View Full Version : Financial Anxiety Setting In Now
Buying and setting up a household from scratch is REALLY expensive and my credit card is burning up these days from use. In reality, my finances are okay and I am still within my upfront allotted amount and I am not going to go into credit card debt to pay for all this. I think what it is that as a money hoarder all my life, it's really hard to see my hard-earned and carefully saved money market savings account dwindle down to pay for: a washer-dryer combo, new beds, a cart for the kitchen, fixing the roof, buying curtain rods and curtains (a HUGE expense, as there are a LOT of windows and sliding glass doors which HAVE to be covered with heat-blocking drapes, otherwise the heat is pretty unbearable), a room air conditioner, plus paint and painting supplies and all the other sundry items, cleaning supplies and on and on.
I haven't been sleeping well lately and I wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking about everything, and while I am excited and having fun fixing up the house, it is also quite terrifying when I think about the money I've spent (which is the agreed upon amount of my share of the initial expenses). Basically, I have been a worry-wort about money my entire life and this is a usual response for me when I have to spend a lot. It happens when I have to buy a car, or any other large expense. A lot of these house expenses are a one-time thing anyway and I have to remind myself that I have been living rent and utility-free for the last three years and that allowed me to save up a lot of readily available cash.
I'm just venting out loud and voicing what worries me, rational or not. I need to know it is all going to be okay in the end because lately in the middle of the night I start in on the "what-if's" and that is where the anxiety starts.
I really relate and sympathize. This is a big, big problem for me, too, and I get the middle the night wake's and resulting anxiety.
So far I have dealt with this by avoiding spending the money, but that is really not a good thing, either, and we've restricted our lives due to the anxiety it causes to make big change and spend big money.
Hopefully others have something more helpful to offer.
No, like Tybee, I also relate and can commiserate. We are trying to balance repairs and upkeep for TWO houses. And things keep cropping up. Our neighbor asked us to contribute $400 so that he can re-grade and lay new gravel down for our road. Since we are a community without an official HOA fee, I feel it's fair to throw money at "common good" expenses, but it was unexpected, and the same day our electric stove blew out, so we wound up buying a new stove for $450. Almost $1000 in one day. It does get discouraging.
I consider this year to be the year of stabilizing money wise, and after that, I'll really go pedal to the metal with no spending.
This a common problem, I think.
I lived for so long on a very tight budget, I still panic when I spend. Recently I had to buy both black and colour ink for my very old printer. Even at a discount it costs over $40 each. I needed to upgrade the printer so badly and bought a new HP for $69 with all the features that I am needing. Logic prevailed but I struggled with the spending.
Thrift mode kicks in which helps balance the finances. It will balance you as well once the initial necessities are completed. Hang in there! It is worth it!
Teacher Terry
8-20-19, 12:18pm
I don’t have that problem when it’s planned spending. When we bought our house 7 years ago we knew it was going to cost about 30k to fix it up before moving in. I didn’t have anxiety over it. When things break it sucks but I tend to just go with the flow.
I think some of it (or a lot of it) is the big lifestyle change coming up. All those years I dreamed of downsizing and escaping the mid-west, then I took the risk and did it successfully for three years. I learned to like living in such a small space and still like it but as the years go on the more claustrophobic it feels to live behind the gallery, especially in the summer when there are so many tourists around. There is little to no separation between work and home life and that is getting a little old. The new house is so big and spacious with tall ceilings and a lot of flow throughout the rooms; it feels very peaceful and really good to go over there and work on it
Another thing too is that I feel very different about things now that my daughter is gone. It's hard to explain, but part of it is that I now realize there are absolutely no guarantees in this life and I will not have an heir to pass my things and money onto (well, I did designate my nieces and great-niece as my beneficiaries on some of my accounts). I will never get to be a biological grandmother to a child. My sense of wanting to live to be a very old age has been waning and I feel like maybe I am starting to allow myself to enjoy the here and now more. My wanderlust has been dampened a little bit, probably due to all the surgeries and recovery periods. I think what it is too is the feeling of wanting to put down roots again and have a home base, one that I can create and nurture in my own vision.
So much change!
Teacher Terry
8-20-19, 12:49pm
It’s important to me to own my house and for it to reflect who I am and be enjoyable to be in. I will never be a biological grandma either. My step son may have kids and then I will be a grandma. My BF that lost her daughter said it changed everything. Luckily she has another daughter and 3 grandchildren.
It sounds like you are truly entering a new phase of life, and that is always scary. Good for you for having the courage to move forward and make your best life in the new house.
I am the same way. One time I bought a new car and the salesman remarked that I didn't seem excited. I replied, "I'm thinking of all the money I spent." But the sticker wears away over time.
SiouzQ, You have had massive changes this year. the loss of your daughter and then the horrible pain of surgeries on top of that loss....Living each day and enjoying it isn't easy when your heart is broken. Give yourself permission to do whatever you need and want to do. The money will settle out. Try to breathe. The new home sounds lovely and you will make it wonderful.
I can relate as spending makes me queasy. You are creating a home though and if that is important to you then the money is well spent. For me, just getting older and enduring life experiences (good and bad) changes perspective on so many things.
Keep your eye on your goal. You're setting roots with a man with whom you want to share a home. Once you're living in it and starting to settle in, perhaps the joy will grab and embrace you and the discomfort of spending will take a distant back seat.
Enjoy the journey;)
I just paid a $2231.29 Visa bill not due until Sept. 27 because I can't stand seeing that HUGE number over in the debit column! Plus, my credit card is such that if I pay it off in full every month at the end of the year I get interest back on January 1st. Last year it was $230 in interest I earned, so this year should be even better. It is good incentive for me. But that is not the end of charging stuff but the end of the big expenses may be a little more in sight.
Today our friend the carpenter will be finishing up the roof; he dismantled it yesterday (all the while we were praying to the gods that no monsoon rains would happen late yesterday afternoon - we lucked out)! He found some bad problems under the the metal sheeting in this one area that were not done correctly by the guy who built this house so we decided last night to give an okay for him to add/replace plywood sheeting over the insulation, then the roll of waterproof roofing stuff (I forget what it is called), and then the metal propanel stuff on top of that. Essentially, replacing the roof on the section of the house that will be our studio. So a little more added expense for all the plywood, plus another day of labor. Then the electrician gave his estimate for $680 to fix a couple of different things that need attention, plus hang a new wall light fixture I bought above the stove in the kitchen, which is horribly dim.
I have one more curtain rod to hang in the living room (I have hung seven so far)! Then the heat & light blocking curtains will be here in the next few days. Another task that I need to do before we start moving in is to put the shelf liner down inside my newly white painted (on the inside) cabinets. I can't believe how much better they look all white on the inside!
It's really starting to look homey and inviting;)
Teacher Terry
8-21-19, 12:51pm
Your house sounds great!
So looking forward to seeing the photos as it sounds like a unique spot.
Right with you there on spending, SQ. No new house, but major expenditures this year for a water heater, furnace, central air conditioner, two vacations (including a cruise), some big repair bills on both cars, lots of storm damage on the big tree in our front yard,... The extent of the storm damage was a surprise but everything else was planned for and reasonable expenditures (well, the cruise is a little over the top but it's every five years with old good friends) and it still hurts to write those big checks.
I think it's just part of a person's nature. I know we're done with downstairs appliances for a good decade or longer (except for the washer and dryer, which are running on overtime), the big repair bills on the cars are still cheaper than buying newer ones, and we'll go back to road trips and/or staying with family and friends for the next five years (that's the plan, anyway). This, too, shall pass, and then we can go back to refilling the tanks all this money came out of. In the meantime, we can enjoy the fruits of our labors and know that we won't be paying for it for years to come, like so many people we know.
In the meantime, we can enjoy the fruits of our labors and know that we won't be paying for it for years to come, like so many people we know.
The real blessing of a frugal lifestyle based on no-debt and cash expenditures:cool:
Teacher Terry
8-22-19, 12:00am
G, I am curious where you immigrated from? Do you think it contributed to your frugality? My DIL from Poland is frugal.
G, I am curious where you immigrated from? Do you think it contributed to your frugality? My DIL from Poland is frugal.
The Netherlands. I asked Dad why we came. He said: "We couldn't have been any poorer". I had no idea we were poor until I was an adult. There was always a meal on the table x3/d. There were always school clothes and shoes with no holes in them. There was always a new dress and shoes for Easter (that were then school clothes the next year). I had a bicycle. The car was never broken down-that I knew of anyway.
When I moved out at 19, I realized my Mom could make a dollar stretch a mile and I couldn't. Hubby and I went through our "buy everything to keep up" phase but it lasted only 7years and I flipped out. We hunkered down and I channeled the Mom example by thinking about the way I was raised and what we didn't have, knowing it didn't matter.
Teacher Terry
8-22-19, 12:54pm
My mom’s grandfather came illegally from Germany because he was in the army in winter with holes in his boots and inadequate supplies. That was in the 1800’s.
My SO's father may have come from Mexico without papers to avoid the draft; nobody in the family knew, and it didn't stop him from being a hard-working, contributing member of society. My grandmother was born in Berlin. I have no idea if she was "legal."
rosarugosa
8-22-19, 6:06pm
The Netherlands. I asked Dad why we came. He said: "We couldn't have been any poorer". I had no idea we were poor until I was an adult. There was always a meal on the table x3/d. There were always school clothes and shoes with no holes in them. There was always a new dress and shoes for Easter (that were then school clothes the next year). I had a bicycle. The car was never broken down-that I knew of anyway.
When I moved out at 19, I realized my Mom could make a dollar stretch a mile and I couldn't. Hubby and I went through our "buy everything to keep up" phase but it lasted only 7years and I flipped out. We hunkered down and I channeled the Mom example by thinking about the way I was raised and what we didn't have, knowing it didn't matter.
Cool story!
Change is stressful, even when it is positive change. Sounds like your new home is going to be a really great place for you. Investing in things that will make it more comfortable and livable for the long-term is wise, even though I know it is hard to see that money flowing out rather than in.
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