Do you ever feel regret?

[Synapse to synapse]

While decluttering, whether you're selling things, giving them away, or recycling them/throwing them away? I went through a period of decluttering, and sold and gave away quite a few things, as well as throwing away somethings that in retrospect I would have liked to keep (had some personal meaning).

I'm not really sure. Some days, I just think that it's not going to matter in 100 years, or heck, even 10, if I do or don't have a particular item. Other days, I find myself wishing I'd have kept that, or not sold this. I think some of it is the people I gave my things to turned out to be pretty ungrateful and mean, which is hurtful, but some of it is just because I want to show other people of whatever status I may or may not have.

I've found myself at times wanting to go back and re-purchase some of the things. I won't ever be able to get the exact same things, but I want to buy new ones, or start re-collecting things that I know I do not need, and honestly do not improve my lifestyle or don't really serve a purpose other than me thinking it's neat or cool to have.

I haven't yet, so I guess that's good.

Does anyone have any insight or advice into this? Has anyone experienced this?

Thanks in advance for any and all thoughts.

[citrine]

I used to a long time ago....but then I started thinking of how I was able to bless someone else with what they need. I am constantly weeding things out and donating....drives my SO nuts!

[Synapse to synapse]

Well the thing for me is, I ended up giving someone who wasn't grateful something they didn't need, and later have them rub it in my face. That's what really stings.

I've given my close friends and family things, and it does make me feel good about it. I love doing things like that. I guess I just need to be more careful with who I am close to, and make sure not to be taken advantage of. :(

[Jilly]

I recently had some huge changes in my life and lost, gave away and had taken from me nearby everything I owned.

I am, now that it is safely over, glad for the whole thing, but there is not a week that passes without feeling loss for something I really need.

Some necessary things I have replaced, but there are others for which I am trying to release my attachments.

It is a very interesting process. Some grieving as well.

[Jilly]

Now that I reread your postings I guess the best advice I can give from my own experience is to not have strings attached to what you give away. No expectations that the recipient will properly appreciate and/or use the thing. You know, stuff like that.

If you are not going to keep whatever it is, I found that it was easier if the thing did not go to the next owner burdened by any of my baggage.

Still am missing all of my aromatherapy stuff, though. Alas.

[Selah]

It sounds as if you're more hurt by the ingratitude of some of the recipients of your generosity, rather that missing the actual object itself. Sometimes the desire to have the object back in that situation is more a desire to re-do the event so it has a happier outcome, e.g. giving the object to a nice person, rather than an ungrateful and snotty one!

I've found that I miss objects more when they were taken from me in some way, regardless of the value of the objects themselves. I've given away things worth far more money than things I've had taken from me, but if I have a good feeling about the experience of giving, I don't miss the object at all. The ungrateful person "robbed" you more of the good feeling that comes from giving, rather than stealing the item, since you intended to give them the object in the first place. It helps to recognize that the object is usually more a representative of a feeling you wanted and didn't get, rather than an intrinsically valuable item itself.

Ironically, I have also found that through some mysterious workings of the universe, if you can bless the recipients of your objects, whether you know them or not, somehow the things you end up missing the most wind up coming to you sooner or later in your life.

[iris lily]

Once in a great while, seldom, do I miss something that I got rid of. There are practical things to do with that:

1) feel the regret, live it. It's ok.

2) Shop around and replace the thing that you regret giving away

I did this latter thing after getting rid of a ring (got rid of it years ago) but finding that these kinds of rings kept calling to me on ebay So, I bought another one. $23.00. No big deal.

[Synapse to synapse]

It sounds as if you're more hurt by the ingratitude of some of the recipients of your generosity, rather that missing the actual object itself. Sometimes the desire to have the object back in that situation is more a desire to re-do the event so it has a happier outcome, e.g. giving the object to a nice person, rather than an ungrateful and snotty one!

Thinly veiled, but I suppose that's right. I have no issue giving things to those I love, or even having given things to those I once loved, but for whatever reason do not any longer (or they do not me). It's just mainly one person, but I know the problem does not lie with them and their seeming lack of gratitude. It lies with me and my unwillingness to let it go. Though I do want to let it go, and it's one of the things I meditate on. Peace, forgiveness, acceptance. What's done is done. It is what is. There doesn't even need to be a "why".

I gave, so that is character boosting. I can and will get past it. Usually I don't even think of it. It's just sometimes...it comes to mind out of the blue, and I regret just "giving" something that I could have given to another more respectful and earnest person. Eh. So it goes.

I'm okay with or without it. While (I'm not judging) the person with it, still seems to be in the same situation, angry, mean, and just not very pleasant.


2) Shop around and replace the thing that you regret giving away

I did this latter thing after getting rid of a ring (got rid of it years ago) but finding that these kinds of rings kept calling to me on ebay So, I bought another one. $23.00. No big deal.

You're right. What I gave away may have come to more than 23 dollars, but individually, I could slowly start to replace and rebuild my collection (though to a much lesser extent :~)). If I were to purchase a new "thing" each month, it would not come to more than 20 dollars, and I could just build it up slowly, instead of all at once. I think I may do this.

Thanks.

Any and all other input welcome. Regardless of anything that's been said! :D

[Fawn]

In general..no I do not feel regret for stuff released to the universe.

I left behind a whole house full of stuff with an ex-husband when I left with the kids and then a year or so later, the house burned to the ground with all my old stuff in it. (Except for the stuff that was in the sheds during the fire....but I digress.)

Years ago, I gave a diamond engagement ring to a friend after I had gotten divorced. 5 years later I asked for it back, but did not get it. I remembered the scene in "Harold and Maude" when she throws the ring that he gives her into the lake and states "Now I will always know where it is."

I do not know where that ring is....but I do not need to know. It was pretty, but my life is better without the burden of caring for it.

[happystuff]

With regards to material items - if/when something is removed from my ownership that is exactly what I try to remember... it's no longer mine! I have no power over it and whoever gets it next will do with it and feel about it as they choose. When I release the actual possession of something - that's it - I release all ties to it. If I'm not ready to release all ties to something, then I try my best not to release my possession of it.

[BayouGirl]

I went thru hurricane Katrina and had almost everything that I owned destroyed, then looters came into my apartment and took whatever was salvageable. By the time I was able to get to my apartment weeks later, there was really nothing left. It was all a moldy, mucky mess. I lost so many things that were of great sentimental value and had to learn to just let it go. I still had my loved ones and a lifetime ahead of me.

Because of Katrina, by coincidence, I ended up reconnecting with an old friend that I had lost contact with over the years. He was in the same situation with having lost everything as well. We bonded as we struggled to rebuild our lives.

We fell in love and realized that Katrina may have taken everything that we owned, but she had also brought us together, which was something better than all our possessions. We never wasted time grieving much for what was lost, because with each other, we had gained so much more.

I have lost a lot in my life, some lost in Katrina, some stolen from me, some lost in a divorce long ago and some in a house fire in my teens. I cherish what I have when iI have it and if I lose it somehow, then I am thankful that had it for the time I had it. I have learned not to hold onto regrets and just to let it go.

How can you embrace new things in your life if you are refuse to let go of the things that are already gone? Don't hold onto the past because you may miss out on what the future is bringing your way.

[Jilly]

... I cherish what I have when iI have it and if I lose it somehow, then I am thankful that had it for the time I had it....

I love this so much!!!!!!

Regret took me to the pet store after the laundromat this afternoon. I have spent nearly three weeks trying to make a decent scratching post for my cat. When we had to flee the house, his three tower things were left behind and when I finally had a chance to get back in the house they were ruined.

Just because we lost everything, well, I have made him lots of toys and I spend time with him, but a cat needs a good, sturdy scratching post. My attempts were a total failure, the most recent being yesterday.

So, I took grocery money and bought him one with two shelves for lounging and four logs holding them up. I will take the sisal I bought for my ill-conceived posts and wrap it around the logs.

Right now he is sleeping on one of the shelves. Just before that he was leaping on and off it it and chasing around, then running back and launching himself on it. It is small-ish, but it never tipped over and I cannot express how wonderful it feels to have done something for him that gives him so much pleasure. Ah, my sweet boy.

So, I guess sometimes I can use some of that regret to help me have some forward movement around here. This is what true happiness is for me now.

[rosarugosa]

Jilly: You get credit for trying, but sometimes a trip to the store is warranted! I'm glad your cat is enjoying his new perch :)

[Jilly]

He loves it so much that it makes me giddy just watching him.

[rosarugosa]

Cats are born with more wisdom about simple living than any of us could hope to acquire in a lifetime!

[SimplyL]

Earlier on in the process, there were a few things that I gave away, where I felt ingratitude from the recipient. Being reflective, I feel that maybe I had too much of a sentimental vibe attached to not the object but my interpretation of how they should receive it. Like it was this greater thing to me vs. what they thought of it. Hmm.. I realized that their reaction was not of my control. It felt good to give it, and that is enough now. With that said, I do think that sometimes certain people are not good recipients and just don't have manners. I've dropped off dresses and great toys for my neighbor's adult daughter (for her children) and have NEVER received a thank you or even acknowlegement. These were really nice things that my daughter had worn. They were picked up from consignment yet still stylish, in beautiful condition, name brand. And the toys were still top sellers years later, in great shape (I even put new batteries in them). Sigh. Again, you can't control people. My take away from that experience: It didn't stop me from giving to the girls. I considered that I was doing it for THEM and for their GRANDMOTHER (my neighbor) who honestly was receiving the brunt of expense in clothing the girls, providing housing, etc. I did it for them and not for my neighbor's daughter. So, I have peace with the decision to continue to give.

As far as items that I've sold or given away and later regret. There's a few things that I have bonafide regret. One was my anniversary band. We sold it, as I felt it was just over the top for the way I now live. My husband supported it, as we put the money towards debt reduction, which was great yet we didn't HAVE to do that. I wish instead that I would have instead took the ring and some broken gold to the jeweler on the next anniversary, birthday, or Christmas. Instead, he could have reset into a more simple design and made me a pair of stud earrings. Husband did purchase a smaller ring, with a portion of that money.

Another thing that I mentioned on another post was my portion of my Royal Doulton tea set. It was a portion of the large set that I had saved up for on my own, while I was working during one of my husband's deployments. I really enjoy having tea and sandwiches. It's a simple thing to do, with inviting a friend or neighbor over without having to go somewhere and purchase a drink also. I had purchased all of the pieces at outlet or found others on clearance at TJ MAXX type stores, so it had been long paid for. If I were to add up how much I've spent when meeting a friend for tea or coffee (even once per week) and even with not spending much, it would still have far surpassed what I've spent over the years! So, that is one thing that I would like to see replaced with something else. Maybe next time I have some spending money for myself?

Nowadays, if I have an urge to donate or sell something that has any potential for sentimental value (or even monetary value), I set it away in a drawer or closet and think on it.

I think it's important to say and maybe normal, that while living more simply may translate to choosing to not have ownership of a whole lot, it doesn't mean that I don't find things to be pretty, enjoy having the sentimental things that are in my house. The numbers are just few.

[ctg492]

A few homes I moved on from, I look back and say to myself "Why did I leave there, it was nice". Then I remind myself I would not have had the experiences I have had in life if I had stayed put..... 26 moves and counting.