In The Hole

[SiouzQ.]

So far this year, three months in, I am about $1100 in the hole between earnings and expenses. Unexpected expenses have come up, such as a $400 ER bill in early February, then six months of auto insurance due at the end of February ($328), $100 more than I expected to pay at H &R Block to get my taxes done ($391), another $100 towards an ever-mounting past medical debt, and on and on.

The problem started when I lost my full-time, 35 hour per week job back in the fall of 2021. Ever since then I have been piecing together local employment and relying on jewelry sales to get me through. This past winter, starting in late December has been incredibly slow in the galleries compared to the year before when people still had extra money and were excited to be out traveling. They are still traveling, but just not pulling out their wallets to buy things with the ease I got used to. The other problem is in the past few years I have gotten very used to having lots of money coming in - when I moved in 2016 to take the gallery position I got a rent-free little apartment in the back for three years, and also got 100% of my jewelry sales in that gallery, on top of a monthly salary. Add the commissions from the other galleries I was in, plus a little bit extra I used to make playing gigs with my guitar, I was riding high on the hog! I was able to save most of it, but then we bought the house - no regrets there, but fixer-uppers can be expensive. Plus, add in all the furnishings, artwork, etc...

Sometimes I miss how simple my old life was. But I am happily married, my husband has a great job working remotely, and we don't want for anything for our immediate needs. I feel like I am losing the frugal reflexive muscle I had honed to a sharp point for all those years being a single mom. I try to always shop carefully and look for deals, but I am spending money on things that I don't *really* need sometimes and then I start feeling guilty about it. On the flip side though is that since I no longer have an heir to leave my money to, then maybe it's okay to enjoy having some money and spending it. But that is not solving my immediate problem of more of my personal money is going out than coming in these days and I don't like how that feels.

I need to work at least one more day in the week, and I need to sell more of my jewelry than I have been. At least I finally had a busy day in the gallery yesterday and had a great sale right at the end in which I will make 5% commission on. I also got a special order for a sterling ring in which the guy paid for up front. In addition I am in the process of resurrecting the jewelry repair business I used to do on the side back when I lived in Michigan and two different shops have offered to let me leave my repair business contact info there.

So for the last three months I've been trying this little mantra when I feel uncomfortable about the money thing - in my head, I silently say "money always comes and goes, it flows in and out, sometimes at different rates, and sometimes the balance is tipped one way or another; the point is, I won't starve, I have a roof over my head, and it all works out in the end."

[catherine]

So for the last three months I've been trying this little mantra when I feel uncomfortable about the money thing - in my head, I silently say "money always comes and goes, it flows in and out, sometimes at different rates, and sometimes the balance is tipped one way or another; the point is, I won't starve, I have a roof over my head, and it all works out in the end."

I love that mantra. I get frustrated by my situation as well. My Grand Plan was to slowly fade into retirement starting at age 70, expecting that I would have no debt a modest but adequate savings account, and an ability to live on SS. After all, as a simple liver but high earner, my SS is definitely a number that someone could live on. This is why I moved to a very small, relatively cheap (for the NE) house, and I still have my 15 year old car with ho plans to buy another in the near future, and maybe never.

My issue has been DH has never been a simple liver, although he's bending that way. He's just always been a spender. In his mind money in the bank is a wasted opportunity to get the next thing on his wish list. And in fairness to him, my spending habits sometimes get inflated, too. Only my constant tracking of expenses and doing spending reports every month keeps me aware and motivated to spend less.

I was feeling a good bit of resentment for a while that I don't see an end to work in sight. And then I got this aha moment where I determined that my resentment stems from the fact that "everyone else" my age is retired, and that it is a severe injustice that I am still working. That resentment went up like a poof one day, when a) I realized that when my work load is manageable, I actually enjoy interviewing and b) I suddenly accepted my fate that I might be a life-long market researcher, and that's fine, as long as I can stick with a goal of not traveling, and focusing on my favorite areas of market research--patients and caregivers. The idea that "everybody retires at 65" is such a falsehood these days. There are no "rules" about when people do or should retire. And I actually am happy when I have about 8-12 interviews a week.

But I still get angry when I look at the bottom line on our monthly expenditures, and that won't go away in a poof. It's a hard number to accept. So I feel your frustration SiouzQ, but I also believe in your mantra. I have been very, very blessed, and I know that in reality, with regards to money and my life "all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well" (one of my favorite mantras from the English mystic Julian of Norwich).

ETA: I don't want this to sound whiney--I recognize I am 100% responsible for my life, and I'm grateful for it. I'm just examining where I am at this point and what I need to do to move forward.

[Tradd]

Are you selling your jewelry on Etsy or your own FB page? I can’t remember.

[SiouzQ.]

I don't do Etsy and never will, as it's not my market. I'm in three higher-end galleries right now, plus I have a website and Instagram. The other thing is I don't know how much longer I can produce jewelry; my hands and wrists are in terrible shape, and I have a chronic pinched nerve at C-7 & T-1 that causes numbness and pain down my left arm. Most nights I wake up with my entire hand numb; the other day the residual numbness didn't go away for several hours after I got up. I'm going to have to decide what to do medically about it at some point soon. So with the jewelry I am kind of limping along with it, only working when I am able and trying not to push it too much lest I put myself entirely out of commission. Trying to keep the three galleries reasonably full is all I can expect to do these days.

So a lot of things I guess are up in the air in some ways - I can't retire from retail thinking I can count on making jewelry for a living. I can't go back to physically strenuous jobs like Wholefoods because my wrists/hands/neck and shoulder (also knees) would never be able to handle all that repetitive motion.

I'm only 61 and I never thought my body would be so broken down already at this age. I guess all the athletics I did when I was younger are catching up to me, plus all the various accidents and injuries and some congenital bone issues are contributing to it as well. I feel like I am at some sort of crossroads with really no idea of how to move forward into this new reality. Just typing this is making my hands hurt.

I basically just used this post to vent - it helps me boil down the issues I face. Now what I need to do is come up with some solutions to begin to move past this stuck place I feel like I am in. Thanks ya'll.

[pinkytoe]

I don't have any idea how disability works but if your livelihood is disappearing due to health conditions, maybe that's an option?

[Rogar]

I have a good friend who did computer work for a living. Years ago he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and could not longer work in the field because of pain in the arms, hands and shoulders. He got on SS disability after a legal battle. Of course fibro is hard to diagnosis and prove.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Disability isn't easy to get but something one could try for. 62 is eligibility for social security (sure maybe not the optimal time to collect in terms of getting the most $, but if one needs it, one needs it) and social security should be easy enough to get.