Pre planning funerals

[flowerseverywhere]

I spent last week helping a friend make funeral arrangements for her husband. He had a heartbreaking bout with cancer, and peacefully passed in hospice. They had discussed cremation and he would be interned at a military cemetery. They are very active in a church and the service will be done there.

so I am thinking of making final arrangements for myself.

i know I want to be cremated. I don’t think I want to take up space in perpetuity in a columbarium or other structure. Has anyone decided what to do with their remains?

i know sometimes family members scatter ashes at a place dear to their loved ones. I am thinking of options.

dh May want to be placed near his birthplace, so I would consider that once he makes his decision.

The funeral director suggested pre writing an obituary, and making all these decisions as it makes it way easier on a family and you should do whatever you want.

of course, we all know the importance of wills, trusts, making sure your beneficiaries are correct on any accounts, policies etc. living wills, health care proxies all done in accordance with federal and state laws are crucial to follow unless you want to donate lots of money to attorneys to sort through stuff. And your money may not end up where you want.

[Tybee]

I want to be cremated and either interred in a family plot or scattered into the Atlantic. Memorial service at a church, small and short.

Then I want the family to gather for dinner at a seafood restaurant.

[iris lilies]

At this time I Don’t care what happens to my remains.

I am thinking it is easier for DH just to do whatever he wants. But maybe it isnt? I dont know. Is me making firm plans easier for those left behind? We are told it is easier, but I’m not sure.what if the plan I make today conflicts with what DH would prefer ten years from now?

[Tybee]

In my experience, it is easier. It is also very possible, even probably,t he person left behind may do something completely different. That is okay, too. But it is helpful for the person left behind to know what you want, even if they decide to vary from it. In my experience, anyway.

My dad finally told me what he wants and it is kind of weird and not doable, but at least we have the guidelines to what he is going for, and good information--he does not want to be interred or contained, for example--so when the time comes, we can reach a much better decision and be at peace that we are respecting the tenor of his wishes, if not the exact thing he wants done. So it was a very useful and good discussion.

[Simplemind]

Just like the estate my parents left for us to figure out, they would never discuss what they wanted when they passed. My mom's last month and a half in hospice allowed me to research arrangements prior. I learned a lot and was so thankful that I did it clear headed and rational instead of at her passing when I would have been exhausted and emotional. Between my mom's death and my dad's I learned some astounding information on the industry through my volunteer position. My son's girlfriend's dad owns a mortuary and the kids have worked for him off and on the past several years. I learned even more through them.
Our kids all know we want to be cremated. We want to be sprinkled at Lost Lake where we sprinkled my dad. The family camps there every year and Mt Hood makes the most majestic headstone. We think of dad whenever we see it. We would never prepay but son now knows the drill and where to go for direct cremation which at present time is $500.
If you will be leaving your kids the job of making arrangements I suggest you make at least three calls for information and price. The same services can range from $500 - thousands. It is the most trying time and people don't shop around thinking it would all be the same. It isn't, its ridiculous.

[Teacher Terry]

When my grandpa died my mom said it was very stressful to buy everything when you are grieving. Having survived the depression they didn’t have any money. So my mom and aunt bought everyone’s plot at the same time. After both grandparents died my mom and aunt bought their headstones and had them engraved so when their husbands died they were ready. My mom knew she was dying so bought casket, wrote her obituary and asked people to sing certain songs at her funeral. We will be cremated and go into a wall in the veteran cemetery. I have my MIL’s urn because her ashes were scattered and I want to use that.

[pinkytoe]

From my own experience, it releases a lot of burden on survivors if wishes are known. My in-laws pre-paid and arranged all their own plans after they saw how we struggled as a young couple with my dying parents who had no plans. Thankfully, the money was there but looking at coffins, headstones and wondering about where they should be buried was difficult. In the end, because they were divorced, they both ended up buried next to their parents. I see the "trend" now is a ceremony of life rather than funeral. All a good reminder to at least put down my wishes on paper.

[KayLR]

Thankfully, my mom had every. single. detail. planned out in advance. Her plot and headstone were paid for, her obit written (which sibs asked me to edit---I mean, who uses the word "begat?") and all estate and financials dotted and crossed.

It was still a bit of work for oldest sis who was the designee for tying up everything, meeting with lawyer, etc. But that work mom put into the planning was thoughtful on her part. Much less stress than most stories I've heard.

[sbagirl]

When it became clear that my mother was in failing health and would be going into a nursing home, I went to the funeral home which we used when my brother and father died and made the basic arrangements for her. I kept it simple, told the funeral director to do the same as they had done for my father 5 years earlier (same casket, etc.) and gave them the pertinent information for the death notice. I didn’t prepay for anything because she had a “funeral plan” policy that would pay the funeral home directly upon her death. She already had a grave site and had prepaid the cemetery for the vault and the grave opening when the graves were purchased.

When she passed away a few years later, we only had to update the survivor information for the death notice and schedule the viewing and funeral mass. The funeral home dealt with arrangements at the cemetery and I only had to go there to sign papers authorizing the burial and to add her date of death to the headstone.

[sweetana3]

It really is not easier for the relatives to have to make all the decisions after someone's death. We recently sat down with mom and had all the funeral (cremation) information documented and all paid for. We now know who to contact, what she wanted and who needed to be informed. It is all written down. Now if my husband would just get off the chair and get the funeral mausoleum sorted. It is in another state and we need the details for our executor instructions.

[iris lilies]

Ok but—

I. Dont. Care. So what do I do?


Should I make a cheapie plan and pay for it? And then, if DH or whomever wants to add to it later, they can?

If I make a more elaborate plan now, I can hardly back out into something cheaper later, right?

I absolutely understand that people in grief do not want to make a ton of small procedural decisions.


I do not understand how I write a plan now that is flexible for the future.

[beckyliz]

It really is a gift you're leaving for your family. As others above have noted, it makes decisions so much easier and less stressful during an emotional time. My mom had everything planned and prepaid and left notes for her funeral service (songs, etc.). I remembered she wanted a certain lace tablecloth draped over her casket, but I couldn't find it in time. I still feel bad about that.

[iris lilies]

Ok, I am going to have a plan with a funeral home that says

1. cremate me unless you want to do something more elaborate. If the latter, it is FINE WITH ME to do whatever you want to do.

2) have a service of any kind, or not. I don’t care

3) have a printed obituary, or not. I don’t care

4) if you want to scatter my ashes in one or more places I liked, do it. If you don’t want to do that, don’t.


When we start getting into very elaborate plans, like a tablecloth in example above, the grief stricken family have detailed stuff to carry out. For some I suppose that is a good thing because it provides them with something to do. Some people like the busyness of death arrangements because it gives them something concrete to do. That would not be the case for me, though.

I’ve been in this situation of having to throw together a funeral with no preferences stated, and yeah, it was a pain. The other way, carrying out detailed instructions was kind of a pain although true, it was less, the funeral home could take care of much of it.

But then, my father who diedwith no instructions would have been perfectly happy with whatever we did. It was my mother that insisted on going thru the traditional events and purchases.

And I guess to me that flags the most important reason for pre-planning: paying for it. For so many families, this big cost is a burden. For us it wouldn’t be, and for my parents it was not, we just write a check but that is not true for so many people so yeah making plans and having them paid for relieves a huge burden from a grieving family.

[razz]

DH and I discussed our wishes years before his passing. We consolidated our finances, updated our wills and knew what we wanted. Neither of us wanted a funeral, simply cremate and scatter the ashes and have a fun meal with any cash remaining in the house or wallets. I preferred to spend any $$$ normally spent on funeral and tombstone making a donation to organizations that were important to us in his memory.

I took my kids to meet both the lawyer and the accountant providing updates after DH's passing and to the funeral home to make arrangements for both DH's ashes and prepaid my body's disposal. Very simple to do and once I am gone I really don't care.

[Yppej]

Only certain towns in my state allow green burial. That would be my first choice. I have not made plans.

[SteveinMN]

Ok, I am going to have a plan with a funeral home that says

1. cremate me unless you want to do something more elaborate. If the latter, it is FINE WITH ME to do whatever you want to do.

2) have a service of any kind, or not. I don’t care

3) have a printed obituary, or not. I don’t care

4) if you want to scatter my ashes in one or more places I liked, do it. If you don’t want to do that, don’t.

DW and I are a little more specific about what we want, but not much. We have arranged cremation locally with the plastic urn they supply for free and have specified where we want our cremains scattered. Other than that, though, we will not care at that point; the funeral/celebration of life/wake/whatever will be for the living and they can do whatever they need to do for mourning and closure beyond our fairly simple directions. If they need a fancy urn and/or a big catered funeral and/or a longish obit in the newspaper and/or some sort of formal ash-spreading ceremony, that's on them. We've prepaid the cremation and that information and our wills are available to our daughter. She'll also have access to our insurance and financial files. It shouldn't be too hard (well, not technically) for her to take care of things.

[happystuff]

Depending on who dies and when, the after-death details can be as horrific as the death itself, especially if it is sudden and totally unexpected. My suggestion is - based solely on my experience - make your own plans, but don't stop there. Think about your other loved ones. We were totally unprepared when our son died. Making these decisions while in a state of complete and utter shock is no fun. In fact, I barely recall a lot of it. Thankfully we have fantastic extended family that totally stepped up.

I'm just saying, yes, make your own plans, but also be as ready as possible for anything. As much as people want to avoid thinking of death, it will still occur eventually and possibly way sooner than you think.

[flowerseverywhere]

Thanks for all your input. After the holidays we are moving forward with plans. DH and I are discussing a lot of issues and helping each other clarify things. I think it will overall be a good thing for us and our families. Instead of making decisions under pressure it will allow them to pass through the stages of grief, even if not everything is totally followed, and move on. Life is for the living.

[Tybee]

Thanks for all your input. After the holidays we are moving forward with plans. DH and I are discussing a lot of issues and helping each other clarify things. I think it will overall be a good thing for us and our families. Instead of making decisions under pressure it will allow them to pass through the stages of grief, even if not everything is totally followed, and move on. Life is for the living.

What a lovely gift you are giving your family.

[kib]

At this time I Don’t care what happens to my remains.

I am thinking it is easier for DH just to do whatever he wants. But maybe it isnt? I dont know. Is me making firm plans easier for those left behind? We are told it is easier, but I’m not sure.what if the plan I make today conflicts with what DH would prefer ten years from now? My father and mother both have pre-paid cremation service plans, and that was marvelously easy when my father passed, I'd heartily recommend it. With one phone call, the funeral home did whatever was necessary and a few days later we received a package of ashes from them. However, he never specified what else he wanted done, and my mother wandered in a fog of grief and indecision for nearly a month before I stepped in and had a simple reception / ash burial for him. I'd say as long as you don't want a sendoff on the Queen Mary, it's kinder and easier to make the plans when no one's lost in sorrow, specifying that if something else works better at the end, that's ok too. ... Merry Christmas, btw. :)

[iris lilies]

My father and mother both have pre-paid cremation service plans, and that was marvelously easy when my father passed, I'd heartily recommend it. With one phone call, the funeral home did whatever was necessary and a few days later we received a package of ashes from them. However, he never specified what else he wanted done, and my mother wandered in a fog of grief and indecision for nearly a month before I stepped in and had a simple reception / ash burial for him. I'd say as long as you don't want a sendoff on the Queen Mary, it's kinder and easier to make the plans when no one's lost in sorrow, specifying that if something else works better at the end, that's ok too. ... Merry Christmas, btw. :)
kib, great to see you.

See, it is your mother’s experience (same as mine) that I think is typical for a LOT of people. Whatever death arrangements are pre-made and carried out, it doesnt “feel” to the near kin that it is enough. Enough to honor the deceased. Enough to give community input. Enough etc.

We can all say we don’t want hoopla or a Queen Mary boat extravaganza, but certain people perhaps of a certain generation feel it “must” be done.And frankly certain deaths (those of younger people or sudden accidental deaths) do engender a community grieving experience for the outer ring of relatives and friends.

Maybe it is generational and as younger people age and die there will be less emphasis on showy funerals.

[Teacher Terry]

Happy, I am so sorry you lost your son. Two of my friends lost children and it’s the worst.

[kib]

What I intend is to set up the disposition of my body ahead of time, including payment. I'm thinking of donating my organs or my entire body, if not I want a cremation plan like my parents'. Yes, as cheaply as possible. I don't think my physical remains need to be a part of any remembrance ceremony that might happen, I'm very sure my husband will want to have as little to do with a dead body as possible, and I don't care where my cells wind up. Beyond that, I am going to say what I want, but not specifically arrange it. Since what I want involves calling about ten people to get together and have dinner, it shouldn't be too much of a struggle. If I become wildly popular in the next 50 years I might have to rethink that.

[kib]

kib, great to see you.

Maybe it is generational and as younger people age and die there will be less emphasis on showy funerals. Maybe. I think what went wrong in my case was not knowing what I didn't know. Someone dies = wake, church service, graveside service, lots of flowers hearse with the lights on, casket ... it literally never occurred to me that this stuff doesn't just somehow materialize around a death, and the death of someone whose body is whisked away and has few friends, no family and no religious connections isn't going to be like that At All. It's certainly not going to be handled by Someone Else, in any event.

I'm expecting the opposite of what you say, frankly. The Century of The Selfie, the quarter million dollar college degree and the $200,000 wedding will undoubtedly extend to the final send off at some point, don't you think? :|(

[Teacher Terry]

When my MIL died she was cremated. Because her siblings lived out of town we waited 3 weeks for the celebration of life so people could get cheap airfare. The day they arrived I cooked for 30 people. The next day the service was at a room the casino where she worked for 30 years donated so people could pop in and out on their breaks. Afterwards back to our house for food I ordered from the deli. It was nice.

[catherine]

When my MIL died she was cremated. Because her siblings lived out of town we waited 3 weeks for the celebration of life so people could get cheap airfare. The day they arrived I cooked for 30 people. The next day the service was at a room the casino where she worked for 30 years donated so people could pop in and out on their breaks. Afterwards back to our house for food I ordered from the deli. It was nice.

That is nice, TT. When my mother died in early February (1997), my brother couldn't travel because he had just had a pacemaker put in, so she had a simple wake in her hometown, was cremated, and then in the following May we had a celebration at the hotel that was a block away from the summer cottage where she and I both spent our childhoods. We had a nice lunch at the hotel, where I dressed the tables in her favorite breakfast--M&Ms and Coca-Cola--and we spoke our tributes and then spilled her ashes into the Long Island Sound.

[Simplemind]

One of the things we say is that you can spend years planning a wedding down to the finest detail but nobody thinks about a funeral. I work with so many people who are in stun mode after an unexpected death. So often I hear "I never thought this could happen.". People put it off and hope somebody else will take care of it. Often those left are the least prepared to make those decisions, a funeral home must be chosen within 24 hours (unless the ME is investigating) and then there are all those arrangements. Another biggie is thinking/knowing somebody prepaid only to find that the proof of prepayment can't be found. Even if you have prepaid and know who you paid, without the paperwork sometimes (ugh....) they don't keep records and won't honor it without proof. Which is why I often advise to shop around just to find out who is most reasonable and make that note in the papers of your wishes. I also know of places who have said the costs have gone up since the original arrangement and ask for more money.

[catherine]

I have an envelope in a pigeonhole in my desk labeled "In the event of my death" in which I have passwords to my online accounts (I try to update it regularly), bank account numbers, and other logistical things that they may need. I also have a signed copy of my advance directive/will, and a list of ideas for my service (favorite songs and readings) and how I want my body disposed of.

I told my oldest son where he can find this envelope (not DH, as he hates talking about death and he won't remember if I predeceased him).

Prepaying would be a good next step. Thanks for these ideas.

[happystuff]

Happy, I am so sorry you lost your son. Two of my friends lost children and it’s the worst.

Thank you.

[flowerseverywhere]

One more thing I learned. My friend did not immediately say where she wanted donations to go. She has been overrun with flowers, fruit baskets and plants people sent. She has a friend who works at the local soup kitchen and she gave her several big bags of fruit which of course they gladly took. Those real expensive oranges for instance, she got a crate of several dozen. One person cannot possibly consume them. And they only keep so long. Some fruits like apples she does not have the time to freeze, The flowers will die and she doesn’t like to take care of plants. Money that could have gone to good use somewhere.
So unfortunately, money could have gone to her charity, hospice, if only she had designated them early on. It matters not if it is hospice, a cancer association, library, church, animal shelter. Make sure the message gets out of a designated charity immediately.

[frugal-one]

I put a binder together with all financial information and included information on the cheapest place to cremate me. I asked that my son and husband take a trip together in honor of me (instead of a big funeral). They should take a few of the ashes and sprinkle them wherever they go. I would never prepay a funeral. Who knows if the funeral home will still be in business when you die.

[SteveinMN]

I would never prepay a funeral. Who knows if the funeral home will still be in business when you die.
We were concerned about that when we prepaid our cremations. In Minnesota, part of the contract includes what essentially is an insurance policy that reimburses you for the amount paid if the funeral home goes out of business. Sorted.

[razz]

In our area, I was advised that the prepaid is paid into a trust that every funeral home can access so prepaid are always cared for.

[befree]

I pre-paid for my cremation, which is less than 1/10th the cost of a traditional funeral service. Other than that, I'm like Iris Lilies; I don't care. (Although, now that I've seen a jazz funeral in New Orleans, it seems like a fun send-off)

[razz]

i was trying to remember the actual details regarding an individual who ensured a great send-off. He invited everyone to a huge party shortly before he died because he wanted to hear all the kind things that might be said about him at his funeral. Does this story ring a bell for anyone?

[pinkytoe]

Just read an article about having one's remains composted. Interesting thought as I am a gardener. Good soil for a new tree:)

[frugal-one]

We were concerned about that when we prepaid our cremations. In Minnesota, part of the contract includes what essentially is an insurance policy that reimburses you for the amount paid if the funeral home goes out of business. Sorted.

What happens if you leave MN? Have body transferred back for cremation?

[iris lilies]

What happens if you leave MN? Have body transferred back for cremation?
Most funeral homes have reciprocal agreements with colleagues in other states to perform work. If you have one of these pre paid plans and you die in Florida while on vacation, for instance, your home town funeral establishment will take care of all arrangements.

[Teacher Terry]

Not prepaying cremation because you can’t know where you will die.

[frugal-one]

Most funeral homes have reciprocal agreements with colleagues in other states to perform work. If you have one of these pre paid plans and you die in Florida while on vacation, for instance, your home town funeral establishment will take care of all arrangements.

If you are a traveler, you could die out of country. What then? Recently happened to someone I know.

[catherine]

Yeah, I get the idea of pre-planning, but not pre-paying, for the reasons cited. I think I heard a Dave Ramsey podcast where he analyzed the benefit of parking the money at a funeral home vs keeping the money in a mutual fund, where it would earn interest. I think if I were hell-bent on making it as easy as possible for my loved ones, I'd maybe have a designated interest-bearing account and give them access to that.

[iris lilies]

If you are a traveler, you could die out of country. What then? Recently happened to someone I know.
I don’t know if those reciprocal agreements extend beyond U.S. borders.

Pre-paying is only important if those who remain have a hard time coming up with the cash.

[Tybee]

Yeah, I get the idea of pre-planning, but not pre-paying, for the reasons cited. I think I heard a Dave Ramsey podcast where he analyzed the benefit of parking the money at a funeral home vs keeping the money in a mutual fund, where it would earn interest. I think if I were hell-bent on making it as easy as possible for my loved ones, I'd maybe have a designated interest-bearing account and give them access to that.

I like this idea. But how would you give them access? Would you make it a joint account, so they had access right away?

If you made it POD, wouldn't they have to wait to get the money?

My dad has bank accounts with both my brothers and there is enough to bury them. He has no shared accounts with me, so I don't plan to pay for his burial, if I outlive him.

[iris lilies]

I assume that an estate of the deceased can pay for a funeral. But I’m not sure about that.


Also in cases Where we are talking about cremation, that’s not much money. The last time I checked with our local crematorium which is literally less than a mile from me, it was under $600. That includes transport of the body from a nearby hospital to the crematorium.

[Teacher Terry]

When my friend died 3 years ago it was 2k for the funeral home to pick her up and cremate her. 300 of that was her urn. She was in a small town and there was one funeral home. If I get to the point that I know I am dying then I will shop around for the cheaper price and pay it.

[Tybee]

When my friend died 3 years ago it was 2k for the funeral home to pick her up and cremate her. 300 of that was her urn. She was in a small town and there was one funeral home. If I get to the point that I know I am dying then I will shop around for the cheaper price and pay it.
Because of this thread, I googled the town where I live and the town where my parents live. The very very cheapest cremation only options were 1595 where I live an 1295 where they live.

Since a POA ends on death, you would not be able to write a check from the account of the deceased, although I have heard of people billing the estate to do this.

That's why I like Catherines idea--it could conceivably be a lot more than 600 to get to the dead loved one's town and to cremate them, and if it was unexpected, then the poor offspring should not have to front the money, at least I would prefer mine not have to.

[Simplemind]

Tybee now I'm curious... What towns?

[iris lilies]

I called the crematorium directly, did not go through a funeral home to get this low cost. But this was a good 6-8 years ago. No one needs a special urn. I have a dozen Chinese pots Sitting around on shelves right now that could be put to that use. In the basement I have another dozen ceramic containers I use in Flower shows that could work.

There are other costs such as getting multiple copies of the death certificates, And if you’re not home provides that. But I wouldn’t imagine that is hard to do although who knows maybe something like $15 per certified copy from the county, you never know.

As for paying for funeral services from the deceased one’s estate, I just figured the executor could do that as executors have authority to pay for all appropriate and relevant costs of the estate.

[Tybee]

This website has a link where you can find your state and look up direct cremation costs:

http://www.us-funerals.com/funeral-articles/what-is-the-average-cost-of-a-cremation-in-the-us.html#.XfqdrWRKiUl

[iris lilies]

This website has a link where you can find your state and look up direct cremation costs:

http://www.us-funerals.com/funeral-articles/what-is-the-average-cost-of-a-cremation-in-the-us.html#.XfqdrWRKiUl
Did you look at this site? For my state is just a listing of funeral homes. There is an ad showing $ 795 as a cost.


When I googled St. Louis cremation, hits werefrom $595 to $895. But there were some cautionary notes about up charges in this game, so buyer beware.

[Tybee]

Did you look at this site? For my state is just a listing of funeral homes. There is an ad coding 795 as a cost.


When I googled St. Louis cremation, hits werefrom $595 to $895. But there were some cautionary notes about up charges in this game, so buyer beware.

Yes, I looked at the site. I found, as you did, that when yo ulooked at a state, ads popped up. One came up for Delaware at 795. The article itself cites a range of prices.

[Tybee]

I was actually thinking of buying one of these so I'd have an urn when the time comes. They are even on sale, lol:

https://www.amazon.com/SmartChoice-Wings-Freedom-Cremation-Human/dp/B07H2MB7JT/ref=sr_1_35?keywords=funeral+urn+blue&qid=1576716677&s=home-garden&sr=1-35

[iris lilies]

For me, I can’t buy i to the funeral designation of a specific vessel as the proper container. If I were envisioning my ashes as being kept in an urn, I would want to pick out an art piece. Granted, most vessels dont have lids, but it wouldnt be hard to make one. I would be fine with DH or whomever scattering my ashes.

[Yppej]

My mother is thinking of buying a plot although she wants to be cremated. Apparently you can have the ashes of 4 people in one plot.

[Tybee]

I was thinking have the urn at the service, then if you scattered the ashes you could reuse it for the next person who needed it. Didn't Terry have an urn they reused, or was that someone else.?

[SteveinMN]

Well, sometimes you make a good decision; sometimes you make one you might want to do over. I didn't buy Apple stock at $12, either. :~)

But it's done and we achieve our goal of choosing what we want for our post-final moment. I suppose any number of exceptions and edge cases can be identified for pretty much any choice every one of us could make. DW and I could die on a vacation outside the U.S. and not have travel insurance to cover the cost of shipping the remains back to Minnesota. Can't/won't cover every eventuality. Our kid is pretty smart. She'll figure out what meets the legal requirements and her needs. And she'll have the money to carry it off (some of it will be ours).

[Teacher Terry]

Tybee, yes my MIL’s urn has been used about 4x’s. It’s beautiful and because I don’t want my ashes scattered I will be the last occupant. My dogs will be shaken in and we all interred.

[Tybee]

Tybee, yes my MIL’s urn has been used about 4x’s. It’s beautiful and because I don’t want my ashes scattered I will be the last occupant. My dogs will be shaken in and we all interred.

I love that, Terry. It's sensible, frugal, and respectful of the earth.

I just might buy that urn to use and reuse (thinking of my parents) --then if my kids want, they can scatter me and keep the urn for another generation.

A really nice idea.

[catherine]

I love that, Terry. It's sensible, frugal, and respectful of the earth.

I just might buy that urn to use and reuse (thinking of my parents) --then if my kids want, they can scatter me and keep the urn for another generation.

A really nice idea.

I like the shake 'n bake idea! (Technically, I guess that would be bake 'n shake). I still have my two dogs' ashes (I couldn't bring myself to "downsize" those. They survived The Purge.), and maybe DH and I could be all intermingled and then the kids could use the ash as fertilizer for a tree or something.

[Teacher Terry]

My MIL was frugal and generous so I knew she wouldn’t mind. It cost 250 13 years ago. I have 8 urns of dog ashes. The dogs go with whoever goes first. I figured it would be me because I am 5 years older and have more health issues.

[Simplemind]

My mom collected antiques and had a beautiful art nouveau chocolate pot. We put her in that. My dad wanted to be shaken out the window on the way home....

[frugal-one]

I bought a homemade urn at a garage sale for $1. I put it in the basement and said to put ashes of me in that and then disperse. DH has a camera lens container that he said would work for him. It is no big deal to either of us.

[iris lilies]

The chocolate pot (I know what those are, beautiful,shapeS! ) and the camera case and the garage sale find, as well as TT using an urn for 4 people—these are great ideas!

[happystuff]

Reminds me of the end of the movie The Bucket List... coffee cans on top of a mountain. Nice view!

[razz]

Reminds me of the end of the movie The Bucket List... coffee cans on top of a mountain. Nice view!

I had forgotten that. Thanks for the reminder.

[ToomuchStuff]

Yeah, I get the idea of pre-planning, but not pre-paying, for the reasons cited. I think I heard a Dave Ramsey podcast where he analyzed the benefit of parking the money at a funeral home vs keeping the money in a mutual fund, where it would earn interest. I think if I were hell-bent on making it as easy as possible for my loved ones, I'd maybe have a designated interest-bearing account and give them access to that.

While I think money (with the next of kin access), set aside is generally better, there is one experience that stuck with me as a reason to prepay. Family that worked in the local (to me) funeral home. Somehow (never quite got how), the owners were some sort of extended family, and were friends with my grandfather who worked for them. Around the time the owner started having medical issues, so did my grandfather, so the families all bought into the same plot. Grandma died twenty five years later, and while a new state law, required a vault, everything else was covered. (and the funeral home had changed hands a couple times, so only one person knew my grandfather and he had just started shortly before my grandfather left).

I still look at that building as home.

[LDAHL]

The benefits of pre-planning have become very apparent to me recently. My father passed away Friday after a long illness, but left some very specific instructions that are making arrangements much easier. He wanted, for instance, to be cremated and interred in his tool box. There are a surprising number of rules related to something like that, and it was good to have had the time to deal with them in advance.

[flowerseverywhere]

The benefits of pre-planning have become very apparent to me recently. My father passed away Friday after a long illness, but left some very specific instructions that are making arrangements much easier. He wanted, for instance, to be cremated and interred in his tool box. There are a surprising number of rules related to something like that, and it was good to have had the time to deal with them in advance.

sorry to hear of your fathers passing. I am glad he had the foresight to make some of his decisions.

All of these posts have been very very hopeful and have inspired a lot of thought.

[catherine]

The benefits of pre-planning have become very apparent to me recently. My father passed away Friday after a long illness, but left some very specific instructions that are making arrangements much easier. He wanted, for instance, to be cremated and interred in his tool box. There are a surprising number of rules related to something like that, and it was good to have had the time to deal with them in advance.

My sincere condolences on your loss, LDAHL.

I love his tool box idea--glad you were able to grant his wishes...

[Tybee]

LDAHL, I am so sorry for your loss.

[Teacher Terry]

So sorry Ldahl. Love him being in his toolbox.

[iris lilies]

The toolbox idea is nice.

[LDAHL]

The toolbox idea is nice.

I’m sure he chuckled when he thought of it. The funeral industry is less amused by the idea, however.

[razz]

I’m sure he chuckled when he thought of it. The funeral industry is less amused by the idea, however.
Love it when wishes come to fruition. Toolbox idea is clever. My condolences on his passing; he sounds like a character who enjoyed his life.
Curious what rules would apply beyond size re interment?

[LDAHL]

Love it when wishes come to fruition. Toolbox idea is clever. My condolences on his passing; he sounds like a character who enjoyed his life.
Curious what rules would apply beyond size re interment?

In my state, the cremated remains must be burned down to a certain granularity to be buried in a standard cemetery plot. It’s not required, but many places demand you put the remains in an “urn vault” to keep the ground above from settling. Those vaults are hard to find if you’re not using a standard urn. Some places insist remains be embalmed before being cremated, although that doesn’t seem to be based in law.

[iris lilies]

The funeral industry lobby in each state works to require things like vaults, the aforementioned embalming before cremation, and etc to maintain their revenue streams. Much of it is not based in science.

I dont know current state law, but some time ago every body had to be embalmed with exceptions only for the religions that forbade it.

[razz]

When DH passed as well as my parents' passing earlier, they were cremated and we simply received the ashes. My parents's ashes were delivered in a plastic bag inside a cardboard box. DH's ashes as well as those of my last dog were delivered in a plastic bag inside a lovely wooden box. Since both ashes were scattered, I didn't learn of about restrictions on interment. The wooden box would fit in a current columbarium opening.
The differences in practice are surprising.

[iris lilies]

When DH passed as well as my parents' passing earlier, they were cremated and we simply received the ashes. My parents's ashes were delivered in a plastic bag inside a cardboard box. DH's ashes as well as those of my last dog were delivered in a plastic bag inside a lovely wooden box. Since both ashes were scattered, I didn't learn of about restrictions on interment. The wooden box would fit in a current columbarium opening.
The differences in practice are surprising.

Here in the U.S. that stuff is regulated by each state.

In Iowa, there is some sort of law that requires sellers of property to disclose if cremated remains exist on the property.We ran i to this with my father in law.

[SteveinMN]

LDAHL, I'm sorry to hear of your dad's passing. He sounds like he was at least a bit of a "character" (in a good way).

[LDAHL]

LDAHL, I'm sorry to hear of your dad's passing. He sounds like he was at least a bit of a "character" (in a good way).

Thanks. When my daughter was four, she used to call him “preposterous grandpa”. As opposed to her “tall grandpa”. I think he would be the first to tell you he had a good run.

[rosarugosa]

So sorry about your dad, LDAHL. I think the toolbox request is the coolest thing ever, although my chocoholic mom would probably favor the antique chocolate pot.

[frugal-one]

I’m sure he chuckled when he thought of it. The funeral industry is less amused by the idea, however.

My condolences too!

Funeral industry can’t make more money if you provide the “urn”.

[jp1]

Ldahl, so sorry to hear about your father. LOVE the toolbox idea...