Zoe Girl
2-18-18, 10:47am
This just keeps sticking with me from my review. It has been a couple days, I accept that I am not in a good place in the department and I chose the wrong priorities so my rating is low. I have some months to kick butt however and switch gears (helps to also be looking for a job). So overall I accept the review, but one thing just keeps sticking with me,
My supervisor grew up in 2 spanish speaking countries so his accent is thick. It is not a problem for me after 2 times living in California and now in Denver. I can understand him fine, but I won't be able to exactly quote what he said here because a factor in our communication is also the body language and going back and forth for understanding. At one point he said that he needs to just do his job, pay his rent, etc. just like me. Then he said basically I have advantages, my school/site loves the work I do, I know my programs very well, and English is my first language. That is great, The issue is that he actually has the supervisor job, and he actually has the power to write me up, decide my priorities, change the game, etc. Not to mention he earns more and I have applied for the supervisor job 3 times. So it feels (again) like everyone knows I am smart and very capable, that was basically what he was saying. But then the expectation is that I will help everyone else, however it is an underlying assumption, and when I want to do something extra it is often denied because I am not as good with the business side of my job. The specifics are using me at the beginning of the year to do a traning with another person who had never trained before with 2 days notice, then denying my request to train my providers with short notice.
I am the one who will send one of my staff to your site if you are sick, train you on the data systems, talk through a staff issue you need to decide about, or teach you some mindfulness techniques as needed. I will also with my supervisor and previous ones patiently go over what my site looks like, what is written in my grant, how to make sense of my data and how it affects programming. I will do this as many times as we need to, they have multiple sites to track, language learning, and busy schedules. I have actually been told that supervisors feel comfortable giving me a staff that needs work and extra training because they know I will do it well. One year I took over 3 sites for the last 3 months because someone was fired, at the end of the year my supervisor said that the staff was so happy with me, she said it more as shocked however, like she couldn't figure out how someone could do what I did. It ended up just feeling awkward more than a compliment.
The crappy old story that is coming up is that I have been doing this my entire life. I was the head of the class, so I was frequently used to tutor other students. At one bank job I learned the regulations so well that I was answering questions for other employees who had been there for years. I made a jeopardy game and for a traning for my coworkers. I held my own in my divorce with some pretty big lawyer types too.
I guess my next step is to figure out what I really want to do that uses my strengths and let go of that harsh mind-set that says I need to just buckle down and get good at paperwork and business. So I need to do it, and maybe if I wasn't always beating myself up (and letting others take a punch or 2) I could just do it reasonably well.
My supervisor grew up in 2 spanish speaking countries so his accent is thick. It is not a problem for me after 2 times living in California and now in Denver. I can understand him fine, but I won't be able to exactly quote what he said here because a factor in our communication is also the body language and going back and forth for understanding. At one point he said that he needs to just do his job, pay his rent, etc. just like me. Then he said basically I have advantages, my school/site loves the work I do, I know my programs very well, and English is my first language. That is great, The issue is that he actually has the supervisor job, and he actually has the power to write me up, decide my priorities, change the game, etc. Not to mention he earns more and I have applied for the supervisor job 3 times. So it feels (again) like everyone knows I am smart and very capable, that was basically what he was saying. But then the expectation is that I will help everyone else, however it is an underlying assumption, and when I want to do something extra it is often denied because I am not as good with the business side of my job. The specifics are using me at the beginning of the year to do a traning with another person who had never trained before with 2 days notice, then denying my request to train my providers with short notice.
I am the one who will send one of my staff to your site if you are sick, train you on the data systems, talk through a staff issue you need to decide about, or teach you some mindfulness techniques as needed. I will also with my supervisor and previous ones patiently go over what my site looks like, what is written in my grant, how to make sense of my data and how it affects programming. I will do this as many times as we need to, they have multiple sites to track, language learning, and busy schedules. I have actually been told that supervisors feel comfortable giving me a staff that needs work and extra training because they know I will do it well. One year I took over 3 sites for the last 3 months because someone was fired, at the end of the year my supervisor said that the staff was so happy with me, she said it more as shocked however, like she couldn't figure out how someone could do what I did. It ended up just feeling awkward more than a compliment.
The crappy old story that is coming up is that I have been doing this my entire life. I was the head of the class, so I was frequently used to tutor other students. At one bank job I learned the regulations so well that I was answering questions for other employees who had been there for years. I made a jeopardy game and for a traning for my coworkers. I held my own in my divorce with some pretty big lawyer types too.
I guess my next step is to figure out what I really want to do that uses my strengths and let go of that harsh mind-set that says I need to just buckle down and get good at paperwork and business. So I need to do it, and maybe if I wasn't always beating myself up (and letting others take a punch or 2) I could just do it reasonably well.