My daughter made a good choice

[Zoe Girl]

Yeah! She broke up with BF. Whew. My kids don't like me talking about them so I have to do it here where no one can see me from real life.

So last night she sat on my bed and sobbed for 45 minutes. I got a call from a friend I had not heard from in awhile and cut that short to be there for her. At some point I started to offer some advice on how to be less isolated so that she was not so dependant on the bf and that blew up. It was not comfortable but that does not mean it was not the exact right thing at the right time (aha, the buddhism in action). She called me the b** word and slammed the door. Then she went downstairs and talked to bf and broke up with him.

[Reyes]

Has she broken up with him before? Do you think this breakup is for good or something she did at heightened emotion?

[Hattie]

How old is she? How old is the boyfriend?

[lhamo]

I hope this is a positive change for her and for your relationship with her.

lhamo

[jennipurrr]

It sounds from your posts lately about daughter and bf like she has known for a while this is what she needs/wants to do, but its always so hard to end a relationship. Especially since I imagine bf seems to have that whole faux fragility thing going for him. She will survive without him and he without her it will just be hard for a while. Hugs to your daughter!

[Zoe Girl]

She is 17 and so is he but 18 next month. There is a lot of issues as I see it and I have really worked on handling this just right. So when there are screaming fights on the phone that go on and on I just go to her after and say "Wow you must be exhausted, I don't know how you stayed on the phone that long. I would have been done a long time ago", instead of "he's no good for you if you have a screaming fight for an hour over the fact you don't call him as often as he calls you".

I also have been increasingly bothered about his lack of respect and his family's lack of respect for me and my rules and all that. My dd has her dirvers license and although they give her gas money when she drives back and forth often (he is in our old neighborhood 30 minutes away) that does not address the wear and tear on the car, her time and effort or the risks she takes being the driver all the time. They still have not got the boy a license even though they have a car ready for him to drive. One time when he was at my house and shouldn't be I tried to send him home on the bus, nope the big kid can't take a bus. His parents eventually picked him up but they were shopping. I had to go to a meeting so I called my ex who called them to come get their son, then they complained he called every 10 minutes. Well I don't think he did but he could have. I was ready to call the police for trespassing I was so angry. They made my daughter even more upset and anxious about our move after the foreclosure by calling our new area the ghetto and then telling her she should live with them. Um how many ways can we say no, Not only was she 16 and I was furious to have that suggested but they know nothing of her medical conditions that cause her to be watched for abdominal issues, depression and how she just throws up every week (we may have that one solved).

So I hope this one sticks, she is taking a college course and trying to make friends there because she knows she needs new friends to make this work. She has been through such a rough couple years with some horrible horrible friends that treated her badly and her dad who moved and sold her furniture and just being a teen. So if you have good vibes or prayers to send please go ahead.

[beckyliz]

Zoe - I hope she does keep this a permanent break. She deserves so much better! This guy sounds like he could turn abusive eventually. I admire how you comment on the hour-long screaming calls - not addressing them directly, but bringing attention to the fact that such calls are not "normal."

God bless.

[Hattie]

The guy sounds like bad news. I hope they stay apart.

[Zoe Girl]

DANG IT! they are already back together but with 'limits', like Tam gets one day a week to not get yelled at, I mean do things she wants without him freaking that she didn't text back in 30 seconds.

Grrrr

[Reyes]

Is she in counseling? It takes two for this type of relationship to exist and it might do her good to figure out why she is holding on to her end of the relationship rope. I am curious if you had a conversation about her calling you a bitch?