Cemetery plots

[Tybee]

I am much closer to getting the ashes of my parents and grandparents buried in the earth. I have had a hard time getting columbariums located and no one would return my emails. Found a church on the island where we lived that has a columbarium and is much closer to their old house and town. Rector called me back and he was very kind. I am purchasing three niches, one for parents, one for grandparents, and one for me. That way, if I die any time soon, there is a place to put me, and we're all together. If family doesn't want to use it when I go, they can put me somewhere else, but we have the option, and it will be paid for.

It's very simple, exactly what they all would have wanted if they were selecting a grave site. I really struggled with where to put them, and considered two family plots as well as two public cemeteries, but I know Dad wanted to be buried in consecrated ground. Best of all, it is walking distance to where they were happiest in their lives, and if they choose, they can walk down and have a beer and go fishing on the pier.

[iris lilies]

It is good that you are closing that chapter. You had the burden of GRANDPARENT ashes, too? Good Lord.

[Tybee]

Yes, I did, and one option was trying to lay them to rest with THEIR parents who were so old that they were in the Civil War Veterans part of the cemetery in Omaha. Another cemetery that did not get back to me and answer my email!
They died in the 1960's.

[iris lilies]

Yes, I did, and one option was trying to lay them to rest with THEIR parents who were so old that they were in the Civil War Veterans part of the cemetery in Omaha. Another cemetery that did not get back to me and answer my email!
They died in the 1960's.

That would not be my family. We get the business of the dead done and move on.

Personally, I see this as you breaking a chain of obligatory grief mongering by gently and firmly putting the dead where they belong, their long-term resting place.

You’re being respectful and careful, and I’m sure they appreciate it. Certainly your children will appreciate not having to deal with anyone’s ashes, except perhaps, for the generation immediately above them.

My mother-in-law in ash form was interred in a Swiss cemetery in her hometown. Those folks dig up the interred every – –? 20 years – – Periodically anyway. They have to make room for the newer dead people. I always wonder what happens to the remains they have removed.

[catherine]

I agree with IL.. you are doing this in a very considered, respectful, and loving way.

[Tybee]

I am trying. This one particular church and grounds feels really, really right. It's where my parents were happiest, and my grandparents loved to come visit them there. And it's near my mother's family plot, but not right in it, just like they were in life--close, but they had their own happy place on the island. I was a bit freaked out by writing the check, but it's actually very inexpensive, of all the options-- about the same as the public cemetery upfront, but I think fewer add on charges later. And if I get buried there, too, it would be an easy bike ride to the house where I was born, so I'd be coming full circle.

That is so interesting about the Swiss--they are so practical, aren't they.

[bae]

My family mostly chooses to scatter the ashes to the wind, these days.

[Tybee]

Yes, that is so prevalent now. I think that is why the demand has gone down and it's harder to find a space, perhaps? Here's a photo:

https://images.findagrave.com/photos1024/photos/2013/218/CEM2401107_137591698005.jpg

That wall is traditional tabby, which is the oldest form of building on the island, and what our house was-- seashell mixed with lime and sand.

[bae]

Yes, that is so prevalent now. I think that is why the demand has gone down and it's harder to find a space, perhaps? Here's a photo:

https://images.findagrave.com/photos1024/photos/2013/218/CEM2401107_137591698005.jpg

That wall is traditional tabby, which is the oldest form of building on the island, and what our house was-- seashell mixed with lime and sand.

My small island has three currently-operating public cemeteries. (Which is three more than the number of ICU beds we have in our medical facility). There's not much room left in them at this point, some have been in use since the 1800s. The smallest of them still exclusively hand-digs the graves - I'm on the team of people who are on-call to do the work, as embalming isn't common practice there because of logistics, and you only have a short period of time to get the job done - we often will pre-dig a grave as the word goes out that there is an upcoming "customer". There is a strong overlap between this grave-digging group, and our fire department's rescue team, as the rescue team assists the county coroner in the movement of almost all the bodies on the island, and it is helpful to the team members to see the whole job to its conclusion.

We do have several businesses here that assist with burial at sea, which is becoming the dominant method locally.

[iris lilies]

Tybee, that spot is very pretty and restful.

[happystuff]

My family mostly chooses to scatter the ashes to the wind, these days.

Ditto.

[catherine]

My family mostly chooses to scatter the ashes to the wind, these days.

I think that might be the way we're headed... it will save the kids from "guilt" in terms of feeling obliged to visit a gravesite--DH has that unreasonable guilt because he rarely visits his mother's grave. Of course, she's buried 7 hours away... but he still feels bad.

[pinkytoe]

I've decided that leaving someone my ashes to deal with won't be happening. I have heard several accounts of ashes found in storage sheds or closets because they were never dealt with. When my brother died, I found it very emotionally hard to deal with what to do with his ashes as I had just spent several grueling years being his caretaker. Luckily, a family member stepped in and scattered them in several of his favorite places. A small amount were buried next to our mother's grave along with a stone. It just seems unfair to put that on a family member unless that is something they are comfortable with or are expecting to do.

[catherine]

I've decided that leaving someone my ashes to deal with won't be happening. I have heard several accounts of ashes found in storage sheds or closets because they were never dealt with. When my brother died, I found it very emotionally hard to deal with what to do with his ashes as I had just spent several grueling years being his caretaker. Luckily, a family member stepped in and scattered them in several of his favorite places. A small amount were buried next to our mother's grave along with a stone. It just seems unfair to put that on a family member unless that is something they are comfortable with or are expecting to do.

You raise an excellent point. I STILL have my two dogs' ashes in the little cherrywood boxes they came in. My kids are completely creeped out about it. I do need to do something with them. At one point, Dog Mountain tried a fund-raiser that entailed being able to bury the ashes on their site under a tree sapling. I nearly did it, but put it off, and they don't offer it anymore.

So, I'm thinking I should definitely be very clear about my wishes so they don't have to provide me with shelf space in their homes for years...

[iris lilies]

I think that might be the way we're headed... it will save the kids from "guilt" in terms of feeling obliged to visit a gravesite--DH has that unreasonable guilt because he rarely visits his mother's grave. Of course, she's buried 7 hours away... but he still feels bad.

I told my mom I wanted “a place” to visit my father. That “ place” didn’t have to be a cemetery or a traditional holder of body remains or ashes, it could have been a park or other place of nature. She went the traditional route of cemetery and body buried there. I don’t visit it but I think about it. In fact, I was just recently in that town and thought I should swing by and visit and then forgot. I feel no guilt.

As for dog ashes, I have partial dog ashes, ashes from two dogs. I spread some of their ashes when they died at our old home in the city, but I brought some here to Hermann. As it turns out it’s a good thing and kind of funny, because I take one little container of Teddy Bear’s ashes with me to do a certain job. DH was always kidding me about how Teddy always liked to help me with a certain chore, when we make a cardboard run to the recycling center. So now I put the container of Teddy’s ashes in the car for those trips.

[rosarugosa]

IL: That is hilarious about Teddy running errands with you. That sounds like something we would do!
As mentioned in one of the decluttering threads, I interred all the cats' ashes that were awaiting interment. I can't quite make myself plant Oggie, which might be at least in part because his cremains arrived in such a lovely urn. He is staying put in the living room for now. The other cats are in various garden beds, and now we have Humphrey's Garden, Silvio's Garden, etc.
Mom's ashes will go in the ocean like Dad's did. I like the idea of mine getting scattered in Lynn Woods, although I don't suppose it will really matter to me at that point.

[early morning]

I STILL have my two dogs' ashes in the little cherrywood boxes they came in. My kids are completely creeped out about it. I do need to do something with them. At one point, Dog Mountain tried a fund-raiser that entailed being able to bury the ashes on their site under a tree sapling. I nearly did it, but put it off, and they don't offer it anymore

Catherine, I just returned from visiting Dog Mountain (among lots of other places) and you can scatter pet ashes almost anywhere there, you just can't bury them. It's such a lovely place....

[catherine]

Catherine, I just returned from visiting Dog Mountain (among lots of other places) and you can scatter pet ashes almost anywhere there, you just can't bury them. It's such a lovely place....

Oh, I'm so glad you got to see Dog Mountain! Thanks for letting me know about spreading the ashes. That would be a good reason for a late fall visit up there!

[Tybee]

Let me know when you go--I looked it up on a map when I was looking up Dartmouth Hitchcock and it's not that far.

[catherine]

Let me know when you go--I looked it up on a map when I was looking up Dartmouth Hitchcock and it's not that far.

Will do!

[littlebittybobby]

Tell you what--spread the ashes on the family plot, about the time it needs mowing and before a rain. Be surreptitious, plus don't ask, don't tell. I've seen this work fine.

[rosarugosa]

Well here is another alternative!

5660