Aversion to list making?

[kib]

Last night I walked into the office to find DH frowning severely at the desk. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing, he was just sort of overwhelmed trying to remember all the things he wanted to take to work in the morning.

Quite rationally, I thought, I said "why don't you make a list?" He just looked at me oddly and replied, "Yeaaah ... not gonna happen", like maybe I'd suggested he buy himself a curling iron or something.

As the consummate list maker, I was totally baffled by this attitude. I have on occasion seen DH write parts lists for stuff he needs to buy (although they never seem to be complete). I do find him to be rather disorganized and chaos-creating at home. He's constantly running to the store for five things and forgetting the most necessary one, packing a suitcase but forgetting all the personal items like deodorant and toothpaste ... it feels like his mind doesn't put things into categories. Even when he really tries to clean up, the bread goes in the fruitbowl, the toothpaste winds up on the counter even though we have a holder for it, the living room gets vacuumed but all the couch cushions remain caddywhompus and the coffee table stays covered in junk ... he doesn't seem wired to see patterns of organization. So ... does anyone else have an aversion to list making, or find it a waste of time ... or have some suggestion as to what this might be about? I feel constantly disorganized and I hate it, so I work hard with my lists to make an effort to control my own scatter-brained-ness. Why would someone intentionally steer away from list making if they're already sort of disorganized? Is this perhaps a sign of ADD/ADHD?

[goldensmom]

I am addicted to list making. I write down things I've already done so I can cross them off the list. My husband has never made a list, is offended if I make one for him and forgets many of the things he needs to get or do. My theory is that he wants an excuse for not doing or getting something. 'Oh, I forgot' is his mantra. Well then write it down!!!!!

[treehugger]

I also love lists, particularly for the peace of mind I get after writing something down so that I don't have to keep it in my brain. They are so logically helpful for so many things that I would be very interested in hearing from non-listmakers (my husband is one) why they don't like them.

Kara

[Amaranth]

Could be ADD.
Could be a learning disability related to categorizing.
Could be rebelling against a parent/teacher/boss who tried to get him to organize in the past.
Could be a way to exert control over projects.
Could be a way to passive aggresively mess up projects other people are needing done or depending on.
Could be a geometric thinker rather than a linear thinker.

If it's ADD or preference for geometric thinking, a mind map may help to organize things before making a list.

[kib]

I looked up mind mapping. Holy macaroli, this is easier for some people than a paltry little list? Amazing how differently we're wired.

http://litemind.com/what-is-mind-mapping/

[JaneV2.0]

I make grocery lists and half the time I leave them behind. I make to-do lists and sometimes find them helpful. Mostly, I write notes on scraps of paper that accumulate like indoor leaf litter. Maybe people who don't rely on lists have better memories; I'm convinced there's no right way to process information.

[Gina]

I only use lists if there are lots of smaller tasks to do in a timely manner, or if I have more than 3-4 things to buy at the store. I prefer using simple memory, but that's certainly not fool-proof. The older I get, the more I appreciate lists and want to use them more often - they can reduce stress. Before going on trips and giving parties, they are absolutely essential.

[catherine]

Are lists a girl thing? I think women tend to be better multi-taskers in general, and I think a lot of us depend on lists. I have lists of lists.

But my DH is like yours--he teases me constantly because of my lists. Maybe it goes along the same psychological pathway as reticence to ask for directions. Does admitting you can't hold 20 things in your head at once make you less of a man?

Of course, there are men who are known for lists, like David Allen of Getting Things Done. But by and large, I think men like your DH and mine tend to think they're "too smart" for lists.

One time when my DH was a waiter at a restaurant in Greenwich CT some reviewers came in--he was their server. I can't remember the exact words of the review now, but it was along the lines of "The waiter took our orders without writing them down, which would have been impressive if he hadn't forgotten one of the orders."

[Float On]

One time when my DH was a waiter at a restaurant in Greenwich CT some reviewers came in--he was their server. I can't remember the exact words of the review now, but it was along the lines of "The waiter took our orders without writing them down, which would have been impressive if he hadn't forgotten one of the orders."

Must of been a lot of forgetting going on because I've noticed that more fine restaurants have gone back to the waitstaff writing down the orders. lol

[Gardenarian]

Funny, my dh never makes a list either. I showed him how I make a to-do list every day, and he said that it would take him at least an hour. He is a musician and definitely different-minded from me!

[oneroomlife]

Very interesting. I have a system that resembles that "mind-mapping" link above, though i'd never heard it described. I am also a musician who can't read music & memorizes everything easily, but couldn't remember people's names, what day to take out the garbage or why and who to send a birthday card. Since someone mentioned it, I'll cop to having diagnosed ADD and also Asperger's autism. Simplicity and routine are necessary in my life. Discover what works and stick to it. It's taken me decades and I'm still in progress. :)

[Sissy]

Basically I make the lists for my DH. If it is over 3 things, I make a list. We can remember that there are 3 things to do or get even if we have to really put my thinking caps on. More than that takes a list.

[Greg44]

I come from a long line of list makers! Both my parents are list makers. I find the whole process of listing AND cross-offing (my own made up word) uniquely satisfying! :)

I carry a moleskine notebook to make and track my lists. I try to not overwhelm myself with what needs to be done in one day. I do lay in bed at night and mentally go over what I accomplished on my list and what still needs to be done...that probably is not healthy for my stress issues.

[lhamo]

I am a list-maker, too. I operate on a simplified version of the Getting Things Done approach -- basically whenever I am feeling overwhelmed I do what I call a "mind dump" and just get everything out on paper, then reorganize and prioritize. I usually have one list running for personal stuff, one for work stuff at any given time. Often when I am feeling stressed it is because I haven't had a chance to mind dump/update my lists for awhile.

I also soemtimes do mini-mind dumps if I have a few spare minutes/am feeling bored. Helps to make sure I'm not missing any loose ends.

lhamo