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Chicken lady
3-16-19, 11:02am
So, some of you may have seen how excited I am about my English classes for next year in the work forum.

unfortunately I think my first and most important lesson is going to be “none of you are stupid.”

the attitude of my “fellow english teachers” (i’m Not an English teacher, i’m Just a teacher) seems to be that I am providing a place for kids who “can’t handle” the regular classes. They whisper when discussing putting kids in my classes and attempt to avoid letting the kid know we are discussing them.

I, on the other hand, snatched my handout back from a student I like, informing her in front of two kids who are taking my class, “this is not for you ‘power of the pen’ people, we are going to AVOID writing.”

When we avoid mentioning things, when we whisper, when we tell students “it’s ok to be different” or “xyz is nothing to be ashamed of” we are TEACHING them that there is something wrong, that there is something to be ashamed of.

i know a lot of the people who do that are trying to avoid passing on their own feelings, because they believe them to be wrong or harmful, or simply because they know they will be judged for them, but the method they choose just perpetuates the problem.

sometimes reality is that your writing skills suck, so you need to learn and be evaluated using other skills that donÂ’t suck. Play to your strengths! And enjoy it! Everybody canÂ’t be good at everything.

it’s like the “age is just a number” and “weight is just a number” people - it’s not just a number. It’s a number that means something. I’m 50. Based on family history, my life is at best half over. I do not have the potential for physical abilities that my students have (which doesn’t mean any of us will reach our full potential or that I can’t best some of them), my eyesight will never be 20/20 again even with correction. I will get no taller, only shorter. None of which changes if I hide being 50.

my weight is a number that affects other things - starting with my knees. (Not even because i’m 50. I was an overweight teenager with sore knees.) but on Friday, we weighed the baby goats. We had to use math, because they won’t stand still. So we wrote on the board “weight of [chicken lady] with goat - weight of [chicken lady] without goat = weight of goat.

i donÂ’t understand being embarrassed about your weight. If you are unhappy with your weight, try to change it. But what you actually weigh is just a data point. And itÂ’s only partly related to your appearance. The same weight looks completely different on different frames and in different shapes and with different composition. ItÂ’s not like we canÂ’t see you.

my kids are not writers. Forget “everybody is a writer” - baloney! They can accept that sometimes they are going to have to write, and they can learn to do it as well and painlessly as possible, but it will never be their thing. That doesn’t mean they aren’t story tellers, or explainers. I am not a runner. I will run for self preservation or if I am the fastest runner available. But I will hope that in an emergency, if someone who runs fast is needed, that person will be available. Or that there will be something I can drive. I’m not going to knock myself out training because one day I might have to run for help.

i donÂ’t think the answer to teaching kids not to be ashamed of differences is to tell them there is nothing wrong with being different. I think the answer is to ask them why, and to call bull on the bull.

iris lilies
3-16-19, 11:24am
i wish I could look at the number on the scale as just a data point. Sigh.

Chicken lady
3-16-19, 11:35am
So, why not?
Here is your number.

Do you want to change it?
why?
is the number actually the problem, or is there actually something else you want to change and the number just represents that thing for you?

what would you have to do to make that change?
if you don’t know, how can you find out?
do you want to change enough to be willing to do that/those things?

if not, the number isn’t really that big of a problem, get used to it.

Zoe Girl
3-16-19, 11:52am
I think it will take a large cultural or at least group shift for most of us. It is great to be so independent that we do not attach value to the number, but being accepted or valued as we are is a support that most of us need as social creatures. My number was really hard to accept for a long time, and then I had to get used to it.

CL I focus on the strengths to deal with things like lower abilities in other areas. So my student who is most likely to have aspergers (like you talk to him for 5 minutes and notice a difference) I focus on his ability to focus and intense attention to detail. He has been able to connect more with other kids by the positive attitude coming from me and some others. When he has a meltdown we intervene and give him a chance to cool off. We are also very matter of fact about things the kids need help in. Of course this is after school and not instruction as much. I may say something like ' I can't read your handwriting here, let me help you with that'.

iris lilies
3-16-19, 11:55am
So, why not?
Here is your number.

Do you want to change it?
why?
is the number actually the problem, or is there actually something else you want to change and the number just represents that thing for you?

what would you have to do to make that change?
if you don’t know, how can you find out?
do you want to change enough to be willing to do that/those things?

if not, the number isn’t really that big of a problem, get used to it.

The number is an irrefutable, in your face, measure of the bad news.

Chicken lady
3-16-19, 12:03pm
And the bad news is?

and how do/can you change THAT?

Zoe Girl
3-16-19, 12:10pm
I did hear that the BMI system was never meant to be used like it has been.

According to the BMI charts and waist to hip ratio charts I am overweight and at risk of something bad. Meanwhile I very much doubt you would look at me and first think I need to lose weight. I track weight like I track other things, as a way to give me a clue if I am going off balance. However I don't have as much worry about shame,

iris lilies
3-16-19, 12:17pm
And the bad news is?

and how do/can you change THAT?

Do not get on a scale, and have a “good” mirror.

Those are my tools anyway. :~)

Chicken lady
3-16-19, 12:22pm
Is it working for you?
I ask because you said “I wish....”
but maybe the only other tool you need is a new mental/emotional approach.
(which is why this is in this forum)

Tammy
3-16-19, 12:53pm
I like your premise a lot.

I believe schools exist to make good soldiers and good factory workers. Conformity and being average are rewarded.

The brightest kids don’t necessarily get the As.

JaneV2.0
3-16-19, 2:53pm
I like your premise a lot.

I believe schools exist to make good soldiers and good factory workers. Conformity and being average are rewarded.

The brightest kids don’t necessarily get the As.

That's true; I know at least two brilliant dropouts. My nephew got around to getting an engineering degree eventually, and an in-law couldn't drop out soon enough. The only HS class she passed was Chinese, I think. She's worked in a variety of AI-related firms.

catherine
3-16-19, 5:17pm
i donÂ’t think the answer to teaching kids not to be ashamed of differences is to tell them there is nothing wrong with being different. I think the answer is to ask them why, and to call bull on the bull.

Hooray, CL. Having raised a "different" kid, I so agree. It is so condescending to imply to kids that "we like you anyway." My oldest son was a square peg in a round hole and I knew it. So instead of placating his teachers by placing him in the euphemistic "Project Promise" program for "at risk" kids (which was, in reality, the trailer behind the school for all the "losers"), we took him out of school. We gave our permission for him to drop out at 16. As hard of a decision as that was, we knew in our hearts it would save him--and it did.

Good for you CL. Because I can count on one hand the number of good teachers my "different" kid had, I can tell that you are an amazing teacher.

Tammy
3-16-19, 10:20pm
2 of our 3 kids chose to attend community college instead of the last few years of high school. It was free and it counted for both high school and college credit.

They were so relieved to be out of high school early.

Our third kid loved high school (well, the social part at least) - and he would never have wanted to get out early simply to attend college.