ButterflyBreath
8-7-11, 11:14pm
This is a relationship question about affection. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months and for the most part we have a great relationship. We live together so we see each other a lot. There's something we always clash on, and that is this interaction that happens with each other about once a week he says.
I will be doing something, focused on something and he will come up and kiss me, usually on my neck. Sometimes it's even just a small kiss on the lips. I have a reaction to this and I don't know whether it's based on how I am feeling at that very second or something else. I think maybe I am a bit aloof and I cringe or show some type of reaction which makes him feel rejected. At the time I don't feel like being kissed, and I can't really explain it. It's like my skin doesn't want to be touched like that. The neck is a very sensitive place and for some reason am not feeling open to this type of affection sometimes. He says I am rejecting him and it makes him feel bad and he doesn't feel like being affectionate anymore.
We have discussed it and the solutions we have come up with are to maybe just say something instead of kissing, or give me a hug, or even just a kiss on the head or cheek. I don't know if he just forgets what we discuss or what. And I guess it's hard (apparently) to know when I will react like this so it would be hard to know when to use the alternate way to show affection. I have told him that I think he's overly sensitive to rejection and he needs to look into it...do a little journaling on it or talk to someone about it. He never does though.
Is there an imbalance? Should I want to be kissed all the time? or is he just overly sensitive to rejection? He says that he feels often afraid to initiate affection because of this. And then stays depressed for a while afterward although it's not always apparent to me. What should we do?
:confused:
I will be doing something, focused on something and he will come up and kiss me, usually on my neck. Sometimes it's even just a small kiss on the lips. I have a reaction to this and I don't know whether it's based on how I am feeling at that very second or something else. I think maybe I am a bit aloof and I cringe or show some type of reaction which makes him feel rejected. At the time I don't feel like being kissed, and I can't really explain it. It's like my skin doesn't want to be touched like that. The neck is a very sensitive place and for some reason am not feeling open to this type of affection sometimes. He says I am rejecting him and it makes him feel bad and he doesn't feel like being affectionate anymore.
We have discussed it and the solutions we have come up with are to maybe just say something instead of kissing, or give me a hug, or even just a kiss on the head or cheek. I don't know if he just forgets what we discuss or what. And I guess it's hard (apparently) to know when I will react like this so it would be hard to know when to use the alternate way to show affection. I have told him that I think he's overly sensitive to rejection and he needs to look into it...do a little journaling on it or talk to someone about it. He never does though.
Is there an imbalance? Should I want to be kissed all the time? or is he just overly sensitive to rejection? He says that he feels often afraid to initiate affection because of this. And then stays depressed for a while afterward although it's not always apparent to me. What should we do?
:confused: