Etiquette of Spilled Wine

[mtnlaurel]

I cannot find my etiquette bible, what is the etiquette of the following:

Person spilled wine on tablecloth at a dinner party. Noone alerted the host immediately. Now wife of spiller wants to send $40 cash with the Thank You note for the party. Tablecloth didn't seem like a family heirloom, described as simple tablecloth from Pier One with some machine embroidery.
Dinner party hosts were not close friends, it was a school parent event at their home.

Here is one link that I found that sending money may be appropriate.
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/food/manners/holiday-party-etiquette



Thanks for input.

[redfox]

What do you want to do? Relying on etiquette seems like a poor substitute for a relational response. I imagine any response can be justified - what feels like the most authentic one?

[mtnlaurel]

Not me.
A family member and sending the $40 was their proposed course of action.
They wanted to be sure that the tablecloth was either professionally cleaned or replaced.

Something about sending $$$ in the mail seemed weird to me. ?????
But if you did send the money, then you could be certain that it wouldn't be refused as a polite gesture of 'no, it's no problem'.

[jennipurrr]

I think it sounds appropriate, especially since the wine spiller did not let the host know immediately when the chance was better to take measures to get it out and since the spiller doesn't know this person well.

I would appreciate the thoughtfulness. I let a neighbor borrow a bicycle pump recently and apparently it broke when he was using it, so he fixed it before returning it. It wasn't a big deal to me, but I definitely appreciated the gesture. Since the wine spiller can't probably doesn't even know the dimensions of the table for a replacement, cash seems like a good substitute.

[loosechickens]

I don't know.....if I were the host in question, I'd feel touched to receive a thank you note, apology ("I was just so embarassed when I spilled the wine, I didn't say anything....I'm sorry"), and the money to replace or professionally clean the tablecloth.

Given the number of people who might have spilled the wine, covered up the stain with a plate and gone merrily on their way, I think your family member is to be commended.

And I agree, if he/she tried to apologize and give the money in person, it might be refused, out of politeness. I think you have a thoughtful, caring and responsible family member. Give them a pat on the back from the Chickens..... ;-)

[Mrs-M]

I think it's a refreshing gesture too. I myself would not be able to overlook addressing the situation as it unfolded although. For instance, DH spills wine and stains someone's tablecloth or furniture, I would have to approach the host (homeowner) and deal with it right there and then.

Another upstanding gesture (etiquette wise) would be to replace the tablecloth with the same (or better than the same) and present it to the host in wrapped present form.

[mtnlaurel]

Thanks everyone for responding so quickly.

I told my relative not to do anything until you guys had a chance to mull it over!

[Glo]

If I were the host, I wouldn't expect anything except "I'm sorry" when it happened. Afterall, accidents do happen.

[Selah]

What a lovely gesture! I would suggest that the relative write a little note and say "thank you for your kind gesture! Not expected but very much appreciated, etc." Yes, fancy tablecloths and dinner parties sound like a great idea, but they're really not...I have in-laws who spill LOTS of food and drink when they come over, and they're not getting anywhere near my great-grandmother's tablecloth! :)

[screamingflea]

This immediately took me back to my Rocky Horror days. There's a moment in the dinner party scene where the butler casually slops wine into everyone's glasses, getting it all over the table. I wonder what kind of wine it is? Hm. Must be ... table wine! :laff:

[bagelgirl]

I seem to be the only one that doesn't agree. When I host guests I expect my stuff to be used. I always find food stains afterwards on the table cloth. I would never allow anyone to pay me. Maybe the stain was washed out and the cloth does not need replacing.

[djen]

I seem to be the only one that doesn't agree. When I host guests I expect my stuff to be used. I always find food stains afterwards on the table cloth. I would never allow anyone to pay me. Maybe the stain was washed out and the cloth does not need replacing.

This is what I was thinking, too. I would feel terrible if someone thought they needed to give me money if they spilled something on my tablecloth. I wouldn't have put it there under all the food and beverage if I was going to freak out if it got food or beverage on it. ;) It's not a party at my house until something gets spilled anyway (usually by me!) We don't even drink alcohol, we just get busy talking or playing with the kids and gravity takes over...

[jp1]

I agree with Glo. i wouldn't expect anything other than "I'm sorry". Accidents do indeed happen. If I were sending money I'd send it as a check, that way the receiver could decline the money and just destroy the check, either with telling or not telling the sender.