View Full Version : Unbelievable parents...............
Several parents in this area left their infants in extremely hot cars recently. In one car, the infant died in 125 degree temps, while her mother shopped for an hour in a store.
In another case, the father forgot his baby in the back seat of a 120 degree car for 2 hours. I believe that child has recovered.
Then in another type of case, a drunk mother was sleeping in the middle of the road with her child in the middle of the night. WTF?????????????
Makes me rethink sterilization for some people!
I don't have any kids but earlier in the summer I did have to stop by the store for like two items while I had the dog in the car. I was so paranoid I cranked the AC really high before I got there so it was like an arctic blast in the car, parked in the shade and ran through the store so I was out in 5 minutes.
I cannot imagine how people could possibly forget their kids in the car. I honestly cannot comprehend that.
There was an excellent (although very, very hard to read) http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html article on the subject a few years ago in the Washington Post. In fact, it won a Pulitzer prize. The reporter's overall point, after a lot of research and interviews, was that forgetting a baby in a car usually has to do with how the human brain works, and very little to do with how good or caring a parent is. Our brains, in order to do all they have to do, set up routines or habits which allow us not to consciously think through every step of our actions, but these routines don't handle variations very well (like Dad taking the baby to daycare today). Unfortunately this evolutionary advantage doesn't differentiate between important (getting baby out of car) and unimportant (buying groceries). The reporter also made the interesting point that heat deaths of infants are an unintended consequence of baby seats moving from the front seat (where infant seats were placed when I was little) and also long-term use of rear-facing seats because those two things make it much harder to see the baby. They seldom happened before those two changes took place.
I was actually present one time when a new mom colleague, a few weeks after returning to work, was getting ready to do an off-site visit the next day that would require a lot of equipment that didn't fit in the trunk of her small car. So she very carefully packed everything in the backseat, realizing only after 45 minutes of work that she had forgotten to leave any space for the baby she was supposed to pick up from daycare on the way home! Now of course this was very innocuous, and easily solved by calling her husband to pick up the baby that night. But the point is, these "brain skips" really do happen.
Now the mother who got drunk while caring for her baby is a different matter.
Gardenarian
7-9-12, 1:45pm
Great article, AmeliaJane. And very very sad.
One of my worst and most pain stricken memories is one I use every summer as a cautionary tale.
We were living in Florida and we had 2 boys, ages 2 and 3. They were little and still in car seats, of course. We had stopped home to run inside and grab something. We decided it would be easier to leave them in the car while we both ran in. Our carport is attached to the house, we locked the car, left the car running with the AC on. We came out 3-5 minutes later to find both boys red and crying. The car had overheated and now was blowing out hot air! Seriously, the most terrifying and guilt-inducing moment of my life. We got them out and they were fine, but that car had never overheated before (or since if I recall correctly) and it was sitting in the shade.
So, my PSA, NEVER leave kids or pets in the car alone EVEN IF YOU HAVE THE AC ON.
I'm OCD about these things. When my kids were little and it was very hot out, if we were just coming home from shopping and I needed to unlock the house door first, I would open their doors first.......in case I fell and got knocked out!
I know that sometimes this horrendous thing happens to good people............like when a father is supposed to drop off the child at daycare and he's not usually the one to do that. the child falls asleep and is quiet, and he forgets about it and goes to work. But honestly.........I find no excuse for this ever happening. None. And the one child that died here was left in the car with the car off, the windows up and it was to be over 100 degrees that day.......and the mother is shopping for 2 hours???????
Simpler at Fifty
7-9-12, 5:36pm
We had two instances last week. A Dad left 3 kids in a truck. He didn't forget them! It was easier to go shopping w/o them. They all survived. The other was a Mom that left her 1 mos old in the car. They broke a window to get at that kid. The kid survived. Not sure if she is going to claim she forgot or not. Her picture and name did not appear in the paper and on the news like the Dad's did.
We had at least two last week. Baby left in car by teenage father for hours died. Not too many details on this one. Father is in jail Toddler left in car outside a store while mother shopped for an hour at least survived but barely. Mom is out of jail.
Reminds me of a little something that happened to one of my friends back in junior high. A neighbour called (telephone) and asked if she (my friend) could babysit. My friend said yes, and so she went over. When my friend got there, the mom told her there were two children, then raced out the door. A short time later my friend heard a baby crying, and sure enough, after checking room-to-room, there was a little baby, in a crib (upstairs).
Totally irresponsible people...
In MA:
FAMILY CHILD CARE is provided in the home of a person licensed by the state to care for children in her home. Family Child Care providers are licensed by EEC for three years at a time. The provider’s home must also be licensed, and is inspected before a license is approved. SINGLE PROVIDER: Maximum of 6 children at any one time Of the six children, only 2 can be under 15 months of age (infants) Of the six, only 1 can be between 15-24 months of age, and only if walking by himself (toddler) All other children must be over 24 months of age This includes provider’s own children under age 10, who are in the home more than 3 hrs/day Requirements for SINGLE FAMILY CHILD CARE license include:
15 hours of training every 3 years
Annual CPR training
First Aid training every 3 years
All assistants must also be approved by EEC
Criminal record check (CORI)for provider and assistants
LARGE FAMILY CHILD CARE: Maximum of 10 children at one time. Of the ten children, three can be under 15 months of age (infants) Of the ten, two can be between 15-24 months of age, and only if walking independently (toddler) All other children must be over 24 months of age If a provider has an approved assistant, he/she may have up to six children of any age, only when assistant is present This includes provider’s own children under the age of 10, who are in the home more than 3 hrs/day Requirements for LARGE FAMILY CHILD CARE license include:
3 years of full time experience as a licensed provider, or as assistant, OR 3 years experience in a group setting + 1 year licensed provider experience before getting this license.
5-hour training session
30 hours of training every 3 years
CPR & First Aid and background check requirements remain the same.
Requirements to be a parent of an unlimited number of children: as far as I know, nothing beyond just having the kids.
Added: All that said, these numbers ok kids seem pretty high even with the training & assistants.
I'm OCD about these things. When my kids were little and it was very hot out, if we were just coming home from shopping and I needed to unlock the house door first, I would open their doors first.......in case I fell and got knocked out!
I had those thoughts, too. Last week when it was 108 degree F here I traveled with two bracheycepalic* dogs. That wasn't bright. A couple of times I thought, as I put them in the car "Ok now what if I drop dead of a heart attack? The motel people will just see some woman laying in the parking lot, no one will notice the little dogs."
Anyway, all went well, We ate a lot of drive-through food because I couldn't leave them in the car, and they were just fine. Also, miraculously, the following day after the 108 degree day was cool and overcast in Iowa.
But ever since I've had bulldogs I always think: if this car goes on the fritz on this trip, I will be fine stranded alongside the road, but the dogs are toast.
* means they have short noses and other limited breathing apparatus and overheat very quickly.
They make special mirrors now for parents to train on children in the back seat so that they can always see what the baby is doing.
It's a tragic thing when otherwise good parents cook their tots. One here last year( or was it the year before?) was incredibly tragic. Both parents were MDs, one a pediatrician. They had a miscommunication about driving into their shared workplace car lot, they were rushing around outside of their noraml routine, and one didn't tell the other that the baby was in the back. The kid died. The horror of living with that is indescribable.
My BIL is obsessive about his small dog. Takes him EVERYWHERE. Even when he doesn't have to, or when it would be wiser not to. I remember the few days his mother was dying, we obviously spent a lot of time in the hospital, and rather than leaving the dog with my kids up at the house in VT where we were vacationing, he took the dog with him and obviously couldn't bring him in the hospital.
It was ME that kept telling him to go to the car check on the dog, and the dog was constantly thirsty, and sought shelter under the windshield shade that my MIL thought would protect the dog from the sun.
I don't get it.. He finally saw some statistics about how quickly the interior of a car can get lethal so he's a little better about leaving the darn dog home.
I don't know about everyone here (parents), but I always steered clear of sealing my kids up in a hot car when they were little. Sure, some moms/dads have no choice in the matter (I understand that), but darn it all anyway.
I used to have sort of the opposite thing happen. I would have dropped the kids off at grandma's or DH would stay home with them so I could have a day out. While I was driving, all of a sudden I would think "Oh my God!! Where are my kids???".......thinking I had accidentally left them somewhere! I was so used to having them in the back seat all the time.
I realize that horrible things can happen to good people.....like the story that Iris Lily told about the MD parents. I just can't imagine the torment they will live with.
But......does that say something about the pace of our lifestyles?
What a horrible way for a little one to die. :(
Iris Lily.......I'm glad your trip with your doggies went okay!
My dog gets seriously pissed off at me when the pick up leaves the driveway without her. That said, if its warmer than the mid-80s or so, she is staying home. I also have 3 kids and realize people make mistakes, but I can't cut parents who get distracted to the point of forgetting about their kids a lot of slack. The hardest part of parenting, IMO, is the fact that you just simply CAN'T check out for a while when the kids are very young (unless you get someone else to be responsible for a while, that is). It's part of the job so excuses just don't wash and even if neglect is unintentional, its still neglect.
treehugger
7-10-12, 6:24pm
...but I can't cut parents who get distracted to the point of forgetting about their kids a lot of slack. The hardest part of parenting, IMO, is the fact that you just simply CAN'T check out for a while when the kids are very young (unless you get someone else to be responsible for a while, that is). It's part of the job so excuses just don't wash and even if neglect is unintentional, its still neglect.
I feel this way, too, but am always hesitant to weigh in on parenting topics since I don't have children and parents can get really prickly about criticism from non-parents. These incidents (and the conversations about them) come up every summer, and I am always shocked that this continues to happen.
Public opinion is such a strange thing. If a day care worker or nanny did this, there would be so much outrage (justified) and the criminal penalties would be steep (justified). But when it's a parent (a parent! who should care more about their own child than anyone else does!), there are often no criminal charges and subsequent discussions about how it's sad but they made a mistake and society should cut them some slack because it could happen to anyone. I truly do not get that.
Kara
We had an incident here a few years ago, where the supervised child care/summer camp starts at 6 years old. Someone dropped off their 3 or 4 year old on the first day of camp, and the child wandered off and drowned and the parents wanted to sue the town for negligence. Not sure how someone didn't notice that a child under age was dropped off with an older sibling (and something should have been said at that point), but the minimum age is there for a reason, ie 6 year olds are more likely to follow instructions than a 4 year old. No one ever questioned why the parents were dropping off such a small child. The sad thing is that both parents were at home when this happened, ie they just wanted a day off/the summer session off without their kids. The parents insisted that the town provide a lavish memorial at the town beach, and when the town presented a bench in the child's honor, they were all indignant that it wasn't more. I'm sorry they lost their child, but it was entirely preventable, and I don't think they deserved a medal for dumping off their kids.
I used to have sort of the opposite thing happen. I would have dropped the kids off at grandma's or DH would stay home with them so I could have a day out. While I was driving, all of a sudden I would think "Oh my God!! Where are my kids???".......thinking I had accidentally left them somewhere! I was so used to having them in the back seat all the time.
Yes. Yes. Yes. This.
And would call ex-DH, or grandparent to ask some silly question about the kids to make sure everything was OK.
And a couple of times got the following response:
"Well, DH is mad-stinking-drunk and took the kids to Wal-Mart (7 miles by highway....12 miles by back roads) to buy clothes for the photo shoot tomorrow." [this from the kid's then step-mother]
"Oh, DS#3 (age 8 years) is fine. I left him in the restaraunt with his Playboy." [This was my mother. She meant Gameboy]
"Everybody is fine. The gravel tunnel did not collase until after the rainstorm." [Extra gravel from constuction project--pile of it on the farm 6' x 12'--kids made a tunnel through, 2' wide x 1.5' high throught the middle. When it collapsed, the indentation-imagine a burial mound with a 2' wide, 1.5' deep depression in the top of the mound- made it clear to those of us that saw it (except ex-DH) that any child aged 8 years of less that had been in it when it collapsed would not have been able to breathe until help dug that person out.]
"Good thing the house burned down when nobody was there."
The fact that my youngest three children have survived their childhoods is the strongest argument that I know of for guardian angels.
Originally posted by Gregg.
I can't cut parents who get distracted to the point of forgetting about their kids a lot of slack.Thank you. I personally cannot cut any parent who forgets about their child/children, any slack.
iris lily
7-11-12, 10:24am
There's a difference between parents who make a mistake in the ordinary business of low risk life activity such as driving to work vs. placing children in risk with aforethought. The shopping mom is the latter.
We can all probably heap disdain on parents who deliberately subject their kids to things like a boa constrictor in the house, or a pack of big unruly dogs, or any number of things.
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