View Full Version : It's a wonderful life
Gardenarian
11-3-11, 6:30pm
A sense of place: this is something I have struggled with since we moved away from my beloved California town when I was nine.
I was bemoaning the fact that all my neighbors plan to move away at some time in the future, when another poster pointed out that in the U.S. we are all descended from people who apparently had the gene for wanderlust (Native Americans excepted.)
True, but I think the nomadic nature of our culture has other causes as well. Most of us moved around, at least once, when we were children, so there is no particular town or house that feels truly like home. And because we have no roots to any particular spot we are open to taking the job across country when it arises, or solving our problems with the geographic solution. (For example, getting over a lost love by moving away, or leaving the dysfunctional family on the other coast.)
I also think relying on media (television, internet, facebook, forums like this) makes it easier for people to move, because we can pack up much of our social life in our laptop.
I have read that the greenest thing a person can do is not move, because everytime you move you leave behind things that must be replaced, pick up new things to adjust to a different climate and/or style, and you won't have that in-depth knowledge of your environment essential for being a good steward (as well as for gardening and foraging.)
When people stay in one place, and know they are staying, they become invested in making that town (city, farm) the best place it can be. They will work to keep the rivers flowing, the downtown beautiful and prosperous, the sidewalks clean. When we are just passing through, we often leave it to others to care for the place we live. Let the old-timers run the city council and the ecology committees. When we let go of the responsibility for where we live, we open the door for those who may not have the community or the environment's best interest at heart. (There are several realtors and property developers on important commissions in my town.)
I swore that I would never move my daughter, and she has lived in the same town her whole life. She knows all the secrets paths and shortcuts, the alleys, the cats, the nice older folks and the grumpy ones. She knows the names of hundreds of plants and most of the birds and animals. I think this is great for her now, and when she is older she will know where home is. Sometimes I wish I had made a better choice of place to settle (is that the wanderlust again?) But dd loves her town and I think that gives her a certain kind of grounding that I'm lacking. Do I want her to live her whole life in this small world? Do I want to?
What would Bedford Falls ("It's a Wonderful Life") have been like with no George Bailey? When everyone moves to find a better place, we end up with a whole lot of Pottersvilles.
Excellent post. Thanx for helping me to remember that my town of 16 years...is my town:) There are some things in life that can only be learned by patience, stillness and growing slowly. We've recently thought about moving back to the Twin Cities...our home...from our small town. But I just can't shake the feeling that the best is yet to come....and that our need for community is finally going to pay off.
Very good words Gardenarian (cool username!)
Blessings,
robin
It's thought that even our native population--or at least part of it--came from Asia across a land bridge. We are a restless bunch.
Of the places I've lived, this is solidly my favorite. I feel a deep love for my surroundings (my avatar pic was taken nearby), and I've lived here much longer than I've lived anywhere else. That said, I don't have the community connection I would have if I moved back to my home state, which also offers a slightly lower cost of living. I wish I had been born and rooted here; it would make everything a lot easier.
Sad Eyed Lady
11-3-11, 8:46pm
You know this is a subject that I often ponder trying to find the answer to "is it better to go or to stay put?". I haven't answered it yet. Bear with me. My grandmother had a sister, they were raised in the same home by the same parents. My grandmother probably never lived away from the area where she was raised more than a couple of years in her whole life. Her 3 children settled near her, and the children of these 3 (myself being one) lived somewhat in the same location. Maybe another town or county removed, but fairly close. Her sister on the other hand had 4 children, these 4 have lived far flung across the U.S. (i.e. one in MN, one in NM, one in OR, and one in KY). At various times it was CO, NC, CA etc. And, in turn, their children too have scattered to other areas of the country. I have wondered what the difference is with these two sisters and their respective families? I have moved to other states at times but end up "back home" the granddaughter of the sister who stayed. I still don't know which is best.
Yossarian
11-3-11, 10:12pm
I have turned down promotions that required a move to another city. My kids will grow up in the same place, maybe even the same house, until they go to college.
The book The Geography of Nowhere, by James Howard Kunstler, has some interesting things to say about this, as does Bowling Alone, by Robert Putnam.
I also recall reading somewhere years ago a theory that the USA had a higher than average amount of "Type A" personalities, since they'd be more likely to leave crappy situations in Europe to gamble on finding something better in America. Whether that's true, and whether type A personalities are inheritable, either through genetics or environment (being raised by Type A parents) I don't know, but it's an interesting thought. Perhaps that's why people in the US are so mobile? Because we're a nation of Type A's looking for the next best thing in our lives?
In my personal experience when we moved from NYC to San Francisco 3 years ago we got rid of a lot of stuff via craigslist and didn't buy much new stuff here since we were moving to a smaller place, so the move, while not great, probably wasn't the worst thing we could do from a green perspective. Certainly not as destructive to the environment as having a kid would be (unless you raise him/her to be a self-sufficient organic farmer...). However, I'm personally quite glad we moved. There are a few things about NYC that I miss but by and large I'm much happier with life here and at this point I hope to/plan on staying here forever.
ApatheticNoMore
11-4-11, 2:43am
I kind of WISH my parents had moved around more in that case, so I'd be more willing to take a job on the other side of the country or something then. They lived in the same house all my life (still do). I'm still here. I know how to forage locally. ;)
I also think relying on media (television, internet, facebook, forums like this) makes it easier for people to move, because we can pack up much of our social life in our laptop.
I was thinking of that and how it is a PLUS of internet social life. Now I always have thought it better to spend time with poeple in person. However, I was contemplating on people having to move for work, and how perhaps internet relationships are more real than most friendships given that is the case. It wasn't really a happy reflection. :|( I absolutely think the labor market is a HUGE driver of people moving, and moving even in cases when they would really rather not. If you have to move to find our keep work, you have to move ... And even if you don't have to, if there are great salary increases or promotions or whatever for doing so ..... you might still. I really don't think you can think about this subject without considering economic factors. I don't like what the constant moving does to attempts to form community either but economics tends to win out. :(
I'd like to settle down in one place (whether I buy or rent is really not primary, a feeling of staying somewhere regardless of that is), I'd like a profession I can do in every single city small or large out there (so I don't find myself in a position where I HAVE to move for work or at least HAVE to commute a long way for it). But none of that is the case at present. And I'm just tired of commutes and very bad job markets and few local jobs. So I'm open to *considering* moving .... (but more open to just wanting a better job situation if possible)
i was raised like a locust -- we followed the food. when my dad got a job or a better job or a promotion, up and away we went. it's a way of life. I've probably moved 30 times in 35 years. philosophically, you go where the opportunity is.
and it's why we are here, too.
my husband, on the other hand, grew up in the house that was his grandparent's first home. my MIL's mother (DH's grandmother) passed away 6 weeks after MIL was born. She'd had leukemia, and wasn't much you could do those days. She died shortly after the pregnancy was finished. My MIL was sent to live with her mother's sister (Auntie), with whom she lived (with uncle joe) until she was 6, and her father remarried (to Opie or GMIL). So, until she was a teenager, she lived in that house. Then they moved to a fancier house and the old home became a rental while MIL was in university. After she graduated and married the boy who lived across the street (in the new neighborhood, where his parents had come from), they lived in a couple of apartments, and her father let them rent his place low cost. When he died (when DH was 4), they inherited the house free and clear. You'll get MIL out of that house in a box. I'm serious.
For her, she doesn't understand why anyone moves ever. It's just not in her worldview. it's fine to go away to uni or whatever, but you come home and you stay by family and you have your extensive social network. their family is very small (her father was an only as far as i can tell, and her mother was one of three sisters, but all of the sisters are dead now, and only two of those sisters had children, and that cousin lives in seattle). FIL has step-siblings in NC (his father's other children), and NY (his mother's other children), and they see each other once a year in two different reunions. Currently, MIL's only living relatives are her cousin and opie (plus then, her children).
my SIL lives in vegas; we live here in nz. my MIL figures we abandoned her.
i can understand how/why she figures this.
DH and I moved a number of times growing up and then a few times in our marriage and were blessed by the moves each time although there were serious challenges. In 2008, we had my dream home on a dream property, retired but considered very seriously moving closer to our kids. After the realtor gave us a comparison of properties and their selling prices, we had to decide if we wanted to move and we both decided that we were finally "home".
Moving was right for us and staying put is right as well.
DD2 has moved a few times and reminded me that those who have never moved often have very restricted views of the world, take their world for granted, have limited their personal growth in dealing with new environments and communities and, at times, very difficult to talk to due to limited exposure to new situations and building new communities. I have found that as well.
I understand the economy has meant that fewer people are moving. My parents gave me roots and as a young adult I spread my wings. My youngest will graduate from high school next spring. Emotionally, I'm putting everything on the table in terms of employment, places to live. We may stay here. We may not.
ApatheticNoMore
11-4-11, 4:12pm
Has been on the wishlist (forever). I think they recommended it to me because I've bought some books of essays about landscapes:
http://www.amazon.com/Staying-Put-Making-Restless-World/dp/080706341X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320433787&sr=1-2
the same town her whole life. She knows all the secrets paths and shortcuts, the alleys, the cats, the nice older folks and the grumpy ones. She knows the names of hundreds of plants and most of the birds and animals. I think this is great for her now, and when she is older she will know where home is.
What would Bedford Falls ("It's a Wonderful Life") have been like with no George Bailey? When everyone moves to find a better place, we end up with a whole lot of Pottersvilles.
Unfortunately even when you don't move the town and area around may change. That small community of like-minded folks - often with the same cultural ideals and beliefs as well as the same dreams - changes. And sometimes drasticly. New people move in that have their own community and "ways", the quaint "Bedford Falls" main street begins to have shops you no longer recognize, people you no longer know, often languages you no longer understand. The little house with the white picket fence may come down and a new McMansion goes up. Or graffitti and gangs start roaming the quiet streets - which may have been widened over the years to accomadate the heavier traffic flow. My point is that staying in the same place doesn't mean things will stay the same. Some places change so dramaticly that the reason the people are leaving is because Bedford Falls has become not only Pottersville, but Metropolis. Or in the case of my family, who lived for decades in a small quaint community (and I bought my Mom's house after she hasd it for close to 30 years and lived there myself) with our house across the street from a horse ranch, a cattle farm, a dairy and strawberry fields, watch it turn into Little Saigon - an over crowded, heavily populated Vietnamese community that is the largest Vietnamese community outside of Vietnam and the 3rd largest Asian community in the USA. Nothing remains of the old town, of the old community, of the old shops, or even the old neighbors. Those secret paths were long ago plowed over to develop a mega shopping mecca of Vietnamese stores and restaurants. So staying put is no garentee that your home will remain the same. Moving is sometimes what brings people back to their "home".
I have moved around so many times that I used to keep a journal of all of the places. I gave up!
No wonder I always feel like I am just a "caretaker" no matter where I live.
I have moved around so many times that I used to keep a journal of all of the places. I gave up!
No wonder I always feel like I am just a "caretaker" no matter where I live.
Yeah I moved around alot too - too many places to mention or keep track of! My Dad was career airforce so moved alot as a kid - every year or 2. Then when we settled in SoCal and my parents divorced (I was 13ish) my Mom bought a house (mentioned in above post) and it was the first time I felt somewhat rooted. She stayed there for close to 30 years but I took off when I was 18 and moved to Penn to work while I waited to go into the Coast Guard. After that it was pretty much a life of endless moving until I returned to Calif to work a civilian job, bought my Mom's place (i.e. "home") when she moved to a retirement community and then stayed put in SoCal again pretty much since then. But I still don't feel like it's "home". I don't think I ever will. Where is "home"? I don't really know but the only place I have ever felt that kind of sdeep contentment and sense of belonging was when I lived in New England. I remember thinking "This is home" even though it wasn't a house or a town, just a part of the country and a lifestyle that seemed to fit.
ApatheticNoMore
11-4-11, 9:55pm
Where do you live now Spartana? I ask because I wonder if there is anywhere in Southern CA I'd actually like to live. The other side of the country move I will save for another day :)
It is true that nothing stays the same. A friend of mine was upset because he grew up in a Philly, Irish-catholic neighborhood that is now black-muslim. He moved because it wasn't his neighborhood anymore. The church was even de-sanctified, and taken over by the mosque! I taught yoga there. It was a great, clean, and vibrant community, but it wasn't Irish Catholic -- the way he grew up. So, he moved near his sister, because that neighborhood was now the new irish-catholic neighborhood.
Ah well. :D
I also agree that I am a steward of where-ever I go. We are -- for example -- good tenants. We keep our place very clean, we garden, we even pay for repairs/etc that we want done (e.g., we are saving up to redo the floors in this place -- i think it might cost about $500). We join the local community by learning about the township and it's needs, the school board and any fundraising around the schools, the local churches, the various activities for people of all ages, and of course -- community gardening efforts.
Even in university, I was quickly able to be a 'townie" because I'd only ever lived in a given place for 4 years tops (until we moved to PA, and I lived in the same house for 13 years!! longest time ever!), so I was used to getting in, seeing the perspective of those living there, and taking care of my "place."
Moving here, we don't know if we are going to "stay" forever. I don't know what the demands of the franchise will be. I have people interested -- here in NZ, in Israel, in the US. I'm working on it. Maybe we are here, maybe we aren't. But we love it here, and we are happy here while we are here. I can make it my home for now, not knowing where the day takes me. :D
Where do you live now Spartana? I ask because I wonder if there is anywhere in Southern CA I'd actually like to live. The other side of the country move I will save for another day :)
Currently in the Temecula area - which I like alot but too hot and dry for my taste. But selling the house and will be "homeless" for awhile to travel. Use to live in Big Bear Lake and Westminster (Little Saigon). Like BBL the best - weather (snowed there yesterday and around 15 degrees!!), town, recreational amenities, housing prices, hunky ski instructors ;-)! But too small of a town and too hard to get anywhere else because of the narrow, windy mountain roads. Westminster, and all of the surrounding areas of OC, are WAY too crowded and expensive housing-wise for me - also don't like the weather in summer (too warm) unless I'm right on the coast. Would choose Temecula to live again in SoCal. Nice old town, lots of big horse ranches and farms, wineries (little Napa Valley), Indian casino (Pechanga), close to mountains, beaches, etc.. housing reasonable. Weather 10 degrees cooler then other areas near by too.
Gardenarian
11-7-11, 7:16pm
Has been on the wishlist (forever). I think they recommended it to me because I've bought some books of essays about landscapes:
http://www.amazon.com/Staying-Put-Making-Restless-World/dp/080706341X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320433787&sr=1-2
Thanks for the book rec, ANM! I've ordered it from our library system. I noticed it was part of a series called the Concord Library from Beacon Press (http://www.beacon.org/showproducts.cfm?FullCat=394&step=1). There are a lot of great titles in that series, which seems to carry on the tradition of the Transcendentalists. More for my "to read" list!
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