Mixed Feelings on Mother's Day?

[AmeliaJane]

Something I've been thinking about for the last couple of days...Mother's Day seems to be a holiday that is set up for failure. Last night I was watching a television program where the family was talking about how difficult Mother's Day was going to be because the mother had passed away a few years ago. Then I started thinking about all the people I know who find Mother's Day difficult because they have lost their mother, or a child, or because they have a difficult relationship with their mother or child (or with their siblings in terms of how they deal with parents), or because they are struggling with infertility, or because they feel that people don't respect their choices in terms of not having children, etc. etc. So if the point of a holiday is to bring joy, celebration and reflection into people's lives, Mother's Day just seems to be more complicated than most. I am lucky enough to have a mom in good health, with whom I have a pretty good relationship, and I still have mixed feelings about it all.

Even Memorial Day seems less fraught, which is a day specifically for thinking about those we've lost, and Father's Day doesn't seem to carry nearly the same weight. Not sure why that is...

[Mrs-M]

I agree, Mother's Day, definitely possesses a strange hue of sorts related to what should be, otherwise, a happy occasion. My heart is never far from a dear friend (on this special day), someone who deserved to marry a Prince, and have a house-full of little ones, yet as luck would have it, neither happened for her. Complicated it is.

[catherine]

Gee, I was just comforting my husband who was crying saying he misses his mother. She died two years ago and he's 58, so I guess you never really get over losing your mom, and Mother's Day does bring that home.

[Mrs-M]

Awww... that's so sad. Let your husband know that there's a special warm hug for him this morning, from me.

[iris lily]

I had our coffee group over this morning, all but one motherless adults. One person was really missing her mother who died in 1996, and also, she wants to have a baby so I suppose that plays into it. She hates this holiday.

I take it for what it is, a moment to remember our mothers, and then move on. People live, die, and the next generation comes on, that is life.

Last year was the most stressful one of recent times for me. My mother died a few days from the beginning of the year, and I will tell you, her death was the least stressful event of the year. There was untold ch*t at work and a few other strange, unusual issues going on here. People react to things differently, but my mother's death just wasn't a big deal. My father's death was a much bigger deal to me.

[puglogic]

I am not sure. I think with every holiday -- from Christmas to Secretary's Day -- there is the potential to make someone sad, angry, or frustrated.

I have never had a good mother, and I have had two of them. I always used Mother's Day to celebrate other mothers that I admire and respect, as well as an excuse to focus on my own self-mothering. We brought champagne and flowers to a friend who is raising a two-year-old alone this morning.

Holidays, perhaps, are what we make of them.

[Florence]

Mother's Day is difficult for me because even after all these years I still miss my mother. My mother was a really special person and we were extraordinarily close. On Mother's Day, I smile and thank my dear husband and daughter for their thoughtfulness and am so thankful for them...but I still miss my mom.

[bae]

I loathe Hallmark Holidays.

[Zoebird]

I don't really pay it any mind either way.

[lizii]

I had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday. My son and his family arrived here around 2pm to bring me a very nice card plus some flowers.

We went to a park a block away from where I live to sit on a bench and enjoy the warm sunshine. He bought us each an ice cream treat at the consession stand.

This park is on the shore of the Pacific Ocean where the cruise ships come to dock in the harbour, and we were lucky enough to see one of them coming out of the harbour to carry passengers either to Alaska or down the coast to the USA and Mexico. They are huge, luxurious ships with excellent food, swimming pools, etc.

It was a lovely, warm sunny day--a perfect spring day.

After that, he took me to my favourite grocery store to stock up on food for next week.

All in all, I really enjoyed my time with my family.

[goldensmom]

When my mom was alive I appreciated her everyday, told her often and did not feel that a day needed to be designated for me to do so. I see so many people motivated by guilt, pressured to participate, so many false feelings expressed and so much commercialism surrounding Mother's Day that I'm glad when it is over. I don't get teary eyed or sentimental on the day. I had a good relationship with my mom, no regrets, grieved when she died and accepted her death as the end part of life and got on with mine. My husband took me to a movie and dinner on Mother's Day but mostly because it was Sunday and we often do that on Sunday afternoon.

[kally]

well Mother's Day gives me a chance to stop and remember my mom. This I wrote something rather nice about her on Facebook. I just seemed to come out of me; a nice tribute to my mom.

I don't mind the holiday. I am not a mum, but have been in the role of stepmom a bit. I think mothers do a great job, BUT (this is a bit controversial) moms choose to have kids (generally) and so that job is what they signed up for.

I think moms do the best they can and should feel good about what they do, but really it is doing something for themselves and their families. I don't really need to celebrate that in a big way, but each family can show their thanks and gratitude in whatever way feels right for them.

[iris lily]

Also, it just occurred to me today that I put up my baby for sale on Mother's Day! ha ha yep--a few hours before MOther's Day I put my childhood doll up on Ebay,. Selling my child, that's the kind of mother I am! hee hee. The market seems good for her right now, I hope to get $70.00.

Here she is:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Baby-Dear-One-Vogue-Doll-1961-/280879653627?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item4165bb62fb

[Wildflower]

I don't understand these Hallmark holidays. Never have.

I think everyone should show their love everyday to those they care about. No special day necessary for anyone in my opinion....and I'm a Mom.

Iris lily, I think I had that same doll except I remember my doll's hair being much lighter. I so loved my dolls when I was a little girl. :)

Edited to add: Actually I do understand the Hallmark holidays - they are big moneymakers!! :devil:

[ApatheticNoMore]

Edited to add: Actually I do understand the Hallmark holidays - they are big moneymakers!! :devil:

$10 on flowers, oh yea there go my retirement savings >8). Hallmark holidays aren't the ones I feel pressured to spending much money on, it's mostly the holidays proper and sometimes birthdays (well birthdays for hard to please people who still expect gifts).

I think mothers day is pretty darn mellow actually. So a nice spring day, spend a little time with my mother, gave her a bouquet which I made by combining a few purchased flowers and greenery. I'm not going to spend the day getting upset about the defects in my childhood. The reality is if your childhood left scars, you live with them *EVERY* day, the effect everything, the entire course of your life and feelings and you will struggle with it. But the thing about my mom is she is a really sweet person who was totally ill-equipted and never really wanted motherhood (though she doesn't mind it now that we're all grown up).

I don't have any particular regrets on mother's day for not being a mother. There are reasons I didn't want to choose that route (and sometimes a few reasons why I'd like it, but the reasons not are generally stronger). I don't think anyone is better than a childless person for being a mother, it's a LIFESTYLE CHOICE. You can choose it or not. But if you choose it, it entails some responsibility to try to do it well IMO.

[ctg492]

bae, That is what I call them also!

I used to feel obligated for Hallmark Holidays, no more. My son called and said he could not see me Sunday. I said I just saw you last week, we don't need a special day to see each other. My Mom is one of those Hallmark all the way celebrators. It was hard for me to let go of the obligation factor for her Holidays, but I did.

[Gregg]

I loathe Hallmark Holidays.

I second that. Valentines Day is my special nemesis, it gags me. But I do love my Mom. This year she spent the day with my younger brother who is a social moron of the highest caliber. He and his boys, ages 12 and 14, put out a great spread for his wife, but completely forgot to do anything for his own mother who had just driven several hundred miles to see them. Fortunately she comes here this coming weekend and we already told her we will observe Mother's Day then.

[ctg492]

My son was born on Mom's Day 27 years ago.

[happystuff]

I was missing my son on Mother's Day. But, then, I miss him every day.

[Aurelia]

I hate Mother's day. The Hallmark holiday aspect of it irks me - very superficial and contrived. I also hate reading the cards because it reminds me that my mother was not a "mom" and I missed out on the love and care that so many feel for their own mothers. It's also an affront to women who don't want children and is just another reminder that our culture celebrates motherhood to the exclusion of other paths of female fulfillment.

If you love someone you don't need a holiday to express it, nor do you need to spend money on a card to express that love - especially when that card is overpriced because Hallmark decided they can market the holiday for a profit.

[jennipurrr]

I read recently that the "average" person spends over $150 on Mother's Day! I think that is over the top, but whenever I see those kind of stats (Christmas spending, etc) they seem unbelievable to me. I bought a card and took my Mom out to eat for lunch. Then we went walking on a new 4 mile trail we hadn't tried before. Great afternoon with Mom.

DH has the problem with the cards...I would have never thought about that, but it is hard to pick out a mother's day card when your Mom has failed in the mothering department in so many ways. I can imagine it would be hard for some people to deal with reading the sentimental ones and think about what could have (should have?) been. He goes for a funny card.

Last year a friend of mine from high school went on a tirade on FB about how people need to consider those facing infertility when they are telling people Happy Mother's Day on Facebook. I can see how that would be hard, to be reminded you won't be a mother, but it was quite off putting to read the rant.

[Stella]

I was missing my son on Mother's Day. But, then, I miss him every day.

Hugs! I think that would be one of the hardest things in the world to go through. I remember when you posted about losing him. I can't even imagine.

I'll be an outlier. I like Mother's Day and pretty much any other holiday. Pi Day, National Cheesecake Day...I'm game. I appreciate my mom everyday, but it doesn't hurt to appreciate her on Mother's Day too.

[happystuff]

Thanks, Stella. For the most part, I do enjoy Mother's Day. We keep the celebration simple and more about "doing" that "gifting". (Althouhg I really do find the gifts in the doing!).

re: Pi Day - LOVE IT - as it's my birthday! LOL

[iris lily]

Also, it just occurred to me today that I put up my baby for sale on Mother's Day! ha ha yep--a few hours before MOther's Day I put my childhood doll up on Ebay,. Selling my child, that's the kind of mother I am! hee hee. The market seems good for her right now, I hope to get $70.00.

Here she is:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Baby-Dear-One-Vogue-Doll-1961-/280879653627?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item4165bb62fb

Today my baby doll sold on Ebay. She's going to go to live in Japan!

[JaneV2.0]

Congratulations, iris Lily. And sayonara.