Retiring to Caretake

[Yppej]

I believe Rosa had other motivations as well, but there are people I know who retired early solely in order to take care of elderly parents, a sister with cancer, etc.

Have increasing lifespans altered your vision of what your retirement will be like?

My state now offers 12 weeks of paid family leave that covers acute situations like helping someone post surgery, but for chronic conditions like watching someone with dementia retiring may be the only option for those families unwilling to use institutional care.

It used to be 60 was old, now we have 60 year olds caring for 80 and 90 year olds.

[iris lilies]

I believe Rosa had other motivations as well, but there are people I know who retired early solely in order to take care of elderly parents, a sister with cancer, etc.

Have increasing lifespans altered your vision of what your retirement will be like?

My state now offers 12 weeks of paid family leave that covers acute situations like helping someone post surgery, but for chronic conditions like watching someone with dementia retiring may be the only option for those families unwilling to use institutional care.

It used to be 60 was old, now we have 60 year olds caring for 80 and 90 year olds.

is FMLA really so specific as to distinguish “acute” vs “chronic?”

I think we have some HR professionals here on this forum who can address that.

The federal FMLA program does not mandate payment for the employee who is out on leave. Does your state law mandate payment?

[Yppej]

is FMLA really so specific as to distinguish “acute” vs “chronic?”

I think we have some HR professionals here on this forum who can address that.

The federal FMLA program does not mandate payment for the employee who is out on leave. Does your state law mandate payment?

Acute is my terminology. The person must be "seriously ill".

Yes, we have a new state payroll tax that funds the benefit which is paid.

[Teacher Terry]

Luckily when my dad was sick and I helped my mom with him I was going to college and could help. When my mom needed help I used up all my sick and vacation leave so I would get paid. Luckily my siblings were older and retired, lived closer and did help. If I had been a only child she wouldn’t have had as much help. I wasn’t giving up my career and pension and she didn’t expect me to. Luckily she had cancer and not dementia. Yes you now basically have old kids taking care of their elderly parents.

[rosarugosa]

I did not retire to take care of my mother, although I did factor in that I could be more helpful to her if retired. At that point, the help I envisioned was more in the way of yard work and household projects. She was still perfectly independent, although starting to show some memory issues. That was in late 2017 and she was diagnosed with Early Alzheimer's in late 2018. If I were not retired, those "nice to have" social things just wouldn't be happening for her, so no nurse's reunion, no garden club, no get togethers that required a great deal of coordination from me, perhaps no hairdresser appointments. I am also doing more of the heavy lifting at this point since my sister is still working full-time, but if we both were working, more would be shifted onto her and we would be scrambling to cover the essentials between us (bills, groceries, doctor's appointments). So it did work well that I was able to retire when I did. I am much happier, but I also think me being retired has made a positive difference to my mother and my sister's quality of life.

[beckyliz]

My plan is to work 3-5 more years (age 65-67), however, my fear is that I may have to cut that short to take care of DH. He's in stage 4-5 on the 7 stage dementia/Alzheimer's scale now. He's ok at this point staying home by himself during the day, but I know how quickly things can change with this disease. We can't afford private-pay care, so I'm working on dividing our assets for the time he'll need FT care and have to go on Medicaid. I've been the partner with the better jobs and income, so most of our remaining wealth is in my retirement plans and our home - regardless, to make my retirement feasible, I really need to wait and work a few more years.

[frugal-one]

So sorry rosa and becky.... retirement is/will not be as you envisioned.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I wouldn't call it retiring, as many won't have the money to retire in their 40s or 50s (and it's more likely to be that than 60 if people have kids later in life, unless we're assuming longevity well beyond the average. I mean my dad was in in his 80s in my 30s but I didn't do the caretaking). In a couple, one partner might pay the bills and the other caretake if the issue is elderly parents. I suppose siblings could work out something like this too if it made sense.

[rosarugosa]

So sorry rosa and becky.... retirement is/will not be as you envisioned.

Very rarely do I let myself consider what life would be like if Mom didn't have Alzheimer's, but I don't dwell on it because that just isn't my reality.

[happystuff]

rosa and becky, wishing you good retirements despite the challenges.

[rosarugosa]

rosa and becky, wishing you good retirements despite the challenges.

Thanks, Happy. I'm actually having a good time and wake up with a smile most days. :)

[Yppej]

Beckyliz I hope his progression is slow and you have the time you need.

[Teacher Terry]

Becky, getting Alzheimer’s as young as your husband is really sad. Hugs.

[jp1]

So sorry to hear about this Becky. I’ve had a few friends who had to help care for their parents in that situation but never one whose spouse was. I can only imagine…

[rosarugosa]

Yes, hugs to you, Becky. That has to be incredibly difficult.

[ApatheticNoMore]

You have to have planned very well for the scenario to work, as my mom is in her 80s now and I'm in my 40s (so yes in a sense we're both old, but some prefer the euphemism middle age, but regardless "middle age" is before typical retirement age)

And then never even mind how much money one has, if it's in retirement accounts that's hard to get at without penalty before 58 1/2 and parents maybe long since dead by that point. Plan early retirement to caretake? Nah deal with whatever comes, as it comes. That's what life is. There are some programs where one can get some money for being a full time caretaker.

[beckyliz]

Thanks, everyone. DH is 69 now, so about 7.5 years older than me. I first noticed symptoms 4-5 years ago. Hugs back to you Rosa. It will all work out one way or another. It always does.