Minimalism revisited

[Sissy]

Over that last few years I have dreamed in living color about living a minimalist lifestyle. I have read about, plotted, planned, tossed, pared down, etc.

As of late, I have come to realize that it simply won't work for me. It is more stressful to try to live that way than it is to live with just enough. I can't live with 2 plates, one skillet, 2 towels, ok, you get the point...........but to pare down to a comfort level and just stay organized as possible.

DH and I organized the kitchen cabinets today, together, for the way we live and I am happy and satisfied with it. We both know where things live and where to return when finished using. Our comfort level will seat 6 easily. :) More than that, we go to DD's house!

So we keep enough towels, sheets, etc. for this. The washer/dryer is in the bathroom, so how hard is it to toss stuff in the washer. The house is a bit small when we are all there, but things are easier to put away if everyone knows exactly where they go. (I gave messy DD#2 the tour, lol)

I still get rid of junk (stuff) and have a lot to get rid of, but at least it is in the basement and in DH's shop. He doesn't mind it as much.:~)

The thing is: I like to have art on the wall, a few house plants, throw pillows and things out in the kitchen that we use all the time. That makes me happy, and others less crazy.

I am in the process of making the yard easier to keep up by getting rid of the cutsies, flower beds (just one with perennials) and letting easy care shrubbery make up the difference. I don't have the time or initiative to weed, feed or water. But I do love a neatly clipped, trimmed yard.

I do have a boat load of books that I would love to get rid of since the girls have reneged on taking them after our moving them around for years! :confused: Too nice to donate and I reaaalllly don't want to mess with ebay. Any suggestions? Some are leather bound classics. As a rule, I don't even like the classics! There are some books that I like to have around to dog-ear, write in the margins, etc. but there are not that many of those and I can put them in a drawer in the entertainment center. I really love my Kindle!

Ok, that is a heavy load off my chest. I know no one really cared that much, but for me, it is huge. I can shop and actually pick up an odd item without feeling guilty.

Fancy trying to live a life (on purpose) that makes you feel guilty! I am also rethinking a lot of other areas of my life. I don't want to be fueled by unrealistic guilt, fear, doubt or worry.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Enough is enough!

Thanks for reading if you stayed this far :thankyou:


Sherry

[Zoebird]

for books -- look for a good used book seller. most of them these days will only take hard back and leather bound -- which is what we discovered -- and from there, I used http://www.cash4books.net/ or something similar to sell any books that we couldn't give to the used book seller. FRom there, there were books that the cash4books folks didn't take, and so those were donated to local hospitals, libraries, etc -- used for used book sale fundraising and reading for clients and such.

i think that minimalism is not so strictly defined as you were defining it. I usually define it as "having what you need/use" and not necessarily being spartan per se. For example, if yu use 6 place settings or whatever, then you need 6 place settings. it's not about just having enough for you, personally, but enough for You, what you need/use.

[rosarugosa]

I agree that minimalism will be different for everyone. I too like having paintings, plants, etc. in my home. But there is a limit as to how much stuff is enough for me, and everyone's limit will be different. You shouldn't try to live your life according to someone else's limits.

[early morning]

Hey, Sherry! I totally understand what you're saying, and this site inadvertently feeds guilt sometimes. Not that people here TRY to make me (us, whoever) feel guilty usually, but I tend to be a little on the insecure side and when someone has strong ideas about how much to own, what is too much, etc, I really have to be on guard, or I'll just internalize the "what's wrong with me, I don't think that way" soundtrack, and start to feel stressed, without really understanding why right away. Oddly, I don't feel that way about politics, child-raising, pet care - mostly just our house and our stuff. I'm really working on figuring out what makes us happy, and not worry about other people's ideas. I do know that I am NOT am minimalist, at least not at this point in my life. I can appreciate some stark places, but could not live in them. I would have been that cave woman dragging in interesting branches, bones, and rocks to decorate my cave, lol.

Live with what makes you happy! I bet your house is lovely! And I love books, too.....

[Sissy]

I edited my post because I looked back and some of it was a bit garbled.

I am not trying to live up to anyone else's standards, I am just trying to lessen stress as it is a big problem for me. Mess and junk really do sometimes almost send me over the edge. Actually that is one of the other areas that I am working on.

I had really pared down my wardrobe and that makes things easier, but I am now thinking that I would like a bit more varied and accessorized. "Uniforms" are definately easier, but I have found them a bit boring because I really like color, just not a lot of fuss. Easy care is still a must, tho.

I am on a spiritual quest, also, so there is more to this than just getting rid of physical junk. I guess I should have pointed that and some other areas that I am addressing and put it in another forum. I didn't really know where to put it all!

Thanks for the idea with the books. I will check into it. That and home office are two areas that are next. I have started organizing the home office and will move it to another area when I get rid of the dumb baby grand piano purchase. Talk about an elephant in the room!

I think that my question was: Has anyone just turned, in mid-stream, from a direction that you really felt was right for you and how did it affect you?

I hope that makes more sense.

[Fawn]

I think that my question was: Has anyone just turned, in mid-stream, from a direction that you really felt was right for you and how did it affect you?

I hope that makes more sense.

Well, I have. But I am still a minimalist. Hope that doesn't dissuade you.

I was on-track to be just an normal, consumerist middle-class mom when I couldn't stay married to the father of my kids for a minute longer. How to live as a single parent to 4 kids? 1) prioritize 2) minimize 3) celebrate.

Rinse and repeat. :cool:

Really....everyone has to find their own path.....

[Anne Lee]

I think your post is about finding more enough and less too much.

[Sissy]

Anne Lee, I am not sure what you mean? Could you elaborate. I am hopefully open minded enough to get what you are saying.

[Zoe Girl]

[QUOTE=Sissy;I think that my question was: Has anyone just turned, in mid-stream, from a direction that you really felt was right for you and how did it affect you?

I hope that makes more sense.[/QUOTE]

That does make sense, and i am coming at it from a totally different perspective but that is okay around here.

So I was married for a long time, and then after my divorce didn't realize I went a bit crazy for awhile. I worked so hard at my masters, working full time and taking care of my kids. In any case after a few years and not getting that teaching job that worked even slightly I was at a low point in how I felt and i treated myself that way.

So then I met my boyfriend (for those whol followed after a month we started working on things and it is pretty awesome). Even if we had broken up totally i would have been better off than I was before. The level of respect he has treated me with is great, and new, and I am ready for it. So I spent most of my life thinking that the people who told me about social rules or suggested i didn't do certain things were being critical or trying to make me boring or something like that. Um maybe not. Woah, there are other factors in this change but it is basically that I can trust people and by trusting them I can really listen to what they are saying and now I can not put myself in questionable situations any more. I still have some guilty feelings about what happened before, but I am looking forward to a better future that may have NOTHING to do with what I thought I wanted and needed. I thought the only way I could be respected was by being super independant, and now I feel pretty good about having someone who could protect me if needed however would never order me around.

So about stuff, I was so adament about not having certain stuff like really new TV's and video game systems. Now I really don't think that is a big deal and I could have that in my house. I can do my thing, cook and crochet and read, and others can choose for themselves.

[Marianne]

DS#1 lives a minimalistic life..except for his books and some extra clothes that I keep here (he lives with us when he's in the USA). Otherwise, pretty much everything he owns could be carried on his back. I find it interesting, but it's not for me.

What got me in action was anticipating a move, waaay before it was even discussed. I decided to let go of stuff so someone else could enjoy it (including our big piano that I used to love but hadn't played in years). I kept the stuff that meant something to me, like my grandmother's sugar bowl which I use. For me, it's all about finding the balance. I had to go through stuff several times over a period of a couple months, asking myself why I was keeping it. Now the stuff I have is stuff I love. Don't let anyone beat you up about what you aren't ready to part with yet - or at all.

I too, couldn't live with a minimalist kitchen. I like my pot holders, especially after the towel I was using caught on fire when the fringe touched the oven element. I don't need a blender or a yogurt maker but I use my microwave daily. To each their own.

[fidgiegirl]

Thanks for the idea with the books. I will check into it. That and home office are two areas that are next. I have started organizing the home office and will move it to another area when I get rid of the dumb baby grand piano purchase. Talk about an elephant in the room!

I think that my question was: Has anyone just turned, in mid-stream, from a direction that you really felt was right for you and how did it affect you?

Sissy,

Your "turned mid-stream" question reminds me of a friendship I once abruptly terminated. I thought we were good friends and after a series of unfortunate events I realized this person was not one I wanted to be friends with at all, and I just quit the friendship - quit calling or returning calls, etc. She was the type who was always right, who would have accepted no explanation or reason why we needed to work on x part of our friendship, and I couldn't do it anymore, so I didn't even bother. Now looking back, I see that was definitely not the most noble way to handle it, but once I got her out of my life (after the initial inquiries by mutual friends about why wasn't I calling her, etc.) I felt 100% better. Kind of different from yours, but related. I ran into her once some years later and felt no guilt or remorse about having cut her out of my life. Maybe the look-of-dagger she shot me was sufficient reminder about why I needed out of the friendship in the first place!!

As far as the books, Tradd posted a very thorough tutorial about how to do Amazon in "Organizing Your Life" forum recently. Amazon is easier than eBay in several ways. You could try a few books out to see how it works, and if it is not for you, another suggestion I would have is to contact your local library to see if they have an annual book sale. Maybe that would feel better as far as a donation than just shlepping them off to the thrift store. I know I have a hard time parting with things I perceive to be worth money, but whose monetary value takes effort to extract, such as in the case of your books. For me, it's easier to just let them sit there.

Congrats on your revelation. It must feel very good to have found YOUR happy place, or at least be on the way to it. :)

[Anne Lee]

Anne Lee, I am not sure what you mean? Could you elaborate. I am hopefully open minded enough to get what you are saying.

Sometimes, our response to having too much of anything is to want to get rid of it all. However, you can scale back till you hit the sweet spot of enough. Having enough means having more than almost nothing but not too much.

[goldensmom]

I agree that the term minimalism/minimalist varies. I enjoy reading and thinking about minimalism. I am a minimalist where practical (I have 2 sets of bed sheets for our bed and 1 set each for guest bedrooms) and not a minimalist where not practical (6 farm tractors for business purposes). I can be a minimalist in areas where I have control (myself) but not where I have do not have control (my husband). I think one has to find their own definition of minimal living within the larger definition and be comfortable with it.

[Spartana]

I'm a pretty hardcore minimialist (one set of sheets, 2 of all dishes & utensils, 2 towels, no books , few home or personal adornments, etc...) but I don't do it because I feel guilty in anyway, shape, or form. I do it because I like it that way and because it is comfortable for me. I get irritated by "stuff" and feel very claustrophobic. So live within your own comfort zone and don't let someone else's version of "enough" guide you at all. As long as you aren't overwhelmed by having stuff, then you shouldn't worry about it.