View Full Version : Would this be rude?
I'm really out of steam to give everyone in my extended family something on Christmas eve. I used to bake something for everyone, but dang, that's alot of work, time, and money. I try not to do gift cards, and I'm definitely not going to go shopping for 25 people.
There's this restaurant in town that makes these huge, delicious coffee cake rings. I mean they're huge.......says they serve something like 32.
Would it be rude of me to cut it into smaller portions and wrap them in red plastic and give them like that? I was thinking I could give single people 1/4 and couples 1/2.
What do you think?
treehugger
11-28-11, 6:33pm
I don't think it would be rude, but I personally would rather receive such an item (or a portion of such an item) that was homebaked instead of store-bought. And, money-wise, I would assume it would be cheaper for you to bake up some quickbread loaves to give (make small ones or cut large ones into portions) and wrap those, instead of buying something from a restaurant.
That said, I would never let someone who gave me a wrapped portion of a store/restaurant-bought coffee cake know that I thought it was sort of odd. I would accept it graciously.
Kara
Gardenarian
11-28-11, 7:08pm
I'm not clear on the situation - is it a pot luck? Or are homemade baked goods what you usually give for Christmas? If this is to be a gift, I would just skip it, actually, rather than give store bought.
To be honest, I would think this a rather odd gift to get part of a store bought item. Not rude, but odd. It comes across to me as chintzy.
It was to save me LOTS of time baking. Its a really great coffee cake, but its too huge to give to one person. Well, I guess I'll think of something else. I just can't bake for everyone, plus take about 3 dishes to the get-together, plus cook for my own family for Christmas day.
I'm really frustrated. Nobody else ever seems interested in not giving gifts. I would just like to get together with some good food and visit............not all these gifts.
I feel bad not giving to others, when they always give to me. But I guess that is their choice.
I might go back to giving pumpkin bread, but nobody ever says its any good, so I'm a bit hesitant....even though my kids and DH love it. But even baking a loaf for each of the relatives is alot of work and money and stress.
Bah Humbug! ;)
Miss Cellane
11-28-11, 8:03pm
Well, you know, given the economy, it might be a good time to suggest scaling back on the gift giving. Maybe moving to no gifts at all is too much for some people right away, but there are other options. You could suggest drawing a name and purchasing just for that person. Or maybe each family could draw another family's name and buy just for that family. Or any other variation that would mean that everyone would get a chance to shop for at least one present and open one present.
Another suggestion--these 25 people. Do they belong to various smaller family groupings? Could you get one big huge coffee cake for each family, if that's not too expensive?
Or think of some other "family" type gift that you could give. Fewer total gifts, less stress on you.
Or you could simply announce that you are done giving gifts, and that no one should feel the need to get you a gift.
I'm curious, what types of gifts are all the other people giving? 25 gifts is a lot--what solutions have other people come up with?
rosarugosa
11-28-11, 8:19pm
CathyA, I agree with the posters above that I would be pushing really hard with the cease-fire on gifts dialogue. Buying gifts for that many people is just crazy, even just in terms of time and effort, even if money wasn't any object, which it probably is!
Not rude at all, however, when gift-giving begins to border on providing others with things they themselves can provide for themselves, then my advice to you is to save your money, time, and energy. Your idea is a well intentioned one, CathyA, but let them buy their own cake.
My honest opinion related to Christmas, there comes a time when enough is enough. A time when gift-giving more or less looses it's warmth and welcome and begins to interfere with the happiness and contentment of those wishing to celebrate the festive season. The holiday season is to cherish and enjoy, not to be left feeling obligated to please others with givings or offerings.
Wow, 25 people. If everyone is in one place for this occasion, I think I might consider www.oldtimecandy.com (http://www.oldtimecandy.com), maybe one of the candy you ate as a kid packages. They are fun and nostalgic and a conversation starter and lend themselves to humor, like the wax lips and mustaches... One for the whole gang at once. They are on mypoints and have specials. http://www.mypoints.com/emp/u/nfs/searchandshop.vm?q=old+time+candy&bq=57869
Or one per get together if not everyone is together at once.
DH's family has always needed to do everything for everyone. I guess I'm a grinch. (or the only realistic one!).
One year another wife tried to get a "draw a name for Christmas" going and no one was really interested. I guess my feelings should be to make several good dishes for everyone to enjoy and call it a day. This is Christmas eve and lots of people are there.
What has happened is that we used to be able to give one thing to each family, but then DH's brother and sister's children grew up and got married and some had kids........so there's lots of people. There's also grown cousins and their children and their children. There's so much confusion that evening that it would be easy to not give anything and it might not be noticed. I guess I need to accept that people will give us things if they wish to do so, but that doesn't mean we have to reciprocate.
I'm not into gift cards, since they end up in the earth. But the other relatives just run out and buy gift cards. Its not cheap, but its easy. For a long time I tried to give of myself (by baking things)........but its gotten to be just too much.
DH's family has always needed to do everything for everyone. I guess I'm a grinch. (or the only realistic one!).
One year another wife tried to get a "draw a name for Christmas" going and no one was really interested. I guess my feelings should be to make several good dishes for everyone to enjoy and call it a day. This is Christmas eve and lots of people are there.
What has happened is that we used to be able to give one thing to each family, but then DH's brother and sister's children grew up and got married and some had kids........so there's lots of people. There's also grown cousins and their children and their children. There's so much confusion that evening that it would be easy to not give anything and it might not be noticed. I guess I need to accept that people will give us things if they wish to do so, but that doesn't mean we have to reciprocate.
I'm not into gift cards, since they end up in the earth. But the other relatives just run out and buy gift cards. Its not cheap, but its easy. For a long time I tried to give of myself (by baking things)........but its gotten to be just too much.
Something for everyone to enjoy sounds like just the ticket - you've contributed to the event, and if other people choose to give you individual gifts, that's okay, it's something they wanted to do and they did it.
sweetana3
11-28-11, 9:42pm
I also want to add that bringing the potluck dishes seems fine and enough for me. Way too many Christmas celebrations dissolve into ripping open packages from way too many people that the overall thankfulness is pushed aside (as are many of the presents).
You can be known as the one to bring a great dish or two that look and taste great. It can be the new tradition.
More important is to recognize the more special times such as weddings, christenings, births, etc. A once in a lifetime expression.
we give 2 gifts - to my young nieces. Nothing else. This took us years to get to this stage, but every year we have said the same thing - in the spirit of simplicity we don;t want any gifts and will bring our warmth and food to the table. Or something like that. Resistance for many years.
Gag gifts, one little gift, token gift and then NO gifts. It works, it really does, but you have to stick to your guns. Now is not the time to pull out of gift giving - too late, start lobbying in the spring and remind people 3 times a year.
If they give you a gift, well be thankful, buit DO not reciprocate.
Now for this year - why not give each couple a gift certificate for $10 for Starbucks or something and each family a bit more. Make it easy and as affordable as you can - and to hell with what everyone else is doing.
Would it be possible to go back to the bakery and ask them to make the same coffee cake, but in a much smaller size? You could order whatever number you needed, give a gift you know that will be delicious, and perhaps give some business to a local owner(s) who, in my experience, are always happy to accomodate a customer given the chance. Buying local, consumable (vs. just one more sit on a shelf ornament), and yummy? Win, win in my book!
What gifts do you truly want to give? Anything else is not a gift, IMHO.
Anne Lee
11-28-11, 11:02pm
25 gifts is a lot of gifts. If you aren't ready to unilaterally stop the giving, one of my go to gifts is a box of popcorn and some nice hot chocolate like the Land O' Lakes in a single serving bag. Other ideas might be fancy cupcakes, or a holiday ornament with the year, a few fancy cookies with tea or coffee. I like Nella's idea too.
puglogic
11-28-11, 11:09pm
One year I "gave" everyone small charitable donations in their name. One relative "adopted" a baby chimp at the zoo, my brother's family helped microfinance a small business in Africa, another "gave" a donation to the Seva Foundation that helped a woman get her sight back, etc. etc. It felt good on a deep, visceral level, because honestly -- I didn't want to be on that mindless gift merry-go-round any more. And I think the next year I decided not to play the game....
If you wanted to give a gift card, don't forget that they don't have to be plastic. You can get "paper" ones online with retailers like Amazon, Best Buy, etc. Or consider movie passes, passes to the zoo or museum, etc. You can buy a bundle of them pretty easily.
Thanks everyone. I appreciate your input!
Wow - 25 gifts is a lot.
Sometimes you just have to take a stand to get things to change. I took a stand 5 years ago and family continued to give to us for another 3 years before they got the hint that I was really serious that all this gift giving was really over the top. If I had to give 25 gifts. I'd buy 25 little jars of local honey. Or buy a goat in Africa and tell them their 25th a part of helping a family.
flowerseverywhere
11-29-11, 10:29am
since it is DH's family what does he think?
I agree with all of those who think it is a good idea to address this situation after the holiday, but I liked Float On's idea for this year. Find a charity that most people would agree with and tell everyone that you made a donation this year on behalf of the family. A nice idea might be to make a card up and say how thankful you are for this wonderful family, and how in the spirit of giving in these uncertain economic times you decided to give a donation to (local food bank, church you attend, red cross, meals on wheels etc.) to help those that are not as lucky as all of you. I think keeping out any kind of negative tone is the way to make it most acceptable, keeping it upbeat at all times, telling everyone how much you appreciate them and how much they mean to you and how grateful you are to be part of this family.
We had one person that was the most opposed to stop giving gifts (except to minor children) when I mentioned it years ago. She was pretty nasty about it but I didn't care and we stuck to our guns (dh was on board, although a little reluctantly). Well wouldn't you know they are the ones who have had the worst financial luck in this economy, he lost his job and is about to start a much lower paying one and she is in danger as well. So in the long run it has saved them a lot of trouble by not having to consider us at all when the holidays come, especially now that my kids are married with kids of their own. Of course, they are still in the spiral with other people, but I'm not getting involved. I can only hope they take our example and enjoy all they have.
Originally posted by CathyA.
I guess I'm a grinch.No, your not a Grinch. There comes a time when (after religion), Christmas is for kids. It's too bad so many adults don't recognize the fact and pull-back on the reins of gift-giving.
CathyA....25 gifts is insane! I would definitely address it after the holiday about changing the format...at least for your family's participation in it. As for something simple....you can buy those knit gloves at Michael's (2 for $1.50) and some good chocolate and give that to everyone...it will be eaten and used :)
on the charity thing - I would hate it. I would rather have nothing than a gift given by you to a charity of your choice in my name. Now, if you know that someone is actually passionate about a particular charity, well then, it would be a good gift.
But beware that some people like me see it as you giving a gift to yourself and sloughing it off on me as a present. I may be the only one, but I don't think so. Just my 2 cents.
Simplemind
11-30-11, 1:49am
I'm with you on that one Kally.
Yeah, and then you can take the tax deduction. Merry Christmas, sucker--here's your heifer! :devil:
I think I'd go the gift card route before I'd divvy up a sheet cake, but 25 presents you'd rather not give makes for quite a dilemma.
CathyA. I reread my previous entry this morning and didn't like the way it eluded to, and had the tendency of sounding a little like I was directing my comment "it's too bad so many adults don't recognize the fact and pull-back on the reins of gift-giving" at you. Just want you to know I wasn't, but instead, was attempting to relay the point that people (a lot of people) tend to place such emphasis on gift-giving at Christmas time, that even though they may not know it or be aware of it, they actually make others feel obligated to extend themselves by the same (hence you wanting to save money and do the cake thing), and that's just wrong.
reader99
11-30-11, 10:03am
I lucked out this year in noticing that Publix supermarket had some very cool candy bars, the size of money, packaged in a box printed to look like a million dollar bill with Santa's image and Mrs. Claus' signature. So I'm giving everyone a million dollars for Christmas this year, at $1 apiece.
HappyHiker
11-30-11, 10:06am
Yeah, and then you can take the tax deduction. Merry Christmas, sucker--here's your heifer! :devil:
I think I'd go the gift card route before I'd divvy up a sheet cake, but 25 presents you'd rather not give makes for quite a dilemma.
Thanks, Jane, for my morning guffaw..."Merry Christmas, sucker--here's your heifer."
That's just too good!
Me, I'd opt out of giving 25 gifts (gosh even the wrapping would wear me out!), or give something small and unique and inexpensive...I like the Christmas ornament idea...
puglogic
11-30-11, 11:36am
on the charity thing - I would hate it. I would rather have nothing than a gift given by you to a charity of your choice in my name. Now, if you know that someone is actually passionate about a particular charity, well then, it would be a good gift.
But beware that some people like me see it as you giving a gift to yourself and sloughing it off on me as a present. I may be the only one, but I don't think so. Just my 2 cents.
You can tell that I'd reached the point where I was bone-weary of giving gifts that were just automatically expected and automatically received, the I Love Lucy conveyor belt of Christmas :) So, in fact, I didn't give a sh** what they thought of it any more -- I felt forced to give a gift by the social norms of my family, and so I rebelled by (horrors!) doing something good with my money instead.
But the next year they all got nice cards and hugs instead, and it's been that way ever since. Some friends still get handmade "gift certificates" for things like "We'll come and make you dinner when you're just too tired to do it!" and "One free b*tch session when you need to just unload (bottle of wine included)"
Our gift-giving is very limited, but our love-giving is enormous. Much happier that way.
Do you have no time to fix something or would you just rather not? If you do have a little time, might I suggest sugar plums. Easy to make, you can very quickly make enough for everybody since each only gets maybe 2 or 3, and very special, especially when accompanied by a reading of the classic 'night before Christmas'. Christmas eve is the perfect time for this kind of gift. And you can make it ahead of time, earlier in the week.
Hmmmm........have never made sugarplums but they sound great. Do you have a favorite recipe for them? In all my searching for "Christmas food gifts", nowhere suggested sugar plums. But now when I google it, there's lots of recipes. Great idea!
I've been looking at this recipe for whole wheat pancake mix. Put it in some canning jars with a bow on top, print out the instructions on a label and you are good to go. Best of all, you can make ahead.
http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/recipes/homemade-whole-wheat-cinnamon-pancake-mix
I would still strongly consider unilaterally stopping the gift giving.
Cathy, i pretty much don't follow a recipe. The sugar plums I make are just a pleasing combination of dried fruits and nuts ground up in the food processor, moistened with a little rum or orange liquor if needed, and rolled into balls. Then a roll in some sugar, and you got it. After they have set a bit you might want to roll them in sugar again if they have absorbed the sugar. They keep pretty well if stored in a tin. The real trick is to periodically wet your hands when rolling them. Keeps them from sticking. I have rolled them in colored sugar before, kind of festive. You could try a few this way and see if you like the look. I suppose you could also roll them in sprinkles, but I've never tried that. I kind of like the traditional look. I have tried putting shaved chocolate in them before but didn't really see the point. Kind of like gilding the lily. These are very sweet and rich. I usually taste as I go along, adding more of this or that. I always add dried apricots to cut the sweetness, and usually use walnuts for the same reason. A good inexpensive 'base' fruit is prunes, then maybe some dried cranberries. They really are easy to make and I'm sure there are as many recipes as there are cooks, but it's a recipe you can have fun with. I'm even thinking this year I might add some crumbed pound cake. I hope this helps.
I googled too and found this one, which sounds delightful to a cardamom-lover like me:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/sugarplums-recipe/index.html
Thanks all!
I've found a bunch of recipes for them and I think I'll try using the stuff I like from a couple of the different recipes. I wonder if the average American would like this taste? I'm thinking not.
DH and my kids and I would like it though.
I think the average American would like them cause, like i said, they're very sweet. If you don't want them as sweet, add more nuts, or tart dried fruits like apples and apricots. For a more European flare, I'd add hazelnuts and figs. Do play around with the recipes. It's really fun, and you just might come up with a great recipe that can become your speciality, and one to pass down.
frugal-one
11-30-11, 11:32pm
I may get flack here for this suggestion but each year I give this to family members from our dog.... a $1 state lottery ticket. Everyone seems to enjoy scratching them off with the likelihood of winning. Not expensive but fun!
I may get flack here for this suggestion but each year I give this to family members from our dog.... a $1 state lottery ticket. Everyone seems to enjoy scratching them off with the likelihood of winning. Not expensive but fun!
Hmm. That's kinda fun.
fidgiegirl
12-1-11, 8:54am
We got lotto tickets from our principal one year! Memorable . . . tho no one won anything, at least that I heard :)
The lottery tickets are always fought over at the Christmas business lunch. Lot more fun than some of the perfume or soap gifts or the white elephant type gifts. Of course a small box of Godiva is the best of all.
Simpler at Fifty
12-1-11, 7:12pm
Ha I would skip the whole gift thing. They will get the hint. Some won't like it but they probably don't matter as much. 25 gifts for adults (assuming older kids since yours are older) is crazy. Stop the madness CathyA.
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