is looking for (shopping, weekly bee meetings, etc.) You could end up creating one or more "bee" groups out of such a meeting. Or find out if there is a local big guild that has already sorted this out and has bees to join.

[flowerseverywhere]

I have been in many quilt guilds as I have moved around the country and yes, there can be mean girls. But seriously, you are cutting up pieces of fabric and sewing them together again. No need to be unkind. But there are tons of nice people out there.
I buy most of my fabric Online. If you need good hints for good prices just ask.

I would encoirage you to to find a good group. If you have to drive a half hour or hour maybe you could carpool with the other two women.

Another option is is an online group. Facebook has a ton of them and everyone posts pictures of their stuff, encourages and shares tips. Quiltville open studio is a group on Facebook and Bonnie Hunter is getting ready to start a new mystery quilt. Tons of patterns, advice and fun. Last year, there was a quilt along and we did two blocks a week that eighty designers made up. I never would have completed this 5000 piece quilt without the encouragement of my online quilting sisters. My projects this year is farmers wife, and I also have a Dear Jane in progress.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1995&stc=1Edited to add, 35,000 people worldwide participated in this quilt along. Now it is a book, the splendid sampler.

[flowerseverywhere]

For anyone interested here are some online projects going on now or in the near future

gnome angel will be hosting a Farmers wife 30,s quilt along starting January 1st. You need to purchase Lori Hurds book of the same name. They did gypsy wife this year

Moda blockheads. They are doin a sew along and provide the free patterns

quilt along with Pat Sloan. She has tons of free tips and patterns. She does lots of sew alongs.

I only use use Facebook for my quilting groups. Tons of tips, tricks and info. But most of all, inspiration.

My quilt group is doing the Bonnie Hunter mystery quilt along together. You can find the info on her webpage, quiltville as well as in the quiltville open studio Facebook group. She does one every year starting on Black Friday, with weekly or so clues finishing mid January. She does this during the holiday time because so many people that are lonely or sad look forward to it every year. The clues are free but she takes them down on February 1. Also, I am starting a block of the month next year and we will meet monthly and work on one of these big projects together.

[CathyA]

Mschrisgo.....Wow.......how very rude. Sounds like you wouldn't want to be around these folks anyhow. Keep trying to find another group.
I can't believe that person was such a rude snob.

[razz]

That is sad. We don't know what triggered that degree of inappropriate behaviour. Let it go.

Having said that, the cruelty of the one person has made the other two very cautious especially if they have never tried to join a quilting group before.

May I suggest that rather than wanting to leap into a fully fledged group that you gently invite the other two and one or two others to a meeting to see if there is enough interest to start your own? I like to start small, set some simple parameters that are agreed to by consensus such as IL has mentioned for her hort group.
The fabric store may have some ideas of people in your neighbourhood who are searching for a small group to share their interest.

There is a solution that is right for you. Hugs

[JaneV2.0]

I agree that you're lucky you found out about these harpies before you got too involved. My experience of quilters was that the only thing we had in common was quilts, but that was OK. Keep looking--your experience was an unfortunate fluke.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Very rude and cruel. However, as some have said here already, now you know and better sooner than later. You and the two other cast off ladies, form your own small group with an eye out for another who doesn't fit into someone else's mold. You'll grow.

[iris lilies]

I have a new garden friend who lives on the edge, financially. She is a hard worker and is very interested in learning about a variety of plants at an expert level since she already knows quite a lot. But already she is drawing lines between The Snooty Women and herself. There is a lot of crossover between garden clubs and plant societies so we know several of the same people.

Me, I have a hard time identifying who The Snooty Women are. I honestly dont see it and never have in these garden organizations. As I envision each person in my floral designers group, I see people who are passionate about design,helpful to others, and concerned about “getting it right.” But I imagine my new friend would single out a couple of them as being Snooty because they have McMansions out in far suburbia, and they spend money on flower show junk.

I have been honest with my friend and told her that while this group values creativity above all else, yeah, we do spend money on crap. Lots of crap, lots of money. My friend is welcome to use the crap from my basement in flower design, but she would not be happy overall in this group.I am actually thrilled when others use flowers I have grown in their designs, so I would love for her to start using my containers as well as flowers from my garden.

[nswef]

Groups are tough. Your local library may have a group, too. Good luck. I'm sorry they were so rude.

[Teacher Terry]

Well that is really awful but better to find out they are bitches now then to find out later when you were more invested. I hope you can connect with the other 2 ladies. IL: that is nice that you let your friend use your stuff. I don't like to spend a bunch of $ on hobbies because I prefer to spend it on entertainment and travel:))

[razz]

Just a thought that occurred afterwards - is it possible that it is just one or two of the gated folks and not the rest who may be horrified at what happened? That group may find itself struggling with retaining those who really are not feeling so exclusionary.

[iris lilies]

Just a thought that occurred afterwards - is it possible that it is just one or two of the gated folks and not the rest who may be horrified at what happened? That group may find itself struggling with retaining those who really are not feeling so exclusionary.
That is a good observation, and chamces are there are some people in the gated community group who dont care who comes to the groups meetings as long as they are interested in quilting.

[iris lilies]

I have been in many quilt guilds as I have moved around the country and yes, there can be mean girls. But seriously, you are cutting up pieces of fabric and sewing them together again. No need to be unkind. But there are tons of nice people out there.
I buy most of my fabric Online. If you need good hints for good prices just ask.

I would encoirage you to to find a good group. If you have to drive a half hour or hour maybe you could carpool with the other two women.

Another option is is an online group. Facebook has a ton of them and everyone posts pictures of their stuff, encourages and shares tips. Quiltville open studio is a group on Facebook and Bonnie Hunter is getting ready to start a new mystery quilt. Tons of patterns, advice and fun. Last year, there was a quilt along and we did two blocks a week that eighty designers made up. I never would have completed this 5000 piece quilt without the encouragement of my online quilting sisters. My projects this year is farmers wife, and I also have a Dear Jane in progress.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1995&stc=1Edited to add, 35,000 people worldwide participated in this quilt along. Now it is a book, the splendid sampler.

This quilt! I cant enlarge up the image, but it looks so interesting and intricate. Really, realy nice.

I am going to start a new thread for you all to show us your quiltwork.

[KayLR]

Wow, I would be livid as well. Sorry that happened to you! I know the quilt shop is a ways away, but maybe they have regular customers from your town they know might be interested in a group? I agree, the library too, might have a good community board. What about Meetup?

I hope you and the other two people are able to start something together.

I'd love to do a gypsy wife quilt!!

[ApatheticNoMore]

What about Meetup?

yes it's one obvious answer, just be prepared to spend real money, because starting a meetup group isn't free (I heard at one time it was 3 meetups for $100 a year, but last I checked it was quite a bit more than that, enough that I backed off for the time being). Some people charge for attending a group or solicit donations but that's so tacky, so gauche. But otherwise there is a real altruistic element to running them, because even if one benefits, so do a lot of others who kind of just free ride on not just one's efforts but one's pocketbook really. Maybe someone else has already done so and you can go to their meetup group though.

[JaneV2.0]

If there's a quilt guild in your area, you can check into satellite groups. There may already be one in your neighborhood, or you can start your own affiliation.

[KayLR]

wow, I had no idea Meetup charged a monthly fee to the organizer. Hmm...I've talked to a few people in Meetup groups and that was never mentioned.

[creaker]

wow, I had no idea Meetup charged a monthly fee to the organizer. Hmm...I've talked to a few people in Meetup groups and that was never mentioned.

There is - but not what was quoted here - maybe that was something different than Meetup? Or the organizer was charging their own rates (this happens)?

https://www.meetup.com/pricing/

Pricing
All prices in USD

Basic
Starts at $9.99/month
50 members
4 organizers

Unlimited
Starts at $14.99/month
Unlimited members
Unlimited organizers

[ApatheticNoMore]

hmm but I can't imagine the basic membership being of much use (although maybe for a quilting group) as with many things most people will join a group just to see if it has events and almost never attend, so the $15 a month is what you would really need to pay for many functioning groups that weren't very limited, even if you limit the attendance at each event which often does make sense, what doesn't make sense is limiting people who can follow your group on meetup pretty much.

[Float On]

So rude! I hope you can find a different group.

[beckyliz]

Wow. I would've been shocked and then mad, just like you. I would've had to restrain myself from answering with more than one obscenity and I don't use a lot of those words. I agree with razz, et al - reach out to the other two "outsiders" and form your own group.

[iris lilies]

Why cant you use Facebook for these group organizatinal activities? It has an event/calendar function.

[creaker]

Why cant you use Facebook for these group organizatinal activities? It has an event/calendar function.

There are also also closed groups - people request to join and then an admin adds them, so the group is accessible to the members and not anyone else. Lots of groups use Facebook this way.

[Tradd]

I belong to several groups that use FB for planning and such. Works well. Of course, there are people who don't like FB, but it's become a necessary evil in many cases. You don't have to give all your personal information. You can keep a bare profile and only use it for groups if needed.

[iris lilies]

I belong to several groups that use FB for planning and such. Works well. Of course, there are people who don't like FB, but it's become a necessary evil in many cases. You don't have to give all your personal information. You can keep a bare profile and only use it for groups if needed.

That is the reason I have a FB page, the organizations I have to follow. Not all are public pages. I still use a modified version of my name so that I cant be identified in a search. And the Facebook’s ability to close off access to “Friends” lists makes it better for my anonymity as well.

When I write comments to the pages of these organizations I used to sign my rwal name at rhe end, but at rhis point the people who need to know who I am now know.

[mschrisgo2]

Update on the quilting group: I went over to the "local" (32 miles away) quilt store this morning. Talked with the owner, told her I'm new in the area, looking for a group to join... she said she does Not share information about groups anymore, that a few years back she did and a group almost ruined her business because she didn't refer them - but she wasn't even aware of that group then. Classes will start there again in March. I put myself on the mailing list.

On the way back, I stopped at the grocery store- and ran into the woman who hosted the group and started that ball rolling (and was also excluded). I said I was delighted to see her, maybe we could have our own small group... she politely interrupted and said she's decided to pursue her interest in pottery and set the quilting aside. And she had seen the 3rd excluded person yesterday- she has decided to join her DH in his vintage car club excursions and leave the quilting ideas for now.

So, I am back to square one. I looked on MeetUp and did not find any quilt groups. I am an experienced quilter, and I belong to several FB quilting groups. I can get ideas from there and Pinterest and YouTube. I was really looking for IRL people with a shared interest. Oh well.

Edited to add: I also found out there are several groups with various activities- writing, Bunco, bridge, puzzles, photography- that meet at the library, but they are all closed groups.

[Simplemind]

I can't stop shaking my head...................