View Full Version : what if they don't want me back
I am planning on calling work and talking about my return. I have no idea if they will be compassionate, or if they will say I am not capable of doing my job, or what. I know I have some rights here and I have been counting on that, but we all know that is not the whole story. They could easily show that I simply did not do the tasks I was told to do without regard for the rest of the story. So I may be looking at quitting even though I can't afford it really,
That scares me a lot, I am trying to remember that it does not mean unemployment forever or other dire circumstances. However I don't want to be naive and assume I can just get a job immediately. I have seen people in my age range struggle to get jobs.
So I am taking a lot of anxiety meds tonight, well within the DR's orders so don't worry about that.
I would count yourself blessed .
Don't quit.
Try not to stress about it too much -- stressing about things you have no control over is unproductive. I know, easy to say, harder to do. But seriously, THEY f-ed up to push you to this point. If they say you need to go, tell them you will be consulting a labor attorney.
They may not. However seeing that you also don't want to go back (assuming that is the case since you have been looking for another job for sometime), that might be the best all around.
iris lilies
7-8-18, 11:53pm
About your return to work:
has your therapist talked with you about any special accomodations you can ask of your workplace per the Americans with Disabilities Act? Now that your workplace has some idea that you have a mental disability, it might be a good idea to make that work for you. I dont know what accomodations might help, but things like getting instructions in writing rather than verbally (or vice verse) could be of help to you.
also, would it help you to have a supportive person with you during this upcoming meeting? I am not sure who that would be—your therapist ( i know, unlikely he would come) or you former job coach or an HR person?
Thank you all, And Lhamo I have said for some time that I am not leaving in a way that will screw me over. I have on record that I have been having issues with stress, that 3 people have told me my access to medical leave, and then I was put in a situation without consulting me about whether I felt I could manage it.
I will quit when I have another, reasonable, job offer. Until then I guess I will be thick skinned about going back.
Teacher Terry
7-8-18, 11:59pm
ZG, use every option you have to keep that horrible job until you have another. So sorry you are going through this.
dado potato
7-9-18, 12:09am
2326
Wet and wild after the rain.
Can my accommodation be that they should be nice?
I have thought about it, maybe that I don't work all the camp days other than the ones that my school only has. I realize that planning well ahead is essential for me, part of the reason that this summer camp bombed. Last year I worked all the camp days thinking I was benefiting the team in some way and ended up in trouble anyway. It really burned me out.
Oh yeah! One thing I wanted to ask for was a flexible schedule, that means that I need to do at least 40 hours but if I do 10 hours one day and 6 hours another and make all my meetings that it is okay. Right now the policy is that each day we do 8 hours, if you work 12 hours one day you still have to do 8 all the other days. I can feel the off-balanced feeling building up from the long days without being able to adjust later in the week.
ApatheticNoMore
7-9-18, 1:05am
ZG, use every option you have to keep that horrible job until you have another. So sorry you are going through this.
I'd have to agree with that at this point, super cynically yea, never ever did I believe it would be this hard to get a job. I would have kissed the ass of my verbal abuser despite the cruelty and unfairness of the constant abuse .. had I known. Oh I saved money in the past AS IF it would be this hard but never did I believe it really could be this way in a "good economy". Of course many people have better luck
It goes without saying you should keep looking for a new job. What you ultimately need is to get out of there of course. I'm pretty sure the problem is that workplace.
has your therapist talked with you about any special accomodations you can ask of your workplace per the Americans with Disabilities Act? Now that your workplace has some idea that you have a mental disability, it might be a good idea to make that work for you. I dont know what accomodations might help, but things like getting instructions in writing rather than verbally (or vice verse) could be of help to you.
I suppose one could also somehow play up the implicit (or explicit) threat of a lawsuit (for discriminating against the disabled), playing dirty and could potentially backfire but could also be necessary ...
Thank you ANM, my middle f the night thoughts are focusing on some ways that I was REALLY not supported and I really don't want to go back. However I am concerned about the job market as well, if I was confident about getting another job soon I would leave but I am not.
I once ran into someone who used to work for us. She had some crisis and had a site that needed her, and no one showed up to sub or help. She is still talking about it years later. So this happens and it has kept on happening where it is all put back on the PS, and I am really scared of how it will be.
Oh, ZG, affirm all the good qualities that you are now expressing and have expressed over your life til now until you get a solid sense of your worth and value. It is self-doubt that is taking over, don't let it. Treat self-doubt like the nasty, invasive enemy that it is and protect yourself.
Your therapist should give you some tools to do this and others have suggested books that deal with techniques to help you. It is a common problem, not just yours. Protect and defend yourself! It is all a mind-game.
Thank you Razz, i see the counselor Tuesday afternoon. I am not sure what I think of him, I liked the other one I got through EAP better.
I called my old work coach who tends to be flakey. We talked for a minute on Saturday and then she said she would call me back, never did. Finally on Sunday I texted her and said I really needed to talk, I just had a freakin' breakdown after all! So she is going to call me this morning. Let's hope she really does, kinda stressed about all this.
I think I am getting flashbacks to the couple days I was at camp, a special needs student who needed help in the bathroom and the supervisor yelling he could not be my back up for this. After they took my assistant for 3 days and I was put on this too late to hire. He ended up helping but was not happy about it. I am not sure if I heard yelling because I was already getting so close to snapping, but I do know there was a lot of frustration with me. I was downright angry and snappy, too many 'surprises',
iris lilies
7-9-18, 8:56am
I hope you spend the next few weeks and months identifying professionals to work with you in your daily life. It is hard to find a therapist you like, but it is essential for you to have that. Why cant you go to the guy who you saw for EAP visit?
As for a job coach, credentials are flakey for that, but find a new one if you think that is helpful. Find someone who acts in a professional manner.
But importantly, you need weekly therapy with someone who gets you and who helps,you. It really is time dor ypu to have weekly counseling.
I have weekly counseling set up for now, I need to pay 100% until I reach my deductible of $2,600. I am limited to Kaiser or their 'overflow' counselors and I know the first guy was not on any Kaiser list. The high deductible plans are the only ones available in my district. I can also check and see when my new year of EAP visits starts, I could potentially get 5 more with him.
I am on a wait list for the sliding scale counseling at the college, It was a good program when I brought my kids there. They just called to see if I wanted to stay on the list because it is so long.
Personally, I'd bring Michael Avenatti (or a local equivalent) to that meeting. What you need is a show of force. (OK; maybe that would be going too far...) :help:
I'm pretty sure there are rules in place that make it difficult to fire someone for having health issues. Play every card you can, but as others have said--don't quit until you have a job lined up.
iris lilies
7-9-18, 9:13am
I have weekly counseling set up for now, I need to pay 100% until I reach my deductible of $2,600. I am limited to Kaiser or their 'overflow' counselors and I know the first guy was not on any Kaiser list. The high deductible plans are the only ones available in my district. I can also check and see when my new year of EAP visits starts, I could potentially get 5 more with him.
I am on a wait list for the sliding scale counseling at the college, It was a good program when I brought my kids there. They just called to see if I wanted to stay on the list because it is so long.
How much does it cots to just see the counselor you like, forgetting sbout insurance ? Is it $100 per visit?
I have no idea who Michael Avenatti is! But he sounds like a tough lawyer type.
I know it is difficult to fire me, and I know they have a year's worth of crap also. It is so stupid to me, it is really nit picky paperwork stuff. All the paperwork that goes into time sensitive databases was on time. I think it took work to find these things I did wrong and so someone is really focused on me in a negative way. We spent how much stupid time on me taking 2 half days to move after all, I know my sup consulted the head of the freakin' department because I put down flex instead of personal time. But if you throw in defiant and insubordinate then any questions I have that I ask more than once show my 'attitude'.
I just have no idea, and so that is the stress right there.
How much does it cots to just see the counselor you like, forgetting sbout insurance ? Is it $100 per visit?
Yes, about $100. I have much lower expenses now but with paying my loans I will still need to take some from savings. The EAP guy I really liked was a lot more than that however.
I am planning on calling work and talking about my return.
Wait. Why? Aren't you out on a medical leave? Dr. decides when you go back, and all should be arranged through HR, not on a phone conversation with- your (crazy) boss.
PLEASE. Take care of yourself here. Do NOT call them!!
It can be helpful both from "getting it out of the mind" and not forgetting details to write down extensive notes in time order if possible on what they actually did to you. When you were notified of job, how much info and support given in the time period until camp, what was not provided yet needed, stress situations such as inadequate numbers of helpers, etc. Just how many problems erupted and when.
Put in some kind of bulleted list so you can easily find them (rather than a long narrative). Dates and some times helpful. A couple of references to requirements of your old supervisor such as mandated emails is also good. Make sure any surprises along the way are listed. Any lack of cooperation from others where it was requested helpful also.
Then make a nice list of the actions you would have taken as an experienced person from the beginning on organization and duties needed prior to start of any camp. Star any that appear to not have been done by the other group.
The whole process is to clarify what you might need to refer to in any communications.
iris lilies
7-9-18, 9:47am
Wait. Why? Aren't you out on a medical leave? Dr. decides when you go back, and all should be arranged through HR, not on a phone conversation with- your (crazy) boss.
PLEASE. Take care of yourself here. Do NOT call them!!
Yes, I wondered about that too, but assume ZG is following the orders of her Dr. She already said her return is part time beginning this week, so we can assume that was ok’d by her physician. Her workplace’s HR people will want confirmation from ZG’s physician for back to work issues.
Yes I am following all the steps, it is part time this week after they get the paperwork and then full time next week unless I need to change it (my DR is super responsive). Then I go on a week long retreat. The DR is sending over the letter today, I may call the HR person first and ask about next steps.
I don't want to put this off forever, it is easier on me to go back part time, have a low stress weekend and then work more hours. I do most of my school year planning now so there is a lot I can be working on besides supporting camps. I do not want to go back to that one however, we have multiple camps so I can imagine they could use me another way. But who knows?
edited to add: It is also significant that my hormone changes with my age caused hot flashes that combined with stress became all over body anxiety attacks several times a day. The medication I have been added (6 more days) should help a lot with that.
ZG - I'm so sorry you are going through this. For me, it's hard mentally to let go of stressful stuff even when I know, logically, that I should or that it's waaaayyy past time to do so. So I really get that part of it. I think for those of us with mental illness it's much, much harder to detach than the average person. Sometimes it feels impossible to interrupt that loop. But it can be done, so there's a glimmer of hope I can give you. It can definitely be done. But it is a lot of work. :sick:
I haven't been on here for a while but I know that you've been struggling at this job for many years. Sometimes we are just not suited for a particular job. Have you considered looking for jobs in a different setting to see if you have more success in a different environment? Sometimes we must sacrifice something in order to gain what we need. I know that sounds unfair, it is. And it sucks. But your health is the most important thing.
You're going to hate my suggestion, but here goes. What if you got a boring office job where you do simple, basic stuff all day long and have clear expectations and low stress? I bet the pay would be comparable to what you have now. Helping professions are terribly underpaid. With a boring simple job, you get to have lots of energy left over for fun stuff on evenings and weekends! The tricky part is getting the ego on board because it might feel like you are too educated and experienced for that sort of job. But what if you could sacrifice the ego's desire for recognition in exchange for a happy life?
p.s. I say "boring, simple, basic" etc., because I think that's how you will view it. However, I've worked many office jobs and most of them were actually quite fun and satisfying.
Geila, yes boring office would be boring and i agree there is a place for it. Some companies really support volunteer work so doing one thing after school may be an option. I did start looking at legal jobs, in case i am done with education totally.
Some companies really support volunteer work so doing one thing after school may be an option. I did start looking at legal jobs, in case i am done with education totally.
Zoe - not sure what the bolded part meant. Can you clarify? I don't want to respond thinking it means one thing and it actually means something else.
A friend of mine went back to school in her late 30's/early 40's to become a paralegal. She loves detail work and helping people. She used to work at NASA doing administrative work (ie, boring office job :)). Legal work is very detail-intensive and there is very little room for error. I think being a bit OCD is actually a good thing in that job. Is that something that works well with your personality and skill set?
Another friend of mine was a public elementary school secretary and recently retired at 55 with a $1400/month pension and really enjoyed her job. Got to work with kids everyday but didn't have the stress and responsibility of being responsible for them. And she got summers off and all the holidays that the teachers and kids did.
My sister is an elementary school special ed teacher and although she makes more money than my friend did, her job is really stressful. Lots of tears, lots of pressure, lots of responsibility. I would take the secretary job over this one any day! But that's just me.
I started in office work after high school and it worked out pretty well for me. I was able to buy a house in my 20's and retire from full-time work in late 30's. Then I went back to school for fun and got a couple of degrees and now work part time from home as the mood strikes. I make $35/hr doing admin stuff. I might go back to part-time office in a couple of years just for the social aspect of it.
This is just to give you an idea that there are lots of options out there. When I'm stressed about something it's really difficult for me to see options and to gain perspective on the situation. The job you've had is just one in a world of many jobs!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.