Stepping out of the fast life

[meri]

I gave notice at my job.
It wasn't easy and it scares me a bit but I am so happy to know there is an end date in sight.


I am not quite sure if giving a notice during those times counts as a success story but it does feel that way. I work in a corporate environment and the job is stressful to the point of leaving me with little or no energy for family, hobbies and things that matter in general. I spent too many evenings and weekends working from home or sitting around anxious about work and unable to enjoy free time. Afraid to take vacation because a week off meant a month of unpaid overtimes desperately trying to catch up.


If the Covid situation on top of couple of years of stress, performance, stress, performance, ... taught me something it is that no nice salary and free coffee in a noisy open-space office can make up for the life spent without time and energy for people and activities that are important and so so temporary. So with husband's approval I now hope to get a job away from corporate and without long commute. Which will certainly equal about half of my income will be gone but I am kind of looking forward to having energy for being frugal. Or just sensible rather than paying for quick fixes and shortcuts. And I cannot wait to leave the shiny downtown office with all the hustle and competition.

In many ways it is scary to leave what many consider to be path to success but I have had more than enough and I am getting way too old to chase anyone else's definition of success and security.

[Yppej]

Best of luck to you Meri.

[iris lilies]

You are in Prague? Lucky you!

[happystuff]

It is scary, but very doable. Congrats and good luck to you!

[JaneV2.0]

Joe Dominguez of Your Money or Your Life called employment "making a dying." That characterization rang true with me. Congratulations on escaping while you still have your health. It will get better.

[catherine]

I gave my notice at my corporate job 12 years ago after I started crying at my desk (and I'm not a crier). I went independent and I've been happy ever since. It does take a leap of faith, but beyond that, my leaps were only leaps of joy.

Good luck! You'll be fine.

[SteveinMN]

Hello, meri!

I did something similar eight years ago. (With my wife's blessing) I walked away from about 60% of our take-home pay. We felt at the time that it was either leave or I would be wheeled out the door on a stretcher (a little dramatic, but the job was affecting my health). I was the househusband and started a photography business while my wife worked full-time. We found ways to make it happen; I'm sure you will, too.

One thing I learned is that money, to a large degree, equals time. We saved money by not eating out so often or getting takeout food, but that's because I was home cooking each night. My work wardrobe costs pretty much went to zero. Chores we would have hired out when both of us were working became do-it-yourself projects.

We did go into this with some savings to even out the bump as incomes changed. But if we could do it, you can too. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing about your experiences and victories and questions.

[Teacher Terry]

When we retired our income went down by half and we are fine. We were supposed to go to Europe for a month in August and Prague was on the list. When a job is taking over your life it’s not worth it.

[Simplemind]

I also walked away from a grinding job. I hadn't enjoyed it in several years and it was getting worse by the day. I have no regrets other than I wish I had done it sooner. I can't believe how much of the positive simple aspects of life I was missing. It may take you awhile to unplug but you won't regret it.

[meri]

You are in Prague? Lucky you!

Yes I am in Prague and I am lucky :) it's a beautiful city rich with history even though I personally would appreciate it more as a visitor. After 13 years I still cannot get used to living in such a huge city and so far away from mountains.

[meri]

Thank you all for the encouragement.






How long did it take you to 'unplug'and get used to the new pace of life? I am looking forward to it but assume that after all those years it will be a big change that will take some getting used to.


In our country we have two calendar months notice period. That means that when you give your notice you still have two months left at your job starting from the 1st of whatever month starts after you resign. 7 weeks to go ... and two paychecks.


I am looking into available options near the area where we live (I want to avoid the nearly hour long commute by public transportation) and it seems that there is a position open that looks great, I have sent my CV and keep my fingers crossed. Job market is not that good right now.




We do have some savings and my husband has a decent job that he likes very much so even if I am unable to find anything immediately we would be fine for a while. My job has been getting worse and more stressful for quite some time. So we have made some adjustments to save more / spend less so that I can look for another job that won't pay so much or perhaps even part time job and still have everything we need and some things that we just want while saving for retirement as well.
Now I'll need to get more creative. Some expenses will disappear by themselves - I am determined not to step into corporate again so no business wardrobe, home haircuts will suffice, no after work temptations in form of 'everybody' going out for beer/coffee/cocktails/bowling, no late evenings spent working from home over a take-out dinner. Some expenses I have to re-evaluate. Do I need my mobile phone plan including data which I rarely use? Probably not. Race registration fees? Could by cut in half by choosing more carefully. Travelling? Avoiding hotels and keeping it more local lately and it's all right.
I love cooking and baking so I am learning to take time to shop around for good deals on produce and plan meals around what's available and cook from scratch (goodbye canned chickpeas and pasta sauce)


I want to learn more gardening and also canning and preserving which should help our budget (and my nerves too) and in general simplify and slow down our days.

[Yppej]

Yes I am in Prague and I am lucky :) it's a beautiful city rich with history even though I personally would appreciate it more as a visitor. After 13 years I still cannot get used to living in such a huge city and so far away from mountains.

Are you by chance talking the Silesian Mountains? My ancestors came from that region.

[meri]

Are you by chance talking the Silesian Mountains? My ancestors came from that region.

Wow, did they? My husband is from Silesia. I come from Krkonose Mountains.

[SteveinMN]

Some expenses I have to re-evaluate. Do I need my mobile phone plan including data which I rarely use? Probably not. Race registration fees? Could by cut in half by choosing more carefully. Travelling? Avoiding hotels and keeping it more local lately and it's all right.
I would just note that "living simply" and living inexpensively are not tied at the hip. There's nothing wrong with living frugally (most of us here do just that) but that does not mean that there can be no money for fun or things you consider necessary in your life. Many of us own more than one home (even intentionally!), some of us have hobbies that require expensive equipment, and so on.

Simple living allows you to put your energy and time and money toward what is important to you. Of course, most people will have a limit to their income so what can be spent is not boundless. But most of us cut financial corners in some parts of our lives so we can splurge elsewhere.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I find it odd you got your husbands approval. I'm not even bound to anyone economically nor have I ever asked for anyone's help economically and wouldn't unless it came to that or the streets, and it's not the type of thing I'd expect approval for, tolerance perhaps, maybe that's what is actually meant by approval. If I did it I'd fully expect everyone's disapproval and do it anyway. :) Even though I am, I sometimes wonder if I am even loved by anyone if I am not a good little economic agent, but loved I may be, approved of, not necessarily.

[Teacher Terry]

AMN, when you are married things like quitting a job are a joint decision. If you make the decision alone it’s not a partnership. It very well could lead to divorce as it did for someone I know.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Guess that's why the feminists liken marriage to captivity, one's choices are no longer one's own. And frankly I think I'm by nature incapable of dictating people's choices on personal matters (wearing a @#$# mask is a social not a personal matter - just fyi for the trolls). So I had reservations about bf taking new job - a company that had fired him before, but like I always said I have my reservations but I would stand back, it is not mine to decide (and its actually working out well, another reason it should not be mine to decide I have less information to make the decision on and always will). So it would be all one sided too if I was to enter into such an arrangement, de facto patriarchy. Maybe this bird was never meant for that cage. :)

[Teacher Terry]

Men face the same restrictions.

[Teacher Terry]

Keri, one of the things that saved us money was shopping for the best prices for car and home insurance. Also where you shop for groceries can make a big difference.

[JaneV2.0]

Guess that's why the feminists liken marriage to captivity, one's choices are no longer one's own. And frankly I think I'm by nature incapable of dictating people's choices on personal matters, I had reservations about bf taking new job, but like I always said I have my reservations by I would stand back, it is not mine to decide, so it would be all one sided too if I was to enter into such an arrangement, de facto patriarchy. Maybe this bird was never meant for that cage. :)

I've long said I don't do well in captivity, though I've certainly signed up for it, via employment, often enough. Next life, trust fund. I can't imagine asking permission to manage my own finances, even if I've mangled it repeatedly. I understand partnerships, and I'm sure they work often enough.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Men face the same restrictions.

in theory, in actuality as a woman in this culture, even if not consciously so, I was trained to let men have the last word, dad sure did with his anger even though mom had a masters degree in STEM, not an unaccomplished woman. So I don't view the restrictions as really being the same in a patriarchal culture.

This is all probably really off topic,so I'm not going to continue the debate just for lols, and feel free to get back to the original topic, I was just ranting on "life is hard and lonely" and stuff. :P rant rant rant, because life is hard and stuff ...

[catherine]

Guess that's why the feminists liken marriage to captivity, one's choices are no longer one's own. And frankly I think I'm by nature incapable of dictating people's choices on personal matters (wearing a @#$# mask is a social not a personal matter - just fyi for the trolls). So I had reservations about bf taking new job - a company that had fired him before, but like I always said I have my reservations but I would stand back, it is not mine to decide (and its actually working out well, another reason it should not be mine to decide I have less information to make the decision on and always will). So it would be all one sided too if I was to enter into such an arrangement, de facto patriarchy. Maybe this bird was never meant for that cage. :)

I agree with Terry, that marriage is a partnership. It's not a dictatorship. If you are going out to dinner with a friend you both agree on a restaurant. You don't dictate which restaurant you want. Marriage is the same way. You have to respectfully agree on common goals, and if you don't agree, you compromise. I would never consider quitting my job without consulting with my husband because that would have serious implications for his life, too. It's two sided--not a patriarchy. When my husband quit his job to start a business we both discussed it and if I had objected, he wouldn't have done it.

I just think it's common sense. It's really not a feminist issue. It's a relationship issue.

[meri]

I do agree that one's choices are no longer one's own in marriage but I don't see that as captivity or feminist issue. I think it's just part of the deal, your choices are choices you make for the other person as well. Marriage is one of the basis of family structure and in my opinion any decision that impacts the family should be made after reaching an agreement or compromise. I would consider it extremely disrespectful to put my husband on the spot and just announce a decision that has a significant impact on our family's financial situation or the way we spend time. That is not a cage, that is a way to function together (even if that sometimes means devoting time and resources to our respective hobbies some of which we do not share. We just make sure the other person is OK with what is going on be it a weekend away alone or buying new equipment)

[meri]

I would just note that "living simply" and living inexpensively are not tied at the hip. There's nothing wrong with living frugally (most of us here do just that) but that does not mean that there can be no money for fun or things you consider necessary in your life. Many of us own more than one home (even intentionally!), some of us have hobbies that require expensive equipment, and so on.

Simple living allows you to put your energy and time and money toward what is important to you. Of course, most people will have a limit to their income so what can be spent is not boundless. But most of us cut financial corners in some parts of our lives so we can splurge elsewhere.

Thank you, you are right. I guess that for me living simply means having enough time and energy for the things that matter while having enough money to afford what we enjoy. Which translates to being frugal where it makes sense and therefore having enough money / time / energy for whatever is important (including fun).
It is a matter of getting away from mindlessly doing things because 'everybody' does that, buying things that 'everybody' has, spending on quick fixes or distractions or following certain path just because that is what brings the most nods of approval from people who don't even really care.

[Yppej]

Wow, did they? My husband is from Silesia. I come from Krkonose Mountains.

I looked up Krkonose. It looks like they are also near the border. My family left in the 1930's and 1940's. There were so many changes due to redrawing of political boundaries when they lived there they just referred to themselves as Silesians. I hope you get the mountain setting you are hoping for.

[llknp]

In March of this year, the college that I was an adjunct instructor at went to all online classes due to the virus. I am not exceptionally computer literate and it was a struggle. My next class was to be in June. Foe over two months I tried to understand what was required. The college seemingly changed daily. Different delivery platforms, etc. First everything was to be done on Zoom, then Microsoft teams, then whatever. My wife looked at me one day as I was on the computer trying to make sense of it all and said "you don't look good". Off to the doctor. Elevated everything. Quiet ride home. As soon as I got home, I sat back down at the computer. My wife gave me a very dirty look. I typed for a while and then let her read what I had typed. It was my resignation letter to the college. As soon as I sent it, I literally felt a wave of relief come over me. No job is worth your physical or mental health. Meri, enjoy! It is what we are supposed to do.

[sweetana3]

Meri, you have distilled what happiness is for most of us. The popular thing is often a joke. I wish I had learned that lesson even earlier.

[rosarugosa]

Good for you both, Meri and LLKNP!

[Teacher Terry]

Llknp, I have been teaching a online college class for 8 years but it’s a system that is really user friendly and completely set up for me. I just had to learn how to grade on it, etc. If I had to take a in person class and put it online myself I would also be quitting.