View Full Version : Weekend getaways
Ultralight
6-29-18, 7:32am
Trigger Warning: Yppej, this could send you into one of your tizzies.
While I am not taking anything like a full-on vacation, I am going to go on a little weekend getaway with my ladyfriend in mid-July.
We're going to Buffalo, NY to visit her family and friends (I guess it is serious, this relationship). I'll be meeting her friends from her old neighborhood, getting shown around her old haunts, and breaking bread with her family a few times.
We are also going to Niagara Falls, as I have not been there since I was 10 years old. We may also go to a minor league baseball game (that is TBD though).
I am taking a Friday and a Monday off; we're driving there; and we reserved an Air BnB in a nice neighborhood.
So this got me thinking, where are your favorite weekend getaways? What sorts of activities have you done on weekend getaways?
We like pointing the car in one direction (preferably one we've never taken before) and just driving and stopping at whatever strikes our fancy. No timetables, not a lot of planning, a true break from daily life.
We like pointing the car in one direction (preferably one we've never taken before) and just driving and stopping at whatever strikes our fancy. No timetables, not a lot of planning, a true break from daily life.
That's our kind of getaway, too! We call them "meanders" and we've found a lot of unexpected fun stuff in our travels.
"Brown Sign" trips. We head down a road or highway and stop at every brown sign. We've seen parks, waterfalls, historic notations and parts of our state we would never have otherwise seen as we drive BY them on our way to somewhere/something. On occasion we get far enough away from home that we take a hotel room.. Most of the time we've gotten back home.
We call them "get lost" trips. Love just heading out and seeing where we end up.
We do little weekend trips when we can. Anymore it tends to be going to stay at the cabin on the farm because we don't have the income we once did for fun trips. We do manage to fit for DH 2 trips to SC a year for him to see his mom, and I split up my vacation time with long weekends. Have a short weekend planned to Santa Fe for the Opera. We just haven't decided which one/what weekend yet. That's a girls trip - 3 of us meeting up. We'll get an AirBnB casita.
Teacher Terry
6-29-18, 1:01pm
We always plan our trips but with 3 dogs we need to although I still did before I had dogs. We love to go to placer county in California in the fall and also Elko.
rosarugosa
6-29-18, 1:37pm
I am definitely on the over-planning end of the spectrum. We really like Portland, ME for a getaway weekend, but proximity has something to do with it and it is not so close to you. Nice hotels, restaurants, shops, architecture. There's an excellent art museum and a couple of good concert venues. Nice drives along the coast and lighthouses and historic houses to visit. Seafood heaven!
iris lilies
6-29-18, 2:03pm
Eureka Springs, ARkansas is a fun weekend trip for us.
Wherever our kids live. We’ve seen lots of stuff by combining it with a visit to the kids.
We are heading west into the mountains for a few days without much of a plan. Normally, I plan every detail of a trip but not this one.
Dude I live in Colorado! Just head west and up.
Honestly though when my kids were younger we used to just go to a hotel within an hour, watch cable TV (we didn't have TV) and swim in the pool a lot. There was on with an awesome pool in Boulder that we loved. Maybe too kid-ish however
SteveinMN
6-30-18, 12:30pm
Honestly though when my kids were younger we used to just go to a hotel within an hour, watch cable TV (we didn't have TV) and swim in the pool a lot.
DW did this years ago with friends of hers who had kids of similar ages.
DW and I (sans kids) have gone on long weekends someplace not far away in a room with a hot tub and a restaurant under the same roof. Only done that once since we got the dog though...
Our get aways are sometimes to the local RV resort. They are tops as far as amenities, and sometimes I can get the whole clan together in one place!
Ultralight
6-30-18, 8:50pm
Our get aways are sometimes to the local RV resort. They are tops as far as amenities, and sometimes I can get the whole clan together in one place!
This is a fun idea!
Our get aways are sometimes to the local RV resort. They are tops as far as amenities, and sometimes I can get the whole clan together in one place!
The RV resort across the street from my Buddhist teacher has some cabins, but recently added tiny houses! They have 2 that are for rent. I really want to try them out.
Haven't done a weekend trip in a long time, but when we did do them, it was usually camping. Hmm.... will have to look at the calendar. You all have me wanting to get away!
Trigger Warning: Yppej, this could send you into one of your tizzies.
While I am not taking anything like a full-on vacation, I am going to go on a little weekend getaway with my ladyfriend in mid-July.
We're going to Buffalo, NY to visit her family and friends (I guess it is serious, this relationship).
we reserved an Air BnB in a nice neighborhood.
Traveling to an adjacent state is a lot different than jetting around the world.
But for her family and friends to truly size up your character you should be sleeping alone on an air mattress in a non air conditioned room in one of their houses, or on the couch.
Yeah, air beds do vary widely. I prefer them to couches, though!
I think when we go to visit family I will start traveling with my own air bed. Last time at my parents' I resurrected an old army cot and added down sleeping bags underneath and it was actually really nice.
But it's easier to be creative when the family is not there in the house!
frugal-one
7-1-18, 11:40am
Last weekend trip was a birding expedition this spring. It was lovely.
Traveling to an adjacent state is a lot different than jetting around the world.
But for her family and friends to truly size up your character you should be sleeping alone on an air mattress in a non air conditioned room in one of their houses, or on the couch.
So is it the overall distance that sets you off or the mode of travel?
What would you say the safe distance for me to travel with my student loan debt is? To go from Columbus, OH to Buffalo, NY is roughly 350 miles. What if I wanted to go Rochester, which is about 450 miles?
What if I flew to Buffalo instead of driving? Would that set you off?
Here is another toughie: Suppose I drive to Buffalo but in a rented Jaguar and when I got there I ate filet mignon for every meal, went on a clothes shopping spree, got manicures and pedicures, etc. and ended up spending more money than I would have on a weeklong trip to Costa Rica where I could stay in a little Air BnB by the beach and eat beans and rice and bananas?
I am trying to figure out what you will allow and what you won't allow.
But for her family and friends to truly size up your character you should be sleeping alone on an air mattress in a non air conditioned room in one of their houses, or on the couch.
Why?
IshbelRobertson
7-2-18, 10:57am
We often got for long weekend trips to favourite places in Europe, like Florence, Lake Garda, Brussels, Bruges, Amsterdam and Paris. So far this year, we’ve done our usual 3 Weeks in Greece, four nights in Milan, 2 nights in Dijon, 3 nights in Amsterdam.
Why?
Adversity tests character.
Adversity tests character.
oh brother!
Adversity tests character.
How much more adversity must I go through to pass the character test?
Eureka Springs, ARkansas is a fun weekend trip for us.
One of our first trips in the plane was to Eureka Springs. There were no rental cars available so the airport would let you have a old government car to use. If you wanted to make sure there was one available you had to pay $5. We got a old Chevy Tahoe that had about 150000 hard miles on it. You didn’t have to worry about speeding because anything over 55 the front end would shake to much. But it got us to town and back.
We kind of live in a vacation spot, but we do like Key West and St. Augustine just to get away. We are planning on going up to Savanah and Charleston later in the year.
ApatheticNoMore
7-2-18, 7:29pm
Might not a weekend getaway require taking a day off (or two even)? Well never mind me (ha) but my boyfriend never gets a day off except maybe for xmas (and no you can't take it another time instead because it is only because they shut down the office). So on the 16 the of Nevuary as they say, that's when we'll take a weekend getaway. In other words ain't ever gonna happen. I took vacations once, yea that's one of those things that work better when you have both money and are single of course!
How much more adversity must I go through to pass the character test?
How much more implies you've actually gone through some. What have you done to demonstrate to her family that you are a keeper? Sleeping with her, watching movies together, and going with her on vacations where she pays her own way don't count.
How much more implies you've actually gone through some. What have you done to demonstrate to her family that you are a keeper? Sleeping with her, watching movies together, and going with her on vacations where she pays her own way don't count.
There is a lot to unpack here. You referred to "sleeping with her." Do you mean like actually sleeping or do you mean fornicating?
Yes, we do watch movies together. She picks one to watch, then I pick the net one, then she will pick one again, etc. I think you can explore a person by exploring what that person likes. Sometimes we watch something totally unknown to both of us. That is interesting too.
So had I paid for her vacation, would that be demonstrative that I am a keeper? So a man being a keeper is defined by how much money he spends on the woman?
Tell me, besides sleeping on an air mattress, what are good ways to demonstrate to her family that I am a keeper?
Might not a weekend getaway require taking a day off (or two even)? Well never mind me (ha) but my boyfriend never gets a day off except maybe for xmas (and no you can't take it another time instead because it is only because they shut down the office). So on the 16 the of Nevuary as they say, that's when we'll take a weekend getaway. In other words ain't ever gonna happen. I took vacations once, yea that's one of those things that work better when you have both money and are single of course!
I think you and your boyf ought to just move out of LA and go somewhere totally new and start over. If you are miserable all the time there, what is the point?
How much more implies you've actually gone through some.
Oh, I have.
Tell me, besides sleeping on an air mattress, what are good ways to demonstrate to her family that I am a keeper?
Protect her health now or when it becomes relevant. Since you every month or so bemoan your singlehood and swear off trying to find someone including on dating sites only to land up a few weeks later with someone else, use condoms. Even if not all these relationships are carnal enough are that you could transmit an STD even if you are asymptomatic.
Since you don't want kids get a vasectomy.
Protect her health now or when it becomes relevant. Since you every month or so bemoan your singlehood and swear off trying to find someone including on dating sites only to land up a few weeks later with someone else, use condoms. Even if not all these relationships are carnal enough are that you could transmit an STD even if you are asymptomatic.
Since you don't want kids get a vasectomy.
She and I have both been tested for STDs and are thus far healthy. We are monogamous. And she uses a form of birth control that I administer to her.
So we are being careful. She is also rapidly approaching the age where pregnancy is a non-issue, really.
I am not getting a v-sec.
Okay, what else must I do to prove I am a keeper.
There are post-menopausal women who have given birth including one in England.
There are post-menopausal women who have given birth including one in England.
There are 23 year old women who are totally infertile.
You know it is extremely unlikely that a woman will get pregnant after menopause. So get back to what hoops I need to jump through to prove I am a keeper.
It is not hoops to jump through and check off a list as done. It is a mindset of unselfishness, sacrifice and responsibility. For example, I am responsible for my students loans, not the taxpayer. And so you can trust me to be financially responsible with your beloved family member. If we get married or sign a lease together et cetera and things don't work out I am not going to stick her with my debts even if legally I can.
It is not hoops to jump through and check off a list as done. It is a mindset of unselfishness, sacrifice and responsibility. For example, I am responsible for my students loans, not the taxpayer. And so you can trust me to be financially responsible with your beloved family member. If we get married or sign a lease together et cetera and things don't work out I am not going to stick her with my debts even if legally I can.
What makes you think I am not unselfish? What makes you think I am not making sacrifices? And what makes you think I am not responsible?
You seem to be implying a lot abut my character, which seems rather unfounded.
No one but me can ever legally become responsible for my student loans. If I married someone my loans still remain mine and fully in my name.
She owns a home (has a mortgage with the bank). So we'd not likely sign a lease any time soon.
She and I have both been tested for STDs and are thus far healthy. We are monogamous. And she uses a form of birth control that I administer to her.
She is bearing the risks of the birth control side effects.
Condoms and vasectomies do not have these side effects. Condoms also protect against viruses like HPV which men are generally not tested for, and which can cause cervical cancer. I don't see one shred of unselfishness here. Quite the opposite. But then again you have stated before that you see women of a certain age as desperate to marry, and so think there is a power imbalance that you can exploit.
The debts I was referring to are ones you might incur jointly, not ones you have already, and which she could be stuck with if you don't pay.
She is bearing the risks of the birth control side effects.
Condoms and vasectomies do not have these side effects. Condoms also protect against viruses like HPV which men are generally not tested for, and which can cause cervical cancer. I don't see one shred of unselfishness here. Quite the opposite. But then again you have stated before that you see women of a certain age as desperate to marry, and so think there is a power imbalance that you can exploit.
She is also reaping the rewards of not having to worry about getting pregnant.
Women have a smorgasbord of birth control options. Many have little to no side effects. They are also reversible. They are also very cheap. They are in full effect at all times.
Must be nice to have all these options...
V-sec have side effects.
Condoms do not protect against HPV.
Wait... power balance I can exploit? What the heck are you even talking about?
The debts I was referring to are ones you might incur jointly, not ones you have already, and which she could be stuck with if you don't pay.
I could be stuck with jointly incurred debts if she chose not to pay.
I could be stuck with jointly incurred debts if she chose not to pay.
Yes, but the trip is for her family and friends to check you out.
Yes, but the trip is for her family and friends to check you out.
The trip is also for me to assess her family. It is also so I can see if there is a marked and/or significant change in behavior in her when she is around her family.
Like a job interview, the employer is not just interviewing you. You are also interviewing the employer.
I have actually met some of her family already. Back when I took the cruise you had an emotional hemorrhage over I spent that entire time with one of her sisters and brother in law.
Good folks, real salt of the earth. They had the cabin right net to us for 4 days and then we shared a two bedroom Air BnB for 3 days. So it was close quarters!
Her sister made it plain as day that she wants/expects me to marry her sister, or to move in that direction in good faith.
But Yppej, let me set your mind at ease about my ladyfriend and I. Our relationship is rather egalitarian. When she comes over to my apartment, I do most of the cooking. When I go to her house, she does most of the cooking.
When we go on dates, I pay about 6 or 7 times out of ten.
We tend to make decisions together, though I have made "executive" decisions in a few instances that needed it.
Sure, there are non-negotiable issues. Mine are:
-She must convert to minimalism, for the most part
-There can be no corporal punishment of dogs
-She has to live a fairly active/healthy lifestyle
-She has to use birth control
Etc.
She has her non-negotiable issues too:
-She expects me to be monogamous
-I have to work steady
-I have to be quite financially responsible
Etc.
Women have a smorgasbord of birth control options. Many have little to no side effects. They are also reversible. They are also very cheap. They are in full effect at all times.
Must be nice to have all these options...
V-sec have side effects.
Condoms do not protect against HPV.
No side effects? You gotta be shittin' me!
Cheap? Oh hell no they are not!
V-sec: and what are these side effects? Do pray tell how it wreaks havoc on the body like Birth control hormones for women.
You are living under some kind of self-protective shell.
No side effects? You gotta be shittin' me!
Cheap? Oh hell no they are not!
V-sec: and what are these side effects? Do pray tell how it wreaks havoc on the body like Birth control hormones for women.
You are living under some kind of self-protective shell.
I have personally known and dated women who said the side effects:
-Did not appear for them
-Went away completely after a cycle or two
-Were very, very mild and worth it
-Also, there is a lot of research showing how mild the side effects are for the vast majority of women
Actually, yes, birth control for women is very cheap. Most insurance plans cover it completely (as is the case with my ladyfriend).
I hate to "mansplain" but you got some learnin' to do today.
This is from Planned Parenthood (an organization I donate to because I agree with their mission).
"What is the price range for birth control?
The birth control pill, patch, and ring usually cost about $20–$50 per month. The birth control shot costs about $30–$75 per shot. The shot protects against pregnancy for 12 weeks.
Some health care providers require that women have exams before they’re prescribed hormonal birth control, and others do not. If needed, an exam usually costs about $35–$250.
Many Planned Parenthood health centers offer reduced-fee services to teens with little or no income. To find out about birth control costs at a Planned Parenthood health center near you, contact your local Planned Parenthood health center."
Boom! Here is where you say: "I stand corrected."
V-sec: and what are these side effects? Do pray tell how it wreaks havoc on the body like Birth control hormones for women..
From Mayo Clinic:
Side effects right after surgery can include:
Bleeding or a blood clot (hematoma) inside the scrotum.
Blood in your semen.
Bruising of your scrotum.
Infection of the surgery site.
Mild pain or discomfort.
Swelling.
Also: Dementia associated with V-sec:
https://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2007/02/vasectomy.html
Oh puleeze UL! You can't compare a temporary couple of days discomfort to the effects of hormones over a women's reproductive lifetime. Boo hoo I have an ouchie for a couple of days is not increased risks of some cancers, reduced libido, brain fog etc over many years (and the cancer risk may be permanent even if birth control is halted).
I thought the effects of the pill were worth it at the time too, and then I went off it when I hit 40, and BAM, I got back to how I used to be. I thought it was just getting older that had made me that way, but it was the hormones. There are other non hormonal methods (I'd used a copper IUD) but those also can have bad side effects (and I had them, but won't list them here because too graphic).
Tubals and vasectomies are known for their low side effect profiles, as compared with hormonal methods. Probably the lowest side effects are from condoms. But they also allow the most baby surprises.
I think UL should just admit that he is scared of a vasectomy. 😄
Williamsmith
7-3-18, 9:40am
Tubals and vasectomies are known for their low side effect profiles, as compared with hormonal methods. Probably the lowest side effects are from condoms. But they also allow the most baby surprises.
I think UL should just admit that he is scared of a vasectomy. 😄
Someone as vehemently against having children would have had a vasectomy a long time ago. I think quite the contrary, UL is not at all afraid of the procedure. He just secretly wants to preserve the option to have a child just in case he might fall head over heels for a woman who wants to procreate.
Teacher Terry
7-3-18, 9:46am
There is a class action lawsuit against a birth control pill because it causes a rare liver disease in young women that die without a liver transplant. It happened to a 19 yo I know and she died after the transplant. Risk free my ass!
I think UL should just admit that he is scared of a vasectomy. I think that's part of it, and the other part is a stubborn refusal to take responsibility for his own (non)reproductive wishes.
Man up UL.
OMG, listen in to women when they don't know you are listening. Birth control is a huge deal, lots of trial and error, side effects, long term impact, etc. At least half the women I know have had issues with some form of birth control and needed to change a couple times in their reproductive life span. Even my ex got a vasectomy when we were done having kids, and he had anxiety and a streak of selfishness.
ApatheticNoMore
7-3-18, 11:38am
There is a class action lawsuit against a birth control pill because it causes a rare liver disease in young women that die without a liver transplant. It happened to a 19 yo I know and she died after the transplant. Risk free my ass!
it's not the type of argument that is going to be won on facts, because they won't matter. Now really the risk of death from birth control pills is low. But "side effect free" is where most women would quibble, to pretend none of the side effects from birth control women use matter at all, but vasectomies just have horrible side effects. It's ridiculous and too biased to bother with, a case of "my mind is made up, don't bother to confuse me with the facts".
Even in relatively low side effect birth control like copper IUDs, all the initial risk (and pain and it's not mild) at insertion that UL mentions as risk of vasectomy exist (puncture of the uterus requiring surgery to find the lost IUD etc.), but yes are low, but also if it fails (and it usually doesn't fail of course but it does ocassionally) there is the risk of ectopic pregnancy. And the copper IUD is as good as it gets IMO.
rosarugosa
7-3-18, 12:11pm
Someone as vehemently against having children would have had a vasectomy a long time ago. I think quite the contrary, UL is not at all afraid of the procedure. He just secretly wants to preserve the option to have a child just in case he might fall head over heels for a woman who wants to procreate.
I do think if a person feels really strongly that he or she does not want to procreate, then he or she should have the relevant procedure. I had a tubal ligation when I was 21, because I wasn't taking any chances and I felt very strongly that I did not wish to have children. (Speaking of thread drift, it was not done during a weekend getaway!)
My tubal ligation was done on a Friday (with a weekend to get away and recuperate from the anesthetic and inflation); I was very sure I didn't want children. I'm wearing my "Spayed in Oregon*" tee to commemorate the occasion. I've never had side effects or regret.
*Purchased in support of the Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon
Boom! Here is where you say: "I stand corrected."
Uh, this is where I say "go screw yourself". You're an idiot.
Wow, this thread! I hadn't looked at it until today---like so many other times, I decide to check out an unread post just to see where it's gone from the beginning. Kind of a hobby. Wow, from "where do you go for weekend getaways," to "go screw yourself." In six pages....not a record, but still impressive.
Oh puleeze UL! You can't compare a temporary couple of days discomfort to the effects of hormones over a women's reproductive lifetime. Boo hoo I have an ouchie for a couple of days is not increased risks of some cancers, reduced libido, brain fog etc over many years (and the cancer risk may be permanent even if birth control is halted).
I thought the effects of the pill were worth it at the time too, and then I went off it when I hit 40, and BAM, I got back to how I used to be. I thought it was just getting older that had made me that way, but it was the hormones. There are other non hormonal methods (I'd used a copper IUD) but those also can have bad side effects (and I had them, but won't list them here because too graphic).
Everything comes with some risk. Each person must choose how much risk they will assume.
I think UL should just admit that he is scared of a vasectomy.
Consider it admitted!
Someone as vehemently against having children would have had a vasectomy a long time ago. I think quite the contrary, UL is not at all afraid of the procedure. He just secretly wants to preserve the option to have a child just in case he might fall head over heels for a woman who wants to procreate.
Dude. I am scared of the procedure. I don't want a knife cutting into my junk!
I actually have fallen head over heels for a woman who wanted to procreate. And this woman was amazing!
-She was Ugandan but grew up in Ivory Coast. She spoke English and that beautiful African French.
-She had a PHD in Epidemiology.
-We both love doomsday apocalypse movies and books
-She was totally non-religious
-She loved world travel
-We had so much fun together
-She was smart, funny, beautiful, and off the charts sexy
-She abhorred clutter
-She really liked Harlan!
I could go on.
When she told me she wanted to have my babies, like totally outright, I was so torn up. Why? Because I knew no amount of love and attraction would make me want to have kids. She and I split and it was heart wrenching.
Uh, this is where I say "go screw yourself". You're an idiot.
Mature, well-reasoned response, and certainly within the guidelines of this forum and its moderators.
My wife had a very difficult pregnancy that culminated in a hair-raising (at least for me - so much blood!) c-section. Her OB made it clear about the risks for my wife going forward, so I decided to eliminate the danger in the most certain way possible.
The only real consequences for me were the fairly moderate pain over a long weekend with a bag of frozen peas in my pants and the chagrin of the appointment for testing my output for harmlessness.
It’s not like I had to slay a dragon for her. It was well within my limited store of courage, and I have no regrets.
After my tubal I thought I'd be able to go back to work in a coupke days but felt awful and had to leave the office and go home. But it was a temporay symptom worth the long-term solution of not taking artificial hormones.
An interesting episode of Seinfeld involves the elimination of the sponge from the US market. Faced with no better method, Elaine buys as many sponges as she can, but other women have the same idea and no more are to be found. She must then evaluate potential sex partners to see if they are worthy of one of her remaining sponges.
So no good temporary methods out there for women.
So no good temporary methods out there for women.
Want to know how many temporary methods are out there for men? One. Condoms.
So cry me a river.
Women have a smorgasbord of temporary birth control options.
My wife had a very difficult pregnancy that culminated in a hair-raising (at least for me - so much blood!) c-section. Her OB made it clear about the risks for my wife going forward, so I decided to eliminate the danger in the most certain way possible.
The only real consequences for me were the fairly moderate pain over a long weekend with a bag of frozen peas in my pants and the chagrin of the appointment for testing my output for harmlessness.
It’s not like I had to slay a dragon for her. It was well within my limited store of courage, and I have no regrets.
Good on you, amigo! I mean that.
Adversity tests character.
Have you been to Buffalo?
Wow, this thread! I hadn't looked at it until today---like so many other times, I decide to check out an unread post just to see where it's gone from the beginning. Kind of a hobby. Wow, from "where do you go for weekend getaways," to "go screw yourself." In six pages....not a record, but still impressive.
See what you missed? :laff:
Have you been to Buffalo?
How bad is Buffalo? ;)
Have you been to Buffalo?
Yes. And I enjoyed reading Big Russ and Me by Tim Russert, set there. Both generations worked as garbagemen, which by the way is a great way to build character through adversity.
Yes. And I enjoyed reading Big Russ and Me by Tim Russert, set there. Both generations worked as garbagemen, which by the way is a great way to build character through adversity.
Curious. What have you done to build character?
Some of the adverse circumstances that have helped me develop resilience and character:
Work in a factory where I stood for 12 hour shifts 4 consecutive days per week and my hands got all cut up by the work.
Every month be vomiting and in severe pain missing school while doctors told me it was all in my head. Then I came across an article in Ms magazine and found relief.
Survive domestic assault and battery and learn to advocate for myself and my child since I could not afford an attorney. Go to court approximately 50 times pro se. Sometimes I was in there on a weekly or biweekly basis.
Deal with the behavioral health issues of loved ones, including involvement with Nar Anon.
Volunteer in community organizations butting up against powerful special interests.
Search for my toddler son when he was the victim of a custodial kidnapping and law enforcement was not particularly concerned.
Survive a toxic job where I was publicly sworn and screamed at and had things thrown at me by the boss's love interest, and when she had me pushed out as an older displaced worker wotk tirelessly to find a better job.
She has her non-negotiable issues too:
-She expects me to be monogamous
-I have to work steady
-I have to be quite financially responsible
Etc.
1. You have complained about atheist women being polyamorous, so a monogamous relationship is to your taste/benefit also, so this shouldn't be viewed as a concession to her unless you hold a double standard
2. You have to work anyways to get your student loans forgiven
Okay, I appreciate you sharing. I will respond one issue at a time.
Some of the adverse circumstances that have helped me develop resilience and character:
My first question: Is there a difference between a resilient person and a person who can simply withstand being perpetually roughed up by life?
I remember when I was a kid, my mom said: "Carla (a neighbor lady) sure is resilient. She has 7 kids by 5 men. 4 of those men abused her -- beat her. Then as soon as her daughters were teenagers they started having kids with guys who abused them. Carla never finished high school. But she keeps going to work every day and paying her bills when she can, no matter what life, or her kids, or the men she dates, or the law, or whatever throws at her. She is one resilient woman."
I remember thinking: Carla is not resilient. She is a figurative and literal punching bag and routine bad decision maker.
But hey, just my opinion.
Work in a factory where I stood for 12 hour shifts 4 consecutive days per week and my hands got all cut up by the work.
Looks like we have something else in common. I used to work in a factory too. During that time I also took community college classes. And in the summer I did some residential construction on the weekends. That was my first real year of college (when I went back the second time and took it seriously).
I also worked in a warehouse unloading trucks during my sophomore year in college. Tough-ass work.
Every month be vomiting and in severe pain missing school while doctors told me it was all in my head. Then I came across an article in Ms magazine and found relief.
I am not sure what you are referring to, but I am glad you found that relief. I have a chronic illness and it is a nightmare. So I get it.
Survive domestic assault and battery and learn to advocate for myself and my child since I could not afford an attorney. Go to court approximately 50 times pro se. Sometimes I was in there on a weekly or biweekly basis.
I am sorry to hear this happened to you. Hopefully you won the court cases and you and your kid ended up okay.
Deal with the behavioral health issues of loved ones, including involvement with Nar Anon.
I am fortunate because I don't have to deal with the mental and behavioral health of anyone else. My mother and father who have Compulsive Hoarding refuse my help. And I generally avoid crazy people who will bring drama to my life.
Though when I was a little kid, my grandma was mentally ill. She once stuck me in the back with a fork for taking a french fry off the counter before they were served. She stuck me as I was running away. That is just one example of her craziness. When she was nice though, she was very nice.
Volunteer in community organizations butting up against powerful special interests.
Another thing we have in common! I have volunteered with workers' rights group, environmental orgs, community gardens, and such. I have lobbied congress, taken part in voter registration drives, committed civil disobedience (and was twice arrested and thrown in jail too), and so forth.
Search for my toddler son when he was the victim of a custodial kidnapping and law enforcement was not particularly concerned.
I am very sorry this happened to you and your son. Hopefully some resolution of this was reached.
Survive a toxic job where I was publicly sworn and screamed at and had things thrown at me by the boss's love interest, and when she had me pushed out as an older displaced worker wotk tirelessly to find a better job.
If this really happened, I am sorry to hear this. I try to avoid truly toxic jobs.
I am started to see why you say and think what appear to be such bitter things and why you appear to be rather resentful. Your life's circumstances and your choices have be rather unfortunate in many cases.
Perhaps letting some of this bitterness and resentment would be worthwhile. Give it some thought.
1. You have complained about atheist women being polyamorous, so a monogamous relationship is to your taste/benefit also, so this shouldn't be viewed as a concession to her unless you hold a double standard
2. You have to work anyways to get your student loans forgiven
Well, I don't want to be monogamous. In a sense I do hold a double standard. Ideally I would like a primary life partner who let me have a few girlfriends on the side. I would also like for there to not be any STDs and for any woman I am dating to happily and steadily take her birth control. But this is an unrealistic ideal -- one I'd certainly prefer -- but given the way our paradigm is I usually just do the monogamous thing, monogamous on my part and hers.
Let me tell you what my ladyfriend says she likes about me, in her words or very close paraphrasing for brevity.
1. She says I treat her with respect and kindness
2. She likes that I have a job and my own apartment
3. She admires me for having a rescue dog
4.She also says I am reliable
5. I take care of her if she is sick
6. I treat other people and animals with compassion
7. I am 100% against violence
8. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs
9. She likes my low-key funny jokes and my outrageous silly diatribes; they make her laugh
10. She admires me for being a lifelong learner
11. She says I have raised a very good dog
Yppej: Is your mind at ease now?
I do think you are good to Harlan. We'll see how long the bloom stays on the rose with the woman. She is girlfriend number what?
I do think you are good to Harlan. We'll see how long the bloom stays on the rose with the woman. She is girlfriend number what?
I dunno, maybe my 20th girlfriend or so. Why?
Let me ask you this: Do you have a life partner?
Do you have any friends who are straight men?
I was married. I outlived him. And I'm not bitter because I'm above ground and he's not. That kind of puts things in perspective.
Yes, I have friends who are straight men. They know how many girlfriends they have had.
Men who don't know and won't wear condoms are bad news.
dado potato
7-3-18, 8:42pm
We are heading west into the mountains for a few days without much of a plan. Normally, I plan every detail of a trip but not this one.
How would you like to dip in a hot (not too hot) spring under a starry sky?
I was married. I outlived him. And I'm not bitter because I'm above ground and he's not. That kind of puts things in perspective.
Sorry about this. But I don't know what you're saying here, not sure what you mean.
Yes, I have friends who are straight men. They know how many girlfriends they have had.
I could go back and count. But I am 38 year old man. I had my first girlfriend when I was a teenager. What I can do is tell you about the great ones.
Jeanna was my first serious girlfriend. Very passionate woman! Drove a truck, stick shift!
Then Lori was my first great love. I wanted to marry her. But she turned out to be a cheater.
Then Kerri, who I eventually married. I loved and was so incredibly dedicated to her. What a woman!
Then Bonnie -- such a smart, sensitive woman. She is married now, she and her wife have a kid. She also got a PHD and appears to be very happy in life.
Then Sarah M. Talk about an intense woman! Jeeeez!
Then Cheryl. She was quirky and hot headed. We split up but remain on good terms.
Then there was Mbabazi. God damn...I loved that woman. So intelligent, so stunning.
After that there was Misha. A good woman, quite rough around the edges, unrefined. But heart of gold and lots of fun.
Then there was Whitney. She is one of the most perceptive people I ever knew. Also passionate, very passionate.
I would say those are the great ones.
Men who don't know and won't wear condoms are bad news.
Really. Isn't the point of getting a v-sec so you can go bareback?
Also: Only one of the women I listed above wanted to use condoms. The rest strongly preferred bareback, so we did the responsible thing. We got check-up from ol' sawbones. When we got the all-clear we proceeded au naturel.
I think women who don't use birth control are bad news (for me).
Also, so what if I don't know how many girlfriends I have had. Are you slut-shaming me?
If the epithet fits.
You taste that? Oh, it is your words.
Boom! hahaha
Remember how you tongue-lashed me for judging others and thinking I am better than other people? Who is the judgmental one now?
Also: If you are any kind of self-respecting liberal worth your weight in other people's money and/or righteous indignation then you ought to be against slut-shaming.
Would you shame a woman who did not remember how many boyfriends she had?
If she practiced double standards then I might call her out on it, like the men should be monogamous but she wants to practice either concurrent or serial polyandry.
Interesting that you refer to Lorrie as a cheater. Who's judging and shaming now?
If she practiced double standards then I might call her out on it, like the men should be monogamous but she wants to practice either concurrent or serial polyandry.
Interesting that you refer to Lorrie as a cheater. Who's judging and shaming now?
If this hypothetical woman and her hypothetical man decide together to have a relationship where she sees other men but the guy stays monogamous, then that is on them. That is their right. And who knows, maybe it fulfills some kink or fetish they both enjoy.
Judge not lest thou be judged.
Why are you slut shaming me when I actually practice the form of monogamy you deem acceptable?
Lori and I had an agreement. We both mutually agreed to be monogamous. She then got romantically and sexually involved with two other men. I caught her in bed with one of them. That is called cheating. Earth to Yppej!
If she and I had some sort of open relationship, then it would not have been cheating.
I find it difficult to have a debate with you because you make up your own sub-text to statements I make, then you conflate your fabricated sub-text with what I have stated. You also just say things that don't make sense. Have you noticed this about yourself?
Perhaps you just do it when you know you are being proven so thoroughly wrong that you have no other option but to be dishonest, petty, or to double-down on some nonsense you previously spouted.
Well I hope the family of the latest girlfriend sees your true colors. They are expecting eventual marriage which includes the vow of for better or worse, in sickness or in health. You have indicated one of the conditions you put on the GF is that she remain healthy. You have said I made poor choices for being involved with men who had medical issues.
So if she gets cancer are you out of there (even as you want someone to have your back if you have medical issues like choking)?
Or is health a euphemism for a weight you find attractive, even as you acknowledge your dad bod?
Well I hope the family of the latest girlfriend sees your true colors.
Me too!
What would you say are my true colors?
They are expecting eventual marriage which includes the vow of for better or worse, in sickness or in health. You have indicated one of the conditions you put on the GF is that she remain healthy.
When did I say I expected my gf to remain healthy? This is probably another situation where you are fabricating some sub-text and conflating your fabrication with what I actually said.
But nonetheless, I expect her to take pretty good care of her health. Stay active. Eat vegetables. Go to the doctor when needed. I stay active, eat veggies, and go to the doctor. I am not asking a partner to do something I would not do.
You have said I made poor choices for being involved with men who had medical issues.
When did I say this? I think you are lying right now because I did not say this.
So if she gets cancer are you out of there (even as you want someone to have your back if you have medical issues like choking)?
I would help take care of her. Previous girlfriends (there were so many!) who had health issues -- trips to the ER, surgeries, etc. And I took care of them -- administered their meds, cooked and cleaned for them, took care of their dogs, and so forth.
Or is health a euphemism for a weight you find attractive, even as you acknowledge your dad bod?
I am not that picky about weight. As long as a woman is not emaciated or morbidly obese I am usually fine with anything in between those ranges.
My current gf is obese, though not morbidly so. She weighs almost as much as I do and I am 6 inches taller than her. Her obesity is not a dealbreaker as she stays active, eats veggies, and goes to the doctor and so forth. Though I would prefer her to lose a few elbeez and get back down to just the overweight category, or better yet, a healthy weight. She just really likes cookies and breads.
Yppej:
The more I think about it, the more I find it intriguing that you find me to be such a questionable character.
All-in-all, and not to toot my own horn, but I live a pretty decent life.
-I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs
-I am kind to animals
-I am kind to people
-I donate to causes like the ACLU and Planned Parenthood
-I work for a living
-I pay my bills
-I live a simple life (walk to work, fish, read books, spend time with friends and my ladyfriend, I am a minimalist).
-I pay my taxes
-I have spent considerable time volunteering for good causes
-I vote for liberal politicians
-I generally avoid red meat and most dairy products
-I abhor violence
So what is so objectionable about me?
I have a theory... But I want your detailed and real thoughts and opinions first.
You think you are better than other people. You are a chauvinist who has double standards. You are dishonest, denying things you said in your previous posts. You expect me and others who earn less than you to foot your student loan bills. You are out of touch with reality - e.g., risks to women of hormonal birth control. You are a coward, afraid of a minor surgery. You are a whiner who comes to these forums and complains about choices you have made such as living alone. You are a troll who comes here calling me out by name as you did at the start of this thread.
Is that detailed enough?
Ultralight
7-4-18, 11:06am
You think you are better than other people.
Yes, I am better than some other people. I am better than neo-nazis, for instance. I am also better than wife beaters. Are you better than your former intimate partner who abused you?
Dang... I really got you in a pinch now.
You are a chauvinist who has double standards.
Actually, I am a gender egalitarian. I have a significant other who is a woman. I have a sister and a nice. I want them to have all the rights, freedoms, privileges, and responsibilities of any other fully enfranchised citizen.
You are dishonest, denying things you said in your previous posts.
Prove it.
Oh, wait, you can't. Boom!
You expect me and others who earn less than you to foot your student loan bills.
Actually, I would prefer to tax rich people. But for the zillionth time. I am serving the public to get loan forgiveness.
You are out of touch with reality - e.g., risks to women of hormonal birth control.
I am aware of the side effects. I have read the labels on my zillion girlfriends' birth control medicines. But I also know that having an unwanted child is a horrible side effect of not using birth control. And remember: Almost all the women I have dated went oin birth control by their own volition. They wanted to bareback too! Don't these womens' wants and desires matter?
You are a coward, afraid of a minor surgery.
I avoid surgeries when possible. Infections happen. There are all sorts of resistant bacteria and such these days!
You are a whiner who comes to these forums and complains about choices you have made such as living alone.
Most of us complain on here a bit. I also celebrate others and their accomplishments on here.
You are a troll who comes here calling me out by name as you did at the start of this thread.
Yeah, I call you out by name. So? It is better than calling you names, which is what you have numerous times done to me despite it being against the guidelines of this forum.
Is that detailed enough?
No, more details, please.
Ultralight
7-4-18, 11:14am
Yppej:
Here is what I think. You seen in me, my way of life, and my choices a life you could have had if you hadn't made such an irreparable wreck of your own life.
You look back and think: "If I had just made better decisions about men and about who I had kids with and about what I went to school for and about what kind of jobs I got and so on. Then I would not have had to deal with the abuse and the courts and custody battles and the horrible bosses and the demeaning jobs..."
So you see me, someone who made better choices than you, and you resent me for it. So you lash out at me.
I think you probably see in me the kind of man you wish you would have been with from the start -- progressive, egalitarian, forward-thinking, kind, incredibly handsome, fun, educated, hardworking, well-traveled, and bright. But you feel like it is too late to find a man like me, so if you can't have a man like me then you will lash out at me and try to demonize me because it is the only thing you can do to convince yourself a guy like me can't be real and true.
You seem rather resentful, jealous, and bitter. Are you?
I think I'll explore the possibility of setting up a private forum that only you two can access, then you can move your feud there where the rest of us needn't be bothered.
I'm a believer in the sparing enforcement of guidelines because strict adherence more often than not punishes a one-time indiscretion and results in bad feelings for all involved.
This scrap has gone on for weeks and shows up in virtually every thread you two participate in. I believe it's time for you two to either agree to ignore each other or allow me to create a special place for you to continue your feud in private.
What do you say?
My life is not an irreparable wreck. I have risen above adversity.
I do not have kids plural.
You are not the sort of person I would be interested in at all. You are probably the only person on the planet who would describe yourself as "incredibly handsome". You wanted more details so you can now add vain to the list. And your personality is offputting.
My job may pay less but it is better than yours. I am not a call center fundraiser. And I've worked in a call center and there is no shame in it, but I do not envy you your occupation.
Williamsmith
7-4-18, 11:26am
https://youtu.be/ZmInkxbvlCs
Sorry Alan I posted while you were posting. I have put that person on my ignore list so I will not be baited into responding to him.
Ultralight
7-4-18, 11:34am
I think I'll explore the possibility of setting up a private forum that only you two can access, then you can move your feud there where the rest of us needn't be bothered.
I'm a believer in the sparing enforcement of guidelines because strict adherence more often than not punishes a one-time indiscretion and results in bad feelings for all involved.
This scrap has gone on for weeks and shows up in virtually every thread you two participate in. I believe it's time for you two to either agree to ignore each other or allow me to create a special place for you to continue your feud in private.
What do you say?
Not needed. I will just ignore her if our debate is bothering others.
Thanks to you both.
Now, what about those weekend getaways?
We have not had good enough dog care for weekend getaways, and my husband hates to leave them behind anyway.
I am thinking if we want weekend getaways, we are going to have to buy a trailer.
Those of you with trailers who take your dogs, how have you dealt with barking? Or do you have perfect dogs?
iris lilies
7-4-18, 12:31pm
We have not had good enough dog care for weekend getaways, and my husband hates to leave them behind anyway.
I am thinking if we want weekend getaways, we are going to have to buy a trailer.
Those of you with trailers who take your dogs, how have you dealt with barking? Or do you have perfect dogs?
I had not thougt about barking as being a problem in a travel trailer, but uou are right. For me, it isdistrusting an air conditioner in a trailer. If it goes out, the dogs are dead after a fairly short time.
Right now I am trying to find a small house to rent on Air bnb in August for a two night trip. Need a separate house because our barker will bark, and motel or apartment will not work.
We had him in a casita in New Mexico where he could lounge around on the sofa (covered with our coverlet) and he was just fine. In other situations I do not trust him.
He will stay home with a sitter at $30 a day if we cannot find a small house on Air bnb.
Our sweet little old English sheepdog puppy has developed this horrible Hound of the Baskervilles bark. It is terrifying. She is also afraid of her shadow--she barked at my husband's pile of dirty clothes that he left on the toilet while taking a shower--did she think he had deflated, like the witch in the Wizard of Oz?
Two days ago she barked hysterically at a plastic bag that had blown into the yard.
She barks if I brush my hair. Does she think the brush is attacking my head?
Anyway, I worry. We took her to my parents but we made the 15 hour trip in one day just so we didn't have to take them into a motel.
We have not had good enough dog care for weekend getaways, and my husband hates to leave them behind anyway.
I am thinking if we want weekend getaways, we are going to have to buy a trailer. Those of you with trailers who take your dogs, how have you dealt with barking? Or do you have perfect dogs?
Can you find a kennel nearby? My sister found one in town for their 2 standard poodles. They have huge open play spaces so the dogs are not in a small "cell" when they travel. The dogs are quite happy and content when picked up as they've had lots of exercise and playtime with doggie friends. Sister says it's worth every penny. When they go camping they always take them along.
Another option is a nearby teen to dog-sit for you. Come in and walk/feed/ poop scoop. Also money well spent.
Can you find a kennel nearby? My sister found one in town for their 2 standard poodles. They have huge open play spaces so the dogs are not in a small "cell" when they travel. The dogs are quite happy and content when picked up as they've had lots of exercise and playtime with doggie friends. Sister says it's worth every penny. When they go camping they always take them along.
Another option is a nearby teen to dog-sit for you. Come in and walk/feed/ poop scoop. Also money well spent.
Thanks, Gardnr, I will look into kennels a little harder. . .
Those of you with trailers who take your dogs, how have you dealt with barking? Or do you have perfect dogs?We take our Min Pin with us in the motorhome. She's definitely not a perfect dog as she barks at everyone and everything here at home. She's a good traveler though and seems to enjoy roaming inside the motorhome while we're driving and once we get to a destination, she's outside her home environment and doesn't feel the need to bark at everything that moves.
When we're parked for a few days at any location we leave her in the motorhome during our 3 to 4 hour excursions although we put her in her crate and close the curtains while we're gone. She will bark for a few minutes as we're getting situated on the motorcycle but then she settles down and we always find her asleep when we return.
The only time she's ever on a leash is when we're travelling and we take her out several times a day for a nice long walk. She doesn't seem to consider new places as her own so she's surprisingly polite rather than the little terror we know her to be.
Alan, that's really interesting. We were shocked that our dog was so good on the trip, that is until we moved into my parents' house and she decided she had to bark at the lawn guy and my brother who arrived later than we did.
But on the trip in the car, she was not barking at anyone when outside on the leash, and seemed to recognized she didn't own the joint.
I am going to make a new thread about dog getaways and vacations.
Teacher Terry
7-4-18, 10:56pm
We take them in our RV, motels or flying. Not a problem
Ultralight
7-13-18, 7:28am
My ladyfriend and I leave this morning to go up to Buffalo/Niagara. This should be fun (minus the 5.5 hour car ride)!
We're trying to sign up for the zipline at the Falls!
Teacher Terry
7-13-18, 9:37am
Enjoy your trip! We are at the end of a month trip and are tired. Drove a long day yesterday and today and Saturday will be the same. Had a great time but looking forward to getting home
We had a nice weekend getaway to Sonoma last weekend. We go probably 3 times a year, do a few wine tastings, eat at our favorite restaurants up there, sleep in, have a picnic lunch in the Armstrong Woods and just generally relax.
Ultralight
7-17-18, 6:49am
During my weekend getaway to Niagara and Buffalo I had a lot of fun! While there was some total wackiness, awkwardness, and issues regarding meeting her family and friends in Buffalo, the time in Niagara was actually really great. What an amazing and accessible destination!!!
We rode the hornblower boat up to the falls, watched Niagara's Fury (interactive movie with special effects), did the White Water Walk, and toured the tunnels behind the falls.
We also rode the zip line by the falls! It was really fun and thrilling!
Ultralight
7-17-18, 7:22am
2340
rosarugosa
7-17-18, 8:36am
JP1: That sounds like a wonderful weekend getaway.
UL: Where are the zipline photos? I love Niagara and need to get back there one of these days.
Ultralight
7-17-18, 1:31pm
JP1: That sounds like a wonderful weekend getaway.
UL: Where are the zipline photos? I love Niagara and need to get back there one of these days.
My SO was not allowed to have her camera out. You need your hands free. So it is all in our memory banks.
rosarugosa
7-17-18, 3:57pm
My SO was not allowed to have her camera out. You need your hands free. So it is all in our memory banks.
Well safety is more important than photos, and I'll admit that I often forgo the great photo-op in favor of enjoying the moment. I guess I won't hold it against you. ;)
My SO was not allowed to have her camera out. You need your hands free. So it is all in our memory banks.
You didn't splurge on renting the gopro camera on your helmet? I guess yppej can't fault you for your spend-thriftiness on this trip...
Ultralight
7-19-18, 10:33pm
You didn't splurge on renting the gopro camera on your helmet? I guess yppej can't fault you for your spend-thriftiness on this trip...
Haha!
Honestly, I am not much of a picture taker. I take a few. But never video.
I prefer the images and scenes tucked away in my memory.
Teacher Terry
7-19-18, 11:10pm
Me too
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