my latest and greatest idea

[Zoe Girl]

To get my son to attend school. Background is that he is going to a competitive art school on a guitar major, has some pretty decent anxiety and has had a hard time with school attendance since last spring when dad moved in the middle of the school year and he knew I was losing our house. Okay, some really valid stuff to make it harder to get to school. However I know my kid pretty well and part of this is being stubborn. I won't go into the entire deal but this is the best school option for this year and because the entire family moved and adjusted I am not backing down on him finishing the year. We have counselors and psychiatrist for the extreme insomnia and all that but frankly Tyler is just pushing and pushing until he gets to quit in mid year with no plan on how this would work. I am continuing to support what we need to do as far as counseling and finding friends and all that while also insisting he attend school.

The rest is that he seems to attend on his weeks with dad but misses a lot with me. i work at the time he needs toget to school so his sister takes him, on a bad day i get texts and phone calls while I am in my crunch time about him freaking out and not being able to get toschool. I have been stressed about it, he is stressed about it and then I came up with one answer. He can just get up even earlier and go to work with me and then his sister can come by and take him to school (all of this is within 5 minute drive times). Then he eats breakfast at my job, finishes any homework and basically does not have a total meltdown because he has to do this without mom home (I should say he is almost 14 and sister is 17). I really think he is making things worse the more he misses school but he needs some kind of support.

I am feeling kinda smart, when he had his meltdown on Friday I ran home from work as soon as i was able, called his counselor who just said lovely stuff about finding courage, and then had to deal with work so he missed school. Even though we have the counselors and DR's no one can seem to get him to school on my time, he goes on dads weeks and so I think if they can't make this work then I will have to do it my unique way.

Just a note, please do not suggest things like me not working or changing a schedule that cannot be changed or letting him drop out rght now. Those things are not possible in my mind right now and it is not the time or place to avoid reality. If that is rude I do not mean it that way, but I know what I am dealing with and what our options are.

[redfox]

Ok, what if he lived w/his dad during the school year... ? We went through a household change to facilitate attendance, and it worked...

[sweetana3]

As I read it your idea is to take him to work. I think this is fine so long as he doesn't disrupt your work environment. It is very creative. I keep thinking of the movie where the mom took the door off. Sometimes creativity works. Your son will probably do well while at work since many kids do so much better around other people (than their parents).

I am wondering just why he gets to school while with his Dad? Is there something different going on with that dynamic? Is your son trying to tell you something that is hidden right now? just wondering.

[Zoe Girl]

My work is before and after school child care director, so it is a kid friendly environment which is great.

My opinion of what is happening at dads based on what the kids tell me quite honestly is that they are afraid of him. They don't leave messes, leave out toys, forget to clean dishes, etc. at his house either. My son pretty much comes home at dad and goes to his room. So then I get all the more relaxed stuff since the kids are more comfortable with me. There are two reasons to not send my son to dads during the school year and one is that with that and how many times I get calls because dad is mean I don't think it would be healthy and on a practical level I would have to move again because without child support I could not afford the house I am renting right now. I am trying to not disrupt any more, the last year has been a little too much for everyone and we could use stability. I am still focusing hard on this job and finding one that pays enough so I can make more of my own choices but it is a hard road.

Oh yeah, one factor I think (and I hate to keep going back to my ex) is that I struggle with my whole family acting as if I am some type of magic person with an endless supply of energy and resources. This was a factor with my ex and my kids seem to have unconsciously learned it. So while they understand that dad has limits, cannot talk while at work, etc. I have had to work sooo hard to get just the basic ideas like I do really have to work, running important errands is not going to disney land and you cannot call me 10 times to ask what is for dinner, calling me 5 minutes before I am off work will make me angry but calling 5 minutes after is okay, and so on. My ex used to do so much of this, show up or call me at work expecting me to know things or have time, telling me basically I had to 'make up' for being at work while still pushing me to earn more, forgetting to pick up kids at daycare so i got the calls and was stuck leaving early, etc. there is a good reason he is an ex ya know!

[libby]

Well going to school is not negotiable in my house. If taking him to work with you in the morning is working then so be it. Bottom line is he has to go to school. Good job on thinking outside the box to get him there!

[Valley]

Anne,
I think that your idea/solution is wonderful! I was a center director for years, and though it never paid enough it certainly had some flexibility that made it a great place to work. Your son needs to be with you in the morning...it won't last forever, because he will grow uncomfortable with this arrangement as he gets older. Follow your gut on this one. My sons had some needs of their own when their Dad left our home...we did our best to work around and with those needs, and over time most of the issues were resolved. He needs to go to school...and you need to go to work...that is the reality. Good luck, I will be thinking of you!

[Anne Lee]

Some of what your kids attitudes of Mom is the Magic Fairy is just how kids think of their mothers. I get the "What's for dinner" texts, and the panicked "I can't find my keys" calls. It DOES end.

This sounds like a great solution.

[Reyes]

I was thinking on the same lines as redfox -- can he be at his dad's place during the school year, or with dad during the week and with you on weekends and other non-school days. On another note, as to the kids calling you during work, can you turn your phone off? Or leave it in the car?