View Full Version : Getting off Facebook
I'm sure there have been threads on this topic before. I've been thinking of quitting the big blue F, or at least trying to vastly cut down on my time there.
Found this article the other day:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dana-bisenius/kick-your-facebook-habit-_b_6011106.html
I'm trying some of the steps and they are working out for me. Over the years, I've gotten disillusioned with FB (and social media in general). The other night, I got in a political fight with someone and ended up blocking them and leaving the group we were both in. I try NEVER to get in political arguments with anyone, both IRL and on the 'net. I ended up yelling and crying to spouse that I hated FB.
I have noticed over the past couple of days, more of a sense of peacefulness and well-being. I've dropped into FB just to see what's going on, and to check Messenger (my best friend's brother-in-law is seriously ill and she has been updating me on Messenger). I've also stopped following a couple of people.
It seems that the crap FB is throwing at me is overwhelming--all these posts they think I would like, suggested friends, etc. etc. I only joined it b/c at the time, I had intentions of selling my handmade jewelry, and let's face it: it's one of the only places you can advertise that sort of thing for free. There are also some cool trade/sell groups for art supplies, and other stuff. Lots of my art friends were on there, so I joined up.
I don't sell my jewelry anymore, so that is not a reason to stay. My excuses have been 1) boredom; and 2) keeping in touch with friends. I gotta ask myself, though: How did I keep in touch with friends before Facebook?
Have you weaned yourself off FB (or any other social media)? How did you do it? How has your life improved? Or do you regret it?
I'm interested to know about your experience.
I've taken time off FB at various times. Like Lent. Yes, life improves greatly. I'm more content when I'm not seeing everyone's latest trips or big purchases.
I'm at a point where I check it once or twice a day but I haven't made a post in over a month and I go back through my timeline and delete a lot of things.
I do plan to keep it because I use it at lot at church for getting quick responses from people. They won't check email but check facebook messenger.
I did a lot of hiding people during the last election. I remove anything that gets me boiling. I don't engage in conversations - political, religious, etc, that might upset me. I try to post an encouraging comment on other's pages when needed.
I've given up on feeling like I have to wish happy birthday to 17 people a day.
I gave up social media--including SLN--for Lent a couple of years ago. Reason: I was wasting a lot of time.
Facebook is really losing its appeal for me. It's gotten so commercial. There's one post from a friend for every 5 "sponsored post"s. Even though those sponsored posts are for things I might be interested in because FB is the champ at targeted advertising, it's ridiculous. My son keeps telling me to migrate to Instagram.
As for the political banter, I make it a point not to engage. I blocked the posts of one of my friends because she was a nasty, rabid liberal and I couldn't stand her rants anymore. And I'm a liberal! Conversely, I haven't been moved to block the posts of my conservative "Share if you think Donald Trump Deserves More Respect" friends. I just can't stand it when it escalates from opinion to vitriol.
So, I never, ever respond to political posts, whether I agree or not. I'd rather keep a friend than splinter over political views.
But you have me thinking about redoing giving up FB for Lent again this year.
Yes, society has done a significant shift. I used to talk on the phone a lot to friends; now I never do. It's all done through Messenger. Ditto for email. I've got friends who never check email anymore.
I've taken time off FB at various times. Like Lent. Yes, life improves greatly. I'm more content when I'm not seeing everyone's latest trips or big purchases.
I'm at a point where I check it once or twice a day but I haven't made a post in over a month and I go back through my timeline and delete a lot of things.
I do plan to keep it because I use it at lot at church for getting quick responses from people. They won't check email but check facebook messenger.
I did a lot of hiding people during the last election. I remove anything that gets me boiling. I don't engage in conversations - political, religious, etc, that might upset me. I try to post an encouraging comment on other's pages when needed.
I've given up on feeling like I have to wish happy birthday to 17 people a day.
Facebook is really losing its appeal for me. It's gotten so commercial. There's one post from a friend for every 5 "sponsored post"s. Even though those sponsored posts are for things I might be interested in because FB is the champ at targeted advertising, it's ridiculous. My son keeps telling me to migrate to Instagram.
Why Instagram Is Becoming Facebook’s Next Facebook (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/26/technology/why-instagram-is-becoming-facebooks-next-facebook.html). I'm sure the folks at Instagram are plotting and planning over how to better monetize users on that site.
Not defending Facebook in this instance; I find my time on it has decreased as well for all of the sponsored content and for the nonsense too many people post (the clickbait "Everyone couldn't believe it when he..." and the "Which friend will help you steal a car?", not to mention the political trash on both sides). I'm not yet willing to give it up, though. It still lets me keep in (sufficient) touch with people I want to keep up with at least a little, in a way that twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and schedules can't touch.
As for the political banter, I make it a point not to engage. I blocked the posts of one of my friends because she was a nasty, rabid liberal and I couldn't stand her rants anymore. And I'm a liberal! [snip] I'd rather keep a friend than splinter over political views.
My BiL is a prime offender with this. Apparently cannot see a single post on Fb without "sharing" it >8) and does a really poor job discerning real issues and information from outraged fake news. Sadly, Facebook's tools for filtering what you see are pretty crude, so I can't unfollow him without also missing out on what he and SiL are doing in their lives (which actually interests me). Yes, we can catch up with them a couple of times a year through visits or cards/letters/email. But it's not the same. There's a lack of involvement from not being engaged so often. So, for now, Fb it is and I skip a lot of posts.
As for the Trumpistas still out there in my friend pool, though, I think I'd rather know now they still lean that way than have it come up in a F2F conversation with them.
I have deleted Twitter from my tablet, as I rarely checked it and have never really liked it.
I've got a problem with Pinterest. Now all of a sudden, it seem like every other photo is "promoted." How did this happen?
I'm not a big Instagram user either.
I used to spend a lot of time on flickr, but I've noticed it's not being used as much as it used to. For instance, I take a couple of online art classes each year. They used to have flickr groups; now it's all a "private" Facebook groups.
Williamsmith
2-1-18, 3:43pm
I belong to only two social sites. I used to belong to a forum of baseball minded people who primarily helped mentor young kids through the process of building a career in baseball and obtaining a college scholarship. I maxed out at ten years. The site owner started selling advertising space on the home page and I quit immediately because I felt the hours and hours of volunteer advice was not his to exploit and I told everyone so in rather flamboyant language. Well, I cussed him out pretty harshly.
I took a little time off and surfed around looking for another site without much luck. And then I stumbled across this forum. I really never know from day to day what my level of participation will be and I’m not sensitive about it. I do what I feel like doing. If that means my priorities change and I seem hypocritical or undisciplined....meh. I like that this site lives up to its name in a big way. Really never experienced the kind of tolerance the members here have for conflicting views on this kind of format. It speaks to the character of the people who belong here. I am appreciative of that more than you know.
i also belong to a forum of firearms owners from my state. It is what it is. To quote somebody. There are a lot of jackbutts, lots of ignorance, and intolerance. Just the way we firearms owners like it. Hmmmm.
Oh yeah, I do have a clandestine Facebook account for my wife which we use a couple times a year when we want to get intelligence on our own kids and my mother. But for the most part I think Facebook is responsible for the reduction in productivity of the entire US workforce. I think the Russians are behind it.
Williamsmith, you may be right about the workforce thing. I have noticed that after 5 p.m., Facebook kind of shuts down. But boy is it humming during the day!
I only use Instagram and Twitter. And I only follow about 20 accounts on each.
The was a time I had Facebook and LinkedIn. But they became ridiculous.
If the only way to keep up with someone is on a social site that I don't want to join, then they don't really want a relationship with me do they ...
I've taken facebook breaks but never quit it entirely. mark zuckerberg and I seem to have a brokeback mountain relationship (I just can't quit you.) Mostly I'm ok with that. I've got "that friend" that Steve mentions, the one who posts EVERYTHING they come across that pisses them off whether it's fake news or not. And I've had the endless arguments with friends of friends who are trump supporters. At least I'm now aware enough to be able to take a step back and disengage. I imagine that twenty years from now people will be dealing with social media like it's nothing. And I'll be that old man screaming "get off my lawn, ya damn kids!" and griping about how the world went down the toilet as soon as social media came on the scene and ruined "life as we know it".
I am only on Facebook to keep up with one nonprofit group I belong to. I unfriended everyone. Once a week or so I install the app, check for messages, then uninstall it. That way it does not distract me.
However I am on LinkedIn and expect I will be until I retire.
Chicken lady
2-2-18, 6:09am
I am here.
i am also in an online hoarder support group that does not allow registration or logging in - you just post anon, it is up to you to ID yourself in your post so that people know who you are.
for a while I posted on a homesteading B.B.
And for years before Facebook I belonged to a B.B. of moms whom my family called my “imaginary friends”. We were a tight knit group and supported each other through a lot. We talked about how someday we would be posting about grandchildren and retirement homes, some of us met each other irl. And then Facebook happened, and people slowly drifted away. A Facebook group was started, I refused to go. Eventually there were only about 6 of us actively using the board. The others sent “we miss you” messages through people who were on both sites. They didn’t miss us enough to post or email. Finally the board was let go. I mourned it. One friend has stayed in touch.
i find Facebook a mile wide and an inch deep. My mother has an account that she graciously lets me log into now and then when my kids post a cute picture and forget to send it to me. Sometimes I check my cousin’s page as she no longer writes or calls. It has little real content beyond her profession (makes sense as her employer could check it)
my school uses uses Facebook exclusively for the school newsletter. So, I never get to read it (my mother is not a member of the group) this is sometimes a minor inconvenience.
i think facebook book has been responsible for more disconnection in my life than any other factor. Although, I also used to correspond with over a dozen individuals, and once we could “just email any time”! I found they slowly stopped emailing. Again - one friend continues, with about the frequency of the letters. That might also represent a Facebook shift though, as it got progressively worse.
Williamsmith
2-2-18, 8:36am
I am not anti technology and certainly recognize the benefits of electronic mail, internet facilitated business and social networking but I find Facebook to be a #lookatme narcissistic endeavor primarily. That Zuckerberg became so wealthy with it is evidence to me of the addictive nature it was intentionally designed for. Having been sucked into the vortex of addiction in other areas of my life......I find it satisfying that I avoided the Facebook virus.
There have been times when I wished I could foster an actual handwritten letter exchange with a friend. To modify CLs catchphrase......I think that would be “an inch wide and a mile deep.”
A little positive Facebook story: 15-20 years ago I subscribed to several Usenet groups (for those who haven't experienced it, Usenet is kind of computer-bulletin-board-like and mostly text). There were groups for pretty much any interest/cause. Slowly the popularity of computers and the addition of people with no computer background (or interest in learning how to use them) caused Usenet to descend into a morass of repeated threads, spam, and flame wars. One international cooking group in which I participated was highly affected by this deterioration, to the point that it just wasn’t worth keeping up a kill file and wading through the hotheads for the gems that remained. I dropped out.
A few years ago, several core members of the group moved it to Facebook. Now that 1) administrators controlled who could join the group; and 2) people had to post under (what Fb will accept as) real names, the signal-to-noise ratio has increased tremendously. Now we also can have pictures with our questions/cooking results and it's far more real-time than Usenet could muster. I'm back in that group again and benefitting from the expertise of all these fellow cooks as well as the others who joined once it moved to Fb.
Maybe that could have happened if the group had moved to its own Web site. Or not. Thing is, many (most?) people know their way around Facebook. As the numbers show, they don't want to join twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. and learn how to navigate those sites. They're already on Fb for whatever, and their presence creates a critical mass that attracts even more special-interest groups. This is the same inertia that keeps Google on top despite their extraction of every user's privacy. Not saying that's good; just saying that most people are not computer-savvy and that once they know how to use a tool, they like to use it for as much as possible, even at some cost to the tool or what they're using it on.
By all means, if Fb isn't doing it for ya, keep away or leave. I'm simply positing that the sheer popularity of the platform results in a kind of "utility" status. Life does not require you to have an email address or a phone, either. But not having one (or both) has its price. If you want to pay that price, fine. But don't expect the rest of your world to bend to your (minority) preference. They've already voted.
if I am too upset by someone posting things over and over, I just unfollow them.
FB allows me to keep in touch with so many people who share positive updates.
If they step over the line too far, just unfriend.
I am always interested in how people perceive and use Facebook. I'm on it and I like that I have built it to see what I want to see. I follow several artist groups where you can safely share your work and get constructive feedback. I follow a local news source and a couple of groups for specific medical issues. It is amazing how some people have done much more legwork on their conditions than their doctors ever do. I have picked up some very valuable information. I noticed that since Zuckerberg tweeked it there is less junk popping up. I'm satisfied with it.
I just unfollow or block the people who annoy or really peeve me. I'm part of several closed groups for divers that are much less snarky than another huge forum for diving. I connect with a lot of people and I too like the reduced number of business type posts since the tweaks.
My FB consists largely of diving involved stuff, Great Lakes shipwreck stuff, and there is nothing that could cause any possible employer issue (my page is locked down anyway).
ApatheticNoMore
2-2-18, 3:44pm
Is LinkedIn really of any help? Potential employers may check it but I have yet to see any indication it impresses anyone. And you will get no more job offers from it than just posting a resume on a job board. I suppose it's sole use may be trying to network with strangers working in a company you would like to work in to try to get in to a company that way. But how many are really going to friend a stranger looking for a job I wonder. And if there is a way to communicate without first adding a connection I guess I'm not aware of it.
Seems mostly useless stuff promoted as somehow being useful.
Is LinkedIn really of any help? Potential employers may check it but I have yet to see any indication it impresses anyone. And you will get no more job offers from it than just posting a resume on a job board. I suppose it's sole use may be trying to network with strangers working in a company you would like to work in to try to get in to a company that way. But how many are really going to friend a stranger looking for a job I wonder.
Seems mostly useless stuff promoted as somehow being useful.
I'm a passive LinkedIn participant, but I think it works. I know potential clients look me up. Because I'm a freelancer, I may benefit more from being on it than other people who are employed by corporations, but I would never NOT be on it. It gives me credibility and it opens doors. My bio is on there, endorsements and reviews.
And a photo I'm embarrassed about because my daughter took it. Even though it's only 4 years old, I look 20 years younger because she's a graphic designer/photographer, and I think she touched me up. But I'm constantly in fear that someone will sue me for bait-and-switch when they hire me and then find out I'm an old lady.
In my former position I once interviewed someone for an opening just because she had reached out to one of our leaders via LinkedIn. We didn't hire her, but that reach-out did get her the interview.
I do hear from both company talent acquisition folks and third party recruiters via LinkedIn, but all an hour plus away. And I get spam about don't you want to join our company and sell life insurance,totally not my field.
Is LinkedIn really of any help? Potential employers may check it but I have yet to see any indication it impresses anyone. And you will get no more job offers from it than just posting a resume on a job board. I suppose it's sole use may be trying to network with strangers working in a company you would like to work in to try to get in to a company that way. But how many are really going to friend a stranger looking for a job I wonder. And if there is a way to communicate without first adding a connection I guess I'm not aware of it.
Seems mostly useless stuff promoted as somehow being useful.
I have major mixed feelings about Linkedin. I think it really could be something if it could only decide what it wants to be. My recurring perception of it is "Facebook for working people" because they put so much energy into liking posts or following "influencers". Whenever I log in (increasingly less frequently these days) I see an advertisement for a company that restores old boats that has absolutely zero to do with my career or interests -- and no way to remove it from my feed except to report it. >8) I just see all of that as nonsense compared to their stated mission.
That said, while being on Facebook may not get you an interview, I think that doing a poor job on your Linkedin profile (the gray silhouette) or not vetting comments on others' posts would not be a mark in your favor.
And I have used Linkedin successfully several times. On a couple of occasions I was trying to find other companies that used some software we were interested in buying. I was able to contact an existing connection of mine to find out who in their company would be using that software and to ask that person if I could contact the user directly (rather than be some rando sending an email). That worked well. I also found a couple of high-quality candidates for a non-profit board on which I sat.
I just kind of wish they'd get rid of the Facebook-like shell on the product.
I have a full linkedin profile where my whole resume is up there yadda yadda yadda. I don't treat it like facebook. I don't like posts. I don't congratulate people on work anniversaries, etc. Every few months I tweak my resume. Beyond that I click yes to anyone who wants to friend me. My experience may be different because I have a pretty unique specialty (cyber insurance underwriting) but I do get hit up by headhunters, internal insurance company recruiters, and others who are looking to hire someone with my particular skills. Nine times out of ten I'm not even remotely interested for various reasons, but once in a while I have followed through to the point of at least an initial interview, and a couple of times more than that.
It's also a good way to keep track of people. Anymore when someone gives me a biz card it stays in my pocket until I get back to the office. I then friend them on linked in, and toss the card in the compost bin.
...I blocked the posts of one of my friends because she was a nasty, rabid liberal and I couldn't stand her rants anymore. And I'm a liberal! Conversely, I haven't been moved to block the posts of my conservative "Share if you think Donald Trump Deserves More Respect" friends. I just can't stand it when it escalates from opinion to vitriol.
OK, so I posted a very harmless fun little poll today on FB: Who should I root for, because I spent equal amount of time in my life right near Philly and also in New England. Just a fun thing for Super Bowl Day.
So the above friend--while I can't see her posts because I blocked them, I forgot she can see mine. So, some of my friends responded with the levity this exercise deserved, but my buzzkill friend posted the following:
Root for the homeless persons who have been put in danger of freezing to death bec of this dumb game - -- root for the hapless tax payers who paid for that eyesore of a stadiuim that is built in such a way it kills countless migrating birds every year ---- root for the millions whose daily transportation was disrupted ALLLLLL this damn week bec of train stoppages and street closings----root for people like ME who went to a movie Friday night in the city only to find some dumb celebs had taken over the damn lobby for an event
So, do I answer with levity and risk further diatribe from her, or just let it go? I could block that post just to keep the conversation going, but that's unnecessary censorship.
I think I'm just going to ignore. But I may just unfriend her. She's unfriendly enough as it is, it seems.
Aside to Steve, I AM rooting for you guys in MN. I'm sorry you didn't get your own team in the stadium this week. Hope you haven't been inconvenienced the way my FB friend has!
Lots of things to think about here.
Here's my most recent experience with FB. A friend moved to another state in October. She was not a very close friend, but we'd have lunch a few times a year, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with two other women. We were part of the same (now defunct) book group. Usually this friend and her husband design Christmas cards and send them out. I figured I'd get one as per usual, except with the "here's my new address" line in addition to the usual holiday greeting.
Well, none of we three ladies heard anything from our friend. I'm a bit surprised (and borderline offended) on behalf of one of the other ladies, because her husband has cancer and she suspected she had it too (she's a breast cancer survivor and may have skin cancer--runs in the family). The other-other lady's dad is dying (he's elderly).
So I stepped up to the plate and messaged the friend who moved away on FB Messenger. "Hi, how are you? How's the new job? I hope things are working out. How are your daughters?" etc.
Got a three-line reply on Saturday. "Job is good. Glad to be in the same zip code as my spouse [they had been living apart during the job search]" and some other throwaway line.
I had a mini-meltdown. This is not entirely her fault, or anyone's fault. And perhaps it deserves its own thread. But I felt like "we've been friends for 20 years and this is all you have to say about your new life? I don't get more than three throwaway lines. Like, your email address, or snail address?"
Perhaps she no longer wants to stay in touch with anyone in the place she was so eager to move away from.
But lately I've been feeling like I have no friends, no social life, etc. and this just put the icing on the cake.
I feel that FB just exacerbates our isolation in society.
Chicken lady
2-4-18, 1:30pm
Frugalone, I was talking to my daughter about my very small number of friends, and she said “you have friends” and started listing people who I like, or who like me, or who participate in activities I participate in.
and I said “those are not friends. Friends cannot be replaced. They leave a hole in your life if they leave or die.”
dd said my standards are too high.
Frugalone, I was talking to my daughter about my very small number of friends, and she said “you have friends” and started listing people who I like, or who like me, or who participate in activities I participate in.
and I said “those are not friends. Friends cannot be replaced. They leave a hole in your life if they leave or die.”
dd said my standards are too high.
I agree with your daughter. Friends are like blessings that come into your life. Sometimes they stay and sometimes they move on to share their lives with others. I am just grateful for my friends at any point in time and try to be a blessing that they cherish as I cherish them.
I think I'm just going to ignore. But I may just unfriend her. She's unfriendly enough as it is, it seems.
Aside to Steve, I AM rooting for you guys in MN. I'm sorry you didn't get your own team in the stadium this week. Hope you haven't been inconvenienced the way my FB friend has!
Sounds like your friend lives somewhere around here. Lots of details only someone who lives around here would know about Minneapolis hosting the Superb Owl (MT)...
I would ignore your friend's comment. Depending on exactly where she lives, she may have endured weeks of closed streets, altered transit routes, and pre-emption of local amenities as visions of dollar signs from visitors flash in the heads of local businesspeople. The Vikings loss still stings a bit (even for bandwagon fans). And The People's Stadium (seriously, that's how they billed this pleasure palace) still leaves a bad taste in plenty of peoples' mouths for how it arrived. There's plenty to be unhappy about if one has a mind to be.
We haven't been as inconvenienced as your Fb friend has. After all (as CNN has been telling the world), we live in St. Paul, a suburb of Minneapolis. :welcome: There have been some Superb Owl (MT) events here as the annual Winter Carnival was held over a week to capture throngs of visitors. But it's been manageable.
Without ranging too far off-topic, I've been rather amused watching Minneapolis enjoy its "star turn" while it deals with its deep and long-standing inferiority complex. And, not-so-secretly, I'm pleased that we got three or four inches of snow yesterday and the temperature is hovering around zero as I write this. You wanna visit Minneapolis? This is what life is like. Trash-talk the weather when you get home if you want; it keeps here the people who love living here and don't really want to live anyplace else. Minneapolis likes to think it can take on bigger American cities; I'm content to enjoy what we have here.
Chicken lady
2-4-18, 2:08pm
I’m not saying they can’t move on, i’m saying they aren’t interchangeable. If we like going to art fairs together and you move to California and I start going to art fairs with someone else and don’t miss you - we were not really friends.
I had two roommates in college. I still miss one of them. We moved on to different lives and she can’t seem to stay in touch, (I refind her every decade or so, we catch up, she vows enthusiastically to stay in touch, she succeeds for a week or two, then silence....) but I still miss her. We were friends. The other one was a pleasant and agreeable person to share a room and a conversation.
there is a man I am “still” friends with, even though his wife is very opposed to him being friends with women and cut off our communication years ago. I know this, because I saw a sale listing that looked like the seller was him. I couldn’t resist messaging, and identified myself and asked if it was him. His response was (in summary, but with more length and concern) yes it was, and was I ok, and was my family ok, and did I need anything. And I replied “we’re all good (one or two sentence updates on each person) I was just wondering how you and yours were.” And he replied “fine.” (And clearly still married - but also clear that he remembers me and still cares enough to want to come through in an emergency.)
catherine, I personally would just delete the entire post. Unless you've had half a dozen people ignore her and get back to the original point of the post.
That said, while her comment was certainly over the top, and her choice of where to express it was inappropriate, as someone whose office was inside the "superbowl village" zone a couple of years ago I have to say that I understand at least that part of her viewpoint. I've never been into football and it really sucked having that stupid event screwing everything up for weeks leading up to the big event.
catherine, I personally would just delete the entire post. Unless you've had half a dozen people ignore her and get back to the original point of the post.
That said, while her comment was certainly over the top, and her choice of where to express it was inappropriate, as someone whose office was inside the "superbowl village" zone a couple of years ago I have to say that I understand at least that part of her viewpoint. I've never been into football and it really sucked having that stupid event screwing everything up for weeks leading up to the big event.
The poll expires in a few hours. I'm sure people have better things to do than read it and respond--like making fun Super Bowl snacks. As a market researcher I thought a poll would be a fun, light thing to do in the spirit of the day.
I'll delete the whole deal tomorrow morning. Now I remember why I rarely post on FB.
Personally I’m very excited to learn that the new tivo i bought SO for christmas not only has the ability to skip entire commercial breaks, it also has the ability to skip entire show segments sp we can record the superbowl and then watch only the commercials!
JP1: I'm pleased to report that I can skip the entire SB and the commercials both with no special apparatus required. :)
Catherine: I would just skip around the negative posting and enjoy what other friends have to say.
These Are the Best 2018 Super Bowl Commercials — So Far - TIME
http://time.com/5128725/best-super-bowl-commercials-2018/
I have no idea why it’s not clickable - but there’s some commercials for you
Simplemind
2-4-18, 10:56pm
Catherine your post reminds me why I have friends and family that I haven't friended on FB. If they are the type that rant or come up with things off color, rude, political etc.. it isn't going to go on my page.
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