View Full Version : What memorabilia did you keep?
I just got the five boxes of memorabilia I sent myself from my recent trip to clean out parents house. Most of it was papers because my brother never cleaned out the house of financial and personal papers. I am sending seven smaller parcels of stuff I am sending out to family members and a friend of my dad's, letters and photos, and I probably burned at least two boxes of what I brought back, like old medical bills and Christmas cards from people over the years.
So I am left with stuff like the following:
Family photos
Family letters
Both parents' passports
Diplomas
Two yearbooks, including my dead uncle's--guess will send that to my cousin
Three boxes of financial records--how long do I have to keep this stuff? His estate not settled yet, and she is still living. Brother was going to burn it all, and we have already needed several things I found, which I gave to the co-conservator
My dad's report cards all through elementary school
College transcripts
My dad's early childhood books
Stuff my dad saved that is very endearing--his boy scout membership cards (did not realize he was a boyscout), military stuff like official papers and food and transportation vouchers, even his vaccination records
I don't have any desire to burn this stuff, but realistically, what would you do with things like the boy scout stuff, his Guadalcanal patch? How many prayer books and bibles do I keep?
Now I have all the stuff I am going to have in one place, which feels good, and I have already gotten rid of about half of what has come to me, which is good, but do I do this in stages--get rid of some stuff now, live with some stuff until it feels like it's time to let it go?
And what about stuff that upsets me--I've hit a couple of letters that really bring back the negative side of his personality, and really upset me because of things he did to me over the years, or things he failed to do that normal people would have done. How do I deal with all this negative stuff?
And while extended family wants this stuff, immediate family seems to want none of it, although I wonder if they will change their tune later when the shock of his death recedes. It's actually pretty cathartic going through the stuff, but I am ready to put it to rest, and feel I am getting some closure, and I want my own life back.
It feels overwhelming, dealing with all of their things.
I'm not a good one to respond--at least I won't be too helpful because I'm going through the same thing. I'm in NJ where a) the main objective is to get the last of our stuff out of the garage and bring it to VT and b) my son gave me two boxes of stuff that he was able to salvage after Ida's basement flood. (The 4th last time we'll lose stuff after flooding in that basement).
Now much of our memorabilia is down to two boxes--one box of photos and one box of memorabilia which includes birth certificates and passports from DH's side of the family, old letters from DH to me when I was working in Kansas City for the 1976 Republican Convention, old high school newspapers, a note from my beloved great-aunt to me asking me to shut down the cottage with all the instructions written kindly and clearly, old 8mm film reels, old report cards and my elementary and high school diplomas. And more, of course.
I am going to scan the birth certificates, passports and other things belong to DH's side of the family and post them to Ancestry.com. As for my stuff, I'm thinking of organizing some of it (not all--I'll pare down what really means nothing to me and the rest I might put into an annotated presentation binder of some kind. I made one for each of my kids over the years and they still have them. It makes the ephemera easy to store and look through.
This is the type of binder I use. https://www.amazon.com/Dunwell-24-Pocket-Presentation-Protector-Portfolio/dp/B088ZN1M7X/ref=asc_df_B088ZN1M7X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=459723524602&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13280151621152617267&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9004054&hvtargid=pla-944579395170&psc=1
As far as the negative correspondence, because I'm such a lover of history, on one hand I say keep it, but honestly, my gut feeling is, just get rid of it. Burn it. Get rid of those negative feelings. They don't serve you well, and no one else in your family would care to see it. And you're doing your father an act of forgiveness in a way.
I like the binder idea. I actually found one of those from Dad's retirement party. Yes, as you say, "And more, of course." I forgot to mention the box of negatives and slides--I will make a thread asking for tech help with that one. But yeah, so many different categories.
Lots of good ideas here. I got hung up on the idea of you working for the 1976 Republican Convention and can't get past that--it seems really incongruous, although I did vote for Gerald Ford.
I think the binder principle is a really good one--"Makes the ephemera easier to store and look through." This is really vital to this process.
And the Republic convention thing is why you can' get rid of this stuff--there are these dimensions of ourselves revealed that our children will really cherish. And they are lost if we get rid of the things-- I guess it's memory itself I'm struggling with here.
Lots of good ideas here. I got hung up on the idea of you working for the 1976 Republican Convention and can't get past that--it seems really incongruous, although I did vote for Gerald Ford.
Haha, I should have said "working AT the Republic Convention"--I was working as a production assistant for NBC. I also worked AT the Democratic National Convention which was held in Manhattan that year. Really wonderful experience, although so, so physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.
How incredibly cool, that was such an interesting year with the Bicentennial celebrations.
I would do a little ceremony with the letters, acknowledge then burn them and let the negative memories go with the smoke (as best you can).
My sister is the collector and is hanging onto everything. I have a few pictures mostly. I went through the photo albums because I am less sentimental. We don't need to keep Every Single Picture of Dad. A few funny/poignant ones that are significant are enough. It was interesting going through pictures of some of my parents' parties- us kids were forbidden from coming downstairs to the party room, other than saying initial hellos. So it was funny to see my parents under the influence and having a good time with friends, I never saw that side of them.
I would do a little ceremony with the letters, acknowledge then burn them and let the negative memories go with the smoke (as best you can).
My sister is the collector and is hanging onto everything. I have a few pictures mostly. I went through the photo albums because I am less sentimental. We don't need to keep Every Single Picture of Dad. A few funny/poignant ones that are significant are enough. It was interesting going through pictures of some of my parents' parties- us kids were forbidden from coming downstairs to the party room, other than saying initial hellos. So it was funny to see my parents under the influence and having a good time with friends, I never saw that side of them.
That is interesting. I guess you go through them and experience that and then you figure out what to do next. Do you make sure your children see this side of them, for example? Does it die with you?
It sounds like you've made great progress. I saved a lot of things from my parents home that seemed legally important or having some value as memorabilia that a year or so later did not seem worthwhile at all to save. If storage isn't an issue I'd save whatever might seem important now and then come back later for a second sort when things are less immediate.
It sounds like you've made great progress. I saved a lot of things from my parents home that seemed legally important or having some value as memorabilia that a year or so later did not seem worthwhile at all to save. If storage isn't an issue I'd save whatever might seem important now and then come back later for a second sort when things are less immediate.
This makes so much sense. I can see this as on ongoing process as time goes by.
I have a shoe box size container for each parent and both are inside a wooden chest. They mostly contain physical things like diaries from their adolescent and college days (1930s). I figure that is a reasonable amount for anyone to go through some day when I am gone. One huge box of photos went to my brother, the family historian (after we scanned them). It is interesting but when you let go of these memory-filled things from your life, a weight is lifted. The passage of time helps a lot too as their is often some guilt about other's lives lived and how to honor that.
Teacher Terry
11-1-21, 11:07am
The stuff I kept from my parents would fill a shoebox. I have given it to 2 of my sons that wanted it. I tend to live in the present. I really don’t need physical items as I have all my great memories of my parents and grandparents.
Do you make sure your children see this side of them, for example? Does it die with you?
I don't have kids. The culture has changed since the 60s- getting drunk the way they did is really frowned upon now, and a number of these pictures raised my eyebrows. These somewhat unflattering/questionable situation pictures were tossed. The grandkids don't know any of the people in the pictures other than my parents.
happystuff
11-1-21, 1:07pm
I still have two sort of big file boxes/crates of my son's stuff. I go through it every couple of years - that's about all I can handle. I do manage to reduce each time, though. As others have said, there is a sense of "freeing".
iris lilies
11-1-21, 1:55pm
The stuff I kept from my parents would fill a shoebox.
…..
Is that all? The bad stuff I kept from my parents, i.e. didnt tell them of my shenanigans, would fill my dining room from floor to ceiling, if actions were assigned physical mass. Hahahah.
This is how I first read your post, skim reading as I do. Doh. I guess THAT would be a whole other thread.
Teacher Terry
11-1-21, 4:00pm
That’s funny IL! Actually I was very good and rarely did anything I wasn’t supposed to. My sister on the other hand:)).
I still have two sort of big file boxes/crates of my son's stuff. I go through it every couple of years - that's about all I can handle. I do manage to reduce each time, though. As others have said, there is a sense of "freeing".
I'm real sorry you have to go through that and it sounds like it is a process.
happystuff
11-1-21, 10:32pm
Thanks, Tybee. Definitely a process.
Two weeks ago I sent my second cousin photographs of her mother, her uncle, and her grandparents that had been in my grandmother's photo albums, going back to 1921. He mom passed in 2017. She wrote yesterday and said they were so happy to get them, that they had had no pictures of their mom from when she was growing up, and that is what I found and sent to her. I have never met this cousin, but I located her by going on Etsy and looking for her art studio, which is in Massachusetts.
She was so happy and excited to get them! I have the eerie feeling our grandmothers arranged this from beyond. I am so honored to have conveyed them to her, after they spent the last 40 years in my dad's steamer trunk. The pictures I sent her of her grandparents wedding were from 1921, exactly a hundred years ago. There were several, including the whole family, with my great-grandparents, who would die by around 1945, looking so happy and proud.
I am SO glad my brother did not succeed in giving it all to the junker to haul away, which was his plan.
happystuff
11-12-21, 9:17am
Nice, Tybee! Good job on your part!!
Two weeks ago I sent my second cousin photographs of her mother, her uncle, and her grandparents that had been in my grandmother's photo albums, going back to 1921. He mom passed in 2017. She wrote yesterday and said they were so happy to get them, that they had had no pictures of their mom from when she was growing up, and that is what I found and sent to her. I have never met this cousin, but I located her by going on Etsy and looking for her art studio, which is in Massachusetts.
She was so happy and excited to get them! I have the eerie feeling our grandmothers arranged this from beyond. I am so honored to have conveyed them to her, after they spent the last 40 years in my dad's steamer trunk. The pictures I sent her of her grandparents wedding were from 1921, exactly a hundred years ago. There were several, including the whole family, with my great-grandparents, who would die by around 1945, looking so happy and proud.
I am SO glad my brother did not succeed in giving it all to theLovely junker to haul away, which was his plan.
Really lovely to read your thoughtfulness and the delighted response from your cousin. You are having fun going through the family history despite all the effort required.
Teacher Terry
11-12-21, 1:47pm
It’s terrible that your brother wanted to throw pictures away without consulting all his siblings. All 3 of us had a opportunity to take as many pictures as we wanted from my parents before the rest were thrown away.
Terry, after two weeks with all these historic pictures, I sometimes kind of wish I had thrown them all away, lol. Getting them organized is kind of obsessing me, and there are three different format, and I don't want to just put them in a box and shove them in a closet for another 50 years, like my dad did. Now I see why.
It's so satisfying to be able to give them to others. I sent out 7 boxes of pictures and letters to family, and they can make their own decisions, and I do not have to caretake them for others.
Okay, on the jewelry front, I created a new heirloom, by taking a gold setting that Mom had put a cz in and replacing it with a 1 ct white sapphire:
40714071
Sorry it posted twice. . .
happystuff
11-13-21, 9:54am
That is beautiful, Tybee! I like the simplicity of it. You have definitely created a new heirloom!
I am so glad you like it--I have three granddaughters, so want to get prepared!
rosarugosa
11-13-21, 12:11pm
That is lovely, Tybee!
catherine
11-13-21, 12:15pm
Okay, on the jewelry front, I created a new heirloom, by taking a gold setting that Mom had put a cz in and replacing it with a 1 ct white sapphire:
40714071
Sorry it posted twice. . .
Beautiful!! That will be a wonderful heirloom!
Okay, on the jewelry front, I created a new heirloom, by taking a gold setting that Mom had put a cz in and replacing it with a 1 ct white sapphire:
40714071
Sorry it posted twice. . .
Ooh very nice. I’ve seen some nice rings with white sapphires.
iris lilies
11-13-21, 2:46pm
Nice ring. I’m so happy that your efforts to save pjotos have been appreciated by some of your family members.
Teacher Terry
11-13-21, 4:02pm
That ring is beautiful. My mom’s siblings were also very into slide and picture taking so I knew my cousins didn’t need anymore. If that hadn’t been the case I would have let them look through them also. Besides my mom threw them away herself after everyone took what they wanted.
That ring is beautiful. My mom’s siblings were also very into slide and picture taking so I knew my cousins didn’t need anymore. If that hadn’t been the case I would have let them look through them also. Besides my mom threw them away herself after everyone took what they wanted.
I admire your mom for handling it. Glad you like the ring!
I am so glad you like it--I have three granddaughters, so want to get prepared!
Granddaughters plural? Too bad there are t actually two, just two pictures here! 😃
The ring is lovely!
On the issue of slides and pictures, we are dealing with more slides than pictures. My youngest sibling and I are going through them, sorting them out and honestly purging a few that are duplicates, or of people we don't even know and Mom and Dad are not around to ask, that sort of thing. Both of us have purchase slide scanners so we can load the scans on a USB stick to share with each other and another sibling.
On the subject of what to keep, I kept one Christmas ornament from my mother's (she loved holidays) vast collection, some of her Halloween decorations, one quilt she made, a Illadro figurine, piece of black Navajo pottery, some photos from Dad in his Army days, some of Dad's gardening tools. Oh and Mom's IKEA bag. It was tough to decide because my folks left so much stuff, but since I have been decluttering myself I was not going to undo all my work on that front.
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