What do you expect when people come visiting? [Archive]

ke3

7-29-11, 9:37pm

For us, it all depends on whether or not WE have young children too. When we all had young children, guests and hosts, we took turns--one or more adults watched the kids while the others helped get the dinner set out and the dishes done, etc. Nobody really got a break, since the kids needed watching at all times, and there was plenty of work to go around.

But if the hosts don't have young children, and the guests do, it depends on the friendship, I suppose. With our closest friends, when we had a third baby, and they had stopped at two kids, it was wonderful (for me) to have, for example, the two dads watch the baby, while I got a chance to help the cook (my best female buddy) and so forth. It didn't matter if they were visiting us, or we were visiting them. Helping each other was the point. Everything was discussed in terms of who could do what, taking into account the baby's nap schedule, what the other kids were capable of, who enjoyed the kids and who didn't..... there was never really an issue. Another one of my friends came stay with her baby, after mine were older, and I loved being able to hold the baby and amuse her toddler for her while she took a luxurious bath, something she hadn't been able to do for weeks, as her husband was deployed and she had few friends who weren't as beleaguered as she was.

Basically, I'd expect guests to behave like the good friends they are! And if they aren't good friends, I'm not having them stay as guests.

herbgeek

7-29-11, 10:40pm

I've never had someone with small children stay longer than a weekend, but in any case, I've expected them to keep an eye on their kids-unlike my sister in law who read books instead, and the kids spilled 1/2 gallon of paint on brand new rugs. I didn't find this for a couple of days, as it was behind a door. If the kids are picky eaters or only eat particular foods , I expect the parents to bring that along instead of expecting me to make a special trip for it when they arrive. I don't expect them to cook, but bringing a dessert or a snack to share is always nice. I only expect them to clean up after their kids. I expect them to at least make an effort to keep their kids from destroying my house and not mind if I speak up about my house rules ("we do not jump on the couch in this house" "we use markers only on paper, not on the walls" ). While I'm happy to incorporate food allergies or strong preferences, the visit will not consist solely of kid foods, I draw the line at serving chicken nuggets for supper. ;)

kally

7-30-11, 1:53am

well that is a good point, how long do visitors with children usually stay with you. Family or friends with youngish kids?

sweetana3

7-30-11, 5:58am

Expect to be disappointed and be heppy if your expectations are exceeded. It is not easy for adults to visit for 5-6 days let alone a family with small kids.

Make as sure as possible your adult house is child proofed. Understand that your noise levels and patience will be severely tried and that you need to expect this.

If they have not visitedyour area before with kids, have a large list of available things to do with times and costs. It is ok to decide ahead of time what you are going to provide and let them know when they get there. Such as a general plan a "we thought you would enjoy....... " kind of a conversation. It will open up a conversation about their expectations and plans. Then changes and compromises can be written down.

Miss Cellane

7-30-11, 9:06am

I would set up some ground rules with the parents ahead of time.

I'm single. I live alone. I have very, very little that would be entertaining to kids, so I'd tell the parents that. And ask them to bring books, toys, DVDs, etc. to keep the kids occupied. No matter how many sightseeing trips you make, there's always that hour before dinner or after lunch that needs to be filled.

As for food, I'd expect to provide all the food, unless someone in the family has very specific dietary requirements--I have no problem cooking for a vegetarian, but frankly don't want to even try cooking for someone who is allergic to gluten, say, because I'd be afraid I'd mess up somehow and make them sick. If the kids need certain snacks, I'd expect the parents to provide those. However, most of the house guests I've had do buy doughnuts or bagels or the like for breakfasts frequently.

As for cooking, as host, I'd expect to cook. I'd also expect one of the adults to offer to help clean up.

In my family, it's usual for the guests to take the host family out to dinner one night, or if the ages of the kids means that a restaurant is not a good choice, to buy food and prepare a meal for the hosts.

Sometimes having the parents keep the kids occupied and out of the kitchen before meals is the best way they can contribute to meal preparation.

As for plans, I'd have a few potential things lined up, but would want input from the parents as to how long the kids can reasonably be expected to behave at certain venues, and how much time they need just to run around and burn off energy.

House rules--I'd make these clear to the kids and parents from the start. No juice outside the kitchen except in sippy cups. No jumping on the couch. No outdoor voices while inside. The parents should be enforcing these rules for you.

There are a lot of web sites with fun and educational games for kids. I have a guest account set up on my computer just for my nieces and nephews, with several sites bookmarked. They can't download anything, they can't get to certain more "adult" web sites (their mom doesn't want them on YouTube at all). The computer gives them one more thing to keep them busy--their dad is in IT, so they play on computers all the time at home. My big problem is enforced equal turns on the computer.

kally

7-30-11, 5:03pm

would these visitors guidelines be the same if it was family visiting with kids?

Mrs-M

7-30-11, 5:11pm

Love this topic! I have so much to add and say. Gee oh gee, where to start... Common sense/common rules/common courtesy. As for all else, make yourself at home (sort of thing). The option of accommodating company in our home (more or less) came to an end after our third was born. (Small house, no spare room, more than enough already going on, yada-yada).

Still, when company (both expected and unexpected) dropped by and stayed overnight, whether it be one or several nights, I did the cooking (and cleaning), and entertainment came by way of a concerted effort on the part of my husband and I. One thing I did sort of expect was, additional help from the woman/mother of the guest family. (I really do/did expect that much). i.e. Helping out where they could/can. I never expected much, but... (Company was always good about that although). No complaints in that department.

As for having children myself, our home has always been kid-friendly/baby-proof, so I was never on edge when company had little ones, but I did expect all (children) to behave and conduct themselves accordingly, and to my set house rules, and if/when someone veered off course from that (and they did), I was always there to correct them and set them straight if the mother failed to do so. Again, I have no complaints in this department either. The parents were always good about keeping their children in line. (And yet one more of the "expects" I expected).

In our family (immediate and extended) the men tend to take up residence in area they claim as being theirs, and we women (along with our kids) tend to do the same. It's a happy balance that has worked since the dawn of time in our family.

As for the little things, like showering/bathing/waking in the morning, etc, I left that free and open. i.e. (Whatever strikes your fancy type thing). I'm an early riser (by nature), but being the mother of six little joys, early rising has become second nature to me, so it wasn't unheard of for me to play mom to all the children in our home (and in other peoples homes when we were visiting) when it came to mornings. That included (when it applied), changing diapers (both on my own children and on visiting charges, or, the charges under the roof of the home we were visiting/staying at), preparing bottles (for those still on a bottle), etc. I like to think of that aspect of my contribution as being a good host/guest. All in a day's work is/was my adage.

As for outings, we'd usually do one dinner out over the course of guest stays, always keeping things simple and at home (for simplicity sake). i.e. We usually had little ones, so venturing out as one large clan would have been a logistical nightmare! (Separate vehicles, kids crying, parents stressed). No thanks.

One problematic area worth mentioning that we always seemed to encounter when guests were ready to depart, was having to tell them, "no, we don't want anything from you". (They always felt the need to offer cash). DH and I were never offended by such offers, but when one opens the door of their home to others, I do think it's expected that all things home related are free of charge and for the taking). At least I like to think that's how it works.

As a closing note, I always enjoyed the newness of visitors in our home when we used to host guests. Days spent talking, sharing, evenings spent socializing outside, the lot of us relaxing on lawn chairs around the barbecue, laughing, telling, living. (Always a sense of warmness). But I will admit, I was always happy to wave goodbye to visiting family/company. Being able to pull things back together again felt so good, cleaning up/catching up, and revisiting normality once again, the way it was prior to company. A sign of our own set ways (no doubt).

kally

7-30-11, 5:35pm

great post mrs m. Did you, or anyone else, have a mom who did very little to help? How did you handle that?

Stella

7-30-11, 6:16pm

My rule of thumb is to expect the bare minimum from guests when I am a host and try to be as conscientious as possible when I am a guest.

My mom is a good hostess and one of the reasons why is that she almost always anticipates problems in advance. She puts away breakable things or special things she doesn't want people to get into. She keeps a small stash of emergency supplies. Diapers (size 3 is good for most babies in an emergency) a small container of wipes, a few cheap toys (matchox cars, etc.), an extra toothbrush and other stuff like that.

Stella

7-30-11, 6:19pm

I hit the post button before I was done.

I try to keep meals simple enough that I can handle them on my own without stress, but accept any help that's offered. If that means we eat frozen lasagne and salad mix on paper plates, so be it. Usually it's a little more complicated than that, but you get the idea. Simplicity keeps everyone happy.

I usually ask guests if there's anything in particular they are interested in doing and offer a few suggestions, making sure they know that it's up to them. Flexibility is always good.

Mrs-M

7-30-11, 6:34pm

Kally. Lucky for me I never endured such, but had I, it more than likely would have marked the end of any further future stays. I would have been really put out. I think shared help and support is so important when you're among family/friends, especially when little ones are involved.

We have never been big travelers (now there's an understatement), however we did make a few treks/trips when our kids were little and always found the people/homes we stayed at, the moms/women/daughters were always so willing and offering when it came to doing things for us and our children.

I do think one area that really helps set apart a standard typical sort of host/guest stay-over/visit, is when the people staying over (or the hosts of the guests) both have little ones. With this type of arrangement I find everything always seems to work out for the better, goes smoother, and ends up being less hectic and troublesome. Less hectic and troublesome than say staying over at the home of family/friends who are either childless or empty-nesters (or vice versa).

I always found relaxing relief when guests who we were putting up for the night knew, and were comfortable around our kids. I could be in the kitchen preparing supper and out of blue the woman/mom of the family would come in and say to me, "Margaret, I just checked up on the kids and everyone is doing just fine", or, "where do keep the clean rubber pants, so and so needs changing". I loved that! That always provided me with a sense of comfort and calm. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing there was another set of watchful and caring eyes on the kids.

Or when things got busy and chaotic, and the woman/mom would gather up the gang and take them to the park for a walk, or to the store for an ice cream! Wow! The best!!! I remember that happening in our house and on the occasions it did, it allowed me to regain my calm and composure, even if was for a short 30 minutes. Sometimes that short 30 minutes made all the difference in the world in me being able to toss in another load of laundry in the washing machine, pull together a salad for supper that night, or just sit down long enough to light up a cigarette and take a break.

Mrs-M

7-30-11, 6:40pm

Miss Cellane. I had to laugh at your sig!!! I'm thinking you put your foot down on something or another and your nephew didn't agree. Good on you!

Mrs-M

7-30-11, 6:55pm

Me again! Told you I loved this thread!!! :laff: Anyhow, only speaking for myself here, but I would be embarrassed and ashamed at myself if I were at someone's house as a guest and sat there like a lump on a log. Somehow, whenever I'm visiting at someone's place (overnight or just for the day/evening), I have to get involved. But that's just me. I'm the hands-on type, so getting up to help wash and dry dishes, read the kids a bedtime story while the mom is tied up or preoccupied with doing something else, or whatever, is right up my alley. I'm at home doing such. I tend to think most people (women) are.

kally

7-30-11, 7:10pm

Does anyone visit someone else's place, bring their kids and just relax. Does your host provide for this?

Mrs-M

7-30-11, 7:50pm

Stella. Love your moms idea of keeping necessary emergency supplies/needs on hand! Your mom is right on! :) P.S. You my dear, have always struck me as being a cut above the rest when it comes to all things domestic! You are a total diva (you go girl), and I can totally see you wading hand over foot over your guests, spoiling them absolutely silly (to the nth) with all things fun and happy and tasty and delightful! So awesome!!!

Kally. Never. It's one thing to step in and tend to the needs of someone else's baby/child at times of need or when times call for it, but when we were holidaying and staying with family (Burnaby- yahoo!, and Parksville), I took charge of my kids just as I would (same style) as if we were at home (our own place) and I was caring for them. I never turned down someone's offer related to them wanting to help out with feeding, or changing, or bathing (or whatever), but never did I allow my kids to run amuck while away. (Not at home either). I was just as apt (even more so come to think of it) to giving someone a good whack on the behind away from home, as I was while at home. (More so while away).

One thing I've found with kids, especially younger kids in particular, they tend to be the centre and star of attention wherever you go, and somehow (I think), some people find enjoyment in getting involved with the daily care of them. At least that's what I've found whenever we were hosting company or company was hosting us. The older daughters of family/friends in particular could never get enough of our kids! I look at that as a bonus, but never would I allow myself to abuse it or take advantage of it. I'm sure there are people who do although...

Stella

7-30-11, 7:53pm

Does anyone visit someone else's place, bring their kids and just relax. Does your host provide for this?

Family has done this for me. My husband's family has an annual reunion and people have been very nice about hanging out with the kids for a while so we could relax. They live on a farm, so mostly someone will take them for a walk or to play outside so we can talk to the others. It's very nice.

We also take turns being Lead Parent whenever we go anywhere. When we drove overnight to see his Dad in Arkansas he and his dad took the kids to the park so I could nap. Another time I took the kids so his Dad could take him to meet a friend of his.

We take turns offering to help too. Zach frequently offers to do the dishes for my Grandma and Great Aunt and he'll help with the setup and take-down of tables and stuff like that. I offer to help with dishes, cooking, or whatever too. Some people, like my Grandmother, I know the offer is going to be refused. She likes things done a certain way so she prefers to do it herself. Oddly she'll let Zach help her. I think being from an older generation she enjoys the novelty of a man washing dishes for her. :)

I also have an aunt who we mostly see at out of town weddings. She has been known to pay for babysitting for all the little kids in the evening so the grown ups can enjoy themselves.

Stella

7-30-11, 7:56pm

Thanks Mrs M! That is such a sweet compliment. I do usually try to spoil my guests. I love making people feel welcome and cared for.

Mrs-M

7-30-11, 8:08pm

Just a question for all here, are you like me? "Like me" as in, automatically offering help and getting involved without being asked?

Tammy

7-30-11, 8:44pm

seeing as i don't like to cook, when i am the guest i try to take everyone out to dinner once a day, on my dime. if they are keeping me in their home, i can pay for their meal, is my thinking.

this of course depends on budgets and all that. i could also offer to do the cooking, but then i would be messing with someone else's kitchen ....

kally

7-31-11, 12:42am

that seems very nice. We have friends who, when they come to visit, bring all the food for everyone for the visit and do all the cooking. that is lovely.

Rosemary

7-31-11, 8:37am

When we are visitors, I help a lot in the kitchen (cooking/cleaning) and keep DD entertained as needed (which isn't much - she's really good at entertaining herself, and blending in to different situations). We usually buy the family we're visiting a meal out at some point during out stay. When we have visitors, I don't expect much from them other than keeping their kids under control, but most usually help out in some way.

Miss Cellane

7-31-11, 8:02pm

Miss Cellane. I had to laugh at your sig!!! I'm thinking you put your foot down on something or another and your nephew didn't agree. Good on you!

A little Off Topic, but I was visiting my brother and SIL, and their three charming, adorable, intelligent children.;) I was babysitting one afternoon, as both DB and DSIL were at work. Nephew, aged 6, wanted one of the cupcakes we had made that afternoon. He had heaped the tops of the cupcakes with frosting and sprinkles and M&Ms and gummi bears and who knows what else. But unfortunately, one of the house rules is that in the hour before dinner, the only snacks allowed are fruit, yogurt and string cheese. And Mean Ol' Auntie Celane refused to give Nephew a cupcake that he made himself and decorated himself. His Other Aunts would let him have a cupcake, as he informed me repeatedly.

It was just funny--there was absolutely no pause between "You're mean" and "Read me a story." He did get a cupcake for dessert, in case you were wondering. Also a story. Because I'm just so mean.

But actually, this ties in with the OP a bit. As a guest, I feel that I should conform to the house rules as much as possible. I used to try to help SIL with the cooking and after-meal clean-up, but she's told me that it's more of a help to her if I take the kids to the family room and keep them occupied, so that's what I do. In other words, I want to get invited back again, so I try to be as nice and polite and pleasant and helpful as possible. And guests who aren't nice and polite and pleasant and helpful and let their kids run wild throughout the house (if they have kids), should not be surprised if they aren't invited back.

goldensmom

7-31-11, 8:49pm

I expect guests in my home to be guests. I plan, cook and clean up while they relax or do whatever else they want. They are welcome to talk with me while I prepare or clean up from a meal but all I want is to enjoy their company not their labor. If they don’t have plans for their stay I will suggest activities if they desire. All ages are welcome but I expect the parents to look after their children as I don’t want to interfere or overstep bounds unless there is an issue of danger or fun that I just can’t resist.

Family are quasi-guests. I still do the meal planning, cooking and clean up but other than that things are wide open, i.e., help yourself, look for it and ask if you can’t find it, come and go as you please, you know where the towels are, choose your bedroom, sleep on the floor, in the camper, in the tree house. I try to make their visit pleasant and relaxing, after all it is their vacation not mine. As my siblings grew up in the house I presently live in, when they visit they literally ‘make themselves at home’. Visits range from an overnight, a weekend or up to 10 days. Often our house is a base for out of state guests for further day vacation destinations and I’m glad to oblige.

kally

7-31-11, 11:52pm

goldensmom your house sounds lovely. But do they help out with meals etc. (family I mean)?

treehugger

8-1-11, 12:28pm

My DH and I just hosted my sister, her husband, and their 2 kids (ages 7 and 11) for 6 days. Whew, I'm exhausted! Not anyone's fault though; it was a nice visit. But I couldn’t take any time off while they were here (Monday through Saturday) so I went to work every day and they did the tourist thing (Jelly Belly factory tour, 2 days in San Francisco).

Their last full day (Friday), that hung out at our house (we have a pool) and my sis planned dinner, so when I got home from work, we got to hang out and make dinner together.

Saturday morning my DH made a late breakfast and then they packed and got on the road. I had 2 hours before I had to be at work (at my weekend job, as a catering server) and I napped! I stayed up later than is my wont every night during the week, so I needed it. And good thing I napped since I ended up working 10 hours, until 1:30 am.

So, none of that really answers your questions, except to say that I was not really responsible for entertaining or feeding my guests. But, if I hadn’t been at work, I would have done my share of both.

Kara

janharker

8-1-11, 12:46pm

I expect the parents to remember that they are guests and need to behave as such, and include their children in that. Even when the visitors are all near relatives. And to understand that when in my house it's my rules. They are: 1. Take care of yourself. 2. Take care of others. 3. Take care of things. 4. Tell the truth. Those rules basically translate into both physical and emotional/social safety items. Such as no running in the house. Little children are never allowed in the working area of the kitchen. Ask permission before picking up something that isn't theirs; that way there's no chance of breaking it. If the child makes a mistake, tell the truth about it, and the adult will respond in a fair manner.

goldensmom

8-1-11, 12:48pm

goldensmom your house sounds lovely. But do they help out with meals etc. (family I mean)?

Sometimes family will offer to help and I usually thankfully decline with the exception of my brother who is a wonderful cook. If he offers to make a meal I enthusiastically accept his offer as I know it is something that he likes to do and it will be really good. Although I try to pay, he will even buy the groceries for the meal. Family guests will make coffee, get their own breakfast and tidy up after themselves if I am busy elsewhere.

They have also offered to take the sheets off the beds, launder the shower towels and again I say no thanks, that’s the maids job (I’m the maid). They will do things like vacuum without asking me and that’s okay. I did ask for help with the hay one summer - got no takers on that one. And yes it was asked in jest.

lucy

8-1-11, 2:11pm

This is a timely topic for me, as my in-laws just left from a short visit. My MIL is a great guest and loves to get involved. Usually when she comes to visit she brings a lasagne, homemade buns and a few pies! She also loves to cook and clean up. The only thing that I DON'T like her to do is put away dishes - she and I have a very different sense of logical places to put things (not that her ideas are bad, just different than mine) and we tease her that we have a two week scavenger hunt after she leaves! I used to feel hurt when she would bring so much and do so much, but I have realized that she shows her love in that way, and wants to make our lives easier when they visit. Now when I visit people, I try to be like her.

But on the topic of guests with kids, when our kids were smaller, we tried to do as much as possible when we visited, following the lead of our hosts. For example, if people wanted to spend time with the kids, then we would do after meal clean up, for example. My biggest goal would usually be to keep all the kids stuff organized and contained, to keep the clutter down. We usually also tried to take people out for a meal, or at least pick up some groceries for our hosts.

larknm

8-1-11, 3:11pm

We don't have people stay more than 2 days, and make clear we will not entertain their kids, or them really--everyone find their own entertainment and do it, and we go on with our lives pretty much as usual.

kally

8-1-11, 3:59pm

janharker

8-1-11, 7:40pm

lucy: you and your kids can come to my house anytime. My step-kids think this is some sort of hotel where their only responsibility is to show up at the table. Even then, they prescribe what they will and will not eat. The older pair has a 2 y.o. He's a living terror and they think 'no' means 'keep doing what you're doing.' The younger pair have a 1-month old, so the verdict on them is still out. I married into these people; husband thinks I'm on the wrong side of the issue.

Mrs-M

8-2-11, 6:54pm

Miss Cellane. So proud of you I am! I've always said it, but I'll say it again, I think you would have made for one of the best moms around!!! The problem I see nowadays with children, particularly younger children, is "no" means "yes". Parents seem to have lost the old "NO" means "NO" approach.

I'm about as cushy a mom that any kid could ever ask for, yet one area where I never swayed or teetered or gave in, was in the discipline department. When I said "no", I meant "NO", and I never gave in, and when a spanking was due, I followed through. I'll never regret my style of parenting, well, the spanking part I do, all else, not.

Two things I've never been a fan of is, half measure, and namby pamby. If you're going to do something, then do it, and do it right. If not, then why bother.

janharker

8-2-11, 7:20pm

To me discipline involves 4 parts: 1. immediate action, 2. consistent action, 3. appropriate action, 4. action that the child understands is directly related to what s/he just did.

Mrs-M

8-2-11, 7:32pm

Hi Jan. I love it! Yes. :) What I see so much of today is, immediate action is there, just not in serious form, as for consistent action, well, that action up and ran away a long time ago, as for appropriate action, I'm beginning to wonder if parents today no longer understand that concept, and action that the child understands is directly related to what she/he just did, review 1, 2, and 3! :laff:

I do believe old-fashioned parenting, the kind that you and I believe in and practice, is fast becoming an extinct species. With that said (and all jokes aside), I totally agree with, and like your four step discipline guideline.

kally

8-3-11, 5:18pm

is there a way you can tell people who think they will visit regularly that you don't want them to come a particular year? I mean a nice way?

Mrs-M

8-3-11, 5:29pm

Just be honest. If it were me having to tell someone that "this year was out", I'd simply say to them (pretending the someone is you Kally), "heavy heart, I feel terrible, but DH and I have so much on the go this year, we just don't have time for any stayed visits this year". People with any sense of pride/class wouldn't think twice about being told that way. I know I wouldn't. Besides, I've never been a fan of habitual traditions. Stays are nice, but I don't think they should be scheduled and planned to perfection year after year, that is when the visits involve others.

Zigzagman

8-3-11, 6:13pm

I glanced over the posts so I hope I am not totally off topic with my comment.

I have no children and we live in a pretty cool place (if I do say so myself) and it seems almost everyone I know wants to come and visit a few times a year - at their convenience. That means that my DW will spend at least a day cleaning, and preparing for company. If they are single or bring a new girlfriend that's cool but over the years it really does get quite old. Been there done that.

When it come to family my biggest pet peeve are pets. I do not like animals in my house - unless they are my own and the idea of bringing a couple of dogs (well behaved as they may be) into my domain is very aggravating. If it were my family I would not hesitate to tell them NO but given that it is my DW's (who seems to have a guilt complex about her family crap) then I try my best to restrain myself.

Then comes the kid factor - I do not have children, by choice, and although I do admittedly like children - especially young children, I cannot not stand the opening of the door 20 times in 5 minutes, opening the frig every 20 seconds, running around like a bunch of wild indians (no disrespect to indians).

And another thing while I am venting - we seldom ever get invited to other peoples homes as a couple. It seems that because we live in the country, like to party or entertain, they use our place as a vacation spot, at their convenience - or have I said that before???

My biggest expectation from visitors is to help with the cooking, don't sleep until noon (who does that after 20 years old) and just try and be respectful of my property.

Peace

Mrs-M

8-5-11, 7:17pm

Originally posted by Zigzagman.
I cannot not stand the opening of the door 20 times in 5 minutes, opening the frig every 20 secondsThis made me laugh! You captured the very essence of what life around young children is all about! LMAO! P.S. Even as a mom the door thing still has a way of grating on me at times...

Spartana

8-6-11, 3:04pm

we live in a pretty cool place (if I do say so myself)

Central Texas? Cool place - both litterally and figuratively? Oh my, talk about an oxymoron ;-)!

As a dog owner of many (too many) years, I am sort of hyper sensitive when it comes to subjecting anyone to them. I would never bring my dog to visit anyone - and would never bring them in their house - unless they invited me to do so. I often choose to stay in a motel with my dogs when visiting people rather than their homes even when they say they are OK with it. I hate to inconvience people anyways and actually prefer to stay in a motel rather than be a guest, but the added inconvience of bringing my dogs - nope, I won't do it.

As far as myself. The only thing I expect of my guests is to leave ;-)! Seriously, I don't cook (don't really even own any dishes or cooking stuff), don't have TV, stereo, internet, kid stuff, or really anything anyone would like. So I really don't have guests often - if at all - except my sis and she doesn't count :-)! If someone does visit I just get take out (shouldn't that really be called "Take-in"?) or take them out to eat, and let them tell me what they want to do for entertainment and I'll try to accomadate them. As far as kids, I expect the parents to take care of them and watch them. I've never really been around kids and don't particularly enjoy them (but I like the babies and toddlers!) and really have no idea what to do with them, so would leave that to the parentsd. I'd try to provide a nice clean place for them to stay, but that's about it.

Mrs-M

8-6-11, 9:31pm

Originally posted by Spartana.
I've never really been around kids and don't particularly enjoy them (but I like the babies and toddlers!) and really have no idea what to do with themLOL! You'd me amazed at how fast you learn. I'm thinking two to three evenings leaving Spartana in the care a few little ones, and out she'd come, emerging like a true pro! :) A seasoned veteran.

Mrs-M

2-3-12, 10:09am

Kally. How about an update on this when you can.

catherine

2-3-12, 10:39am

I just expect them to distract me from my fear of hosting! That would mean acting like they don't notice any flaws in my housekeeping or my bad cooking. In return, I don't expect them to do that much. In fact, I'd rather they stay out of the kitchen altogether.

I expect them to feel completely at home so that I don't have to make breakfast. I'd rather leave out the eggs, cereal, milk, bread and have people feel free to make their own meal.

My DH is an awesome cook, and he takes over for the dinners. Again, I'd prefer he cook and I clean up and leave him to regale our guests with wine and jokes.

They can do things like pick up a lunch tab, or pay for entrance to a park or movie etc.. I just feel uncomfortable if they get into my closets looking for brooms, etc.

If they do bring kids that need watching/caring for, I expect them to watch them and care for them.

When they leave, I just want them to say "thank you, we had a GREAT time." (even if they lie :)

Mrs-M

2-4-12, 2:36pm

Originally posted by Catherine.
When they leave, I just want them to say "thank you, we had a GREAT time." (even if they lieI'd definitely have to pull your leg... :) http://th554.photobucket.com/albums/jj417/Shar_dreamer/Scared%20Yet/th_90648.gif

iris lily

2-4-12, 2:51pm

We seldom have visitors that stay overnight.

The last batch of overnight visitors we had was interesting. They were European. The men were Italian and did not speak English. OMG were they beautiful! One was movie star quality pretty! So I did not mind that they did nothing. ha ha. Their wives were lovely young women and they spoke English. These are DH's Swiss relatives. They had two small children, one 3 year old and one 8 month old. The children were the center of their lives and we did kid stuff around the city for 1+ days. The parents always attended to the children.

One thing we did to prepare was to stash 2 of 3 dogs at boarding kennel facility for a few days. One dog was unpredictable in the best of circumstances and I did not want him around small children, and the other one was very old and had poor bathroom habits. Our remaining dog is a good dog, and plus we could always stash her in a crate if needed.

The mom boiled her baby's bottle things on top of the stove. I thought that was weird and she was very sweet about it saying "I know this is excessive for you Americans but we are Swiss and things must be ridiculously clean!"

We gave up two beds in the bedrooms. We put a sleeping bag on the floor for the 3 year old. Dh slept on the sofa, and I slept down the street and my neighbor's house.

catherine

2-4-12, 2:59pm

I'd definitely have to pull your leg... :) http://th554.photobucket.com/albums/jj417/Shar_dreamer/Scared%20Yet/th_90648.gif

LOVE that emoticon, Mrs-M!

Mrs-M

2-4-12, 4:09pm

I love it too, Catherine! It's me hiding and spying on you! Checking to see if you've gone to work, so that I can safely come out and make something to eat, in the kitchen. :laff:

catherine

2-4-12, 4:17pm

I love it too, Catherine! It's me hiding and spying on you! Checking to see if you've gone to work, so that I can safely come out and make something to eat, in the kitchen. :laff:

LOL. Hey, Mrs-M, you and your family are invited to NJ anytime! (Just give me a month's notice to clean out my pantry! The best way to catch up on household chores is to invite people over. That's what I've found, anyway.)

Mrs-M

2-4-12, 4:56pm

Ohhh, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha, you're not fooling me, Catherine, oh no... In cleaning out your pantry, all you are doing (and hoping for), is for your company to do a little shopping (and cooking) for you while visiting! I have to admit that your idea is a sneaky one, with great undertones for success, but I've got you figured out! :laff: :~)

mm1970

2-4-12, 9:06pm

Good question. I usually expect to have to entertain my own kid at someone else's house, like when we visit family. It's a bonus if someone will entertain him for a few hours at a time, but that doesn't happen often.

I also try to help out too. It's tough in my MIL's house because she likes control of her own kitchen. At my family's house, I used to do all of the cooking.

When family visits me, I found a tendency to have them sit on their butts and expect to be waited on (again, my family, not my inlaws). Tiring.

Mrs-M

2-6-12, 11:38am

Ugh, that is tiring, MM1970. That's why I am the way I am, always open to helping, assisting, and aiding whenever/wherever I can. Stress, is one of the premiums that comes with company, seems there's just no getting around it, but when company is open to and understanding of giving a little (when they can), it makes for all the difference in the world.

Aqua Blue

2-6-12, 1:58pm

When I open my home to someone, I try to extend hospitality, not entertainment. I try to use it to open my heart and home to them. This means that sometimes someone shows up without anything for their kids to do, so I try to have some stuff available. It means that sometimes someone is sick, like thurs when my niece was here and threw up twice. Sometimes the thing the person needs is some sleep, there is always a spare bed. Sometimes something happens and they need a change of clothes.... The people who come to my house don't come to be impressed, or at least leave not necessarily impressed, but hopefully leave feeling they were cared for. JMHO

Lainey

2-6-12, 7:17pm

peggy

2-6-12, 9:22pm

To me, it's about the length of the stay and the my relationship to the company. So, 3 days or less with an old college friend is not the same as 2 week visit from sibling with family in tow, so my level of effort is going to change.
And I know I'm going to be in the minority here, but I never expect company to do any kitchen duty. Ever. If they clear the table and put plates in the sink or dishwasher, that's it. Likewise, as an invited guest at someone's house for dinner, whether acquaintence/friend/sibling, I don't expect to end up washing and drying pots and pans and wiping down countertops which adult females in particular are expected to offer and actually do. To me it's like a host at a bar-b-que asking a guest to scrape down the grill after the meat's done cooking, or hose down the patio, or some other chore - it just seems very strange to me!

Again, if we're talking a long-term stay then arrangements can be made to make household duties equitable, but as an occasional guest for an event, No, I'm not going to clean your house for you.

I'm with you Lainey. I don't expect, or want, my guest to clean my kitchen. They are my guest, after all, and it's my treat that they are there. Actually my grown daughter, who lives with us while she finishes her MBA, is quiet attuned to this and jumps up and grabs the dishes to clear the table when we are entertaining guests, leaving my husband and I to entertain the guests. She is a sweetheart. Some guests feel a bit funny not doing the dishes, I guess they are used to doing them elsewhere, but we just redirect to other areas, coffee on the patio or wine on the dock, and it goes smoothly. The real thing is, I don't go do the dishes while guest are there, which I think makes them uncomfortable. We just neatly stack the dishes in the sink and they can certainly wait until our guests leave, or another time if they are overnight guests.
Maybe it's my upbringing, and I'm guessing Lainey had the same, you simply don't allow your guests to do your dishes, vacuum your floor, or sweep your deck. Now if it's close family, and it's a casual family vacation, well, that may be different. But even then, I don't ask my guests to do anything. Family usually just does it or asks what they can do. And yes they usually bring their own entertainment if it's a long stay, although I certainly have an assortment of books/videos/fishing poles for all.

fidgiegirl

2-6-12, 9:50pm

I don't go do the dishes while guest are there, which I think makes them uncomfortable.

I am uncomfortable with this, but it is the way my DMiL operates. In fact, when people are over dislike jumping right up and clearing the table immediately after eating - I like to visit with them for a few minutes. But when she visits, it's so painfully obvious that SHE is uncomfortable that pretty soon she starts fidgeting with the dishes, stacking them up, etc. that pretty soon I have to do it. But I don't wash - just stack.

iris lily

2-6-12, 10:06pm

I can't imagine dinner guests doing dishes. Can't fathom that. Well, I can see it with family members (parents, sibs) if they are staying for more than one day.

The first day--nope. They are treated like non-relatives.

Tradd

2-6-12, 11:01pm

My visits to people are always long weekends at the most - ONLY! I've got friends in Cleveland that I'll go see every other year. Now, a long weekend - drive or fly in late Friday afternoon/early evening and leave Sunday afternoon isn't much. We go out and wander and will often see things (museum exhibit, botanical garden, neat book store) they've had on their wish list but haven't gotten to. Sometimes I'll cook a meal for them, other times I'll pay for one of our meals out. If they're running to the store and ask if I want a particular beverage, I will give them cash to cover it.

I walk the dog! Seriously, I like walking with dogs and don't have one of my own, so I'll take their huge hairy beastie on a stroll. Complete with poop bag. :)

Guest room is on the third floor (they have a huge old house) and if I want to slip away somewhat early one evening to read up there, no issues. Otherwise, we'd all be sprawled about in the family room, some reading, some on ipad/smartphone/laptop, chattering all the time. They have a big enough place that I end up with a bathroom of my own, which helps there to not be bathroom congestion.