View Full Version : frugality + conscientious consumerism = simplicity
I've always been a pretty frugal person; purchased things on sale or second hand, no debt (except mortgage), used cars, home cooked meals, lived below our income... Doing The Compact was no problem for me.
However, I've also been a very active consumer. I purchased all kinds of things, good prices yes, necessary items no. (40 pairs of shoes?)
It wasn't until I was around 40 (I'm just about 50) I became aware that just because I was finding things at good prices didn't mean i needed or even wanted the items. I looked around our home and was surrounded by stuff I couldn't wait to get rid of. Blame it on marketing, peer pressure, conformity, weakness, stupidity, I don't know, but i feel ridiculous for not snapping out of the consumer bubble sooner. So when I look in the past I feel all kinds of remorse for the wasted time and money I spent. And to think I used to pride myself on being good at pinching pennies.
Over the last few years I've managed to pare down our belongings and become a very conscientious consumer. I am very methodical about what i purchase and why and it was only when I became conscientious that the idea of simple living manifested itself.
frugality + conscientious consumerism = simplicity (for me)
I imagine for everyone else frugality, conscientious consuming and simplicity have always been obviously intertwined. For me, it seems like I had one piece of the puzzle in place (frugality), but not the others.
Did anyone else take a winding road towards a simpler life? I so admire the many young people out there who've opted out of the consumer nightmare early on. I wish I knew better from a young age. What to do with the regret at wasted time and money? If you did take a while to focus on the goal of simple living, were there any particular things/events that triggered it?
Acorn, I think we could have written the same ideas and are only sad that we are older than you when we figured it out. We are now in a home full of stuff that has great meaning but little use. No "value" because it is not "rare", just stuff. So now we are in a "decluttering our life" stage. On an almost weekly basis, we are making trips to the little thrift store, the library donation site, the recycling center, and friends to hand off our possessions.
It is like weight loss to us. Hard to do but welcome when it happens and a lot of emotional work involved. We now avoid stores and advertising (as much as even possible) and give experiences instead of things.
flowerseverywhere
10-5-11, 8:53am
I think most people have taken the winding road towards a simpler life. There are a few people here who have never accumulated stuff, but if you read the decluttering, five a day or 100 things thread you can see many people who are trying to figure out where the heck all this stuff came from and why they felt they had to need it. I think people have all kinds of triggers, to waking up one day and saying they have had enough orsuddenly having a tragedy or loss that makes them realize their priorities.
But the good thing is you realize it now. We laugh that if the restaurants and malls had us to depend on they would all be closed.
When we moved to our house there was a grocery store about three miles away, and along the way there were fields and a few old houses. In the past twenty years the road to the grocery store has been filled with box stores, restaurants, and a few more grocery stores. Just about every box store and chain restaurant known is on this road, and they demolished the houses and widened the road. A few needed bigger stores so there are a couple of abandoned stores (a big Sam's club is one) with grass growing through the parking lot cracks. During December if you want to ride down this road give yourself a half hour to make it through the traffic. To me this is indicative of our society, and I don't want to ride on that train.
I have been decluttering and not buying for many years now and the peace and tranquility in my home is measurable. We are much happier focusing on people and taking care of our minds and bodies than accumulating worthless things we don't need.
My road to simplicity and frugality was, and still is, winding indeed. I have made the same mistakes, and had the same cognitive disconnect with "just because it's cheap, it doesn't mean you're being frugal to buy it, because you don't need it in the first place!" It was getting that last piece of "I don't need the gazingus pin anyway!" that took me years to get.
I, too, struggle with feelings of regret and anger at myself for spending SO much money on useless crap, instead of saving or investing it in a meaningful way. I'm so grateful to authors like Robin and Dominguez, and the contributors to this forum, for the information, encouragement, wisdom and creativity when it comes to living simply.
My DH and I are really looking forward to our move to Israel, when we will be able to live comfortably WITHOUT A CAR! (We could, conceivably, live here too without a car, but it would not be comfortable or efficient at all.) It is amazing that I am still able to declutter on a routine basis, even though I was "sure" we had decluttered all we could in our last move. I love our simple life and our home-based habits now (cooking at home, entertaining at home, working at home), and don't want to change them. I REALLY don't want to get back into those old, soul-destroying patterns I was into years ago, that involved focusing my life around a job I hated, to pay for crap I neither used nor appreciated, to show off for people I didn't know. Madness!
What triggered it all for me was that when I was 37, I found myself divorced and broke, with zero savings and no retirement plan. I started reading a lot about personal finance, but the emphasis was basically "here's how to take all your 'extra' money and invest it to make more money." But I didn't HAVE any money to invest...I had a lot of debt and didn't even realize how I was contributing to it by continually buying useless crap! I searched around and finally found "Your Money or Your Life," and later, Dave Ramsey's stuff on eradicating debt, the importance of an emergency fund, and so on. I watched (devoured, really) every single episode of Suze Orman's show, Dave Ramsey's show, and Gail Vaz-Oxlade's show about personal finance. I took extra gigs to make more money to put towards my debt, and made about a million changes in my consumption habits, e.g. going from an $85 monthly hair care bill to about a $18 one. (I've recently cut that down to $6.18 because I now cut my own hair and get my hair color from Wal-Mart!)
Like the other posters here, I have had to find what works for me and what doesn't, and part of that equation must involve taking into consideration what works for my husband as well. Frankly, I'd like to be a little more extreme in my frugal practices, but harmony in the home is even more important, and he gets a vote too! :)
My focus on frugality is GRADUALLY shifting into being slightly more eco-friendly as well. I now recycle more than I used to, and I pay a little more attention to packaging than I used to. While I know I certainly am not doing all I could to benefit the environment, I do know that by making the biggest change--by STOPPING BUYING CRAP, and using what I have until it legitimately wears out--I have decreased my consumption greatly. It's very important that we handle our waste in the best way we can, but it's even more important that we generate less waste altogether.
I too have taken the long windy road to simplicity. It started with an illness that nearly cost me my life. It was a year in and out of the hosptial that forced Dh and I really examined our lives. The stereo-typical American dream: house (and stuff to fill it), two car garage (and stuff to fill it... the cars live in the driveway), yard (and stuff to decorate it), garden (mostly ornamental, some veggies and herbs), pets (yeah they are fuzzy but what were we thinking, so much work, time and money) and stuff (books, decorative items etc.. that we simply didn't really need, just stuff to fill the space and make things "look right", was at the center of our lives. We knew that we needed to stop train, get off, and take a good look at our surroundings. Determine what really mattered in life and take steps toward living for what mattered. We also realized that simplicity was more than just getting rid of stuff we didn't need, it was about filling our lives/time with stuff we did.
It started with a massive declutter. We dontated over 600 books, DVD's, and music CD's. We got rid of furniture and decorative items that simply were not neccessary. We pared down clothing and kitchen items, decluttered the garage and actually made room for the cars. It still didn't seem like we had done enough. Next we eliminated our television set and that helped a lot. It gave us focus as we no longer sat mindlessly in front of tv, and now spent more time talking, reading etc..
Still it wasn't quite right and for the longest time we thought it was our housing situation, yet no matter what we looked at as alternatives, it never seemed right. We currenly have a three bedroom ranch 964 sq ft with 300 ft of finished space in the basement that I use as studio space. Our only child is away at college and it is a lot of space for just two people. We looked at condos, townhomes, apartments, mobile homes, smaller homes etc.. It really bothered us that we couldn't figure out what it was about our housing situation. At least not until this year.
For the past two years I've been showing in a couple of galleries in our old city, one state over from us. So about once a month we would drive down and do what we needed it. But it was this last trip down that convicted us. We miss the city. We miss the simplicity of not having to do home repairs and worry about the cost of such repairs, we miss not having to scrape the roof of the house in the winter after each snowfall, we miss having the free time that yard work has robbed from us. We miss the activity of the city, the architechure, the history, museums, art galleries, concerts, theater, watching the Red Sox farm team play, college hockey, attending lecture series at the college etc.. We miss being more active in the arts community and being able to walk everywhere we went. There is so much more to life than stuff and having the "idylic" home setting.
I started young, joining this forum at 22, but interested in simplicity since my teens, but I still feel like it's been a winding road. What I thought I was aiming for at 16 is not what I am aiming for at almost 33. It's taken a while to get the hang of who I am and where my niche is. It's taken a while to undo the ideas of others expectations, both mainstream cultural expectations and the expectations of some members of the SL movement, some of whom (thankfully not most!) have a relatively rigid view of what constitutes "belonging to the club". I suppose that's probably true of everyone. I don't know many people who are the same at 33 as they were in their teens.
It's exciting to me to watch my children, who are being raised in a thoroughly SL household and a relatively SL neighborhood. DH and I have been into simplicity since before they were born and Dad, who lives with us, is a Franciscan. They are just not as into stuff as I was as a kid. The big girls have been saving all of their allowance for two months now towards a trip for the whole family. They want to save enough to pay for it themselves.
Just love reading everyone's posts! Awesome!!!
I was never a consumer-holic, so early on I honed in on, and set my sights upon, the path of least resistance. That path being, the long and narrow and straight, and that's what I have religiously followed ever since. (Simplicity being my mentor and guide).
The biggest contributor related to who I am and the way I am, was financial restraint. As the saying goes, no money, no funny, but even then I was always geared (programmed) towards a more simple and frugal mindset than most. I honestly think you are born with it, and for those not born with it, there's a learning curve involved in order to help propel one towards that way of life and thinking.
Acorn. Don't regret your past and beat yourself up over old things. One of my favourite sayings is, "forget about the past, live for today, live for now". None of us can change history, but we sure can alter and redirect the future and tailor it towards our needs. :)
Lastly, betterment (in all senses and categories) usually comes with learning, but as long as one is willing to watch, learn, and listen, the practicing part is guaranteed, it will follow.
I've been pretty frugal my entire life, mostly because I had to be. Now it's also a choice. It also drives everyone around here nuts as they don't understand where I'm coming from.
The subtitle of my blog says it all for me.
frugal-one
10-5-11, 3:22pm
I, too, have always been frugal. My mother called me "picky". I would only buy things I really wanted and were "perfect" for me. I may be frugal but I have too much stuff too. I am in the process of cleaning out the house. I recently was ill and retired. My stamina is not yet what I would like but I am getting there. My hope is by spring to have everything ready for a humungous garage sale! My biggest challenge is books! I cannot stop getting books either from garage sales or the library. I always have a stack I "need" to read. I tried just putting them on the list to read but that only lasted for a short while. I now have 15 books out from the library!!! Any words of advice are welcome!
@sweetana3 - My parents are currently going through the same process in an attempt to downsize and hopefully sell their home. One thing to be thankful for is when the items aren't valuable they are easier to part with. It is very challenging to downsize because every item requires a decision and it is tiring. If we had known how tiring most of us would probably have not accumulated nearly as much as we did. :)
@flowerseverywhere - Isn't it amazing how much commerce has grown in the past generation? It is really something how shopping has become a normal leisure time activity in the US. And chain restaurants too. When I was growing up going out to eat was a treat. Aside from maybe ordering a pizza, all the families I knew ate their meals at home.
@Selah - You're moving to Israel? How very exciting for you and your husband. That sounds like a wonderful adventure. We are American living in the UK and moving abroad was one of the best choices we've made. A car free life is our goal too. As it is now I rarely use my car and do most of my errands by foot or public transportation. Will you have to ship your things to Israel with you?
@artist - I feel just the same way. I think I would like to eventually retire to NYC (one of the outer boroughs). In addition to being car free, I love the energy and diversity of an urban environment. A big house in the suburbs isn't suitable to my personality. I say big house/small life, small house/big life. In an urban area you sacrifice living space, but in exchange you gain a bigger "world" outside of your front door. In the suburbs you gain living space, but have less public space to participate in. I understand the appeal of the suburbs, particularly if you have children (schools/safety), or like gardening and house maintenance. My children are grown and I am not what I call "house proud". I don't take pleasure in decorating or gardening. In fact, what partially led me astray towards consumerism is that I became friends with a few American expats who were very interested in buying English furniture and antiques and, foolish me, I joined in. Lol, that's when I turned 40 and looked around and wondered, "whose stuff is this?"
@ Stella - I admire your wisdom at a young age. I think your clever father must have been a great influence. Blocking out societal expectations is one of the hardest parts of living simply. I bought china because, well, everyone buys china. It seems so silly, but it is very hard to step outside of the fishbowl you were born into. Your children are very fortunate to have you as a mom. Do you have a location for your family trip? I know a family who did the same with all of them contributing towards a trip to the Arctic Circle.
@ Mrs-M I think the path of least resistance is to conform and consume like everyone else around you. Lol, your straight and narrow path is much harder for most people. But I think you are right, some people are naturally inclined towards a simple life and I've noticed some people seem to have some built in resistance to marketing or external influences. It's admirable to be able to walk to the beat of your own drummer. I think I have always been drawn to living simply, but what I ended up doing was I kept changing the material things around me thinking if I just buy this/change this then I'll feel comfortable. You can't imagine how many times I have changed furniture. But in the end it wasn't that I owned the wrong things, it was that I didn't want to own much at all. I think marketers are always send us signals that something is not quite right - our eyelashes aren't long enough, our curtains are wrong, our cars are dated, blah, blah.
I've never heard "no money, no funny", but my Chinese mother always says "no money, no talk".
You are right about looking back with regret. We have today, yesterday is gone and I am going to work on turning down the remorse and looking forward. Another thing my mom says is, "we have eyes on the front of our heads for a reason - to look ahead, not back!" :)
@Marianne - Just the other day someone asked me why I was purchasing something 2nd hand. They told me, "you have the money, you should enjoy yourself". I find the assumption that saving money = lack of pleasure. I suppose it is as odd to me as I am to them.
@frugal-one - It sounds like you are doing a great job with setting of goal of having a spring garage sale. If you aren't feeling so well just do a tiny bit at a time. There is no need to rush and paring down is tiring even without illness. Books were the final frontier for me. Our family moved 4 times in 10 years and the 3rd move did me in. I swore I would not lug another box of books again. I end up with huge piles of books too, either passed on to me or purchased 2nd hand. I love to read and I like to have a stack waiting to be read. But I am able to pass the books on to charity or a friend because I know these day it is so easy to find another copy if I ever want to read a book again. I also keep a list of all the books I read which somehow makes it easier to pass them on. I admit that after reading a book I really enjoyed I tend to keep it around for a while before passing it on. One thing I have learned is that no matter how many books I had in my collection, it was very rare that i went back to re-read one - there are always too many new books to tempt me and that makes giving them away easier too.
Thanks so much for the great replies and kind words. I admit it is nice to know I'm not the only one who has meandered along before gaining some focus on simplicity.
I was trying to think of what triggered my focus. I know after the 3rd move I was really fed up. I have a rule that our family has to be able to move ourselves with no help. I don't know why I made that rule, but I like to be self sufficient. So while in the 3rd house I started paring down because I could only think how ridiculous it is to drag dishes around that barely get used and books that barely get read. Paring down wasn't all that challenging because I am very organized and even while being a good consumer, didn't like clutter. And then when we moved for the 4th time I gave away the majority of our furniture - nothing that wouldn't fit into the small van we used came along. And when we got to our 4th home a combination of freecycle and serendipity provided us with what we needed (and more). And next we move I'll freecycle a lot of the furniture again (the big things).
(I hope I'm not blabbing too much, just so happy to have found such a nice group of people. If I am, someone send me a message and I will cease and desist) :)
Originally posted by Acorn.
Mrs-M I think the path of least resistance is to conform and consume like everyone else around you. Lol, your straight and narrow path is much harder for most people.
One can look at this defining statement a few different ways. My way of thinking is/was, "the path of least resistance", a path where I don't feel obligated to, or compelled to, conform to the common and standard ways of others. i.e. Frivolous spending. In other words, I'm going to resist all other paths and take the simple one, no bends, no switchbacks, just a straight and narrow artery where there's only room for one. To me that represents individuality, and additionally, no room for extras or baggage. (Materialistic hikers need not enter). To walk and hold my path means you carry with you nothing needless. The simple path...
ljevtich
10-22-11, 12:40am
I guess it was not straight but not curvy either. Consumerism seemed huge before the last financial fiasco, but people seem to be less consumers and maybe they can become more like citizens now. I find it ironic that the US measures its success by how much its citizens spend.
However, you should not beat yourself up by what you did before. As a matter of fact, that is what the book: Your Money or Your Life says.
coulda, shoulda, woulda - whatever! Get the guilt out now and start moving forward. Get rid of the stuff, through garage sales, Amazon (become a seller rather than a buyer!), eBay, and donations. Who knows, you might be able to donate so much stuff that you can write it off on your taxes! That is what we did, when we sold everything in our home and moved into a RV: We went from a 2400 square foot home to a 24 square foot home! For two people!!! Really pared down. No storage space either. But we did have an enclosed utility trailer for the garage stuff as well as the off-road motorcycle & ATV.
We pared down again when we decided we did not need an ATV or off-road moto, instead getting a road motorcycle for DH commutes. Then got rid of an extra car, as we no longer needed it.
And I guess that is the point of this, get rid of the stuff you do not NEED anymore. Maybe your ideas change or your setting or you come on these forums and find something great, and you no longer NEED that doohicky to make you feel better. Then it will become easier to get rid of that stuff.
It would be easy to get rid of the stuff I don't need, but I like it all! Being short of money lately and staying out of stores helps to keep new stuff out, but I really enjoy what I do have. My weakness is decorative things, like figures and framed prints. What has kept me uncluttered is only displaying small collections at a time. My Wee Forest Folk mice figurines (sucker for those ears!) get displayed for a month or two, then out come my miniature English cottages. Wooden cats, fox terriers--I can now enjoy these things individually and not be overwhelmed by cleaning everything at once.
I'm too attached to inanimate objects. But, now I can see something for sale, appreciate it, but not have the desire to own it. Prints and artwork are tough for me and I'd love to have the space to display and store lots of it. Right now I have just enough.
Pony Mom, I would suggest a picture of it, whatever it is - Take it out and look at it, then put it away. Do that often. Realize that you do not need to dust it, clean it, etc. I was once attached to things, but now I am not. It sounds like you are doing pretty good too "no desire to own it" - so good for you!
I too envy young people who see the light of the frugal/simple way of life. My goodness how do they reach that level in today's consumer driven media world I wonder. Oh if I only knew then what I know now, is one of my many phrases I use to describe myself.
"If I only knew then what I know now" - practically my mantra, but I'm trying to get over it and replace it with "live and learn" which is really more realistic. :)
Pony Mom, it's fine to enjoy the things you own. Some people get overwhelmed by maintaining and organizing their material things and so long as you don't feel burdened then I think it is nice to enjoy your collections. Ljevtich, I do the the same thing with taking pictures. I could still pare down my sentimental things more, but so far, photos have been a big help.
so, i would say i'm probably in the middle.
my familial culture is object and consumer oriented. that may be true of a lot of us, but for me, my family is pretty hard-core. or perhaps I am in the other direction. I remember being very young and not wanting much. turns out my love language is experiences -- not objects -- and i often seemed to seek out certain experiences and sort of "force" my family into them. perhaps they indulged me.
but, on the flip side, they also felt compelled, at some level, to give objects. And as I got older and more conscious of what i wanted -- which was to live minimally -- i had such a hard time at holidays because in addition to being very specific in what i asked for, i would also get "treats" which were small decorative items that my mother liked or that she thought i would like. all very thoughtful, except that i don't decorate (or care for decorations in a similar way) as my mother and sister do.
when we decided to move to NZ, it was the most massive purge. I now realize that even the things in the US that we saved -- some 25 boxes of books and kitchen supplies and some shoes/clothes -- most of it can go. I want my kitchen supplies, and perhaps some of the other objects in those boxes, but most of it -- for me at least -- can go. i don't miss it.
now, we live very simply and very minimally, and it works out nicely. there are some things that i want -- shelves for our books and the books that DH wants to bring over (in those boxes). and, some more bed linens. but otherwise, we do ok.
My familial culture is object and consumer oriented. that may be true of a lot of us, but for me, my family is pretty hard-core. ...
but, on the flip side, they also felt compelled, at some level, to give objects. And as I got older and more conscious of what i wanted -- which was to live minimally -- i had such a hard time at holidays because in addition to being very specific in what i asked for, i would also get "treats" which were small decorative items that my mother liked or that she thought i would like. all very thoughtful, except that i don't decorate (or care for decorations in a similar way) as my mother and sister do.
...
WOW Zoebird, Are we related? That is my Mom and Sis to a T! Actually moving away from them during the holidays has made the knick knacks and things less, but my mom still tries to send me or give me stuff - now mostly clothes. I think about 1/4 of my clothes are from "the family". Sigh, I just take them graciously, wear them occasionally, and everything else, buy frugally.
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