View Full Version : I know I'm lucky to have a good job but.......
I've been hanging around here reading about different folks trials in trying to get a good job. I know that I should be thankful to have one but I am just so incredibly stressed about my new boss.
I started a new job in my company, a promotion. So my office is ticked at me because I took this new job with a different office and without wanting to or meaning to I burned my bridges there.
So now my new boss who I have worked with for three weeks is killing me. I don't ever see him or speak to him because I work remote, but the couple of times I have had to he is just so nasty. Last week he yelled at me and said he should have hired the other guy who wanted the job because I am such a problem. I hadn't even done anything or even spoken to him.....he was overwhelmed because of the paperwork and issues in a new hire.....it had absolutely nothing to do with me as a person but he really blasted me.
Than today I was trying to clarify some expenses I was going to be incurring at his instruction that the company should be paying for. He was only willing to pay 1/4 of what I know the company owes in actual expenses, I've worked here for 13 years just with a different division. So when I tried to nicely point out he was ripping me off ( trust me I was nicer than that) he got really snarky. So I quoted the company handbook showing exactly what he owed and he got pretty mad. His response was I know what the rules are Tanya. I felt like he had backed me into a corner, he essentially wanted me to use my personal property for work and not be reimbursed for it, completely against the company rules.
So now I have to work with this guy and completely walking on eggshells, I'm afraid to speak to him or say anything because you never know what you are going to get with him. I am open to all positive comments, I either have to find a way to change the tide here or ignore him. Help!
Wow. that sounds like a bad situation. Wish I had more to say to help.
I'd say 1) document 2) see if you can't go back to your old team. I know you said you burned the bridges, but I don't think it would hurt to go back to them saying you made a mistake and would like to come back. IDK, tho... maybe it would? I don't know your office politics at all.
ApatheticNoMore
2-14-12, 8:28pm
So now I am in week two with this guy and completely walking on eggshells, I'm afraid to speak to him or say anything because you never know what you are going to get with him. I am open to all positive comments, I either have to find a way to change the tide here or ignore him. Help!
Get out. Seriously. It's the only thing that can be done in the long run with verbally abusive bosses. Going back to the old team is one way (usually easier than the job market).
Oh so THAT's where my old boss wound up! How unfortunate for you. It never got better for me. When I announced my resignation, he said "what did I do?" so he was self aware. I hope you can go back to your old group. Nothing is worth these kind of hassles.
Thanks for responding. Going back to the old position is not an option. Believe it or not I beat out 41 people who applied internally for this job. Lots of people were disappointed they didn't get it.....haha if only they knew. This job is highly regarded in my company as a prized position.......I can do the job, could probably thrive at it except for this jerk. I have to find a way to calm the situation even though I know it's not my fault.
My old main boss hasn't even spoken to me since my promotion was announced, worked for him for about ten years and he took it as a personal stab at him because I took this job....but than again pretty much everything was about him. At least he left me alone to do my job though....but he will never take me back now.
Oh so THAT's where my old boss wound up! How unfortunate for you. It never got better for me. When I announced my resignation, he said "what did I do?" so he was self aware. I hope you can go back to your old group. Nothing is worth these kind of hassles.
:laff:
Thanks for sending him my way.
Are your responsibilities clearly defined? Can you do your job -- and excel at it -- without much input from your boss? If so, then I would just hunker down and do it, document all your interactions with him (which should be as limited as possible) and keep your eyes open for another internal or external promotion opportunity. Senior management probably know that he is a jerk, and if he has been there for a long time they are probably not going to throw him out. How long have people stayed in that position in the past, and where do they usually go -- up or out? Talking with some of the people who had the job in the past -- privately, over lunch or coffee, preferably at some distance from the workplace -- may also give you some good strategies.
If he is a phone-oriented person, be sure you back up all conversations with an email reprise, stating what was generally agreed upon and dates you will reply with assignments, requested information, feedback, etc. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT -- I can't stress this enough. Develop a good filing system for your electronic communication, and track your work time/product closely so that there is no question about what you are working on when, toward what ends. This is especially important given that you are working remotely -- without good records you can very easily get caught in a situation where the sr. mgmt. listens to his side of the story.
DO NOT get into power struggles with him. I would back off from insisting that he pay for things he doesn't want to, even if you know it is right -- you may win the battle but you will lose the war. I knew my job was over at my old org (under psycho boss) when he hired someone in over my head and, after I objected and fought back against his attempt to demote me an give me a paycut, he gave me a poor performance review that was very biased and included inaccurate information about the history of my work for him. Other colleagues who read it were stunned at the level of misrepresentation of who I was and how I work, so I know I didn't just have blinders on. He was deliberately out to get me at that point. So I wrapped up my big projects over the next several months and resigned. Now am in a MUCH better organization with a MUCH healthier work environment and a boss who is a true mensch and has my back.
I'm sorry you are in this situation. Hope you can find a way to move up or out soon. Life under a dysfunctional boss is really miserable. At least you don't have to interact with him daily in person.
Try to set yourself up to be as autonomous as possible, and make yourself visible within the organization (while being careful not to overshadow him publicly).
Good luck....
lhamo
Document, go to human resources if need be, seek mediation. All of that should be available in the company handbook as well.
For phone conversations, you can record them as long as you tell him you are recording them first (in most states). You could tell him that you are recording them so that you can transcribe what was discussed and better preform your duties. He'll probably settle down a bit if this is the case.
In regards to reimbursement, you likely have an alternative way to file -- through human resources or accounting. Check into it (without telling him). If so, then feel free to go through that route, and then he doesn't have to "approve" so long as you are doing what is required of you. EG< if he sent an email saying you need X product to do the job, and you bought X product and are doing the job, then sending accounting the compensation form, including his email in with your receipt. That way, they know it was a company thing.
And I agree. Be as autonomous as possible. This guy probably didn't get final pick, and that's probably what is going on. DOn't take it too personally. Just use what avenues you have.
Thanks for responding. Going back to the old position is not an option. Believe it or not I beat out 41 people who applied internally for this job. Lots of people were disappointed they didn't get it.....haha if only they knew. This job is highly regarded in my company as a prized position.......I can do the job, could probably thrive at it except for this jerk. I have to find a way to calm the situation even though I know it's not my fault.
My old main boss hasn't even spoken to me since my promotion was announced, worked for him for about ten years and he took it as a personal stab at him because I took this job....but than again pretty much everything was about him. At least he left me alone to do my job though....but he will never take me back now.
OMG you work with a lot of emotional children. Really!
I would look at the book series (and they have a question/answer forum) of the critical conversations and confrontations and another book on influence. Very very good, and they are dealing with examples of really hard people to work with. I forget the techniques in the middle of things but the more I remember then I do much better even with hard people.
It seems you need to really find some ways to deal with this guy, whew. I hope that you can find some techniques to hold your own. And make no mistake, he knows how much of an ass he is being.
ApatheticNoMore
2-15-12, 12:18pm
OMG you work with a lot of emotional children. Really!
+1 Really an old boss not speaking to you because you took a new position at the company .... hard to believe.
This job is highly regarded in my company as a prized position.......I can do the job, could probably thrive at it except for this jerk.
Yea it is always thus with abusive bosses. Btw, cutting and running after 2 weeks may have sounded extreme, give things time etc.. - but I don't really see tigers changing their stripes, and he's not just a bad coworker which could probably be avoided as much as possible, but your *boss*. But anyway that was advice for the long run .... to be considered over the long run if things can't be improved.
leslieann
2-15-12, 12:29pm
What lhamo said.....she's been there, done that and has managed to thrive in the process...(sorry if I am speaking out of turn, lhamo, but your story impresses me). And keeping good emotional boundaries so that when you are NOT at work, you are not thinking about work and worrying about work related stuff. Make sure that you have a good balance in your life of social support, fun, and physical activities. And cut your expenses so that you can live on little, which will help you to FEEL freedom and that makes tolerating a poor work environment more possible either short term or longer term.
Make sure that you have a LIFE that is different from your job, while still doing a very, VERY good job at work. That will help you to keep the emotional balance. And don't complain to ANYONE about your boss because the more you complain and see him negatively, the more negative you'll feel. So you can come here to vent but don't get into a habit with other workers. Even if you don't feel allied with him, you don't want him to see you establishing a pattern of taking an opposing stance. I hope that makes sense.
Best wishes....tough workplaces can be really difficult.
loosechickens
2-15-12, 2:49pm
What Lhamo and leslieann said......plus.....here is an excellent opportunity for your inner Sherlock Holmes. WHY is this guy the way he is? WHAT is missing or insecure with him that makes him behave this way? HOW can you use your insights into his personality and character to finesse how you work with him, to the point where you become the "one person who was able to work with XXX.....my god, she had him wrapped around her little finger"?
There is ALWAYS a reason, always a way to use your careful assessment of this man to your advantage. Not in a bad way, not to "get him", but to create an environment where it's not so stressful for you, and you are able to thrive, at least until you are able to see your way clear to the exit......
maybe it would help if you looked at it almost as guerilla warfare, or assymetrical warfare, which is what works when one side has the power, but the other side has knowledge and understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of their adversary.
Good luck....he sounds like a doozy.....
What Lhamo and leslieann said......plus.....here is an excellent opportunity for your inner Sherlock Holmes. WHY is this guy the way he is? WHAT is missing or insecure with him that makes him behave this way? HOW can you use your insights into his personality and character to finesse how you work with him, to the point where you become the "one person who was able to work with XXX.....my god, she had him wrapped around her little finger"?
There is ALWAYS a reason, always a way to use your careful assessment of this man to your advantage. Not in a bad way, not to "get him", but to create an environment where it's not so stressful for you, and you are able to thrive, at least until you are able to see your way clear to the exit......
maybe it would help if you looked at it almost as guerilla warfare, or assymetrical warfare, which is what works when one side has the power, but the other side has knowledge and understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of their adversary.
Good luck....he sounds like a doozy.....
I have been thinking this very same thing and listening to my new co-workers, they all work remote but it's a tight knit group. So many of them have used the same description of him...."petulant child". Somebody was telling me that he has gotten worse lately, he certainly doesn't like anyody telling him what to do, giving their opinion or disagreeing with him. On the other hand he doesn't like suck ups and is smart as a whip......he seems to know what they're thinking and rarely do they try to "pull the wool over his eyes". They seem to practice avoidance. He really is a challenge.
For the most part I have always gotten along with bosses, I respect them and they respect you back, they still tell you what to do:laff: but at least they're nice about it.
This guy forgets the nice part, his e-mails too I've noticed, he doesn't have a personal sensor, I've seen some e-mails he sent out to the whole group where he is talking about superiors in the most disrespectful way.
Of course I'm a woman and I want to be liked, or at least pretend you like me. >8)
I just don't know what to do to get on this guys good side, no one else seems to have mastered it. It's also a bad part about working remote, limited opportunities to wriggle my way in........but of course it's also a great thing.
And yes, I pretty much work with a company full of children.....how do some of these folks make it to the top?
What lhamo said.....she's been there, done that and has managed to thrive in the process...(sorry if I am speaking out of turn, lhamo, but your story impresses me). And keeping good emotional boundaries so that when you are NOT at work, you are not thinking about work and worrying about work related stuff. Make sure that you have a good balance in your life of social support, fun, and physical activities. And cut your expenses so that you can live on little, which will help you to FEEL freedom and that makes tolerating a poor work environment more possible either short term or longer term.
Make sure that you have a LIFE that is different from your job, while still doing a very, VERY good job at work. That will help you to keep the emotional balance. And don't complain to ANYONE about your boss because the more you complain and see him negatively, the more negative you'll feel. So you can come here to vent but don't get into a habit with other workers. Even if you don't feel allied with him, you don't want him to see you establishing a pattern of taking an opposing stance. I hope that makes sense.
Best wishes....tough workplaces can be really difficult.
Isn't this hard for so many of us. The worst day I had with him it did ruin my whole day.....which just stinks....I was aware....I kept telling myself I had to get over it, don't let him control my life.....but it is still there. Work in progress and open to lots of ideas in the area of boundaries......
Are your responsibilities clearly defined? Can you do your job -- and excel at it -- without much input from your boss? If so, then I would just hunker down and do it, document all your interactions with him (which should be as limited as possible) and keep your eyes open for another internal or external promotion opportunity. Senior management probably know that he is a jerk, and if he has been there for a long time they are probably not going to throw him out. How long have people stayed in that position in the past, and where do they usually go -- up or out? Talking with some of the people who had the job in the past -- privately, over lunch or coffee, preferably at some distance from the workplace -- may also give you some good strategies.
If he is a phone-oriented person, be sure you back up all conversations with an email reprise, stating what was generally agreed upon and dates you will reply with assignments, requested information, feedback, etc. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT -- I can't stress this enough. Develop a good filing system for your electronic communication, and track your work time/product closely so that there is no question about what you are working on when, toward what ends. This is especially important given that you are working remotely -- without good records you can very easily get caught in a situation where the sr. mgmt. listens to his side of the story.
DO NOT get into power struggles with him. I would back off from insisting that he pay for things he doesn't want to, even if you know it is right -- you may win the battle but you will lose the war. I knew my job was over at my old org (under psycho boss) when he hired someone in over my head and, after I objected and fought back against his attempt to demote me an give me a paycut, he gave me a poor performance review that was very biased and included inaccurate information about the history of my work for him. Other colleagues who read it were stunned at the level of misrepresentation of who I was and how I work, so I know I didn't just have blinders on. He was deliberately out to get me at that point. So I wrapped up my big projects over the next several months and resigned. Now am in a MUCH better organization with a MUCH healthier work environment and a boss who is a true mensch and has my back.
I'm sorry you are in this situation. Hope you can find a way to move up or out soon. Life under a dysfunctional boss is really miserable. At least you don't have to interact with him daily in person.
Try to set yourself up to be as autonomous as possible, and make yourself visible within the organization (while being careful not to overshadow him publicly).
Good luck....
lhamo
Thank you for your thoughtful response. This job was a promotion, so I have new things to learn but I am able to use my years of experience. I have a great group of co-workers who have taken me in and are teaching me. It seems like the boss has been there for a really long time and he is in it for the long haul. Because everyone except him works remotely he holds all the cards.
Lucky for me there is an electronic record of our work. Anyone can see each day what I have accomplished, he can't hurt that. I wish I could figure him out but until than I intend to avoid, hunker down, learn my job and survive.
Funny enough but the job itself is so so great that these people have all been here for years, I am replacing a guy who is retiring. They all readily admit it is one of the best jobs in the company....except for him......if they can do it than so can I.:+1: I just have to learn the ropes to dealing with him. The new co-workers are a hoot though....they all said he would come after me in some way.....I said no way, I don't cause trouble ever....I'm just here to do a good job and go home. Ha......it's like he corners you.....you really feel like he gives you no choice but to claw your way out....never happened to me ever, I have been working for 20+ years.
My advice is a little different. Since this is a new position and you are a new hire, don't try to be reasonable or work harder to get him to respect you. Sometimes, bullies will stand down if they know they can't bully you. And if he doesn't stand down, you will have only catalyzed the inevitable.
You only have a certain window of opportunity to do this. This is not a tactic you can whip out six months from now, let alone two years. He's still feeling you out.
Reasonable people should not have to work in this environment but dangit, this is a good job and worth pushing back for.
My advice is a little different. Since this is a new position and you are a new hire, don't try to be reasonable or work harder to get him to respect you. Sometimes, bullies will stand down if they know they can't bully you. And if he doesn't stand down, you will have only catalyzed the inevitable.
You only have a certain window of opportunity to do this. This is not a tactic you can whip out six months from now, let alone two years. He's still feeling you out.
Reasonable people should not have to work in this environment but dangit, this is a good job and worth pushing back for.
Interesting take....I think this is sort of why I wouldn't let him push me around on the reimbursement. I'm not sorry I stood up to him....I was afraid that if I let him get away with it that he would always think he could.
So apparently the new boss has never ever done my job. He has never done anyone in my new department's job. So loosechickens was right....there was something behind it.
So now that I know, is there any way to help myself get by with this boss?
^ Since he doesn't have first-hand insight into his employees' jobs, maybe this makes him insecure? Like he knows there's a gap in his knowledge that, if found out, would somehow undermine his 'authority'?
How do your colleagues handle him? Or do you feel it is not appropriate to confide in them about your relationship with your boss?
Incidents and personality clashes at work really affect me and spoil my entire day sometimes too. I hope all the great advice that everyone's offered helps to alleviate things somewhat. Keep us posted!
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