On letting go

[Gardenarian]

My daughter has a hard time letting go of things (even a swim suit that is full of holes!) She feels these things hold memories for her.

She also has a hard time letting go of emotions; she still gets angry when she think of how someone bullied her 7 years ago. (she is 11.) But she also remembers happy times. Her memories are so important to her.

I'm wondering if these things are connected - holding onto stuff, holding onto emotions.

Is anyone else this way? I'm very much a get rid of it, move on, kind of person.

[tgardella]

Holding onto things because of memories is very common. She somehow needs to learn that the memories are inside her, not her things, and that if she were to no longer have the things, she would still have the memories. Given that she is only 11, you might try a couple of ideas:

- Have her write about the memories/emotions that an item invokes in her
- Take a photo of the item and put it together with her writing so she has a photo-journal of her memories

She might then be ready to discard the item, especially with having a photo to look at.

Holding onto things and onto emotions may very well be related. You might want to check with a school counselor for advice, especially since you mentioned the bullying incident which has stuck with her for so many years. Those types of incidents can be really tough for a kid to shake.

[Poco Pelo]

To some degree aren't we ALL like that ?

[fidgiegirl]

Is this just a one-time thing you noticed, or is it a bigger issue at your house?

[reader99]

For letting go of past events and emotions, I recommend Byron Katie's "Loving What Is". I tend to dwell on situations I felt were unjust or unfair; her book gave me the tools to let go of that.

[kally]

Unless this is a big problem I think this may be just part of her personality. What do you think? Possible?

[Jinger]

I have a college girl who is exactly that way still and has been that way since she was very young! Even if I try to sell a household item on craigslist, she often gets very upset. She still has childhood toys by her bed. I definitely think it is a personality thing.

[Gardenarian]

Oh, I don't consider it a problem, though I do hope the "My Little Ponies" go away some day. I think it is a character trait. It is something that I have a hard time relating to. I have moved about 30 times in my life; she has always lived in the same small town.

I wanted to give her the security of having a place to call home. I was always having to leave friends and stuff behind as we moved. It never got easy for me, and I coped by not accruing material goods - and being reluctant to make friends as well.
She makes friends very easily and without anxiety, and really LOVES her stuff. It's just a different way of being.