View Full Version : Busy-ness is the new status sysmbol
iris lily
7-28-12, 12:40pm
Oh I know, we've talked about this to death, but what can I say, I like repetition!
Today's local newspaper had one of those silly filler articles that perfectly captured this idea: Only if you are crazy busy--a super strong multi-tasking woman!-- are you important. The article masqueraded as one about "organization."
The article gave as example a woman who ran around taking her dog to the groomer, taking clothes to the dry cleaner, making hair and nail appointments, dropping off some electronic do-dadd to be fixed, making a special trip to some special food store, etc.
All the while I;'m thinking: lady, get a dog that doesn't need to be "groomed." Stop buying clothes that need dry cleaning. Do your own freekin' nails and get a low maintenaince hairdo, cull modern time-sucking electronics from your life, and just go to a normal grocery store and buy simple foods.
I refuse to be impressed. Do not DO NOT say anything to me in a complaining voice about your buzy-ness.
SteveinMN
7-28-12, 12:50pm
This forum needs a "Like" button. :)
We just got done with houseguests of high drama. None of them plan, all of them are habitually tardy, it took them forever to get out of the house once the decision actually was made -- and all I can think of is that they are victims of their own choices. Same thing here.
It's getting so that I hate the Christmas season so much because small talk always centers on "are you ready for Christmas" and "I am so frazzled by what I need to do" types of conversations. My holiday vow is this: I will not listen to one more list recital. If someone wants to corner me and flap their lips in a recitation of their holiday "to-do" list, I am walking away. I swear.
With mom moving here, we figure we are good for one project or errand a week. Last week it was the library card and this week it is renewing a passport. Luckily we are all retired and can do it during the week at business hours. I get so tired when there are more than 3 or 4 visits to do in one day. Just parking and getting in and out of the car gets old.
This is a pretty good essay on busyness: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/
I work with a lot of high-achieving professionals whose lives are so busy that it makes my head spin. Sorry...I don't get it. One woman in particular is battling all kinds of illness this summer and actually had to take a sick leave. I am convinced it is the high stress of her non-stop endless international trips, business lunches and meetings, you know...important stuff...that is making her sick.
My response to the question of are you ready is this: "Oh yes. I've been done for quite some time. I realized ages ago that there was no excuse to being frazzled about Christmas. It's not like I didn't know it's coming or that I've never experienced Christmas before. Now I just plan well enough ahead, write out a game plan and knock things off my "to do" list well before the craziness for most people even starts. I can now enjoy the holiday without any of the stress. It's so wonderful." It annoys some, but I'm ok with that.
It's getting so that I hate the Christmas season so much because small talk always centers on "are you ready for Christmas" and "I am so frazzled by what I need to do" types of conversations. My holiday vow is this: I will not listen to one more list recital. If someone wants to corner me and flap their lips in a recitation of their holiday "to-do" list, I am walking away. I swear.
awakenedsoul
7-28-12, 2:26pm
I know what you mean. I noticed in my last years of teaching that the children were overscheduled and acted like workaholics. The parents and schools are pushing this on the kids. Hours and hours of homework and rushed meals. It's sad. They were so exhausted and depressed. Sometimes this "busyness" is just a mask for disorganization.
I find I spend more time with people now who have a healthy routine, are conscientious, and dependable and reliable. I just don't have patience for people who have fallen into the other lifestyle. It feels so corporate to me. Most times, it leads to illness or burnout.
Square Peg
7-28-12, 2:29pm
I have been noticing this for years! If you are talking to someone, and they ask how you are, it is expected that you are busy.
Also, I hate the holiday season. We never go and visit family, so I always feel bad because everyone else is rushing around and making travel plans, and so often complaining about the family they will have to endure. 2 things about that: 1. why don't you count your blessings that you can afford to travel in the bad weather to see family? 2. If it is such a burden and chore, don't go. Everything about the situation is a choice.
It's getting so that I hate the Christmas season so much because small talk always centers on "are you ready for Christmas" and "I am so frazzled by what I need to do" types of conversations. My holiday vow is this: I will not listen to one more list recital. If someone wants to corner me and flap their lips in a recitation of their holiday "to-do" list, I am walking away. I swear.
You could share your own list... Mine is "be calm, hug my husband, have a nice dinner." Nuff said!
Square Peg
7-28-12, 2:31pm
When we lived in Southwest Florida, I saw it like no place else. I was a stay at home mom with 3 kids. Some folks tried to start a MOMS club but it failed because they couldn't get enough people together that all had free time at the same time. The preschoolers were all overbooked.
fidgiegirl
7-28-12, 2:31pm
I get a sense of this on FB. Although now that I think about it, a few individuals have stopped doing FB and I get less of this feeling overall now. Hmmmm.
I am constantly pushing back on DH that we don't have to have a list. We don't have to have a plan. It's ok if we just putter and read and decide to go off on a tangent. It's summer. That's alright. We'll get enough busy-ness during the school year to last us alllllll year long.
I had a wonderful moment of clarity shortly after I "retired" from my 80-hour overscheduled work weeks.
I had flown down to Seattle for a class. Because transportation from here can be dicey, I went down the afternoon before the class by seaplane, landed in the lake in downtown Seattle, and took a cab a short distance to the very nice little hotel I was staying at, that was within walking distance of the class location.
It was a very nice hotel, and when I arrived, the lobby was filling up with stressed-out business executive types in very expensive suits and very expensive luggage all worried about getting checked in - there'd been some sort of trouble, and the front desk was backed up. I was wearing shorts and a polo shirt, carrying a simple canvas duffle bag. The customers gave me a bit of the hairy eyeball - clearly I was not part of their class.
When I got up to the front desk in line, the nice lady apologized, told me their reservation system had died, they were doing everything by hand, and to make it worse, it appeared they were overbooked.
You know those moments in crowded spaces when all the conversation noise syncs up, and there is a brief bit of silence, so even a whisper can be heard? That happened, just as I uttered the words "That's OK, I'm in no hurry at all, why don't you help these folks sort things out - I'll just sit over there and read my book for a bit..."
The stressed-out folks all looked at me like I was some sort of mutant.
Square Peg
7-28-12, 3:50pm
:)
That is beautiful bae. The story brings calm.
I am currently a graduate student and a mother of 3, so this point of my life is tremendously busy. I do remind myself that it is temporary and the path I chose. I try to take time to smell the roses and evaluate my career paths to see that my life is spent a step or two away from the treadmill.
gimmethesimplelife
7-28-12, 3:56pm
I had a wonderful moment of clarity shortly after I "retired" from my 80-hour overscheduled work weeks.
I had flown down to Seattle for a class. Because transportation from here can be dicey, I went down the afternoon before the class by seaplane, landed in the lake in downtown Seattle, and took a cab a short distance to the very nice little hotel I was staying at, that was within walking distance of the class location.
It was a very nice hotel, and when I arrived, the lobby was filling up with stressed-out business executive types in very expensive suits and very expensive luggage all worried about getting checked in - there'd been some sort of trouble, and the front desk was backed up. I was wearing shorts and a polo shirt, carrying a simple canvas duffle bag. The customers gave me a bit of the hairy eyeball - clearly I was not part of their class.
When I got up to the front desk in line, the nice lady apologized, told me their reservation system had died, they were doing everything by hand, and to make it worse, it appeared they were overbooked.
You know those moments in crowded spaces when all the conversation noise syncs up, and there is a brief bit of silence, so even a whisper can be heard? That happened, just as I uttered the words "That's OK, I'm in no hurry at all, why don't you help these folks sort things out - I'll just sit over there and read my book for a bit..."
The stressed-out folks all looked at me like I was some sort of mutant.Bae, Bravo to you! I love this story.....Rob
this "busyness" is just a mask for disorganization.
I like that!
Yes. I hate impatience over minor things. Don't people realize they are ruining their own lives with their negativity? I hate when people apologize to me for a very reasonable wait, such as on hold or a line in a store.
I've always tried to be patient, but when I went on a recent holiday with DH it really sunk in. We had a whole week with no jobs, no cooking, no housework, etc. The relaxed attitude we both had was so wonderful. It reminded me that that is what retirement should feel like. And when I came back to our normal life, I realized how important it is to not lose that relaxation. I can act like I'm retired all the time, even though I'm not. That is how I want to live my life.
As far as Christmas busyness (and spendiness) I jumped off that bandwagon years ago. Not that I ever did much, but now I have a strict "no gift policy" excepting DH's parents because he's not ready to stop that. Nobody I know personally needs financial help or any more stuff than they already have. I refuse to let society dictate what I should do or enjoy.
This is a pretty good essay on busyness: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/
I work with a lot of high-achieving professionals whose lives are so busy that it makes my head spin. Sorry...I don't get it. One woman in particular is battling all kinds of illness this summer and actually had to take a sick leave. I am convinced it is the high stress of her non-stop endless international trips, business lunches and meetings, you know...important stuff...that is making her sick.
Pinkytoe, I love the article. I think I'll print it for my adult sons to read. Thank you.
Simpler at Fifty
7-28-12, 5:34pm
In First Things First, Stephen Covey, Roger Merrill, and Rebecca Merrill write,"People expect us to be busy, overworked. It has become a status symbol in our society-if we are busy, we are important; if we are not busy, we are almost embarrassed to admit it. Busyness is where we get our security. It is validating, popular, and pleasing. It is also a good excuse for not dealing with the first things in our lives."
I have quoted this on other sites but I think this is the first one where people will actually 'get it'.
I used to think I needed to explain what I was doing when I said I had plans. I would justify why I was saying no to a request for my time. Then one day it dawned on me that this was my time that someone was going to intrude on and why did I need to justify that I had plans (or didn't for that matter). I am good at saying "No that won't be possible" or "I have other plans". I always say it with a smile because people don't know what to think. They are used to the whiny answers and a litany of 20 reasons why someone cannot do something.
fidgiegirl
7-28-12, 7:29pm
I realized how important it is to not lose that relaxation. I can act like I'm retired all the time, even though I'm not. That is how I want to live my life.
Love this, Kestra. It might be a long time before DH and I are FI, but we can enjoy a full, relaxed life even in the meanwhile.
You could share your own list... Mine is "be calm, hug my husband, have a nice dinner." Nuff said!
yeah, sometimes I kinda do something like that. My response is to look puzzled and then say something like "hmmm, we don't really have anything that we have to do, I like keeping things simple" and change the subject. But your response of listing nice, calming things is good too.
Some people seem to enjoy a constant giddy whirl; I don't have that kind of energy (or personality) and have always needed lots of space between activities, even when I didn't get it. Like Iris Lily, I'm annoyed by people who stuff their lives like cheap suitcases and then complain-brag about the result. My life is notably duller than it needs to be, but I'm not complaining.
I'm annoyed by people who stuff their lives like cheap suitcases ...
That is a wonderful turn of phrase!
Blackdog Lin
7-28-12, 9:52pm
What a wonderful thread, and one that has made me feel.....good about myself.
It validates my essential laziness. Which I need to look at as not necessarily laziness per se, but a need for a simple and calm lifestyle. A lifestyle that lets me remember every day to be able to stop and smell the roses. Which I am darn good at (AKA lazy) at this stage of my life.....
Simplemind
7-28-12, 10:55pm
I recently retired after 26 years of a high stress job. It was also an early retirement that I planned for. I can't believe how much negativity it has brought from people who ask me about it and then immediately put it down. I planned to go at 55. I planned to not have to work after retirement. I planned to not have a plan when I left. That just floors people. Practically every minute of my day was planned to a degree and my job was super structured. I wanted to go, I needed to go in the opposite direction. When I say I have no immediate plans people are very quick to say they couldn't do that, they would have to be doing something. The funny thing is, I didn't say I was going to take to my bed, I just didn't articulate a plan. Not acceptable to most. I also notice that if somebody asks me what I do and I say I'm retired they want to know what I did and why I'm no longer doing it. Didn't I like it? Well yes I did but it is the kind of job that has a clock on it and everybody in it just wants to make it to that eligible date and jump. I guess I was supposed to jump into something bigger and better.
Not this gal............ I'm taking a break. I have worked since I was a kid. I only took one week off to have my kid. Now he is 17 and can drive himself around. I don't have to be anywhere or do anything that I don't want to do. I don't have to check my computer or phone to answer work questions 24/7. No more drama or running around. It is heaven on earth to me.
One of the main "too-busy" complaints seems to be really about scheduling practices. Some people like to be spontaneous, some people plan their lives weeks in advance, and I think the two groups are always going to annoy each other. I'm a planner; by the time my spontaneous friends think about getting together, I've already made plans, rsvp'd, and bought tickets. To them, I probably appear to be too busy and overscheduled. I'm not, I just don't care to wait around by the phone.
catherine
7-31-12, 10:25am
The people I see who are "too busy" are people who are still working the way I did before I quit to go on my own. These are people who have very high demands put on them by the nature of the workplace and their bosses. Typically, workweeks are 70 hours or so. Client demands are such that everything has to be done yesterday.
So, I don't put them down, I feel sorry for them and reminds me how glad I am to have escaped that.
I don't mind being busy.. it helps focus me, as I tend to have a bit of adult ADD. But I also don't mind just puttering around. The older I get the more I enjoy puttering, but on the other hand, life is such an adventure, I don't mind being very busy with things of my own choosing. That doesn't mean busy with shopping excursions, hair and nail appointments, etc. It does mean taking classes and engaging in things like writing and gardening and visiting my kids
That is a wonderful turn of phrase!
http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/artists/just_cuz/JC_ThankYou.gif
I get a lot of "oh you must be so busy" comments because of the number and age of my kids. I am busy in a way, I suppose, but it's really pretty relaxed. Today, for example, everyone but me slept in a bit so I had some quiet time. We had a simple breakfast of bagels and bananas. We went on a walk in the park and listened to some fiddlers playing on the patio at the coffee shop by the lake. The kids danced and we chatted with other regulars. We identified a few species of trees and butterflies and caterpillars in our field guide and came home for a smoothie. The kids are doing leaf rubbings and making bruschetta for lunch and pretty soon everyone will nap or read.
We'll do some chores in the afternoon and have a nice dinner together. Zach is busy this week with his job and a project he is doing with a friend, but that's an unusual kind of thing. I guess we're busy in the sense that we are active, but it isn't a stressful kind of busy.
Wildflower
7-31-12, 7:56pm
When I've had very busy times in my life I want to just meltdown. I am not lazy, but I need lots of quiet time to think and renew.... I feel sorry for those that feel the need to stay so busy and then complain about it nonstop.
awakenedsoul
7-31-12, 9:33pm
I like that!
Thanks Float On! Sorry, I forgot about this thread. It's great...
I'm less than impressed (to say the least), and seldom am over ANYTHING "status".
iris lily
7-31-12, 11:03pm
One of the main "too-busy" complaints seems to be really about scheduling practices. Some people like to be spontaneous, some people plan their lives weeks in advance, and I think the two groups are always going to annoy each other. I'm a planner; by the time my spontaneous friends think about getting together, I've already made plans, rsvp'd, and bought tickets. To them, I probably appear to be too busy and overscheduled. I'm not, I just don't care to wait around by the phone.
That is an interesting observation and certainly true for many people.
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