View Full Version : Step-son refuses to work or attend school...
To make a long story short, my 17 year old step-son dropped out of high school A YEAR AGO promising to attend GED classes. It didn't happen. After excuse after excuse after excuse. His father finally told him he would either need to attend school or work...He claimed to be looking for a job for months, but only worked at the church daycare during the summer. He told us he couldn't work because he is having mental issues. There is some drug use (pot, but we think it could be more) involved thanks to his mother. We decided to tell him to "take it easy" as we feared he was suicidal. He is now in therapy and has seen the therapist one time in almost a month and is due to see her again next week. I guess my question is...What the hell should we do? I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My aunt's son is a drug user and has been in and out of drug rehab and jail all of his adult life and most of his teen years. It's sad and depressing, but I see how she enables his behavior. I don't want to do this to my step-son, but he is legally our responsibilty for at least another 10 months. How long should we give him to get better before we start pushing him into school or work again? Or should we just ride it out until he's 18 and give him the ol' tough love routine and ask him to step up or get out? Anyone have any advice or stories to relate?
Rollergirl, does your step-son live with you full-time? Or does he also live with him mom? Has the therapist indicated if your step-son does has mental issues which need to be addressed?
Yes, he lives with us full-time. He visits his mother regularly but doesn't stay there. She has never wanted anything to do with the kids. Now, that they are teens she doesn't mind being their 'friend'. He saw the family doctor and was told he suffered from anxiety and ADHD. The doc put him on Zoloft but he didn't like it and stopped taking it. His drug of choice is pot. This is one of the reasons why he is seeing a therapist now because things don't seem to be getting better. He spends his day looking for cash from relatives and hanging out with friends. He obviously has some serious issues that need to be addressed and I suppose we are on the right path. I just don't really know...
The only thing I can suggest is you go to sites associated with AlAnon or similar where you can talk to family members of addicts/those with problem behavior. The drug of choice might be different, but the behavior and underlying causes are often the same.
They might also be able to point you in the direction of groups more specific to the problems associated with pot smoking.
Good luck to you and your family.
So, if he doesn't have a job, how does he afford the pot he is sitting around smoking?
Start charging him room and board, and lay out expectations...
may I ask what his father thinks of all this. In my experience I could do all the thinking and arranging possible, but my dh had to see the sense in what I was coming up with.
Rollergirl
2-7-11, 12:46am
He generally gets his money from his paternal grandparents. Yes, they know what he's going to buy with the money. They just put their heads in the sand. He has ticked off the other set of grandparents so they aren't speaking right now. He gets the weed from his mother and/or friends. His father doesn't know what to do with him. He's not a trouble maker. He has surprisingly always been the easy child. Does as he's told, always very well behaved. But, about a year ago everything went down hill and we've just been dumbfounded since. We don't give him money. If we ask him to run errands or anything of that nature we give him a little money for gas. We figure he's not working or going to school he can do some chores. He's home all day and night except for when his "girlfriend" gets out of school he spends time with her. We understand he is depressed or something and needs some compassion. But, this has been going on for over a year...so it is wearing thin. I just don't think it's productive for him to just sit around the house. I don't think that can make anyone feel better. I suffer from depression myself and it has been a battle since my teens. But, it's just something I've had to learn to deal with. So, I know some of what he is dealing with, but I never turned to illegal drugs. At least, not on a regular daily basis! That's where i'm lost. How do you motivate someone that is in a drug induced stupor 75% of the time!?
How do you motivate someone that is in a drug induced stupor 75% of the time!?
Pose him an interesting challenge.
Such as "how do I feed myself while living on the streets, because my parents kicked me out of the house for smoking dope and rotting on the couch?"
I don't think allowing him to drop out of school and be a bum is compassionate. I say this as someone who attempted suicide in my teens. Don't enable him. He's not going to change until there are consequences to his actions, and he's not going to be cured of the depression until he's made some difficult changes. Don't make it easy for him to make bad choices.
I'll second the AlAnon suggestion.
My dear, how frustrating. I too recommend AlAnon, and I urge you to get into family therapy immediately. He is the identified patient. All members of the family are connected to his apparent dysfunction. As a step-mom, I know first hand how hard step-teens can be. You and your husband are in the perfect place to parent him now by getting your family into treatment ASAP.
As you screen family therapists, be sure the person you choose has YEARS of experience with both stepfamily dynamics and substance abuse. You don't motivate someone with a drug abuse problem, you get them help. You wouldn't ask how to motivate someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. This is a MEDICAL issue, not a moral one, or one of failure to parent. If his mother is providing drugs, call the police.
Your husband needs to tell his parents right now to stop the money flow. Your husband is responsible legally for this child, not the grandparents. They can put the money into a fund for treatment, but it's time for this boy's father to put his foot down. It will get more difficult before it gets better. Get support and step up to what your stepson is pleading for - parental intervention and help.
Well, it's certainly a more difficult situation than how it is has been presented. But, I don't allow him to do anything. His father is fully in charge of the decisions he makes with his children. The child wasn't attending school. He had become truant. His mother was coming and checking him out of school unbeknownst to anyone. After his father couldn't get him to go they came to the decision that he would get his GED. I think his father has done what he could given the circumstances. We are just hitting a brick wall. He's going to do this and then he's going to do that...and then the cycle starts over. When he began exhibiting suicidal behavior we made the choice to back off of him and get him treatment. He started therapy, but what happens after that? He just keeps going to therapy until the cows come home and we just shelter and feed him until then? Of course not! I hope that isn't what I have implied here. I'm certainly willing and able to kick his butt out the door...when he is 18 and no longer a child we are legally responsible for. I'm not sure his father would be quite as willing. We both feel if we kicked him out he would wind up on his mother's sofa and that would only complicate the matter.
Are you willing to get into family therapy with him? Substance abuse is a response to unmanageable feelings in many circumstances, along with genetic components. Teens act out with the adults they most trust - quite obviously, that's you & his dad... I hope you're both giving yourselves tons of credit for that. His dad has the power to stop the money from the grandparents, his parents, right?
My stepkids have a mother like your stepson does. She's bipolar, untreated, and sabotaged them every way she could. It was hell, she was hell. My stepdaughther blew out of high school to live with her older BF, in the rent free apartment her mother offered them. It was classic. Of course, BF was alcoholic & emotionally abusive, but mom loved being the cool mother who invited her daughter to shack up with a loser instead of finishing high school. It was a year of hell, and then my SD came home - to US - to finish school and get into college.
Your stepson's behavior is a family systems issue, and deserves to be addressed as such. You deserve a ton of support for the difficulties, and the right therapist will be there for all of you. I hope you choose to line up your resources - you will get through this. We made it through our horrible situation... they do grow up.
Blessings.
dado potato
2-7-11, 3:04am
Like redfox, I see the father as the one who "has" the problem. The step-mother, imho, should have a talk with him (the father)... put her feelings and suggestions out on the table, and let him know that whatever he decides to do, he will have her personal support.
Who knows if the kid will get straight, get treatment, get GED, get a job? Imho none of the above will be viable unless the kid makes a commitment for his own reasons. At age 18 he's responsible for his choices and his actions. If it's a Big Crisis, so be it... I would shrug.
Oh, Rollergirl - my nephew has ADHD, and self-medicates with pot. It does really help the ADHD. I just realized you'd mentioned his diagnosis. And my nephews' mom (my sister) is a therapist; though she is NOT happy with her son's drug use, she does understand it pharmacologically. Hopefully your SS's therapist knows about his diagnoses & self-medicating.
ApatheticNoMore
2-7-11, 3:59am
If the problem is drug addiction that it seems even trying to address it by pretending it's about something other than the addiction is a dead end.
When I was similarly depressed but not drug addicted ...
When I was confused about my life as a youngster but not drug addicted ...
Yea, I don't think these models are very good at addressing drug addiction, as the primary thing is the addiction.
Now, I know people argue about how addictive pot is, I don't know, it's certainly not the worst drug out there. My knowledge of addicts expressed above, certainly comes from harder drugs. That pot has the reputation of making people lazy, well yea :)
Imho none of the above will be viable unless the kid makes a commitment for his own reasons.
I think that's key. This is where I think AlAnon can help you Rollergirl. I was in the opposite position of having a parent with an addicition problem. People who live with addicts learn to walk on eggshells constantly trying to keep the addict from getting worse and harming themselves or in some cases lashing out and harming others. We do it out of love and concern, but the ultimate result is unhealthy for us and the addict. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, "but if I set up boundaries, they'll run away" or "they'll kill themselves" or "they'll dive deeper and deeper into self destruction". I can't tell you how many times I said that myself. It doesn't work.
Redfox's example with her SD is a good one. The daughter did go with the mom. She did shack up with the loser, but with redfox and her DH keeping the door open to a loving, healthy situation and keeping the boundary of "no jerko boyfriends living with you under our roof" she had a place to come back to when she was ready to change.
BTW, in my experience severe depression and addiction have a lot in common. Both have at their center a big black hole that is never filled and both tend to draw others around them into similar behaviours.
These are just some ideas.
1. Get your DH to stop the money. Now.
2. Start some setting some hard and fast deadlines about GED and finding work. They can be small and reasonable, Step-son can even help decide them, but they have to be hard and fast.
3. Let him know that if he starts showing suicidal behavior you will get his butt into the system so fast he won't know what hit him. Following through will be the hardest thing you have ever done. This means calling the police. The systems I am familiar with that are set up for a suicidal person are rarely pleasant, but they do the job - they keep the person alive till he or she can get better. This threat gets taken off the table TODAY.
This is really hard. All the best to you in this difficult situation.
I echo the suggestions for contacting AlAnon for yourself.
Sounds like his depression and pot use have disabled his ambition, so my suggestion is to jump start that by bringing him to the GED place to sign up, and then bringing him to the classes. Bring him to a place to fill out a job application and wait in the car while he fills it out. Bring him to the interview. I don't know if how he will resist that, but expecting him to have the gumption to do these things himself might be too overwhelming at the moment so he just snags some cash and weed and blows everything off, one day after another. I would set the expectations and then give him a hand to meet the expectations.
I also agree with the idea of telling the grandparents to cut off the funds. They need to be told point blank that they are funding his drug habit. They can give him a gift (not cash) after he gets his GED and lands a job.
I've only known one person who uses pot on a daily basis. He isolated himself and lost all ambition as far as work. He was a father with another on the way and did not even attempt to work fulltime. I am not totally against pot use, I just know the problems it creates when used too much.
jennipurrr
2-7-11, 12:32pm
I think there have been some excellent suggestions regarding boundaries and getting yourself some help (Alanon, etc). I do not have children but for DH and I working in therapy setting boundaries (regarding a family member with substance issues) is one of the best things we ever did for our marriage (and overall mental health!).
There are natural consequences for his behavior, so you and DH need to lay down the ground rules and let him experience these consequences. In my state if a minor is not in school or attending GED classes on a regular basis they are not legally allowed to drive. Their drivers license will be revoked. I would check on this in your state and follow up on Annie Lees suggestions about steps to getting the GED. Since you imply he is bright, and he is only one year removed for high school, he will likely only have to attend several weeks of classes before being eligible to take the test. Even with all the drug use and mental issues right now, that is a huge, tangible step to getting his life on track and opening opportunities in the future. The further removed for school he gets the more difficult recalling concepts in areas like math will get.
Also, I would talk to him about tangible consequences regarding drug possession and intoxication in your home. What do you find acceptable? What does he find acceptable? What consequences would you be willing to follow up on? What about drug testing? If he is intoxicated, would you call the police, ambulance? Positive drug test, drive him to a rehab facility right then? Not allow him to stay at your home? Working with him to develop these consequences at least gives him the heads up that you will follow through. I would also have him create a written safety plan for working through suicidal thoughts if he has not created one with his therapist - here's a template -http://www.sprc.org/library/SafetyPlanTemplate.pdf And, ask him how you and DH can help him when he feels that way...when you need to call the ambulance, etc.
I should add that you are not the only in this situation. My 17 year old son told me about a classmate who sounds EXACTLY like your stepson. Drop out, pot smoker, doesn't work.
Unless of course by some odd quirk, this IS your stepson. PM me with your state.
Yes, you and your DH need to have some counseling yoursellves so you don't unwittingly become an enabler. Its a very difficult situation, having a child like that, and yet feeling like you want to be compassionate. Sometimes, unfortunately, that's the last thing they need.
I think the big roadblock here is your DH and his ex......even the grandparents. Everyone needs to be on the same page as to how to approach this, or it just won't work.
You can't have some people enabling/supporting his bad behavior and others trying to expect responsibility from him.
Good luck to you Rollergirl. I know how difficult this must be for you.
AlAnon and setting the ground rules are good suggestions. I got a bit complacent around that age, at 18 my parents (no anger, this is just way it is) told me to step up or move out. I could stay at home, but I was an adult and I was expected to contribute. End of story. It was the nudge I needed to get my off my, um, seat, get a job, and start being more forward looking.
Here's something you might want to consider. Don't be so sure that he'll wind up on his mother's couch if you force him to leave if he doesn't get a job or get his GED. If that's what he was going to do he'd have done it by now since she's the cool mom who supplies his pot. He's staying with you and your husband because he's figured out how to get what he wants with no downside. He wants you to believe living with her would make him worse, because he knows you'll both want to avoid that. As long as you do all the work to make him better, he doesn't have to.
My daughter had a drug problem at his age. One thing they become very good at is manipulating their situation and the people around them. She would constantly imply that she'd have to live on the streets if I kicked her out and she always knew exactly which buttons to push to gain my sympathy and let her stay. At 19 I finally called her bluff and kicked her out. It was the single hardest thing I ever had to do. She is now 24, employed and getting married in May to a wonderful guy. She recently actually thanked me for kicking her out. She admits that it forced her to deal with reality.
So don't be afraid to set some time lines and expectations and stick to them. He needs to figure out where your line in the sand is. You'll start to see change when he realizes the line isn't going to move anymore.
I can't speak for your son, I can only tell my story...
I had depression issues in junior high and high school, and was hospitalized for them a couple of times. Suicide attempts and everything. I ended up graduating, mostly because the classes in the psych hospital were really easy and those credits pushed me over the edge. (Every cloud has a silver lining!)
At home, my mom finally just had to take a really hard stance with me, because I literally wasn't functioning. She gave me some silverware and a telephone and told me to move out. It sounds cruel, but it was the beginning of me pulling my head together. I had to find a place to rent (with roommates, otherwise I couldn't afford it) and get a job. In that hectic environment, I started really succeeding! I found confidence and skills I never thought I'd have, and became >gasp< responsible! ;)
It was because the possible failure had become bad enough for me to HAVE to avoid it. If my mom had told me to get a job, there's no way I would have done it. It was sooooooooo difficult fighting uphill against the depression just to function, that the risk had to be tremendously bigger than just "disappointing my mom," if that makes sense. In my roommate situation, if I didn't come up with my share of the rent, not only would I be embarrassed, but 3 other people would be in danger of homelessness if I screwed up. That was pretty good incentive to get up and out the door in the AM! And every day I did that, I felt better about myself, and my depression was easier to deal with, so it was easier to get up and going, and around and around and around...
Obviously your situation is complicated by all the different parents and parenting styles involved. All I can say is that if I had that many nets keeping me from falling on my butt, I'd have made myself good and comfortable, too, and I might still be in my mom's basement today (I'm 40). Not in a mercenary way, I am not sure I'd believe I could do any better until I was forced to. Depression is a nasty, nasty beast to deal with. It steals your will, then it steals your dignity, so you don't care anyway.
Big hugs to all of you, this is not an easy situation.
clear water
2-8-11, 11:04pm
Rollergirl I feel so bad for all of you! I think the first thing to identify is does he have mental health issues or a drug problem. Or heaven forbid both. My daughter now 30 ,has mental health issues. Its been a rollercoaster for my husband and I for years.Lots of praying trying to get just the right medication. She works off and on when she can. Thank goodness she belongs to both my husband and I and that makes it easier. We try our best to agree on things. Bottom line were probably going to be taking care of her off and on until were gone. So just try your best. If he improves try to be happy with that evern if its not 100 per cent. Hopefully if its a drug problem he can go into a rehab program. I agree that the grandparents shouldn't be giving him any money.
I'm very sorry that you are dealing with this.
My first thought is that the furor over the pot use may be overblown. At 19yo I used pot daily and managed to have a 3.0 at an ivy league college as well as holding down a PT job and doing volunteer work. Not all pot-users have to go to a treatment center and/or are unable to function.
That said, if it's true that he can't find a job, could you make him do volunteer work? Lay down the law - spend at least 5-6 hours/day volunteering at the agency(s) of his choice or move out. I know this may be simplifying the situation, it's of course not easy to kick someone out - but as other posters have pointed out, that could be the best thing.
Volunteering helps build a resume, feelings of self-worth and value, and gives valuable life experience. There have got to be dozens of non-profit organizations out there clamoring for help.
Good luck - you're in a tough position.
I would second, third, fourth, fifth the suggestions to check into AlAnon, or into a site like http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/ , not a recommendation, just one that is grounded in AlAnon and available online (you can google others)
You are not alone in this. Parents everywhere are dealing with this, and having conversations with people who have been through your exact experience really, really helps.
Getting aggressively self-protective may help as well.
If he is getting his money from his grandparents, have they been fully informed that he - a depressed kid - is using it to buy depressant drugs, which may be pushing him closer to suicide? If your husband won't tell them to knock it off, then you should. They are harming him, and need to have someone get up into their grill about it.
If his mother is giving him pot, is there a way you can prove this and have the law on your side? Again, if he is YOUR dependent and she is giving him illegal substances, blocking his access to her (through withdrawal of visitation, getting her busted, or getting tough with your stepson) may help.
This is a very difficult situation but not a hopeless one. Consider getting tough with those harming your stepson - AND mapping out a plan to get you through the next 10 months, even if it's just having an adult-to-adult conversation with him that he has a date by which he has to change things, or find another living arrangement.
Sending you a hug and my good wishes
Gardenarian
2-9-11, 8:01pm
Hi - (((hugs))) to you and your family!
I agree with CatsNK that you don't want to make a bigger deal out of the pot use than it is. There seems to be a whole culture of addiction; do you want to take part?
What is more important, I think, is why your SD is unhappy and apparently without goals or ambitions.
When I was 17 I probably appeared just as feckless and irresponsible; the truth was, I didn't know what I wanted to do or have a clue as to how to get there, and I was quite miserable. Talking to a good career counselor and being told exactly what my options were would probably have done me more good than anything else. As it was, I scrambled my way around far longer than I should have.
(I also dropped out of high school, but went on to college and grad school and a fine career. Things change.)
17 is so young! My dd is 11 and still such a baby; she plays with dolls, plays make-believe in the trees in our garden. It is hard for me to imagine being hard on her and making her face the "realities of life" in just 6 years!
I feel very bold and silly coming here and telling you what to do with your kid! I'm sure you know best. I guess my thought was, if it were my child, I would cut him a lot of slack. I would do what I can to get him talking - go on a really long hike together, or camping. I would have him meet with a career counselor and help him to understand what his choices are. And give him lots of love and hugs and understanding.
Blessings!
And I hope you go back to the Doc that diagnosed his ADHD to talk about the pot use. It's a medical issue first, IMHO, and by taking it into a medical context, you can normalize the conversation (not the behavior) and take the stigma out of talking about it.
you know ... when I was 17 I was a whole lot like your ss, but I kept it a bit more together. no one dropped out of my high school, it just wasn't done. but my personal motto was, "this too shall pass" - as in, oh well, I didn't turn in that paper but it will only be a problem for a while and then it will be over. oh well, I didn't apply in time to the good school, but ... someone will take me, I will only have to deal with the humiliation for a little while. etc. the guilt and stress was amazing but for some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to step up and do what I was supposed to do.
Years of therapy later, the conclusion I've come to about those awful years from about 13-22 is not that I was lazy, or an alcoholic, or even depressed. As an isolated only child, I was extremely invested in my parental relationships and their (rather awful) relationship with each other. The older I got and the more I became the triangulated focus of their relationship (you are the problem on which we will focus, and you WILL have a problem, damn it, because if you don't we might have to look at eachother and then we might have to get divorced (another worse-than-death, simply-isn't-done catastrophe and it will be your fault)), the more I acted out, the worse my behavior became, the more exhausted and worthless I felt. I had no coping skills or understanding of the dynamic, just an endless sense of pressure. Drinking was a way to self medicate, not out of depression but out of this dysfunctional pressure that was dragging me into a hole of shame and self loathing and guilt, the role of the problem child. What a relief, to just be drunk and not care about the conflicting, shrieking demands to be prodigy / satan for a few hours. And of course, being drunk helped confirm my role as the problem child, all the better. It's not a surprise that my three failings: alcohol, sex and bad grades, were my mother's three ultimate freak-out points: she defined Bad Child and I complied.
I got it together when I left home. But not so much because I Had to, but because, free of the weight of that crazy-making focus and the conflicting expectations, I really Wanted to succeed. My natural type-A competitive personality became free to achieve, finally.
I don't have advice for you, exactly, but I would ask this: what are the dynamics for your ss within the family? Does he have (or believe he has) a role for himself in some way between DH and his ex that he can't (or shouldn't) be fulfilling? Has a dysfunctional relationship or some other source of pressure possible boxed him into a corner where he feels his only escape is self medication? Although the other members of the family may be functioning much better than he is, it's not a foregone conclusion that he is where the problem originates.
clear water
2-11-11, 12:43am
its great to see the caring, concern and support that you are getting. I hope so much that something in all this will help you your husband and stepson! good luck and don't give up
Rollergirl
2-21-11, 7:59pm
Wow, you guys are awesome. I got busy and haven't had a chance to come and respond. So many questions that I'm starting to think that there really is no simple answer if there is an answer at all. I won't have the time to comment to each of you directly, but each and every response has been so helpful and I appreciate them all!Where do I start? My issue with pot is that it is used as a crutch. He says it helps with the ADHD, but I still haven't seen him bother to do any work or school related activities since we found out he was smoking. He just stays high day and night. He stinks of cheap cologne and pot 24/7. It's foul. I'm tired of smelling it. I told him I'd rather smell the pot than the cologne because it's not covering anything up. I don't have a problem with him smoking the pot if it was actually aiding him in achieving something. If he could smoke in the morning and get something done it would be one thing, but to smoke it 24/7 and do nothing...
My boyfriend and I both come from dysfunctional families. And to explain the dynamics here would take all day. I really could write a novel. We've had our issues and currently have issues with extended family members. We can't count on anyone but ourselves. Thankfully, we aren't as dysfunctional as our family members but we do have our problems. From the beginning we disagreed on parenting styles so we agreed that he would manage his and I would manage mine. We have a child together but he generally accepts my way of parenting him, but when it comes to his own I will say I feel he is very lax. But again it could be just parenting styles. Where I come from boys are generally allowed to do as they please when they get to be around 16 and he goes right along with that. I personally would never give that kind of control to a child, especially a misbehving child. I would pull in the reigns. But, again, I have problems with my 10 year old with ADHD and I do everything I can to make our situation better but I still haven't found the answer and I would hate for him to think he had a choice over his care because I wouldn't have it...So, where do I get off telling him how to parent, right? I do give my advice and he asks me, too. But, that doesn't mean he will agree and use my advice. Of course, if I really laid down the law things might change, but I'm not willing to ruin our relationship. I told myself when I left my ex husband that I wasn't going to find another man to be a mother, too. I'm just not willing to put myself in that kind of situation again. I would rather encourage him to fix the situation mutally instead of going that route.
Both the boyfriend and I are pretty exhausted at the end of the day. When it comes to his kids I think he's tired of the fight with the ex and his parents. They undermine him. I would bet money on it if he asked his mother to stop giving his son money she would just sneak it to him and tell him to keep it hush. As I said it's a pretty dysfunctional situation that I'm not sure there is an answer. Even if I wanted him to do something differently that doesn't mean he would so I'd just be back at square one. We have discussed this situation specifically and I really feel like he wants answers, but maybe unwilling to actually follow through. His son asked to see the therapist alone and he said it was okay. I'm seriously considering just telling him that we should give him a couple of more months and if nothing changes we kick him out. I just hope he's willing. I'm currently doing Love & Logic and trying to get him on board so I guess we'll see how this pans out. I'll keep you updated if you guys would like that.
He saw the family doctor and was told he suffered from anxiety and ADHD. The doc put him on Zoloft but he didn't like it and stopped taking it...
Your stepson needs to be seen by a mental health professional, not the family doctor. Diagnosis of most mental health conditions is subjective and based upon symptomology. It's important that someone trained in the area of mental health be the one to do the diansosing. Typcially this is done by a psychiatrist in conjuction with a theropist after several sessions with both specialists. A psychologist can also diagnose a condition and administer pscyhotheropy, but can not prescibe medications.
It's important that med use be monitored so that adjustments in dosage can be made as needed and med type can be changed if there are undesired side effects.
A combination of psychotheropy and proper medications is the key. Medication alone won't help him learn any coping skills for dealing with his condition in the real world. Also you asked how long you should give him to get better before pushing him. Understand that mental illness is generally a lifelong condtion that requires ongoing care. You can hold him to expectations within his ability however. I would start by having him finish up his GED. Help him as much as he needs it in terms of time managment and oragnizational skills go. Get him up when he needs to be, and help him to follow through.
stacy
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