out of the blue

[Tybee]

Yesterday I got a letter in the mail, ostensibly a Christmas card, with 2 page letter, from an old boyfriend I dated 48 years ago. I have not spoken to him or seen him in 45 years.

I am having a hard time understanding this. This was not a pleasant break up and I do not look back with great fondness for this person. I was trying to pin down when we went out and I was having a hard time remembering when it was and for how long--it was intense for me, I was head over heels, and he broke it off.

Why would someone do this? At first, when I saw the envelope, I thought it was an amends letter, but I've spent my whole life with alcoholics, so would not trust my instincts about that, and it was not an amends letter.

[Yppej]

Did he lose whoever, if anyone, he was with recently and is lonely?

[Rogar]

Thinking back to one or two perhaps similar unpleasant breakups in my younger days, there are person(s) I have no desire to ever see or communicate with, mostly due to poor character at the time. I have worked on some version of forgiveness, but no desire to refresh bad thoughts. I suppose others could be different and people change of half a century or so.

I actually run into one every couple of years in stores or whatever and can be cordial, but never have much of a conversation. In a way it's a little good to know she has had a decent life over the years, but it's not the Dan Fogelberg song, Same Auld Lang Syne.

[Tybee]

Rogar, I never knew what that song was about so I looked up the lyrics. It's a better song when you actually know the words, thanks.

Yppej, I have no idea--as I said, I have heard nothing of this guy in 45 years.

[iris lilies]

Weird! So, what did he say in the letter about your past?

A few years ago I received …was it a card? Or email? Can’t remember, from an old boyfriend-lite that pretty much said
“ hey I am glad to have found you! here’s what I am doing blah blah blah” which I found to typify our relationship, clueless. It was clueless of him because I had not moved from the address from which I last corresponded with him decades prior. Our relationship was pretty stupid although he is a perfectly fine person.

Tybee, with all of your moves it is amazing he found you. How?

[ApatheticNoMore]

You never know, yes they could be widowed etc, or for all you know they are at the end of their life, have a disease that limits their days left or whatever, and still remember those days. Like I think I had a friend who I broke up with (really their doing not mine, significantly older than me) who tried to reach me several years ago. And I still wonder, are they still alive, dead, I don't know, probably dead ...

[iris lilies]

You never know, yes they could be widowed etc, or for all you know they are at the end of their life, have a disease that limits their days left or whatever, and still remember those days. Like I think I had a friend who I broke up with (really their doing not mine, significantly older than me) who tried to reach me several years ago. And I still wonder, are they still alive, dead, I don't know, probably dead ...

I always know where my ex’s are. I am nosey, snd stalky.

[pinkytoe]

It seems like a desperate act to me or wishful thinking at best. I looked up two old boyfriends a few years back out of curiosity. One died of alcoholism a decade ago and the other is a very wealthy corporate lawyer. Their eventual trajectories in life were evident in their behaviors as young men. That's all I needed to know.

[razz]

Mentally wish him well and toss the letter - simply let go. You are living a full life now, count your many blessings, making a list if necessary, with no need to start dragging an old tire from the past and long past any use.

In fact, I think, taking the time to note one's blessings today is a healthy activity for each of us.

[Rogar]

The threat sort of got me to reminiscing. I looked up an old romance from my 20's in another city and had the occasion to travel there on business and some 20 years later arranged to meet. We parted on good terms and it was actually sort of weird that what ever chemistry that attracts people to each other was still there and renewed within just a minutes. It actually was a lot like Fogelberg's song, and the snow turned into rain. I can't say if it was a good or bad experience, just one of the life experiences. We never heard from each other again.

[Tybee]

Weird! So, what did he say in the letter about your past?

A few years ago I received …was it a card? Or email? Can’t remember, from an old boyfriend-lite that pretty much said
“ hey I am glad to have found you! here’s what I am doing blah blah blah” which I found to typify our relationship, clueless. It was clueless of him because I had not moved from the address from which I last corresponded with him decades prior. Our relationship was pretty stupid although he is a perfectly fine person.

Tybee, with all of your moves it is amazing he found you. How?

Alumni office, I guess.
Pretty much nothing about the past, just kind of what the old boyfriend-lite did, told me about how his life had been, which seems to have been fantastic.

[Tybee]

That's a nice story, Rogar, and it's nice you got to see each other one more time.

[happystuff]

Mentally wish him well and toss the letter - simply let go. You are living a full life now, count your many blessings, making a list if necessary, with no need to start dragging an old tire from the past and long past any use.

In fact, I think, taking the time to note one's blessings today is a healthy activity for each of us.

Agree with all of this!

[happystuff]

I always know where my ex’s are. I am nosey, snd stalky.

Why does this not surprise me? :~);)

[Yppej]

Every so often I check legacy.com to see if the exes kicked the bucket.

[iris lilies]

Why does this not surprise me? :~);)

But one has managed to frustrate me! Cannot locate. Very common name.

[happystuff]

But one has managed to frustrate me! Cannot locate. Very common name.

I have no doubts that your persistence will prevail!

[iris lilies]

I have no doubts that your persistence will prevail!

I guess I could hire a private detective, but I like the challenge of do-it-yourself work.:~)

[Tybee]

Iris, you should do that internet sleuthing where they work on crimes and solve cold cases!

[rosarugosa]

DH and I have been together for so long that I didn't have the chance to accumulate very many exes. I am still friends with most of them.

[early morning]

I have no idea where most of my old flames are, and that's ok with me, too much energy would be needed to track them down, and for what? But none of those relationships ended badly, we just mostly continued to grow in different directions. One who was a great friend but not so great a boyfriend I still see, as I managed to transfer them to one of my close cousins - now we're related and easily stay in touch. He's much better in the "cousin" role, lol.

[catherine]

Sounds like:

a) He's having a super bout of nostalgia and trying to connect with old feelings of days gone by or

b) He fell off the wagon and this is an uninhibited drunken letter that seemed a great idea at the time and now he's pulling his hair out wondering why he wrote it and praying it got lost in the mail.

[pinkytoe]

I learned that my niece recently connected with her boyfriend of ten years. He is bad news so I hope she doesn't pursue it further after moving far away, buying a house and creating a new life without him.

[Tybee]

Sounds like:

a) He's having a super bout of nostalgia and trying to connect with old feelings of days gone by or

b) He fell off the wagon and this is an uninhibited drunken letter that seemed a great idea at the time and now he's pulling his hair out wondering why he wrote it and praying it got lost in the mail.

Hahaha:)

[jp1]

But one has managed to frustrate me! Cannot locate. Very common name.

If we were exes I would probably frustrate you too. I share a name with a much more well known JP. I like that very much since it makes googling me impossible.